Ideal (Green line) vs my sprint burndown :(

When the burndown chart looks just right 👌🏼

Every sprint...

No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.

I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.

I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.

I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.

I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.

I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.

I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.

I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.

Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.

See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?

Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.

Hugs and kisses,

Platypus

Looks fairly good now we only need to mirror it vertically..

Our burndown chart went upwards this sprint. I'm sorry, I meant our burnup chart. It was an unforgettable sprint indeed.

The scrum master cries out for the team’s burndown chart as he move more unplanned work into the current Sprint.

“so i know you folks are up against it with this deadline, but i made a burndown chart i’d like to go through” - every project manager

we have been working... we swear...

this is right at the end of a project which was artificially extended because the review process wasn't setup in time. we've had to do certain things the product owners way, whilst shaking our heads and this useful chart is one of the side effects. sidenote, product owner is looking at this chart and showing it to higher ups, trying to show progress being made... i give up.

Where is burndown chart