Ok so 10 yrs ago:-

Professor: Make this web front-end with blah blah blah pages.

*I create the thing and submit it*

<Next lecture i come in class and the projector is showing my website>

<I get excited that im bout to be praised for my work infront of whole class>

<I grab a seat>

Professor: I had high hopes from you. I did not expect PLAGRISM from YOU.

Me: Wwwwwwhaaaaaaaaaat the faaaaaaaaaaaaq??? Where is it which part????

Professor: Ive seen "lorem Ispem" before somewhere else. This is fucking plagrism.

<I sat 15 mins in disbelief>
<Got out of class>
<Dropped out of the course>

Got a phone interview for a backend dev job in an opsec company.

Interviewer:
This is a very serious and prestigious position, we take care of the most important bits of code.

*Proceeds to talk introductory nonsense*

Interviewer:
Do you know what a DNS is?

Me:
Yes, of course! DNS stands for Domain Name System.... Blah blah blah... I explain about the servers, about hosts file, about DNS spoofing and everything else possible on this topic.

Interviewer:
See, I was patient with you - letting you finish. I'm not sure what you're talking about and where you got it from, but a DNS is that line in the browser where you type the site's name.

He didn't ask any more questions, just told me that they'll get back to me. I asked not to do that.

Three weeks later I got an email claiming that I'm not qualified.

Stranger: "what are you doing?"
Me:"I'm developing a WPF app for a personal project"
Stranger:"So it's for Windows...I prefer Linux because...blah blah"
Me: -.-

Sometimes I feel like Linux users are the Vegans of the tech world...

(sensitive parts censored)

Friend: Hey, can you hack my (some website) account?
Me: Depends... What's your username?
Friend: (tells username)
Me: (clicks forgot password?)
Friend: I will give $10 if you do it. There is 2 factor authentication enabled.
Me: (silence) Ok.
Website: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: Hey, did you graduated BLAH elementary school?
Friend: Yeah.
Me: Ahh, I remember. You moved to BLAH elementary school in what grade?
Friend: 4
Me: Hmmm, I don't remember seeing you. What class were you in?
Friend: 5
Me: Well, I now remember. Stupid me. (smirks)
Friend: Haha. (continues to play games beside me)
Me: (Types in 8)
Website: We sent you a password to blah@example.com
Me: (uhh, heads to example.com and clicks forget password?)
Email: Please type the class number you were in in 4th grade.
Me: (wtf is this, types 8)
Email: Please type the teacher's name when you were in in 4th grade.
Me: What was the teacher's name?
Friend: Huh?
Me: When you were in 4th grade.
Friend: Ahh! John Smith.
Me: Ahh, he was strict, right?
Friend: Yeah (continues to play games again)
Me: (Types in John Smith)
Email: Set a new password.
Me: (Types "youaresostupid")
Email: Done!
Me: (copies PLAIN TEXT password from email, logs in to website)
Me: Da-da!
Friend: (gasps)
Me: Money plz~
Friend: Nope.
Me: (wtf, then remembers i changed his email password) Fine then.

=====================

1. There is 2 factor authentication enabled. : Got it?
2. The website sent plaintext password.
3. He is just pure idiot.
4. I didn't got the money.
5. I am now a h4x0r

Forbes: Adblock Detected. Please Turn off your Ad blocker.

Me: *Turns off Adblock*
*Clicks on Continue*

Forbes: Thank you for turning off your Ad Blocker! blah blah
3...2...
Me: *quickly turns on Adblock*
1...
*clicks on Continue*
*Adblock blocks 11 ads and Forbes loads*

Twitter: "Your account has been locked because it is displaying automated behaviour which violates blah blah blah..."
I literally have 7 Twitter accounts and you have picked the only one which ISN'T automated FFS

Part of my job involves speaking with users on the phone and I really don’t mind it except for THESE PEOPLE:

Me: Hi! XYZ Co. this is Tawzer!
Them: Hi Tawzer this is blah blah I need help with the website I just can’t figure it out!
Me: Okay! Let me ju-
Them: Yeah you know I’ve been struggling for hours with it I really don’t have time for this.
Me: Oh I imagine! What’s your-
Them: Well I was gonna try and get everything done today by 3 but with all of this tech stuff going wrong I just don’t know...
Me: That sounds frustrating, can i get your-
Them: Is this going to take long??
Me: Nope! I just need to know your-
Them: like I said I just really don’t have time for this!
Me: ........ What’s your-
Them: well I-
Me: WHAT’S YOUR USERNAME
Them: Uh I don’t know can you look me up? I didn’t know I’d need that.
Me: 👩🏻‍💻

Teacher: Make a PPT presentation on *blah blah* with no animations or colors and present it next week.

*Next week*
I go and connect my laptop and open my presentation in a PDF file.
Teacher: Wait! You are using pdf. I said ppt.
Me: Yeah, you said no animations and a pdf file is much lighter than a ppt file.
Teacher: you are disqualified!

*facepalm*

Heard this from a young lady today in the train while she was talking on phone:

"Software guys has the easiest job of all. All they do is sit in front of the computer and does stuff. That doesn't challenge you does it? No offence, I mean I'm not trying to offend anybody blah blah blah...."

Ummm Sorry lady I think you just offended thousands of people although you tried your best not to offend them.

Client: Can you make a feature wherein users can blah blah blah blah blah

Client: and blah blah blah blah blah blah

Client: and also if possible blah blah blah blah

Me: okay.

Client: in 2 days?

Me: O_O

When something goes wrong at work, my boss will blame the first dev in his vicinity ...

Boss: "what the hell happened? why are the servers down?! This is unacceptable! Blah blah etc etc"

Me: "I dunno. Let me review if my CSS had anything to do with it" 😑😩

My thoughts when my uncle was introducing me to one of his friends.
(M = me, U = uncle, F = Uncle's friend)

U : Meet M, he is a software developer, he works at * blah *.

M (Internally): That is a very reasonable introduction.

U : * Continues speaking. *

M (Internally): No, staph! It was good enough. Don't go any further.

U : He does * blah blah *

M (Internally): That's not even remotely related to what I do.

U : If you have any tech related problems, he is your guy.

M (Internally): You should have kept shut.

U : If your phone slows down, he can fix it.

M (Internally): Why would you even say that !?

U : He can fix all you printer issues.

M (Internally): Excuse me. What. The. Fuck!?

U : You should definitely consult him before purchasing any tech.

M (Internally): That's it. I give up. There is no hope left.

F : * Gestures U to clam down. *
F : * Nods at M in a very assuring manner. As if he were saying, 'chill bro! Its all cool, I understand.' *

M (Internally): Hold on. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe there is some hope left.

F : So, tell me, how good are you with excel formulas?

M (Internally): * Dies *

So a fucking friend of mine makes me meet this fella who is a big shot according to his LinkedIn and please note has too much experience with Web Apps and Python

Me being naive actually trusted that and I meet him.

Fella: So what do you do?
Me: I am into Cyber Security nothing much I just do bug hunting for now
Fella: You know python will help you right?
Me: Sorry?
Fella: You see you have to be a python programmer for anything you want to do in CS
Me: Me yeah I kinda know python actually I am more into Ruby from start so ( Around this time I kinda sensed that he is a fake tech guy he is a corporate asshole)
Fella: show me any of your work
Me: (So to show him one of the thing I was working on I open GitHub desktop app) Me explaining blah blah blah
*Fella is in shock*
So at this point I was thinking probably he is impressed and that's why the shock right?

No a big fucking no
Apparently he never heard about GitHub or git and got blown away by the interface.

And the friend who made me meet that guy is not my fucking friend anymore that prick can die for ruining my day

Website Intro: Hello! I'm here to tell you how my life changed since I learned to build websites and became independent blah blah blah

Me: Cool. One sec.

*scrolls down*

Footer: Proudly powered by WordPress. Get the theme here!

Me: Bruh... No.

Problems of Freelancer

Freelancer: Hey your app is​ ready.
Client : Can you add this ?
Freelancer: Sure, When am I getting payment.
Client: As soon as this gets done.

Next Day...

Freelancer: Hey your app is​ ready.
Client : Thanks. This looks good if there is this feature. Can you help me with that?
Freelancer: Sure, When am I getting payment.
Client: As soon as this gets done

Next Day..
Client : Blah Blah Blah
Freelancer: Sure, When am I getting payment

Frustration at peaks!!!

Teacher : The world is fast moving, you should learn all the new things in technology. If not you'll be left behind. Try to learn about Cloud, AI, ML, Block chain, Angular, Vue, blah blah blah.....

**pulls out a HTML textbook and starts writing on the board.

<center>.............</center>

"We bought the source code for this tremendous app that does blah blah blah "
"Cool, in which language is written?"
"Cobol"

Client's message: "The next feature we're going to implement is blah blah blah."

Me (to my manager): "Lol it can't be done. It's impossible. We're bound by technical limitations. I've done plenty of research on this."

*2 hours later*

Me: "Here, I've built a demo of the feature. We can deploy it in a couple of days."

Boss: I need this page to behave in a completely new way.
Me: that's all fine and dandy but it requires a rewrite.
Boss: nah just look man, it's really simple all I want is blah, blah blah...

I'm too tired for this shit

Boss - so how long will this transport booking app take, native android and iOS ....plus backend, plus localization, plus live location tracking, blah blah.

Me - at least 4 months, or more

Boss - HOW can an app take MONTHS? That is totally unacceptable, it’s not gonna work this way, blah blah. I’m giving u 2 months, tops. No project should take more than 2 months.

—

Next app,
Boss - so this new e-commerce app needs to be made, u have api. How long?

Me - 2 months coz ——-

Boss - WHATTTTT!!!??? 2 months for an APP!!???? What is this? Not gonna work this way, you should make apps in a week. Other people make apps in a week.

Then fucking hire those other people. Lol.

Client sends an email after 5 PM. We all left for home.

Client: blah blah blah...We urgently need this app to be done by COB on Monday. Our CEO is going to launching it on Tuesday to the board of Directors.

––Boss forwards me the email––

Boss: Can you get this done by this weekend.

––On Viber––
Boss: I have sent you an urgent email. Let me know.

––My Reply––
Me: This can't be done in a day or 2. Looking at the scope of work, I need at least 8 weeks.

––Boss Replies back––
Boss: You are not performing at the best of your ability. Come and see me on Monday, I need to talk to you about your performance on urgent projects.

I am starting to get more pissed off than I should be by one particular type of rant on here.

Quote:
My boss/senior/coworker did not know how to do XXX even though he is supposed to have more experience than me. I had to fix his goddamn problem blah blah blah.

If you'd have that attitude on my team I'd be spending a lot of time trying to get you off of it. A team MUST help each other. If you think you're better than others you either teach them or get the fuck out. If you don't understand or know something that's fine and it perfectly normal to have others explain it to you.

What should you do when you find dfox ++ your rant?

Wrong - To take screenshot and post about it and say you are feeling like a celebrity.

Correct - Stay calm. Chill.

:)

The new IT lady of my previous company told me this:

"Hi, the Internet is not working"

"ok, did you make any recent changes to the router?"

"I didn't touch the router. I removed the switch in between so the internet should still work"

"You removed the switch"

"yeah but I didn't touch the router so what's the problem blah blah blah"

🙄

"My cousin said he can do it for less. But I like you so blah blah"

Why don't you go your fucking cousin then. Stop wasting my time.

Fell like I can finally vent this now I've calmed down.

Me: You've fucked the tree again
Junior: No I haven't
Me: It says there "Fixing merge conflicts"
Junior: Well it wasn't me I wouldn't have done a merge
Me: It has your name next to it...
Junior: Well that commit wasn't there a second ago
Me: it's dated for Friday...
Junior: Well if you hadn't committed to master and blah blah blah
Me: We'll if you knew know to use git we wouldn't have this problem.

Fullstack dev: Hey I need your help with one of this method in the service layer (We use Java).

Me: Sure. What’s up!

Fullstack dev: When you get a user ....blah blah blah...

Me (typing code):

if (user != null) { ... }

Fullstack dev: Wait! This won’t work. You need to write this:

if (null != user) { ... }

In Java, you write like this. In JS it’ll work, not in Java.

Me: (also fuck this guy)

He’s among the famous devs in the company - (A very very very famous European bank).

I checked his commits for the frontend (React Native)

switch (some_expr) {

case foo:
return stuff()
break // <— note this

case bar:
return moreStuff()
break // <— note this

// more cases here with break after return statements

}

Me: Hey if you’re returning from a case why are you using a break. It’s dead code.

Fullstack dev: It’ll fall through otherwise.

———————
You’re a fucking dunce! Please drink a litre of Carborane in a rusty HIV infested container! Cheers!

PS More to come!

Professor in college: We have our fest coming up. We need some volunteers for technical team to build website and android app.

*She says that and looks towards guys. Some guys raise hands saying they were interested.*

She didn't look towards girls even though some girls were raising their hands too.

Then she looked at girls finally....and she said "Oh you girls are interested too? We have cultural and decoration team. You can join that. "

I was triggered to next level.

I stood up and asked "Can't girls be part of technical team?"

She said "oh...yeah sure...." With not much hope that I would get into technical team.

But I ended up passing the screening round and got into technical team. She realised at that time that I knew my shit.....

There was even a time when I was in HODs office and she pointed at me and went "She is my student." trying to take credit for me being so Awesome ;)

LOL!

She was my guide for final year project too. We ended up writing a research paper and won best project award as well.

This was a year back. I have graduated and now I am working....
Just remembered....

Why do some non-devs treat professional app development like some kids craft-making hobby that requires zero skill and knowledge or brain?
A friend (with ZERO knowledge about coding) said to me today, teach me, or tell me how to learn this app development, I'll learn it within a month and make my own apps plus do freelance app work in free time, apps fetch plenty of money easily. Blah blah.
Not the first time, other non dev friends have talked in the same way on other instances.
It's insulting and infuriating. I don't even know what to reply.

"I want blah blah blah and I need it now! There's a commercial expression called TIME TO MARKET!"

And there's a programming expression called TIME TO DEVELOPMENT, you stupid brick.

*Makes joke in dev community*
RandomGuy: "well actually, that's not correct. The truth is blah blah blah"

Can you please just for like 5mins enjoy the joke and have a laugh?
All you're doing is stroking your own ego.

Yay weekend let's have some fun, until client calls, blah blah blah client somehow managed to fuck his CMS up

Wife: "How hard is to make a phone app?"

Me: "Depends on what it is, why?"

Wife: "I had an idea for a cool app that does blah blah blah"

Me: "That actually sounds like a cool app. Let's brainstorm tonight and come up with a plan and see if we need to hire some freelance devs for it"

Wife: "Cool, I also want to make an app to blahblah2, oh and one to blahblah3.. oh hmm what about.."

<facepalm>

PM: Please get this done by tomorrow. It's just a small change.
Dev: No its not that simple.
PM: Why is it not simple? Please explain so I can understand.
Dev after a hard thought finally explains: blah blah blah
PM: Well, we have promised the client so please do this by tomorrow, thanks.
Dev: *bangwall

A child is deleting all the necessary files required to run games, softwares etc.. He thinks they're virus just because he can't open and play with them.
Now he clicked on game.exe to play his favourite game but this happened:
"Error: blah blah
xyz file is missing"

He is confused. He is blaming his father for buying the worst computer for him

This child is me, 8 yrs ago :')

Told the CEO I was looking at other jobs. I could see in realtime how all joy in his soul sipped out of him, followed by a 30 minute rant why I should stay and blah blah blah(heard it all before).

Little did he know, I'm expecting three final "yes"es by Friday, and I got a call 5 minutes before I talked to him saying "Hi, we have a contract ready for you to sign if you want it" 😂 Pretty proud of myself for getting a new job on a big firm, in under two weeks 😎

Legends -> I: Interviewer

I: what is mvc architecture

Me: model.. view.. controller... and blah blah

I: mvc is not an architecture.. its a design pattern.. architecture is blah blah

I: srry U r rejected.. god bless you

Me: 😥😢

after 1hr

Me: googled 'Is mvc a design pattern or architectural pattern'

Google: shows stack overflow link

Stackoverflow: mvc is architectural pattern blah blah... accepted answer

Me: hopeless about my future

GOD BLESS THE INTERNET and SOFTWARE DEVELOPERS

Ohhhhh boy,

So today we had a robot having an issue with one of its movement phases due to some mechanical crap blah blah blah. Anyway instead of Fixing the mechanical issues, they want me to re-program the motions to compensate for it....... *sigh* anyway I got over it. My supervisor tried to tell me that some of the movements on the axis were straight no rotation involved. I look at the program and it sure as heck mentions a 178.9 degree rotation. I told him but He insisted that I’m wrong to the point of going and talking crap to another supervisor about me..... he came and apologized after I did it his way and he got his ass chewed out because he couldn’t accept a subordinate was right. As for me I got a little tingle from proving his stubborn ass wrong haha

expect([
row[‘blah’][0][1],
row[‘blah’][1][1],
row[’blah’][2][1],
row[‘blah’][3][1],
row[‘blah’][4][1],
]).to contain_exactly(
a.name(user), # “John doe”
c.name(user), # “John doe”
e.name(user), # “John doe”
b.name(user), # “John doe”
d.name(user), # “John doe”
)

(Note: The comments are mine.)

See the problem? No, not the ugly code (which is actually worse than what i posted here).

It’s using the same ridiculous getter (if you can call it that) that pulls a name out of the passed user object, and then expecting each row to have that name, in order. Not that order matters when they’re all the same.

Upon inspection, all objects created by the spec have the exact same name, so the above test passes (as long as there are 5 rows). It passes, but totally not because it should: those aren’t the objects that are actually in the table. All of the specs — all 22 of them — only check for that shared name on various rows, and no other data. And it’s not like this is the only issue, either.

Fuck me these are bad.

And this guy is a senior dev earning significantly more than me. Jesus what the fuck Christ.

Blah blah blah JavaScript is the worst blah blah blah clients suck blah blah blah everyone’s an idiot

Am I instafamous yet?

A lot of Project managers are idiots.
Here is what happened: I am a backend developer and was asked to replace some images on some website (not even sure this is supposed to be a backend task). So i did, changes went through review and then they were live.
A few hours later they come to me saying i made a mistake because the image has wrong color tone in one of the browsers (internally facepalming myself)... I didn't design the images nor made any changes to them... I just fucking uploaded the files that were sent to me... That's fucking it.
They blamed me for a design issue and how I should've noticed this issue blah blah blah... And i had to spend an entire fucking hour to explain to them step by step what i did, how i did it and why the color tone was wrong even though i am not a designer and my main tool is VISUAL FUCKING STUDIO AND NOT PHOTOSHOP.

The shit part is that the images were sent to us by the client, so really, it is their fucking fault not mine.
Oh, and they tried to guilt me by saying the client won't pay for this since the images are wrong.

Lost an hour to this bullshit.

During a company wide status meeting where all product managers, architects and directors assemble:

Me: *A product architect leading a team of devs*

Directors: So are there any issues or risks you see in delivering the next build in target time for Client 1?

Me: There are too many changes in feature requirements. First they said we can use a shared NFS for storage. Now they are asking to switch over to SFTP pull mode.. blah blah..

Directors: Oh I see.. well we can support both solutions then.

Me: But the deadlin..

Directors: *ignores what I say* Will be a good marketing point for future.

Me: But there are too many regressions in integra..

Directors: *ignores what I say* We should also meet deadlines. That is the most important thing.

Me: Its not as easy as 1+1=2.. The team needs more time to..

Directors: *ignores what I say* Ok lets move on to the next point. What about Client 2?

Me:

"Hey! Could you help me debug this issue? So yeah, it's blah blah bl... oh wait, got it!" - Everytime.

PM - We are going to launch registration of users in mobile phone. We are going to use blah internal framework as with it we will have same experience in mobile and desktop will be same.
Me - Shouldn't the experience be different on desktop its easy. On mobile following that many steps may seem complicated to the user.
PM - No but the experience should remain same.
Me - face palm(sees the overly complicated framework just for building 4 pages spends time finds bug in the framework fixes them and takes four months of frustration but launches it)
PM - We feel like ideally mobile and desktop should have different experience. This allows us to register faster on mobile. As we have already aligned with the blah framework team and think best path is to build it from scratch.
Me -

A senior developer come to interrupt me.

Senior developer: blah...blah....blah about this concept...... that concept... So, any new things you learn lately that you would like to share?

Me: I am learning back C++
Immediately he stop me and said, "Why did you learn C++? It is obsolete, no one use it anymore"

Me (in my head): But, you just said what I learn. It doesn't matter if its obsolete or not. Infact you are wrong, C++ is not obsolete anytime soon. I was about to share on webassembly.

Senior developer: So, would you like to join me in a short sharing session this afternoon.

Me: No thanks, I am really busy (just want to avoid at any cost)

Senior Engineer -
Hey. I have a code that hits API to get details and multithreading is implemented. Can you just change the URL formed to hit Api?

Me
Yeah sure why not.

Me
After some time I discover that the initial code itself wasn't working 😐
I realise i need to fix code, fix multithreading and then make the URL changes.

Just finished......Realised had to rant....

In our morning stand up, dev was bragging about how much code he was refactoring (like over-the-top bragging) and how much the changes will improve readability (WTF does that mean?), performance, blah blah blah. Boss was very impressed, I wasn't. This morning I looked at the change history and yes, he spent nearly two solid days changing code. What code? A service that is over 10 years old, hasn't been used in over 5, mostly auto-generated code (various data contracts from third party systems). He "re-wrote" the auto-generated code, "fixed" various IDisposable implementations and other complete wastes of time. How –bleep-ing needy are people for praise and how –bleep-ing stupid are people for believing such bull-bleep? I think I should get a t-shirt made with a picture of a BS-Meter and when he starts talking, “Wait a sec, I gotta change my shirt. OK…you were saying?”

Slate.com: "We need to talk about your ad blocker... blah blah blah"

Me: *Close*

When you're too sick to code but devRant makes you smile at least...

Telephonic "technical" interview at 5 in the evening

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself

Me : Blah blah...

Interviewer : Thank you for your time

(Call time on phone... 7 minutes)

Absolutely uninterested... no single counter question... Guess she just wanted to go home early... 😑

❤️ Swift ❤️

for (i = 0; i < polygon.count; i++) {
// some print statement
} **

This highly advanced and futuristic piece of code made the Swift compiler eat 14+ GB of RAM while trying to syntax-highlight, before crashing my 8 GB-equipped Macbook.

** yeah, "C-style 'for' loopz syntaxx deprecated since Swift 3 blah blah". Let's reinvent an industry-standard for no goddam reason, because Swift is the FUTURE, oh, and because fuck you by the way.

I’m working for fucking idiots. Here is an actual conversation I had with my boss today.

Me: I checked the numbers, and barely anyone is using our app more than once. Not only is a minuscule amount of people downloading it (we have 300 downloads), but none of those people use it more than once. Use retention is important and we’re failing in that regard.

Boss: User retention doesn’t matter. Investors don’t care about that. Blah blah blah all we need is marketing blah blah. We just need a bunch of people to download once. That’s all that marketers care about....in fact, an potential investor himself told me that he doesn’t care (obvious lie)

Me: Well, can I talk to this investor? What’s his name? Is he in California or India/China?

Boss: oh you can’t be at the investor meeting. It’s high level. Just don’t worry about it. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about.

On the bright side, this whole exchange has motivated me even more in my quest to find a new job. And I guess it’s important to learn what not to do from idiots

Interviewer: I think you are too young for this job, blah blah, your age is too low, blah blah, this job requires elder people, blah blah

(...keeps repeating the same bullshit for literally half an hour...)

Interviewer: look, I have to leave in five minutes. Convince me that you are not too young for this job.

The app I worked on is going for production into 36 sites starting from tomorrow.
Wish me luck.

Grumpy cat was in a lot of our internal products, on loading screens and what not, because why not? PM got pissed and said if he sees that fucking cat again blah blah blah. Grumpy cat is now summoned with a Konami code. Grumpy cat will never die.

me : hey tried allo?
her : what is that?
me : it's an amazing new chat app with google built in and you can do blah blah blah.......

*goes on to explain cool stuff*

her: can i send messages to whatsapp from allo?

me : I AM DONE

I'm tutoring multiple courses in my school, including CCNA 1, html, JavaScript, IT essentials which is just an introduction to particles of a computer.
[Student]: So do you know that course about computers?
[Me]: mhm.....they all are kinda...you mean it essentials?
[Student]:Yes! The one where we type code between tags, right?
[Me]:Wait....html?
[Student]:Yes!
[Me]: yes, I am helping with that course.
[Student]: Oh cool...so how do I do thumbnails?
[Me]: /Opens the IDE/ same as a regular image except for it's a link that opens a bigger version of an image /blah blah blah/. You know how to insert the image on the page, right?
[Student]: Don't we just open the Google and search images?
[Me]:...
[Me]:....
[Me]:...omg my shift is over...

I wish I was making it up.

Yesterday I spent some time on the meta site for dba.stackexchange.com and found this one guy with 1 rep raging about how his questions aren't getting answered and how is answers are the best etc...

"I have 17 years of experience as a dba, blah, blah, blah, my answers are correct, blah, blah"

He got pretty destroyed by the mods and other users about how shit his answers were and how they weren't factually correct etc...

This just continues to show that no matter how much experience you have you won't always be right.

Same goes for my senior at work, he has 10 years more experience than me (I have 2) and he still asks for my point of view and help without being a dick about it.

I hope we'll all keep being nice people unlike that Stackexchange guy...

After months and months of slaving away, I quit my start-up job and feel completely amazing- here's what happened:

Met a classmate in grad school and he talked about starting his own company and he had full funding and etc. After graduation, moved to the new city where the job was located.

There were all these promises of us being co-workers and working on cool things and many other promises made. Soon after starting the job, most of these promises we're just smoke and mirrors.

Started working day in day out. Worked from 8am-9pm most days and worked on weekends too. Treated me like a I was a dog, talked down to me, gave unrealistic deadlines, pressured me with attitude and threats of losing my job. Hell, they thought they were the smartest person to touch the earth basically- example being that they mixed jQuery with VueJS in our Django template.....who the F*** does that. Another thing being that they had issues with me soft deleting records since they wanted them completely hard deleted and we had gotten into a giant argument about that fml.

What led to me leaving the job was that I had gotten sick one of the weeks, and I still showed up to work. Each day I was gradually getting sicker and sicker. Still tried my best to get work done. Saturday morning I get the most passive aggressive and bitchy text from my co-worker. "if you don't complete blah blah blah by Monday, we are going to have issues. Then on Monday you will work on blah blah blah". They blew the fuse with me. They would always punish me for being sick or taking a vacation. I'm not a dog, not a machine, I'm a f****** person. Went into his office when the work week started and gave my resignation on the spot and felt like it was the best decision I've ever made.

Now I just feel like a giant toxic cloud has disappeared from my life. I did walk away with so much experience and knowledge but now I just feel extremely burnt out from programming. Is this what I even wanna do anymore?

Few lessons I learned along the way:
1. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is
2. Free lunches aren't worth it
3. Unlimited PTO doesn't really mean unlimited- there's always stipulations
4. Start-up life isnt as cool as they say- don't take TV portrayals as the real thing
5. Your mental health is extremely important
6. It's okay to admit to yourself that you're burnt out
7. Take a break
8. STARTUPS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE

This is just my experience and what I learned, so telling my story. Phew, feels so good to get that off my chest

1. Aim is to complete work as soon as possible and not worrying about good coding practices.

2. Senior Engineers take credits for everything that Junior Engineers work on. And that Junior Engineers are just shadows

3. Credits? Team lead and senior engineers take. Complains/issues/delay in product delivery? Junior Engineers are blamed

4. Testing? Test cases? What are they? Why do we need them? That's what my team lead asked.

5. Take work without even knowing what it is or what is to be done and then just keep carry forwarding it.

6. Junior engineer dares to point out any mistake, he/she is very rude and is taunted forever

And many more.....

CompanyYouNeverHeardOf sends you IrrelevantNewsletter512... so you hunt for the unsubscribe link, which you find buried in the boilerplate crap at the bottom of the mail, rendered in #eee on a #fff background, in 4-point type, and click that. End up on a web site that asks you like 8 times if you're sure you want to leave and please, reconsider, we're nice folk really, blah blah blah. And then you get *another* email from them saying they received your unsubscribe request, and *then* yet another to confirm that yes, you unsubscribed, and please feel free to re-sub anytime (as if!)

GOD I HATE MARKETEERS!!!1one

Proof by Induction, Big O, recursion, divide and conqure, Graph Theory, blah blah..

I didn't..
A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.

I pick up whatever is required by my projects, but I do prefer backend & scripting to graphic fuckery.. // pixel left, pixel up...blah, not for me..

First rant. 3 years in my first job as a developer. It's been great. I've learned a ton. But the past 6 months have been awful. Our client is forcing us to remote into a cloud pc, which we then use to remote into Ubuntu. All development must be done this way. Everything is extremely slow. To the point that you can type faster than the screen can update. I want to jump out of the window. I'd basically have to move to get a new job, which Im not really into. Just bought a house a year ago, family is here, blah blah. Just hoping if I ride it out, client will wise up and let us use our own computer again.

My manager who promised me team change soon.....resigned.
I thought the worst had happened.

Then my team lead with whom I had issues was promoted as manager for our team.
I realised worst was yet to come.

And then today, in one day....I reached out to HR and then my Director and got my team changed

Now feels peaceful.

This is just temporary solution as I was mentally getting affected. I don't plan on staying in this company for longer....

How weird is this?
I was working on a project. I wasn't able to find solution for a particular sub problem. It was late so I thought of sleeping.

I dreamt about the problem. I solved it in my dream. When I woke up in the morning, I remembered the solution and I solved it.

*recieves notofication from tinder*
*"somebody likes you. Swipe to find who blah"*
*opens tinder*
*swipes everyone to right*
*no matches*

Fucking clickbait!

Met colleague at work

Him: You programmers don't like sleeping at all. You should try to sleep and look fresh like me ... Blah blah blah... (You get the picture)

Me: *just smiles and watch him go*

(But what I really wanted to say)

Me: 'Well you know what, most programmers don't sleep much not because sleep deprivation is fun or we're in some kind of cult where it's some daily ritual. But when they need to send in an update; usually on a feature to make YOUR life easier OR just can't seem get their code to run right, and they keep telling themselves; "5 more minutes", "I have a good feeling about this modification" the minutes add up and before you realize it morning! And that's why some of us look like s*** in the morning'

(And then turn around to leave only to come back really quick like I just remembered something)

Me (again): "And don't think that we enjoy it. At least the ones I know don't. It's simply a fr****** work hazard!"

Story: Fastest I got a freelance/contract job
Company: *sends me an email that we saw you on GitHub, your profile is good and blah blah openings etc, if you are interested provide phone and suitable time.
*On call* starters conversation done in 2 minutes
C: how much experience do you have in blah blah frameworks
Me: x months
C: can you do blah blah work
Me: yeah
C: we want you to join from blah blah date and we can pay you x much money
Me: alright thanks, send me the formalities.

>First grade
Teacher: This is a Keyboard, this is a mouse... blah blah blah
Now play Mario!

There was also some space racing game or something installed on the computers. We weren't allowed to play that game, so of course, we did what we weren't allowed to. It was always fun to sneak in a game when the teacher wasn't looking or wasn't around.

We were also taught MS Paint. I "painted" a squirrel in one of the lab sessions, the teacher loved it and showed it to everyone. Everyone applauded and then I became the MS Paint Guru (for them). Fun times..

Funniest meeting ever!

Some years ago, there was the regular department meeting where useless news from upper management were handed down. The team I was in was also there: team lead, co-worker and me. The team lead had a new girl and was daydreaming of their nights, my co-worker wasn't quite back from the football match on the weekend, and I was playing chess on my mobile.

Department lead was blah blah blah and when can we do this on your rig? We looked at each other and instantly realised that none had been paying attention.

My co-worker was the fastest to recover and straight-facedly turned to me: "Well Fast-Nop, that's your domain."

I picked the ball up before team lead could say something: "Sure, but schedule appointment is for our lead."

Our lead couldn't contradict us and then had to negotiate a schedule while trying to find out what it was about. *LOL*

MySQL has the absolute worst error messages.

"You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds blah blah near '(some random code line)'".

How vague can you be? It doesn't help that I always find the error in a completely different place to where the message says it is.

Opened Devrant to say...
"Office is so hopeless that I am not even in mood to rant about all those stuff"

But saw a post that I had typed last time but never posted it....

Things happen!

Don't you hate it when your co-worker does dumb things, but thinks it's the "clean code" way?
The following is a conversation between me and a co-worker, who thinks he's superior to everyone because he thinks he's the only one who read the Clean Code series. Let's call him Bill.

Me: I think the feature we need is quite simple, our application needs to call this third party API, parse the response and pass it to the next step. Why do you need to bury everything under an abstraction of 4 layers?
Bill: bEcAuSe It'S dEcOuPlInG, aNd MaKe ThE cOdE tEsTaBlE
Me: I don't know man, you only need to abstract the third party api client, and then mock it if you want. Some interfaces you define makes no sense at all. For example, this interface only has 1 concrete implementation, and I don't think it will ever have another. Besides, the concrete implementation only gets the input from the upper layer and passes it down the lower layer. Why the extra step? I feel like you're using interface just for the sake of interface.
Bill: PrOgRaMmInG tO iNtErFaCe, NoT cOnCrEtE iPlEmEnTaTiOn!!!
Me: You keep saying those words, I don't think they mean what you think they mean. But they certainly do not mean that every method argument must be an interface
Bill: BuT uNcLe BoB blah blah blah...
Me: *gives up all hope*

After zero contact for approx 4-5 years I get an Instagram message:

Old work buddy: Hello, I have a website question for you
Me: Ok
OWB: Hope you’re well, btw
Me: *hmmmmm*
OWB: basically blah blah blah can’t get this part of this Wordpress theme to work
Me: I’ll have a quick look. Oh btw I have big news...
OWB: You up the duff?
Me: Yep!
OWB: Congrats...do you think you can help with the website?
Me: Probably not at the moment and it looks like a pig of a job to make the theme work properly.
OWB: *silence*

Wasn't so much a question but...

Before WFH got so popular, I was interviewing at a place 50km from home, loyalty and stuff came up and the guy said something along the lines of "The only potential problem I can see is the distance. Now I get the sense you're quite a loyal person blah blah blah"

Half way into my third month they decided not to keep me after probation, after giving no negative feedback at any point prior to that then "we just need someone mors senior"

So yea, tune me about loyalty and then do that....

Also, if they needed senior why were they advirtising junior?

One of our senior dev enjoys berating the other devs because they don't check-in code according to his schedule (once a day, once an hour..he flip-flops a lot), then when they do, he 'reviews' their code, beating them up because of incomplete features, commented out code..petty..petty nonsense.
Ex. (this occurred couple of weeks ago).

Ralph: "The button click code in this event isn't complete"
Dev: "No, its not, the code in my development branch. You said it was best practice to check in code daily whether the code worked or not. I didn't finish the event last night and ..."
Ralph: "Exactly. Before you check any code into source control, it has to work and be 100% complete. What if someone moved that code into production? What happens if that code got deployed? I'm not even going talk about the lack of unit tests."
Dev: "Uh..well..the code is on the development channel, and I branched the project in my folder ...I didn't think it mattered.."
Ralph: "Ha ha...you see what happens when you don't think...listen..."
- blah blah blah for 10 minutes of hyperbole nonsense of source control check-in 'best practice'

This morning Ralph's computer's hard-drive crashed.
Ralph: "F-k! ..F-k! ... my f-king computer hard drive crashed!"
Me: "Ouch...did you loose anything important?"
Ralph: "A f-king week of code changes."
Me: "You checked everything into source control on Friday ...didn't you?"
Ralph: "F-k no!...I got busy...and...f-k!"
Me: "Look at the bright side, you'll have a good story to tell about the importance of daily check-ins"

Oh...if looks could kill. Karma...you're the best.

I would love to see those that say:
Unused RAM is wasted RAM

There you go, used every fucking possible bit to a point mouse pointer doesn't fucking move.

Fucking hate when people say that, and don't be funny and throw a comment about those 300MB are wasted .. blah blah blah.... Yaaaa fuck off.

DECLARING CLOUDFLARE WEEK

DISCLAIMER : THZ CLOUDBLEED

Hey guys remember when gitlab was something blah blah? Now lets talk about cloudflare for a week!

Playing around with Bard:
Me:Who called me from ...?
Bard: <blah blah blah> Would you like me to run a reverse phone lookup on that number for you?
Me: Yes
Bard: I'm just a language model, so I can't help you with that.
Me: Then why did you ask?
Bard: "I understand that you don't need me to run a reverse phone lookup, and that's perfectly fine. I just wanted to offer the service in case you were interested."

I tweaked the question and Bard responded with a Python script and a phone number regular expression.

Our jobs are safe for now.

`npx create-react-app blah`
`cdls blah && npm audit`

63 vulnerabilities.
good fucking job.

To be fair, they're all minor, but they're all *exactly* the same, caused by the same freaking package. Update your dependencies already!

------

`npm i --save formik && npm audit`
68 vulnerabilities, three of them critical.

ugh.

What manager says: You should support IE because a very large portion of our userbase is already there and they somewhat comply with web standards so it shouldn't be that hard. Also most good sites support IE so we should support it too.

What web developer hears: blah blah blah SUPPORT IE blah blah blah SUPPORT IE

Q: what's your "5 year plan"?
A: I'd like to help the company continue to grow and make my equity worth as much as possible.
Q: No no no, I meant like I wanna be director of "blah blah", where do you wanna be?
A: As far fucking away from you as possible

It's my third week in my new company doing my internship. We have daily SCRUM meetings, project briefings, weekly meetings, requirement documents and other stuff - all in French. I only understand less than 50% of what's happening during most of the meetings. There's enormous pressure during meetings where I have to focus on every syllable they utter to try and grasp what's going on. So far they're still under the assumption that I understand more than I actually do. Haven't run into any major fuckups so far. I feel like an exe file in a Linux environment.

my boss sent us an email saying that we have to send him a summary of our work everyday and how much time we invested on the job because sometimes we work at home and he won't know if we really worked.

--------today-------
me: *sleeps for 4 hrs*
me: *configures apache in amazon linux real quick*
me: i worked for 4 hours blah blah and i fixed the apache configurations blah and i coded in js and php for the datatables thing blah blah *sends email*
boss: nice work! have a great weekend.

now thats how you do it when u procrastinate a lot!

So we have Oncall system. Every month I get one working weekend.

Now senior engineers and lead are assholes. They think they can bully us. They are putting their Oncall work on our heads.

I refused to do it. But my partner in Oncall agreed to take up their weekend Oncall and in return they would do our weekday. I don't see how that is fair enough.

I refused to do it still. My partner apparently ended up doing it alone this weekend.

I don't FUCKING need to lick anyone's ass here! I don't FUCKING need to do these things to be in their good books! Waiting for the time when I saw GOODBYE TO THESE FUCKING ASSHOLEZZZZ

DON'T. INSTALL. BETA. SOFTWARE. BY. DEFAULT.

RAZER

When I plugged my $250 keyboard (Which I have had for years and love beyond measure) into my new install of Windows, it popped up with a cute little message to install Razer Synapse, which manages the lighting on Razer devices, like my keyboards (One mechanical and one not - for silence during voice chat), mouse and headset.

"Wow, this looks different", I mutter to myself, as I unknowingly and non-optionally install software which is IN BETA.

I notice that my other keyboard and mouse don't show up. I don't customize my mouse much, I leave it in spectrum cycling. Easy, works well. My other keyboard is much cheaper and does not offer very much customization (three colors. whoop. I don't touch that either much)

Since I only really touch this keyboard, I am not bothered in the slightest and carry on for a couple months. Fast forwards to yesterday when my mouse stops lighting up. Fuck, now its just a black blob. I'll open synapse tomorrow and fix that.

No I won't

After uninstalling devices, uninstalling synapse, restart restart restart, uninstall again, install again, blah blah blah, download a tool that didn't detect the device either, etc etc, for about two hours, I was about ready to accept my dark fate. But then, I saw (screenshot attached) this little itty-bitty beta tag next to the software (again) installed by default.

I about flipped my shit, uninstalled Razer Synapse 3 so hard it sent a tsunami towards some coastal country, and then angrily installed Razer Synapse 2.

That looks more familiar. Oh, there we are, all three devices. Ah, very well, my mouse is working correctly once again. I know its at the header of this rant, but let's reiterate (or, reiterage, in this case):

DON'T. INSTALL. BETA. SOFTWARE. BY. DEFAULT.

Thank you.

QA ticket. Images are pixelated blah blah blah increase pixelation to make them pretty.

Next ticket: why is the site so slow. Need to be optimized blah blah blah

End User: The program isn't working
Me: What were you trying to do?
End User: blah blah blah
Me: Are you using IE?
End User: Yes, I always use IE everything should work with it.
Me: Didn't you see the email to the listserv explicitly saying not to use IE?
End User: I did, but I only like to use IE.
Me: (bangs head against desk & loses all hope)

Uni, programming 1.. professor had worst ppt presentation..I think it was about java..5? /* yeah, I'm old */
He was droning off in the most monotone voice..reading off the ppt, about types and blah blah blah..
Took us about 15mins to figure out he stopped teaching and was 'yelling' with the same monotone voice at one of my classmates to take their laptops and go play need for speed in the lobby..
I was sure I'd flunk the class and will never be able to complete the course, let alone get a job as a dev..he made programming look like the most boring thing on earth..

What do you look for in a programming language
People: features, syntax, runtime blah blah
Me: Active meme base

Retarded person I met today : "JS is gay cos you require strict mode for blah blah blah"

Me (and my webdev friend): pfft...

[Shows our ESLint Styling rules]

him: "o-oh... How the f-"

corporate emails and what they mean
- “changes to our privacy policy” — we raised capital, time for you to leave! good times are over.
- “changes to our pricing” — we are basically acquired, leave now.
- “blah blah community help blah blah” — fuck you, we can't even be bothered to fix bugs in our product.
- “blah blah 30% off blah blah” — yup, the unsubscribe button was broken last time you clicked it.

10 year anniversary 'celebration' for a couple of employees (one dev, one a DBA) and the VP of the department was saying kind words about them, talking about the 'good old days'.

VP to the DBA: "I apologize, when you started, you walked into my database architecture. I didn't know that much back then and never thought about the architecture much beyond a few years. Its amazing my design has lasted over 20 years and triple digit business growth..blah blah blah"

Inner voice: "Mother F-er!...My database was designed IN SPITE of your meddling and demanding to create 1,500 field tables. Shut the F up you egotistical bastard!"

I can't even count how many times I had to stop him from, for example, adding a 'ProductID' field to a Customer table.

Me: "Why did you add a product id field?"
VP: "How else will we know what product the customer wants to buy?"
Me: "You mean like a wish list? What if the customer wants more than one product?"
VP: "Oh, that’s easy, we'll create more fields when that happens. ProductID2. Microsoft made it really easy to add fields."
Me: "We already have a wish list table schema. Customer can have as many wish lists and as many products as they want."
VP: "I don't understand. All I want is a field for me to store the product I'm buying. I don't know why you make this so hard, its just one more field."

Now the VP is bragging all the success was due to his expertise?! Gaaaaahhhh!

I quelled my rage with ample quantities of donuts, juice, and chocolate milk.

"How we use Tensorflow, Blockchain, Cloud, nVidia GPU, Ethereum, Big Data, AI and Monkeys to do blah blah... "

Some idiots ripped off our work and code that was open sourced and wrote a paper on it and got it published from some cheap publisher. Even for me to some benefit of doubt or consider that probably they worked on advancing our research….they didn’t even give us any credits!

Heights of shamelessness!

FYI, we already had an IEEE paper published!

I don’t mind if you guys have any suggestions on how I can get back at them. I don’t think a rant is going to calm me down for what they have done.

Head of HR for a company I’ve never heard of has hounded me for days on Cord.io.
I’ve kept fobbing her off and showing disinterest but she kept on about how they’re so interested in talking to me because they need people with my experience. Blah blah.

I finally give in and arrange a call.

First question she asks is “So why do you want to work for us ?”

Wait, what ????
You came to me! I’ve never even heard of this tin shed company.

Everything is falling apart

That moment when your senior is screaming frustrations via skype and called.. and I be like:

This was a straight-to-devrant moment...

Referred a work colleague to a man page for a command they were having trouble with.

Their reply: "I really hate man pages. They are not useful to me. They are full of blah blah blah blah blah. I just want 'run this' or 'run that'."

Then my eyes exploded right out my head, making room for my brain exploding right behind them.

There are clients who always suggest an idea then after they suggest they will say "...again don't do this yet, its not a big deal blah blah blah"
Then the other day they will ask if their idea is already implemented.

🤦🏻‍♂️

SuperDucky! SuperBored!

We are probably reading alot of "this co-worker was so bad because blah blah blah..." from people who actualy were the real shitty co-worker and are still blaming others for his/hers mistakes.
Not a week rant that i can trust...

Fight over email thread

From: manager
To: Sr. Manager
CC: ME
Subject: blah blah blah

Me: just chill

(Call from a distant family member I know by name only)
Him: Hey, blah it's been awhile blah hey so I have this problem with my printer and...
Him: What do you mean you don't know about printers, can I bring it to your hou...<*click*>

Worst documentation I've seen?

Our "Coding Standards" 20+ page document. The team who put it together got so detailed, there wasn't much 'wiggle room' for natural deviations in a developer's coding style. For example, a section devoted to no abbreviations. So if you had a variable 'invoiceId', they complained you violated 'standards', even though 'invoiceId' matched a field name in a database table. Using Dapper or another ORM that relied on the 1:1 name match? Nope, you were still forced to inject your own mappers so the code didn't violate standards.

As you can probably guess, such a long, detailed document would have contradictions. I pointed out one of the contradictions. Example:

Page 5: Section B, sub-section B-5, paragraph 3 : "To minimize network traffic, when querying the database, request all the data necessary for the application."
Page 8: Section K, sub-section K-2, paragraph 4 : "For maximum performance, when querying the database, request only the most minimum amount of data necessary for the application ."

In a review I pointed out this contradiction (there were several more)
Me: "If we satisfy A, one could say the code is in violation of B. Which is it?"
<Pointy-Hair-Boss throws his pencil on the table>
PHB: "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH STANDARDS! It couldn't be more clear! We are a company of standards because without standards <blah blah..straw man argument..blah blah>"
<deciding not to die on that hill, I move on>
Me: "On page 12, paragraph 9 code is in violation if a method has more than 3 parameters. That seems a little restrictive given our interaction with 3rd party products."
PHB: "There you go again. As stated in the document, ALL code used by the company will comply to our standards. What part of 'ALL' do you not understand?"

Was he bluffing about requiring 3rd party vendors complying with our standards? Heck no. That's a story for another day.

Most upsetting interview rejection?

Back when I graduated college, I did the usual rounds of interviews with insurance companies, banks, various other institutional businesses set up by the college's career center.

One local insurance company interview I thought went great. Usual 'Where do you see yourself in 5 years?' type questions, told her about my job history, very high level type stuff.

Couple of weeks later I get a letter in the mail and after the usual 'It was great to meet you blah blah blah', it ended with
'State Farm will never consider you for a position with our company.'

Never?! My then fiance (now wife) yelled "WHAT DID YOU DO?!!!" and I racked my brain for anything I might have said or done. The HR lady was attractive, but I didn't stare at any body parts and I didn't make any weird sexual advances (I was nervous enough without *that* going thru my mind).
The college career center floods the local companies with graduates and I was #5 in the waiting room that day. My only guess was they got me confused with someone else.

My fiance wanted me to call them immediately to straighten out any misunderstanding, but I knew what was done, was done. It's not like they would realize "Oh, that's right, it was Bob that kept looking at Karen's breasts, not you...come work for us!" Besides, why would I want to work someplace that didn't know/care who I was?

Indian outsourcing web companies on their websites be like:
"We provide services in IOT, Machine Learning, Data Analysis, Web security analysis, blah blah"

Me excitingly joins the company and finds out, they all are PHP developers developing unsecured websites.

/*
"Not wk135, but blah blah blah"
Please don't misuse wk135 (Sorry)
It's about coding tests
Thank you. */

=>
A company took their technical test on this really weird website. There was a Windows Narrator guy's voice giving instructions while a timer was running. I had to flash my ID to the webcam and then fit my head on an outline on the screen. It was for a web dev position. I had to speak into the microphone to answer the Narrator's questions and then send the video to them. The questions were weird and hypothetical, mostly. I just thought that their process was dumb and unnecessary.

=>
I don't like aptitude and algebraic tests. One company, I remember, had their test on Google Forms. For some multiple choice questions, they put check boxes instead of radio buttons. So, I could just blaze through it selecting all options. Some of the questions had their first option as "All of the above" 🤔. Fortunately, I didn't pass the test.

=>
The company I'm interning with, starting from next month, had a good interview process. They asked me questions on JavaScript, CSS, and a few on algorithms and data structures. I was also given a task where I had to make a css animation of trees. I'm glad they didn't have an algebra entry test.
😊

Each sprint lasts for 2 weeks. But I get the basic info to start working on my stories only when 3/4th of the sprint is completed....

So yeah....no one gives shit about estimation at least in my case.

I made some changes in existing repo on my own branch. Created PR for it to be reviewed and merged into master.....

That was more than a week back. But senior engineer never merged it.

Today I see that he closed my PR, deleted my branch. He created his own new branch, added my changes and some of his changes and created PR.

What shit is this?

Since memes have become an integral part of our community, I propose a way to handle them without affecting the actual Ranters.

Everyone adding a meme or a gag picture can do so under a particular tag, and the Algo can handle your meme needs by exposing you to that particular tag based on your activity with such posts.

Or you could just make the users search for memes if they wanted to see them.

This could also be done vice versa by ranters using a RANT tag, I would keep my RANT filter on so anything without that tag won't show up

To make it better you can provide a sort of suggested tags option :

|gag|¦¦¦|meme|¦¦¦Ranf|¦¦ scroll to the right for more... Kinda thing

@dfox @trogus please tell us what you think about this

//rant

So I'm a BI consultant, been doing this for about 6 years now, and I'm pretty good at the data stuffs. Now I had to complete a project for a client where we call a web service and it had to be done in .NET. I wrote a console app in C# that called the WS, dumped the data then a stored proc processed the staging tables into final tables that our visualization tool can consume.

It works, it's done.

Mind you I'm not a pure .NET developer.

And now that it's completed and working this fucking .NET dude that works for my client is basically giving me an attitude talking about "why wasn't it done as a Windows service? Blah, blah" Like WTF!!??? I get that he's the C# BSD but like chill bruh!!

It's annoying as fuck having to work on projects that are not your area of EXPERTISE and then be ridiculed by other elitist assholes about it.

Doesn't happen much, but fuck it's something I hate about dev. FYI, if it was the opposite I would just be asking questions for understanding, not being a sarcastic prick.

//rant done

Google just crossed the line from amazing to scary . It somehow took photos from my phone and arranged it periodically and even named that album like "Jaipur Trip " , "Sunday morning at blah blah.." .

How the frake did it know that i was on a trip to Jaipur ? and how the frake did it identify the exact park's name with scary accuracy..?

P.S. I never gave Google photos any access..And i didnt upload them in drive..

App fails, Check logs...No error logged. Check source code and debug....
And then you see following piece of code....

try{
//Code to hit an API
}catch(Exception ex){
/*DO NOTHING. Not even log stack trace*/
}

Colleague: Ivy, I have a problem with blah blah.
(Meanwhile we are in two different places)
Me: I'm not sure I understand your problem. Just Google it.
Colleague: I don't want to.
Me: Okay bye.

Question: Are Developers who use Google impostors?

People say, "Yarn is faster", blah blah blah and so on. So, I thought, I should give it a try. So, I tried and Holy Fucking SHIT! It took almost half an hour to download the dependencies! :|

After two interviews at same company,.. I'll just cut to the email and my response to them..

Company X: "...blah blah blaaah, sorry but unfortunately, we decided to move forward with a candidate that we see fit for this role. Thank you for your interest and interviewing at X company."

My reply: "....don't be sorry. Fortunately, I have already accepted an offer where I see my skills fit at an even higher level at a company."

I was lying. I didn't have an offer yet. Just had to let them feel a little regret. 😂😁

Does anyone else use:

cat /path/to/file | grep "blah"

Rather than:

grep "blah" /path/to/file

...when grepping? Or is it just me? Mainly asking because in my half asleep state I just wrote `tail -f | grep "blah"` by mistake and wondered why it was taking way to long to read the file...

Me at BestBuy today: Oh man, you got the got the Pixel 2 XL? This is looks good and feels good in hand. Last time I stopped by, the other guy had just the Pixel 2. Blah blah blah.. so is this running the 8.1 or 8.0?

Verizon associate at BestBuy: The 8.1

Me: oohh, you got that preview huh? *goes into system to check.. dude it's running 8.0

Verizon associate: oh really? Dang, I forgot. I'll side-load the APK.

Me: 😕😒😂 I hear you.
*At that point I lost hope in humanity*

A colleague had to show up for a demo in 10 minutes, and urgently needed to fix some CSS.

I told her the right way would take more than 10 minutes. The quick and dirty way was to add an `!important`.

I made her write a comment:
`// TODO: Fix this hack made for the demo dated blah blah`

For those who have seen me ranting about ending up in a bad team.....

Few days back I was emotionally and mentally affected to a level I couldn't handle anymore. I spoke to my manager (our team got a new manager who is sensible and serious) and asked for team change and he said it was possible but he would need some time. 🙂

When I started my current job I fucked up my first deploy ever so slightly but In the end managed to get it going with a quick hack (unpacking our war file modifying some properties and a jsp page before restarting the tomcat server )

One of the senior developers was having a really bad day and decided I was who he was going to take it out on, calling me a cowboy (in the Uk that’s a bad thing) blah blah, being really nasty and condescending to me.

I was about ready to shout at him as it was his dodgy configuration that caused the issue in the first place, but instead I took a deep breath and firmly (but calmly) told him never to speak to me like that again or we would have a problem.

5 years later he’s never spoken to me like that again and is actually a pretty decent guy.

Moral of the story people have bad days but also don’t let people take the piss.

Some of these Software Engineers on YouTube are so frustrating me:

YouTuber:

- Hey guys, I'm doing YouTube because I interviewed at Google/Microsoft and got rejected. I really wanted to work at Google/Microsoft because it's my dream company to work.

- Hey guys, I wanted to let you know that I got the job at Google/Microsoft. I will still be making YouTube videos.

- Hey guys, so I have resigned from Google/Microsoft after working for 1 year because blah blah

Earlier this day, I was about to start a new project. So I copied my favourite gulpfile.js into that projects root and installed all dependencies with npm. After running Gulp for the first time it threw an error.

Silly me tried to fix stuff and got googling the error and trying random things... After a break of a few hours I just fucking rerun Gulp and read the fucking error completely. It stood there. The fucking solution just stood there, run "npm blah --force" to reconfigure package blah....

Of course it worked right away and I finally could start working. But this shit took way too long. Why I just can't read the fucking error message. Damn

Anyone else digging when a client delivers an awesome design for a website - in POWERPOINT?!?!

You guys ever get "Project Zoned"?

When you've been consulting with a client for the past few weeks and then in the end they say "I've decided I'm not going to move forward because it's better for me, blah blah blah. But if I did you'd be the person to do it."

But you spent all that time trying to close the project that seemed so attainable at the time, thinking about the money you could be making. Then you get hit with that shit stick.

God.

I need a way to explain to a coworker that nesting if statements beyond 3-4 is too much and needs to be re thought out. The dude is the biggest arrow head programmer I’ve ever seen. And he claims nothing is wrong with it, it works.. so what’s the problem.

Since we follow the rule of only one return per function he claims it’s the only way to accomplish the stuff he’s doing.. like if blah function passes... if blah function passss if blah functions passes do this then if blah functions

The if statements arnt just checking some variable conditions.. the conditions are checking returns of functions at each nested level the condition, executes a different function and thus checked for success.

Uggh I just don’t know how to explain to him it’s shit and needs to be re designed

Any ideas??

Almond: "This isn't right, we need to use <blah> instead"
Phil: <Marks as resolved>
Almond: "This still doesn't look to be resolved"
Phil: "IT IS RESOLVED IT WILL BE PUBLISHED AS PART OF MY NEXT COMMIT WHICH I WILL PUSH ON SCHEDULE LATER TODAY"

🙄
...yeah, that makes sense...

Lying recruiters really make my shit itch.

A couple of months ago a recruiter got in touch on linked in as he’d seen my cv on Indeed or somewhere.

He asks what I’m looking for and I tell him I want to move to a more development focused role rather than mosh mash of support, admin and Dev that I do at the moment.

He’s says he’s got just the role at a fairly local software company, and that the role would be at least 90% development blah blah blah.

So I set up a video call, and it immediately becomes clear that they want someone to do support/admin who might get to do a tiny bit of dev (they mainly asked about my experience with HTML) and I could tell they lost interest when I said I was more interested in backend development etc.

They didn’t want to progress the application as I wasn’t what they were looking for, which is fair enough they weren’t what I was looking for either.

But, do recruiters intentionally set out to lie to applicants about what a job is/entails or do they either get duff info from clients, or just not understand the job specs they are given?

I mean it wasted my lunch break (not including calls with the recruiter) and an hour of time for the CEO and Dev from the company.

Well just blew up a coding interview.

Got an offer to be a Drupal dev and was expecting questions on Drupal API and module dev but got asked how to find the closest Enemy in an array and blah blah blah.

Interesting question but man. My mind got blank and got nervous. It's been a while since I've done a question like that and I've been coding for 10+ years.

I would've love to solve that in another language such as Python or C++ but got stuck on PHP because it was a Drupal position. But I only use PHP for Drupal modules and templates who are highly dependant on Drupal API. Or even WordPress plugins. But I try to avoid WordPress because is shit.

Guess the job market hasn't changed since I graduated back in 2014. So I feel a little bummed down. But I guess I'll just have to practice those type of problems as well. At least the problem solving method.

At least it will be an excuse to do those leetcode problems.

Why the fuck they keep insisting a backend developer to do frontend shit?

No fucking shit I'm slow on this crap. And i told them several times it's not my forte.And they keep inisting to keeping a high standard blah blah blah

Ffs just hire a frontend already.

I'll find another job. I don't care at this point.

Kay! Why people think remote job is less then a onsite job? Excuse me? I also work remotely. Okay I get it that onsite you have to go onsite through bus or blah blah , but your hours are not counting by a tracker and not getting SS every 2 min. My family doesn't understand that I have to be on my laptop for at least 7-8 hours.

Their reaction is :" why the food is not ready?"
" I am doing work"
"So what? You are home!"

And WHY LARAVEL COMPOSER UPDATE IS SO DAMN SLOW

Scam call story

Scambot: This is Costco balh blah blah....(I don't even have a Costco where I live). To be put on the 'no call' list please press 2.

Me: 2.

Scambot: Hang up.

A few hours later....

Scambot: this is Costco blah blah blah.... To accept your reward please press 0.

Me: 0.

(Long wait)

Scam person ( In a Indian accent so thick I can't accurately type it out without it sounding racist) : This is (gibberish). Are you between the ages of 18 and 80?

Me: I'm 85.

Scam person: (gibberish) Are you between the ages of 18 and 80?

Me: I'm 85.

Scam person: hangs up.

An old client came back to me stating that I didn't fix the last change he requested a month ago. I went in old emails, found out what he needed, tried the website, it was doing exactly what he wanted.

I wrote to him with confusion asking what was he wanted me to fix.

"It's not working"
"It is"
"No, it's not. Can't you see?"

I attached old email conversations and sent him to see for himself.

"I am not talking about that." I want it to work like this, like that, blah blah blah.

-------------

Fucking asshole. Tell me you wanted new feature in the website.

Recruiter: (on email) hi please check this exciting opportunity!
Me: ....
Recruiter (on email): I see you haven't got back to me on this. Blah blah blah
Me: Hi xyz, can you share the complete job description and compensation details?
Recruiter: <last seen 2 weeks ago>

Odd numbers bother me

As a developer I have a problem I have to get over and it's called: negative spiral thinking. It's the biggest impediment to progress (that and bureaucracy).

You sit there facing a problem, you keep focusing on the problem, but the problem spouts other problems and then you care too much about those other problems and you start fussing around, negative thoughts start to spout everywhere and you end up continuously losing your focus.

Blah.

Development tools for embedded projects shouldn't need fucking internet to operate. Every fucking app needing internet to even startup is getting more and more stupid. I do a LOT of development offline. I usually have my dev machine away from internet for weeks at a time. It very nice to not have to deal with update issues and the like during this time. So naturally I choose tools to do offline programming for both desktop and embedded. So I decided that for my embedded work I wanted to have better environment than Arduino IDE. Now enters VSCode with Platform IO. I download all the target platforms for my boards. I get it all working and installed. Then I take my computer to my non internet location. I fire up VSCode, select the platform, create a test project, and compile the code. Everything is working great. Then I go to upload the code to my board:
"Blah blah blah you need internet first time talking to a board blah blah blah." Seriously? WTF? Who does stupid shit like this? Once you install your dev tools they should be fucking installed! Now I have to drag my fucking dev boards to another location and do a test install just to do fucking offline programming.

FUCK YOU PLATFORM IO!

Notice I don't blame VSCode for this. I know this IDE is very internet dependent, but it works once you get your plugins installed regardless of internet. Unless of course you are doing internet based programming.

I see articles going -> "Here's the future of gaming. blah...blah...blah..."

I already know the future of gaming is trash (no matter how many VR glasses u throw at it), because the current state of gaming is a flaming pile of shit.

I'm still hurt by what Cyberpunk 2077 did to the gaming industry. They relayed the message across like -> "Hey you can release any pile of shit mid-development 'game', charge full price of $60 for it and just promise incremental updates over the years."

Developer: we are going o have to do it this way because it's the only way I can get it to work.

Other developer: what are you on about that's a easy thing to do you should not be doing it that way you idiot are you thick or something! do it this way the correct blah blah way, "let me show you moron (says out loud to everyone in the office) to show how superior and awesome they are"......

Two hours later, "yes we will have to do it your way in the end, my way doesn't work"

I fucking told you that 2 hours ago. Some people just don't believe lol #timewasted

There’s a new macOS update..
-install now
-install later

Me: install now..

Os: there’s another account active, blah blah blah.. please accept our new GPL..

Me: fair enough.. accept GPL..

OS again: Hi blah blah, same message..

Me: ok I’ll try „do it later“..

Os: there’s another account active, blah blah blah.. GPL..

Me: go fuck your self, fuck your overpriced hardware, go guck your software that’s way worse than it was 5 years ago, go fuck YOU!!!

OS: I know I suck, but we don’t Care. So please accept our new GPL.

Thanks apple for becoming what Microsoft was 10 years ago..,

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

Been sick all day, got to work from home. Kid goes down for a nap, my wife leaves to run her errands. Finally starting to get into my groove after blah-ing most of the day. So of course my kid decides to wake up earlier than expected. :P

If you do `log.error("blah: " + e.getMessage())` rather than `log.error("blah: ", e)` then I will personally hunt you down, come to your house, and give you a bloody good talking to as to why stack traces are free, useful debugging tools, and you've just wasted my time by omitting it.

Every recruiter in job add: not essential but desirable. Knowledge of blah blah blah.

But what they don't tell you is that they won't even fucking consider you if you don't have it.

It happened with a company that makes the audio Codecs for Apple (you guessed it right).
It was supposed to be the most pleasant interview ever but not exactly. Here's the thing, the interview went so well that the HR explained all the benefits for its employees and handed me a copy of a leaflet containing so. In the end, as they were walking me to the door, the HR lady told me "you are staying here, you don't have to look anymore" as they were walking me to the door.

Well, everything I did from my end was perfect. Thank you emails and follow-ups blah blah. But not a single answer from their end regarding any decision.
This was the worst feeling to me.

So for the past 3 weeks I have been reporting that the development on X tickets has been completed and are deployed for testing.

Testers, fuck it we are not testing.
BA: yeah ok.

So nobody is testing.

And this Friday evening BA panics, starts emailing everybody, we need those items tested blah blah..

Now he is calling the testers over the weekend for testing 😂

And adds few more changes to requirements. (WTF)

Says:- He will also be testing over the weekend.

IT team :- Systems won't be working due scheduled maintenance. 😂😂 In your face BA

IT people best timing ever🤘

Hope he learns some prioritizing.

I hate Wednesdays. Networking has the Antimalware service run a full/deep scan every Wednesday and my machine is basically unusable until it finishes.

Devs: "Can we have the scheduled task not run during the day, maybe even on the weekend?"
Gary: "Security is our #1 priority and without proper security methods in place, we'll be open to outside threats. Security begins with you, and ..blah blah blah"

Bite me Gary. I got something for ya.

Get-ScheduledTask | ? TaskName -eq 'Windows Defender Scheduled Scan' | Stop-ScheduledTask

Fuck it..
What’s the point?
Why do we care about a point at all?
Why do we even try to make sense out of it?
I’m religious but if you think about believe long enough that’s a point to question as well.

I guess the 2nd lockdown is getting to me.
I’m extremely introverted but this I too isolated even for me.

In the the 1st lockdown I made it for 3 weeks, now I’m breaking after 1.5weeks....

Okay, we fucking get it guys, you wish that you'd get changelogs with every app update and they'd tell you everything and blah blah blah.
Fuck off
We're the only people who even check, it's not worth the effort. Unless a major feature was added or a well known bug was fixed, the "fixed bugs" is more than enough for the general public.

"Hello, this is Raja C******b. The purpose of this call is not a sales call. I would like to send you a free podcast examining <blah blah blah> and its impact on <blah blah blah>. I have your email address on file. May I send this to you?"

"No. Because this is not free, since my time is money. And also because this IS a sales call."

"It is not a sales call, sir. We would like to send you a free podcast..."

"... that will try to sell me something."

"No, sir. It is a free podcast examining..."

"...Something that will try to convince me to purchase a product or service."

"Ok, yes."

"Ok, bye."

I feel a person qualifies as a developer only if he/she has ranted.....

Such is our lives

For the very First time, I am gonna take my Environmental Science exam Online.
Writing the effects of deforestation and how to protect trees and how people doing bullshit to forests, blah blah...in the paper actually made me guilt.

Thanks #lockdown for some of the positive changes.

every new smartphone these days seems to be like one of those scify movie aliens with weird eyes (dual camera lenses) .
I mean, pixel phones clearly shows that having a top-notch software for single camera is already at par with dual cam setups .

And yet huawei is slaying them all .
New huawei flagship phone : awesome specs , ai beautify , blah blah lens , blah blah block chain 16 mp AND "2MP " dual camera setup .

they are like yeah surely we give them dual cameras, but why bother because no one will read after the word "DUAL"

xD

Recently I updated my current company on LinkedIn to "Confidential" and the description to "Great opportunity. Great company. Blah blah blah"
Since then,I've been getting more messages from recruiters. Any correlation?

Every time my news feed says "Giant meteor potentially can hit the Earth in 2025 blah blah blah....."

I think to myself - Please, end it all already. Wipe the planet away.

in college ages ago, professor was "teaching" us overloading in C++, he goes something like this:

"so you can overload a function by changing the number of arguments, argument types, or method return type"

I dare put my hand up: "emm .. you can't overload by just changing the return type"

"you can"

"but, but.. how would the compiler know which overload I'm invoking when I call the method?"

pause..

"it depends on the type of the variable receiving the method call result"

"what if I call the method without assigning the result to a variable?"

agitated by now: "ah these are complex compiler concepts that are too complicated blah blah"

although I was unhappy, it was useful to realize no one knows everything

When you get into good company but end up in bad team. Worst thing to happen. I want to quit. But as of now I don't have any option.

I am way too triggered. Any one tries messing with me anymore at work, I won't be able to stop myself. I am gonna shout....take out all my anger. To hell with you assholez! I don't care if you get me kicked out of team or job! I can't take it anymore. FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!

My kind of solving a issue
1st day:in my name they assigned a issue,searching the bug or issue where it is
2nd day:stackoverflow,copy and paste,open several tabs blah blah, solving a issue and fix and I test on my own
3rd day
4th day
5th day:status still working
Next week: push a code in gitlab
TL:it's take to one week to solve a issue
Mindvoice:if I finish, you will assign a tough task

So like a couple days ago I was trying to clear the Var directory of my Symfony project.
I wrote
cd /var
rm ./* -R
Linux: are you sure you want to delete write protected blah blah blah?
Me:AHA! SO ITS A PERMISSIONS ISSUE
sudo rm ./* -R

Quickly realized I was no longer in my project directory.

Took a fat L. Had to reinstall.

Santa if you are reading this.....
I want a gift for Christmas :/ Come on I ain't getting holidays for Christmas.....a small gift isn't big thing to ask for....🙄🙄

Roses are red

Violets are blue

This is just another rant

You know what to do...

A dev found a bug I created where I set a SQL parameter name to @OrderID instead of the expected @Order. The standard is @OrderID, there is one stored proc where it's @Order.
Oops...I didn't catch it because the integration test didn't cover that area of the code. My mistake...I should have checked...I take complete responsibility for the screw up.

He let me know by email..
"When refactoring, from now on check the stored procedure parameters, there are a few that don't follow the standard."

I was like "from now on..."? ...wow....bold comment from someone responsible for code that doesn't check for nulls, doesn't log errors, and relies on exceptions for flow control. You wouldn't even have known about the error if I didn't modify your code to log the error (the try..except returned false)

I really wanted to reply ...

"Fixed. From now on, when you come across those easily found bugs, go head and fix it, write a test, and move on. Don't send a condescending email to me, my boss, your boss, all the DBAs, and the entire fracking order processing team. Thanks."

But..I thanked him for finding and letting me know...we're a team..blah blah blah..

Frack..people suck.

Well that would probably be my classmate. He sucks at programming but I wanted him to do at least something. So I dictated him code he should simply type down: "for ( blah foo colon foos ) { ..." And he's like "for ( blah foo .. foos ) {". Colon means " Doppelpunkt" in German which means "double dot" if translated literally. So he wrote ".." instead of ":".

Fuck meh

I just went through a node.js code for ChatBot. The person was excited and said, he can train the bot and AI blah blah. Well, I then just smiled seeing the "Switch Statements" in the code.

Soo highlight. I’m a Tech Lead dev, and I happened to have had a gunshot injury in 2021 Dec, and kinda suffered some hectic stuff but long story short, I went through a full year from recovery and blah blah, but anyways after that year when I went back to work my boss(former), asked I go for psychological tests etc, then after that I passed everything as normal but then soon as I went back to work my boss took me to HR for some special performance review process that could mean I get fired or put back in the team again. My question is it this a fair trial when I never got another chance to work again as I was hired??? I need help pls :(

I love coding. I enjoy the clickety-click of my keyboard and the joy of creating code that does something, to help the world be a better place. So why does upper management feel the need to bog me down in process paperwork, tickets to count my widgets, and endless endless emails and spreadsheets to prove that I have work to do. What are the time savings, priorities, cost avoidance... Blah blah blah... #IdRatherBeCoding :)

I first realised I wanted to be a developer, when my older brother told me about The Net (movie) with Sandra Bullock. He told me about the pi sign in the bottom right corner, and all I wanted to do was to make websites with secret sections that only I knew about.

Don't you just feel that powerful personal connection when a recruiter on LinkedIn starts his message with "Dear Sir/Madam, I really like your profile and it is a great fit blah blah"...

Sure you do, enough to miss my obvious beard (and thus genre).

Oh and I'll pass on that opportunity that doesn't fit any of my skills/previous experience.

When you are told the app you worked on is scheduled to go into production on Friday.....

My reaction was "Aise kaise?"
(Translation -How even?)