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Production is down, a coworker got himself locked in his own apartment so he can’t leave and another is late, the phone won’t stop ringing
And I don’t have the credentials to access the production server
Just a monday morning, everything’s fine 🔥😊🔥7 -
🎶 Fixing production issues 🎶
🎶 Fixing production issues 🎶
🎶 In other people’s code! 🎶
Seriously, how am I still in a good mood when I have to deal with this?14 -
If drinking coffee doesn't wake you up in the morning, try deleting a table in the production database.
Verified, it worked.4 -
I once optimized a web page that performed 621 SQL queries and loaded in 21 seconds in a production app.8
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So Facebook declared millions of people dead ... I guess that's what happens when you test in production7
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When your in apprenticeship and find a bug that allows the user to skip the payment... that was in production for multiple years...3
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That feeling when you coded a temporary solution and its stable in production for 2years already..4
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A while back, I ranted about emojis in code.
My nightmares are becoming reality.
Behold, production code:
34 -
We had issues with lack of disk space on our production SQL server. Another developer decided to delete the databases he thought weren't in use to clear some space.
Ever think about checking first?!
Production chaos!7 -
Every so often I remember that the code I wrote is running in production and real customers are using it and I feel a little bit sick2
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Did you know?
Critical error notifications in production are not a problem if you don't give a fuck.4 -
Data Analyst: “the task failed in test, can we try running it in production?”
My life as a Data Engineer.5 -
“In order to release on production you merge on production”
Makes sense.
“In order to release on staging you merge on release”
Wait, what?
“The CI for the staging release is called release to production”
What? No, stop!
“You also need to create a tag called pre-production-deployment, so that staging can work”
STOP FFS
“It’s very easy, you just need to read the documentation!”
How do people do not realise they are spitting out bs?3 -
Always use SELECT-query with the same conditions before you DELETE/UPDATE in a production database.1
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That feeling when you find the bug breaking the application in production and you are just an intern :)5
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STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.
STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.
STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.
STOP. TESTING. IN. PRODUCTION.17 -
Personal Project:
Code lives in gitrepo, commits to master are automatically unit tested and if all tests work it will be published to production
At Work:
"If you're done put this .bat in the project folder, it will copy everything in it per ftp to production"1 -
Perfect job is when sandbox and production api endpoints works the same.
Fuck all api endpoints where their sandbox works differently than the production.
Fuck all those error messages that appear only in production, despite faithfully following the documentations.
Fuck the gateways where their sandbox is more stable than the production.
Fuck the endpoints whose api parameters differ in what they accept between sandbox and production.
Fuck those manuals that does not document these diferrences.
Fuck those developers and support team who don't know how to support integrators. They don't even know how their apis work!9 -
"Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like chewing gum found in the street." - unknown3
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My worst devSin was testing in production once because I was too lazy to set up the dev environment locally.
Never will I do that mistake again!4 -
Today is Friday. People are generally happy on Friday because it's the weekend.
I have a production upgrade tonight, which potentially can go through the weekend.
This is my second production upgrade support in a week. I'm sleep deprived and getting disinterested and seemingly in the want for a holiday.15 -
Somebody at Samsung is testing something in production 🤭
It's "Find my mobile" which is preinstalled by default on Samsung devices
8 -
Last night my boss played with our access points in the warehouse for a client, he messed something up and they stopped working.
I asked a person from our service to fix them
Service: he fucked something up again?
Me: yup
S: can you fix them?
M: yup
S: then why ask me?
M: it's not my job 😂
He swapped them, and got mad. -
"Who needs a staging server, test suites and continuous integration anyways haha"
-company i just joined6 -
"we will also consider skills in other production languages, such as Haskell, Clojure, OCaml, Rust and C++"
ah, of course, the classic "production" languages. wouldn't want to be using those other "developing" or "staging" languages... 🥱
i swear, the 🤡 count increases by the hour.24 -
Ended in an UPDATE without WHERE query to a core table in a Drupal project (in a dev database stored in the same server that production database was)
2 -
Before production deployment: Everything is running well, all bugs are fixed, serenity sets in.
Production deployment day: Fire everywhere
goddamit we don't get a fucking break2 -
Management said "we are agile"...now they ordered us to do changes in production server in daylight...I'm seriously think said FRAGILE...3
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- "Hi A, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID which we were not informed of."
- "Oh but my API just proxies the content from team B."
_____
- "Hi B, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID."
- "Ah, I have nothing to do with category IDs, you should talk to my colleague C."
_____
- "Hi C, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID."
- "I wish I knew anything about that, you should contact person D!"
_____
- "Hi D, we had a bug in production due to a changed category ID."
- *changes status to "Absent" on IM*
ERROR_TOO_MANY_REDIRECTS1 -
Adding a feature to webapp...
Webapp relies on database in production server...
*adds feature to production webapp directly*
Every page: ERROR 500
Manager: what did you do???!!!! You MESSED UP the production, FIX IT NOW
*Use ctrl-z because manager doesn't like Version Control*5 -
Embedding private encryption key in production javascript file and fetching third party session token client side.4
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How to NOT write unit tests:
A colleague of mine has developed a new package of software, many of our new projects are going to use. So in his presentation of the new functionalities he also showed us that he used unit tests to cover some of his code. So i asked him to show me that all tests passes.
He: I can show you, but one test suit will fail currently.
Me: Why?? You told us, everything is finished and works fine.
He: That's right, but they will fail because I'm currently not in the customer VPN.
Me: Excuse me, WHAT??
He: Yes, I'm not in the VPN that connects me to this one customers facility in Hungary, where the counterpart of the software is runnung live.
Me: YOU WROTE UNIT TESTS THAT TEST AGAINST A RUNNING LIVE FACILITY??
He: Yes, so I can check, that the telegramms I send are right. If I get back the right acknowledgement, the telegramm structure is right and my code is working.
Me: You know, that is not the porpose of unit tests? You know, that these test should run in any environment?
He: But they are proving, that my code is working. Everytime I change something I connect to the customer and let the tests run.
Me: ...
Despite the help of some other developers we could not convince him that this was not good and he should remove them. So now this package is used in 2 new projects and this test suit is still failing, everytime you execute all unit tests.7 -
Testing in a production environment is like closing a door in a to kill a snake and electricity goes off 📴
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I used to work on a production management team, whose job was, among other things, safeguarding access to production. Dev teams would send us requests all the time to, "run a quick SQL script."
Invariably, the SQL would include, "SELECT * FROM db_config."
We would push the tickets back, and the devs would call us, enraged. I learned pretty quickly that they didn't have any real interest in dev, test, or staging environments, and just wanted to do everything in prod, and see if it works.
But they would give up their protests pretty fast when I offered to let them speak to a manager when they were upset I wouldn't run their SQL.2 -
So today i went to another town for a car service, and by accident i met a very old man looking at the cars in the saloon, he was very calm person, in conversation he said he was system analyst and a COBOL developer in a big industry... but what got me the most he said he survided FOUR heart attacks... i don't know if that was a common practice for COBOL developers but i do php most of the time... so... i just wanted to say hello guys... and delete my browser history if i'm not around for some time :)4
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My co-worker, still studying but working as a "senior dev", just decided that we don't need a test/staging environment anymore. We just "validate" (we also don't use the word "test" anymore) newly created features in production.
Makes absolutely sense...
Thank god I have a new job from february on!1 -
Borrowed from Reddit and Twitter:
Everybody has a testing environment. Some people are lucky enough enough to have a totally separate environment to run production in.3 -
My react code in production broke because one of my senior renamed a field in sql query to 'id' instead of invoiceid.8
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Someone who was lazy to make changes from dev branch, making code only in production without updating dev then wanted me to merge from production to dev because he was scared ☺️
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Production: "Do you have [device]?"
Me: "Yes. I'm implementing the software that controls [device]."
Production: "Ok, that's the only [device] in the building, and I need to ship it to meet a deliverable."
Me: "... Does he want it to do anything?"
Production: "We'll build you another one."
Me: "When?"
Production: "... Eventually."
Software Development: The art of spinning straw into gold when you don't have any straw. -
I know politics is not allowed here, but I have to share this gem with you.
One day before the election for the European parliament the website of the German city Bochum showed a wrong bar diagram with false results of the election for a few seconds.
Everyone was loling. But I was like WTF? They were testing in production. And also they included data were the party AFD had about 50% of the votes. Are they retarded or so?4 -
just saw a production level code, all the fucking variables in the code are in capital letters🤪😵😵😵2
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Smartphone manufacturer OnePlus tests notifications in production 😄
https://gizmodo.com/oneplus-acciden...5 -
BANE OF MY FUCKING EXISTENCE. STOP POLLUTING MY PRODUCTION CODE WITH TEST CODE, YOU FUCKING CRETINS.
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Ever have a bug that *only* occurs in your production environment? How do you test potential fixes? 😜5
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I found a bug.... it's in production for a long long time... I wrote it while optimizing some legacy code....
FUCK.... how do you feel when you discover a bug in production created by you?6 -
Lets fix this bug in production on a Friday afternoon. (did that three times on the same project). Never went wrong :)3
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Pushed to production with a debug message left in. Whoops, debug message includes the private key. Ummmm...2
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I had rough week last week. Accidentally deployed dev code to production, soon found out there was no production version of code to do a redeploy. Deployed another app to production, it was working fine then another Dev changed a data type in the database from bool to nullable Boolean which broke some Linq queries. Looked like I deployed crap code. 3rd week with company.
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If having a coffee in the morning doesn't wake you up, try deleting a collection or table in a production database instead.4
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So glad to be staying a new job next week. Today a junior colleague asked me what the best way to test something would be as it won't work locally. Knowing this has a good chance of taking down the server, I suggest he sounds up a server on his AWS account. My manager comes in, oh no I don't want him doing it on AWS use the production server instead. By the time stuff States hitting the fan I will be gone.1
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Works in production?
Yes: Copy changes to dev and test.
No: Start humming and walk away from the computer. -
Since I have seen a lot of people uploading this kind of stuff lately, here is Xiaomi's test in production, back in 2017 November...
1 -
If my girlfriend was a prefixed browser-incompatible CSS level 4 property I would still use her in production.2
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Nothing like Facebook devs saying:
"If there's an error, just pop it up in an alert on production!"
3 -
Fuck those assholes that screw with production apps in emulators and spam me with 13+ bullshit Crashlytics reports.
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If having a coffee in the morning doesn't wake you up, try deleting a table in a production database instead.1
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When you find this in production code and git blames you for this. Luckily no one can every see this log output, because the next statement closes the frame.
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First day developing in Rust. First day developing using the actor model in Actix. First line in a new production codebase.
Oh my5 -
The most scary thing happens to me is that I wrote a code in staging without any bugs and breaks in production... fuck4
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You know what's hard...
Fixing a bug which occurred in production without having any logs because you log that useful info at debug level. 😧
Now take pen and paper, do calculation on your own and speculate what would have happened in production.3 -
Who the hell hardcodes their localhost ports in a web.config without updating the release config to the correct production URLs? And why doesn't our ops team pick up on this shit before clicking their fancy deploy button? And why in holy heaven do we even have a pre-production server if it isn't an exact mirror of production?
God help me, I need a drink. -
Quickly delete a double record in the production database with a script, just forgot the where statement...2
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How do you guys push changes to you server. ?
I am currently pushing changes to my git repo then pulling those changes on server where I am running the application in production.
I am planning to set up a simple server, to which I will push the changes and it push the changes to the server's running in production.
Or better would be to write a script and run on production servers that will check github for changes3 -
One of the founders of my startup does not write tests....
Me: we have to all write tests. I explain unit tests, integration, etc.
Him: I do... I have a test that checks if the app crashes or not.
Me: that is not what I meant (writes test because he won’t) 🙄1 -
Someone in the office(to someone else)- This thing broke yesterday in production. I think this was the problem.
My anxiety- oh that must be something related to what I did. Probably it's my fault, even though I haven't yet pushed anything that's released in production.2 -
Debugging a task, that's sending emails to too many customers.
Supervisor: "Never mind, just test in production, there is a dry run flag for the tasks."
Just in case I test locally...
Flags tried:
--dryrun="TRUE" => Error, failed to send mail.
--dryrun=TRUE => Error, failed to send mail.
--dryrun="true" => Not trying to send mail.
If it's THIS PICKY a little more documentation would be nice.
And by a little more I mean: more than the task base class in a giant php monstrosity without phpdocs expecting its code to be self-documenting. -
We should teach people early on how to collaborate with others in a team atmosphere. It’s hard to get code into production on your own, and once it’s in production it’s not your code anymore, it’s everyone’s. Everyone should have a say.3
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When the project officially closes as successful, and you see it in action in the production environment, and leadership and customers are satisfied.
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Sometimes, certain features don't work in my app if it's uploaded to the production track in Google Play.
It works in debug mode.
It works in release mode.
It works in the internal testing track.
...but it won't work in the production track? Y'know, the one that actually matters? Theoretically, there shouldn't really be a difference if the same exact APK was uploaded to the internal testing and production track, but... idk dude.
As a result, I implemented a secret way to test a feature in the production build (it's an app to remotely control OBS Studio): if the first connection you added is named "yayeet_" and you open the disclaimer, it tests the feature. Luckily, I got some of the stuff figured out, but I just thought the way I had to test it in production was dumb.1 -
How do you manage production, development and test environment in iOS/Xcode? Any good sources out there? 💻2
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What is worse code that works in debug but not in production or code that doesn't work in debug but does work in production. Both without usable stack traces.
Currently batteling both.... -
As part of a technical test, I've been asked to test and report bugs in the production application of the company. Is that normal? Or are they making me do free work for them?.
So far I've only seen challenges like this to be done on a custom application for test.7 -
Hit into NullPointerException on production then I saw this in the source code,
entity.getKey().getValue().contains("a string"):2 -
Fuck when your client find a bug in production, but you can't replicate in your developmment environment. So sad 😣2
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Spent a couple of weeks on writing a cronjob which updates a certain value in the application config, and spend the last few months on testing it in different environments to make sure it does not fail in production. Ran the deployment script, and the damn cronjob fails because of ssl certificate on production. fuck me
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In the beginning I created a CLI script to manage some production tests of our embedded product. Then they wanted a GUI with a single textbox and button. Then they wanted a shortcut on the desktop to that GUI.
Now one guy I know in 'production' insists that I keep adding to the documentation for things outside the scope of the software and more towards what will be sent to other production workers. Some of which includes 'ensure the cables are plugged in'. He says that he and other production workers are dumb and need a bulletproof guide. Fair enough, I say...maybe get a brain also?1 -
If your code is giving HTTP 500 error on a production server, go kill yourself, until you are having a development environment on the production server. In that case, kill your manager! 💢
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Have you deployed ElasticSearch to production? If so, I got couple of questions for you.
How much complexity did ES add to the project overall from a developers perspective?
How much did this differ in price from other solutions you used? In production loads that is.
✌🏼7 -
Is using CouchDB in production a bad idea? I built a small POC to test CouchDB and PouchDB's syncing abilities. Now I'm wondering am I setting myself up for tears if this gets implemented in production...2
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Does anybody use Elixir in production?
If so, what type of an application did you build with Elixir?3 -
Handling null like null is to be handled in production. And in current times null is good news (The app is of one of the most important german newspapers)
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Why do we all say "in production." How many people here use Elixir "in production." I don't know where I would use programming besides in the process of producing something. Why don't we say "In a live application?" (serious question)8
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Finally finished my 21h shift...Deploy on production is tomorrow...Back to the chair in a few hours.4
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A young new dev was working on his first ticket, about a bug during parsing of an uploaded excel file. Our issue was that if the file contained an empty line, all remaining rows were ignored. So the task included extending our tests to cover this case. After 2 weeks (!), his merge request comes in. His idea (without ever asking for help) was to parse the whole file (in some cases huge) in the production code a second time, just to count the rows (!!) and save the count in a public static int field, which was verified in his new test.2
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"Nuxt 3 is currently in beta, keep in mind that it is not yet production-ready."
How about I use it in production anyway, huh? You can't stop me anyway and the client pays too little to care about resiliency of the app compared to my fun of learning, thenks.
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