i think im psychologically FUCKED.

i am addicted to pain

im a masochist

im a sadist

i now ordered chinese food but very very fucking spicy with those shitty ass chinese spice shit

my eyes are watering

it hurts to eat such spicy food

but hurt is what i need

i feel better when i am hurt

because i feel like pain twice as harder is waiting for me if i Dont get hurt

WTF?

so i constantly have to feel pain and pressure in order to feel better.

what is wrong