Found this in our codebase, apparently one of my co-workers had written this

CSS is easy until you open your website in another browser.

Wife: what are you thinking about?

Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree

Wife: forget that I asked

Professor: "Who here regularly backs up all their data?"
*Some people raise their hands*
Professor: "Who has at some point lost their data?"
*The exact same people raise their hands*

Every damn time.

My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

Oh!! Nevermind!!

Me : I need to give Tom a wash.

GF (Smashed table, angrily) : Tom is your Keyboard, stop giving everything a name.

Me : you hurt poor George!

Interview

HR: So .. tell us .. where do you see our AI acting in 5 years?

ME: Doing your job minus the stupid questions.

*silence*

Boss breaks out in laughter.
"Oh boy you're hired"

My stressball went on vacation

So I accidentally published my AWS keys to GitHub, stupid me. I realize this the next day.

$ git reset
$ git push
Reset keys in AWS

I was too late. Bot already stole the keys and started up 53 EC2 instances. Racked up $4000+ of compute time (probably Bitcoin mining, I'd assume)

4 weeks later, I finally have this shit disputed and settled.

Don't test with hardcoded keys. You WILL forget about them. Env vars always. That is all.

I think Linux is indeed Userfriendly, there are just Users which aren't Computerfriendly.

Every programmers dream convo

*me coding in Atom in world history class*
*Teacher walks over*
Teacher: Are you on task?
Me: I'm taking notes.
Teacher: It doesn't look like it.
Me: I set a dark theme for Microsoft Word.
*Teacher walks away*

Today I presented a client with their new website.

Feedback from the owner was "I fucking love it".
Got a cash bonus and a bottle of champagne before leaving.

Today was a good day!

A system administrator has two problems:
1. stupid users
2. smart users

admin
admin

They break your heart too 😭💔

CSS - keep guessing the values until it looks fine.

Client: our app has low ratings, we fired our previous dev company and hiring you instead.
Us: all right, seems like to make a better app we need 5 months.
C: you're kidding, do it in 6 weeks.
U: Ok, but we'll have to drop some features.
C: get rid of X and Y, nobody uses them.
U: deal!

... 6 weeks later...
U: here's the new app: better graphics, easier to use, more stable and more future-proof.
C: Cool! Let's deploy!

... 2 days later...
C: we just released but the users are really pissed off!
U: what do they say?
C: "what the fuck happened with X and Y? they were the only thing we're using! what a load of crap! 1 star"

Dear client, next time get to know better your users...