This is how one of our junior devs solved a merge conflict

Good news everyone!

unset ($marriage);
If (isset ($marriage))
self::sadness ();
else
Self::joy ();

DHL? More like, "Du Hurensohn Lieferst ned!"
Seriously! Fuck DHL so fucking hard! Why the FUCK can you deliver 2 FUCKING PACKAGES, WHICH REQUIRE SIGNING, INFRONT OF MY FUCKING ENTRANCE!! But not, A FUCKING 3rd one! LIKE SERIOUSLY! I WAS AT FUCKING HOME THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY! THEN I RECIEVE AN EMAIL THAT THE FUCKING PACKAGE "couldnt be delivered because I wasnt at home" YEAH FUCK YOU! 2 INFRONT OF MY FUCKING DOOR! and then... I see him... that fucking DHL guy, with my package, going INTO HIS FUCKING SHITASS DHL CAR, AND DRIVING OFF!
I literally just wanted to open the window and scream "HEY DHL, MEIN SCHEISS PACKET! WO ISSET!?" but I didnt...

FUCK THESE COCKSUCKERS FROM DHL! I HAVE A FUCKING LOUD DOORBELL! RING THAT THING! THERES A BUTTON WITH MY NAME NEXT TO IT!

Did a bunch more cowboy coding today as I call it (coding in vi on production). Gather 'round kiddies, uncle Logan's got a story fer ya…

First things first, disclaimer: I'm no sysadmin. I respect sysadmins and the work they do, but I'm the first to admit my strengths definitely lie more in writing programs rather than running servers.

Anyhow, I recently inherited someone else's codebase (the story of my profession career, but I digress) and let me tell you this thing has amateur hour written all over it. It's written in PHP and JavaScript by a self-taught programmer who apparently discovered procedural programming and decided there was nothing left to learn and stopped there (no disrespect to self-taught programmers).

I could rant for days about the various problems this codebase has, but today I have a very specific story to tell. A story about errors and logs.

And it all started when I noticed the disk space on our server was gradually decreasing.

So today I logged onto our API server (Ubuntu running Apache/PHP) and did a df -h to check the disk space, and was surprised to see that it had noticeably decreased since the last time I'd checked when everything was running smoothly. But seeing as this server does not store any persistent customer data (we have a separate db server) and purely hosts the stateless API, it should NOT be consuming disk space over time at all.

The only thing I could think of was the logs, but the logs were very quiet, just the odd benign message that was fully expected. Just to be sure I did an ls -Sh to check the size of the logs, and while some of them were a little big, nothing over a few megs. Nothing to account for gigabytes of disk space gradually disappearing.

What could it be? I wondered.

cd ../..
du . | sort --sort=numeric

What's this? 2671132 K in some log folder buried in the api source code? I cd into it and it turns out there are separate PHP log files in there, split up by customer, so that each customer of ours (we have 120) has their own respective error log! (Why??)

Armed with this newfound piece of (still rather unbelievable) evidence I perform a mad scramble to search the codebase for where this extra logging is happening and sure enough I find a custom PHP error handler that is capturing (most) errors and redirecting them to these individualized log files.

Conveniently enough, not ALL errors were being absorbed though, so I still knew the main error_log was working (and any time I explicitly error_logged it would go there, so I was none the wiser that this other error-catching was even happening).

Needless to say I removed the code as quickly as I found it, tail -f'd the error_log and to my dismay it was being absolutely flooded with syntax errors, runtime PHP exceptions, warnings galore, and all sorts of other things.

My jaw almost hit the floor. I've been with this company for 6 months and had no idea these errors were even happening!

The sad thing was how easy to fix all the errors ended up being. Most of them were "undefined index" errors that could have been completely avoided with a simple isset() check, but instead ended up throwing an exception, nullifying any code that came after it.

Anyway kids, the moral of the story is don't split up your log files. It makes absolutely no sense and can end up obscuring easily fixable bugs for half a year or more!

Happy coding.

I don't know if I'm being pranked or not, but I work with my boss and he has the strangest way of doing things.
- Only use PHP
- Keep error_reporting off (for development), Site cannot function if they are on.
- 20,000 lines of functions in a single file, 50% of which was unused, mostly repeated code that could have been reduced massively.
- Zero Code Comments
- Inconsistent variable names, function names, file names -- I was literally project searching for months to find things.
- There is nothing close to a normalized SQL Database, column ID names can't even stay consistent.
- Every query is done with a mysqli wrapper to use legacy mysql functions.
- Most used function is to escape stirngs
- Type-hinting is too strict for the code.
- Most files packed with Inline CSS, JavaScript and PHP - we don't want to use an external file otherwise we'd have to open two of them.
- Do not use a package manger composer because he doesn't have it installed.. Though I told him it's easy on any platform and I'll explain it.
- He downloads a few composer packages he likes and drag/drop them into random folder.
- Uses $_GET to set values and pass them around like a message contianer.
- One file is 6000 lines which is a giant if statement with somewhere close to 7 levels deep of recursion.
- Never removes his old code that bloats things.
- Has functions from a decade ago he would like to save to use some day. Just regular, plain old, PHP functions.
- Always wants to build things from scratch, and re-using a lot of his code that is honestly a weird way of doing almost everything.
- Using CodeIntel, Mess Detectors, Error Detectors is not good or useful.
- Would not deploy to production through any tool I setup, though I was told to. Instead he wrote bash scripts that still make me nervous.
- Often tells me to make something modern/great (reinventing a wheel) and then ends up saying, "I think I'd do it this way... Referes to his code 5 years ago".
- Using isset() breaks things.
- Tens of thousands of undefined variables exist because arrays are creates like $this[][][] = 5;
- Understanding the naming of functions required me to write several documents.
- I had to use #region tags to find places in the code quicker since a router was about 2000 lines of if else statements.
- I used Todo Bookmark extensions in VSCode to mark and flag everything that's a bug.
- Gets upset if I add anything to .gitignore; I tried to tell him it ignores files we don't want, he is though it deleted them for a while.
- He would rather explain every line of code in a mammoth project that follows no human known patterns, includes files that overwrite global scope variables and wants has me do the documentation.
- Open to ideas but when I bring them up such as - This is what most standards suggest, here's a literal example of exactly what you want but easier - He will passively decide against it and end up working on tedious things not very necessary for project release dates.
- On another project I try to write code but he wants to go over every single nook and cranny and stay on the phone the entire day as I watch his screen and Im trying to code.

I would like us all to do well but I do not consider him a programmer but a script-whippersnapper. I find myself trying to to debate the most basic of things (you shouldnt 777 every file), and I need all kinds of evidence before he will do something about it. We need "security" and all kinds of buzz words but I'm scared to death of this code. After several months its a nice place to work but I am convinced I'm being pranked or my boss has very little idea what he's doing. I've worked in a lot of disasters but nothing like this.

We are building an API, I could use something open source to help with anything from validations, routing, ACL but he ends up reinventing the wheel. I have never worked so slow, hindered and baffled at how I am supposed to build anything - nothing is stable, tested, and rarely logical. I suggested many things but he would rather have small talk and reason his way into using things he made.

I could fhave this project 50% done i a Node API i two weeks, pretty fast in a PHP or Python one, but we for reasons I have no idea would rather go slow and literally "build a framework". Two knuckleheads are going to build a PHP REST framework and compete with tested, tried and true open source tools by tens of millions?

I just wanted to rant because this drives me crazy. I have so much stress my neck and shoulder seems like a nerve is pinched. I don't understand what any of this means. I've never met someone who was wrong about so many things but believed they were right. I just don't know what to say so often on call I just say, 'uhh..'. It's like nothing anyone or any authority says matters, I don't know why he asks anything he's going to do things one way, a hard way, only that he can decipher. He's an owner, he's not worried about job security.

if (!isset($woman))
{
$cry = false;
}

Had a PHP test for a job application yesterday. The test contains nearly 20 questions, most are 2 points. I had to write the answer into a word file and cannot use search engine. I thought I did okay because most of the questions were asking like 'what is php', 'what is isset', etc. which I could answer all of them and pretty confident that I answered correctly but the recruiter contacted back today that I failed...:(

It's my first time applying for a programing job after been working in the field for almost 3 years. Feel so bad.. Feel so unqualified 😥😥

A collegue did a pull request with: if (isset($i) && $i != null) 😂😭😭

if( isset( CMS.Drupal ) {
return 'home and NEVER come back';
}

if(isset($form_state['concert_fieldset_container'][$key]['concert_fieldset']['broadcasting_fieldset']['features']['comments_conditions']) && !empty($form_state['concert_fieldset_container'][$key]['concert_fieldset']['broadcasting_fieldset']['features']['comments_conditions'])) {
$variables['concerts'][$key]['field_concert_comment_conditions']['value'] = $form_state['concert_fieldset_container'][$key]['concert_fieldset']['broadcasting_fieldset']['features']['comments_conditions'];
$variables['concerts'][$key]['field_concert_comment_conditions']['fieldDefinition']['label'] = $this->give_label($type, 'field_concert_comment_conditions');
}

THIS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! FUCKING BURN DRUPAL TO ASHES AND SHIT ON THE TOP OF IT!!

God fucking damnit 3 months left before I leave this place.

Code in index.php: if(!isset($_COCKIE['access'] == '123') {
echo 'Denied'; die;
}

And then there was the access.php which set the cookie.

So you had to go to foo.com/access.php which displayed a white page and set the cookie. Then navigate back to foo.com for access

OMG you fucking dick! All I asked if you minded if I created a PR to push your branch to prod because test was down.

You didn’t have to bother the fucking software architects in a group chat with me saying I needed fucking help.

If you wrote the isset function correctly to begin with or even put the JSON file in the correct repo like every other file on the site this would not be a problem.

Fuck contractors! Fuck Assholes!

function toCodeOrNotToCode() {
if (!isset($coffeeOrRedbull)) {
die('No work can be done');
} else {
return true;
}
}

// I don't drink Redbull daily

In the project I'm working on with others, really complex and confusingly programmed, there's a method called "check[...]IsSet". It gives back a string. They went out of their way to write a Javadoc for it and what does it say?
"@return the string"
No, really? I think I could have figured that out by myself! But what's in it, dammit?

Why people do that shit ? is a free backdoor to sniff other user content XD

if(isset($_COOKIE["user"])){
resetSession("user","user");
}

function resetSession($cookiename,$sessionname){
$_SESSION[$sessionname] = $_COOKIE[$cookiename];
}

{{ if (and (or (isset .Params "title") (isset .Params "caption")) (isset .Params "attr")) }}

Wait a minute hugo wtf is that

public function index(Request $request): array
{
$parameters = json_decode($request->get('lazyEvent'), true);

if (isset($parameters['page'])) {
$page = $parameters['page'];
} else {
$page = 0;
}

$queryBuilder = DB::table('companies')
->leftJoin('company_contact', 'company_contact.company_id', '=', 'companies.id')
->groupBy('companies.id')
;

if (isset($parameters['filters']['name'])) {
$queryBuilder
->where('name', 'like', '%' . $parameters['filters']['name']['value'] . '%')
;
}

$total = $queryBuilder
->count()
;

$companies = $queryBuilder
->select('companies.id', 'name', 'email', 'phone', DB::raw("COUNT('company_contact.id') AS contact_count"))
->orderBy('name')
->offset($page * $parameters['rows'])
->limit($parameters['rows'])
->get();

return ['companies' => $companies, 'totalRecords' => $total];
}

what is this shit? I get $total 1 when in reality is $companies count is 51

I am thinking avout writing whole sql as raw because I cannto get fucking count correctly

$dow = date('l');
if($dow == 'Monday') {
$project = $_GET['project'];
while($dow !== 'Friday') {
exec('buildProject');
$dow = date('l');
}
exec('submitProject');
execInBackground('celebrate');
while(!isset($project_approval) {
exec('wait');
}
if($_GET@['project_approval'] == 'approved') {
exec('celebrateGoHome');
}
elseif($_GET['project_approval'] == 'nevermind') {
exec('burnItAllDown');
}
else{
exec('hangHeadGoHome');
}
}