-- How I feel at work lately, in terms my wife understands --

Me: There's a gas leak, we need to fix it.

Manager: Yeah, use some duct tape, here's a roll.

Me: That's not how we fix a problem like this.

Manager: Will it work to solve the problem?

Me: Only temporarily

Manager: Ask your co-worker if you need help using duct tape, he's used it before. When will it be fixed?

Fixed this assholes phone for her... she proceeds to take the phone and say “thanks for fixing it, it was kind of you to do it for free!”

Uhm, ex-fucking-cuse me?! I run a business, not a god damned charity.

She got me my fucking money.

> Woke up at 03:30 because I am on call and a server went down
> Fixed shit and went to bed
> could not sleep,
> fuck it, drive to work.
> arrive at the office at 04:30
> I can scream stupid shit and noone would hear
> *grin*

Hey everyone,

For about the last 24 hours, there was unfortunately an issue with the algo feed where scrolling did not show more rants. This has now been fixed.

One of our background queues stopped processing for some reason which caused rants to not properly get marked as read for algo.

If you notice any other issues with this, please let me know. Thanks!

I haven't told anyone I know yet but yesterday I got a call from a user and she asked me if I could come down and take a look at some software I support. I did and fixed the issue.
She then asked if I could take a look at her computer because help desk and PC team had tried to fix and couldn't.

5 minutes later I fixed it (every site she went to gave cert error in both chrome and ie). I stood up and there was a couple seconds of me and her just facing each other not saying anything. She was smiling ear to ear the whole time. (This issue was weeks old I think). Then she walks towards me......

And hugs me.

User: We have been dealing with this bug for a month now! How come nobody has fixed it?

Dev: Who did notify about this issue?

User: You’re not listening we have been dealing with this for a MONTH!

Dev: When this issue first occurred did you tell anyone?

User: Yes!

Dev: Who?

User: …. Ok I don’t remember but I know I said something to someone. Anyway it doesn’t matter, your job is IT so how come this isn’t fixed?

Dev: Did you have an email? Ticket number? Teams message? Any record of where this was dropped?

User: I think you’re missing the point. We haven’t been able to do out jobs for A MONTH. We’ve just been sitting around completely helpless. We’ve been trying to figure a system using paper and pencil to replace the electronic one but it’s too complicated. How come this wasn’t fixed the second it happened?

Dev: It’s hard to respond to an issue if it’s not brought to out attention.

User: Ok but we are too busy to create a ticket! We have a million things to do and we can’t do any of them because your app doesn’t work! We’ve been sitting here telling each other how terrible this system is AND IT HAS BEEN A MONTH.

Dev: …. Yeah I got that

Wife - my site is not working, everything in the code looks correct. But it is only throwing me 404 all over

Me - "blaming the teacher for giving bad shit"

Wife after googling - I fixed it, you have forgot to enable .htaccess in the virtualhost

FFS how long have I been this stupid?

Manager: Have you fixed the problem?

Dev: What’s the problem?

Manager: We’re not here to discuss problems we’re here to discuss solutions!

Dev: …

Dev: Ok issue fixed, you just need to log out and back in again on your end to receive the fix

User: It’s still not working

Dev: Did you log out and in again?

User: No why would I want to do that?

Dev: It’ll reset your locally saved login information which is causing the issue

User: I thought you said the issue was fixed?

Dev: On our end yes, we just need you to reset your end in order to receive the fixed version

User: Look I have been dealing with this issue for 6 months. Fixing bugs are your responsibility. I have too much to do, you have to get this fixed. *click*.

Dev: Yeah you submitted the bug ticket yesterday night though

Email from users manager later that day: <User> is saying you are refusing to fix this bug. This is unacceptable. Fix it or else I will escalate this. Also there are other bugs we noticed today too, fixing them is absolutely critical!

Dev: …

Dev: What other bugs did you notice?

*no response for 2 weeks and then:

User: Hey you can close this ticket, the issue seems to have resolved itself.

Dev: ….muppet.

Hey everyone,

Unfortunately earlier tonight some code was deployed with functionality only compatible with the new version of the devRant app that will be coming out early this week. It caused some weird issues where normal rants would be rendered as collabs causing them to not show up correctly.

This happened when going to rants from the feed (fixed earlier) and going to rants from push notifications (fixed a little while ago).

If you notice any of that behavior still occurring please let me know, thanks!

Apologies for the weirdness and missed notif activity for those who were impacted.

Newspaper: This CEO is one of the top entrepreneurs in the country, a true tech visionary shaping the future.

--- 3 months previous ---

Lead dev: O2 have said they are will pre-install the app on all their Androids but they need documentation from us.

CEO: documentation? on what?

Lead dev: Our unit test coverage, bugs found / fixed, security scan results, performance assessment, if and where its storing any data etc.

CEO: Ah were not doing any of that crap, bloody unit tests, its not necessary, tell them no.

lead dev: ..... eh ok

O2: *approved*

... true visionary, well done to everyone involved.

Hey everyone! Recently there was a bug discovered which caused many (but not all) “user x posted a new rant” subscription notifs (both in-app and push) to not get sent out for the last week or so. It should be fixed now. Unfortunately though, they won’t be backfilled, so make sure you take a look at your favorite ranters’ profiles since you might not have been notified about their most recent rants.

A big thanks to @gitpush for reporting the issue and thanks to @linuxxx for help testing/confirming the fix worked.

For the basic cause: when we overhauled/fixed push notifs on Android in the last build (about a week ago), we had to convert to FCM. When a “user posted rant” notification was getting sent out, the asynchronous worker would process all of the subscription notifs in a loop. So for users who have a lot of subscribers, somewhere in the loop, something was failing, likely having to do with the new FCM send method. This is now fixed and all push notifs in that worker are also done asynchronously.

Let me know if you have any questions and apologies for the loss of subscription notifs!

Ex-coworker of mine fixed this bug a week after the site was launched and has gathered several thousand users in database.

Yep its exactly what you think it is, each time one user would update its infos, it would update his infos to all the users in the database.

Luckily I was not in charge of the project in that time, so it was really fun to watch how everyone's name was changing every couple of minutes for a whole week :D

We had a short power outage this morning. 30 min later I got an "urgent" call that someone's "computer" was not working in another branch of our company.

Not one person in that branch could figure this out so after them repeatedly messaging and calling me for around an hour I decided to come over.

I found out that the power wall plug to the monitor has a switch on it which this person accidentally kicked...

I fixed his problem in around 20 seconds. This same employee was one that somehow had his email account previously "hacked" and 8000 phishing emails were sent from his account in 1 hour.

I honestly think it is amazing people like this can even use a computer at all...

- My client on regular day.

U can manage your tasks by your own. App looks stable and you are doing well.

- Same client when I'm on Vacation

This thing is not working, that thing is not working. This is do or die situation for us. you have to cancel your vacation plans.

- Same client after I come back from vacation in which I wasted precious hours of my vacation time and fixed all the bugs.

I didn't release your changes yet coz I wanted to release it together with you. I was like "THEN WHY THE FUCK YOU RUINED MY VACATION" -_-

QA: Please Look at this Defect.
Me: Okay not a problem!
QA: Thanks
Me: <Starts to look at Defect>
QA: 2 mins later. Do you have an ETA on when it will be fixed?
Me: Not yet, I'm still looking at it.
QA: Do you know what time it can be fixed? I have a deadline.
Me: I don't know what's wrong yet, I can't tell you when it will be fixed if I don't know what's wrong.
QA: Okay. Update Me.
Me: Opens Dev Rant.

I'm seriously considering never doing fixed rate projects for clients ever again. The conversation will likely go like this, though:

"How much to build my website?"
"$100/hour."
"Sorry, I don't think you heard me correctly. I asked how much to build the whole website."
"$150/hour"
"Wait, you changed the rate! Why won't you give me a fixed cost?"
"Why won't you pay me for my time?"
"Because I can get it done for a cheaper fixed cost somewhere else!"
"But how do you know that's actually cheaper?"
"What do you mean?"
"We pad fixed price projects precisely because we fear not being fully paid for our time."
"Oh."

Rant rant = new Rant
rant.isRant = false // !!!

I woke up this morning after not thinking about my code for a day, and realized i had a flaw in my validation design. I fixed it before opening my eyes.

It's kind of amazing how not thinking about a problem can help solve it. Even if you don't know it's there!

Friend brings over a Windows 8 all in one laptop.
Friend: Can you fix my laptop
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: I thought you worked with computers.
Me: I do... but I'm not tech support
Friend: Please?
Me: (reluctantly) Fine.
*many hours later after attempting to get the PC to boot from a USB. WHY DOES THIS PC NOT HAVE A KEY TO ENTER THE GOD DAMNED BOOT MENU AND HAS NO BOOT ORDER SELECTION?????!*
Friend: Have you fixed it?
Me: No
Friend: You suck at computers
Me: ....

Never spoke to him again.

A repressed memory just popped into my head:

At my former job I tried to explain a problem I was having to the tech lead. Then, without fully understanding the problem, he decided to rewrite my code that I had been working on for weeks. His code, that took him 2 days to write, went straight to master without peer review.

He introduced about 10 regressions…

Queue the client meeting where the client says “These bugs came back, and we thought they were fixed already…” (They demo the bugs)

So obviously I say “I’ll let Techlead address that one.”

He just mumbles some stuff, and goes quiet for the rest of the meeting. Finally, when the meeting was wrapping up we hear “It’s Fixed!”

Everyone was like ???

“That bug from earlier, it’s fixed, it should work now….”

Would you believe this guy decided to code during the entire meeting, clearly missing important feedback and information that would help him understand the problem. Again, pushing to master without review….

Not to mention that we were talking about 10 regressions…

Did you even test the code?

Yes I did.
You found one bug.
Not the 150 I fixed.

Dev checked in code (I suspect purposely not inviting me on the code review invite) saying he "fixed" the authentication bug in the web service.

Um no, like I told you last week, the authentication error is because the load balancer wasn't passing the user's authentication to IIS.

If I didn't overhear him telling a user "Still getting the error? I don't know, we might have to re-write that service", he might have gotten away with it.

Me: "Wait, that doesn't sound right. If I hit the server directly, authentication works. Its an issue with the load balancer, not the service"
Dev: "Admin said the load balancer is fine and it has to be the service."
Me: "I don't buy it. IIS is returning the authentication error, not the service."
Dev: "I added exception handling and nothing is being logged. Must be something in the service configuration."
Me: "No, IIS performs the authentication, not the service. I explained that last week, remember?"
Dev: "Oh yea. What changes do we need to make to the service?"
<my blood pressure starts to spike>
Me: "None. Give me a sec.."
<we have other apps on the same server farm that work just fine, so I re-configure the service pool settings to match theirs>
Me: "See, now going through the load balancer, the service works fine. For some reason, the admin had our service set up differently."
Dev: "OK, I'll let the users know the service is fixed."
Me: "Service was never broke and I'm not leaving it in its current state. In the morning I'll talk to the admin and see what he can do to fix."

Taking "fixing a bug in your head once you walk away from the machine" to a new level.

Fixed a bug, checked it in. Happy.
Go to a meeting 5 minutes later. 10 minutes into the meeting have the sudden realisation that the bug fix was wrong and while it would fix the issue it would break something else.

Anxiously sit there for 50 more minutes not really paying attention because all I can think about is that sucker being auto deployed to our Dev server.

Managed to fix it and get it committed without anyone noticing but FML.

a stored XSS vuln in a banner-like component, visible in ALL the pages in the portal. Anyone can attack anyone.

HOWEVER this was not discovered by 3rd-party security specialists during latest security audit. I have escalated this to my manager and got replied that unless client actively requests this to be fixed should I do anything about it.

FFS.. it's only 2 lines of code.. And there's nothing I can do about it.

Eventualy I was transfered to another project. Now it's not my problem anymore.

Client: We are tired of having to go only to specific users to get things actioned, we need everyone to be given admin access so that we can get work done efficiently

Dev: Highly do not recommend that *outlines the likely consequences*.

Client: We don’t care, we DEMAND you do this. We’ll make sure everyone is careful.

Dev: Ok but I warned you. Please submit this request in writing.

Client: Ok, not sure why you would need that. I told you everything would be fine.

*Not even two days later*

Client: HELP!!! OUR DATA IS NOW COMPLETELY MESSED UP. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT WOULD HAVE CAUSED THIS IT’S AS IF EVERYONE IS RANDOMLY DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT HOWEVER THEY WANT IN ORDER TO SUITE THEIR OWN NEEDS. IT MAKES NO SENSE HOW THIS HAS OCCURRED. I TOLD EVERYONE SPECIFICALLY TO NOT CAUSE ISSUES!!! WE NEED THIS FIXED A.S.A.P!!!!!!

Dev: …

I hate the feeling of not being able to get shit working and it's time to sleep but you don't want to sleep until it's fixed

To me it seems that Software eng has become a „I wanna get rich“ thing..

Too many idiots do it and think they’ll get tons of money..
Not that many new geeks because of that..

Also, I feel like the mentality has switched from quality oriented to shiny oriented..
3/4 of new Software i use contains serious bugs that don’t get fixed because it takes time..

senior devops in the school IT dep: "gcc is not working, it keeps telling theres no input files when there is, and its failing most of my builds"

are you sure sir? Give it another go

(Meanwhile my friends managed to sneak a "fixed image")

see? it works.

Senior Devops: " I swear it didn't work"

(we giggle)

check the last build's .bashrc

>alias gcc= (the error message e was referring)

Senior Devops: "MOTHERFUCKERS"

Actually its just your infra that we pushed the image to, school infra is unaffected

I mean it was fun while it lasted.

How tf does these even make sense?! That's a fucking sledgehammer and large metal chisel on fucking steroids. If your parents don't know what the fuck those are and realize they have nothing to do with fixing a relatively flimsy box (in comparison) they probably need more than their WiFi fixed, but since they managed to fucking raise you, I doubt they're that dumb. I get that parents might not always understand technology, but shit, at least respect the fact that they survived without the Internet, which you probably couldn't do...

Did anyone feel like IT is the thing in college not a lot of people really cared about?

Friend 1: "im going for chem engineering"

Everyone: *applaudes*

Friend 2: "im going for medicine"

Everyone: *applaudes*

Me: "im going for IT!"

Everyone: "uh, what about you Friend 4? What did you take?"

...

And i dont just mean it socially, the university doesnt pay much attention to us until they need something fixed or needs us to make something more convinient for them.

This one guy on my team had like 10 commits to a single file over a day with all kinds of wild changes.

Build is broken most of the day (not mine but whatever).

Finally, at end of day he says it is fixed.

I diff the first and last changes.

Copyright changed...wtf

Deepin is sexy. Made me horney
Who want a Mac now

Though I did had trouble with my PppoE internet connection,which wasn't working in ubuntu and in Deepin majority of sites were not loading, but I had fixed it (MTU )

WTF!
Linkedin stories..

this is not Instagram or Facebook or any of those sites.

Linked in is for Companies and yourself to have a public CV in a fixed format that for everyone is the same and easy to understand! F#CK!!

Here's a conversation I had at work:

Me: "this project that I've inherited, aside from the UI problems it has, it also has severe code problems that need to be fixed"

Project Manager: "I don't care about the code. The code is not my concern. Don't waste time on it and just make the app look good."

Commit Message Part2:
6528fff Code was clean until manager requested to fuck it up
241b35f Who knows WTF?!
4381a32 Argh! About to give up :(
c3bf1a9 more debug... who overwrote!
2d68d6d Fixed a bug cause Maciej said to
b112c1a This branch is so dirty, even your mom can't clean it.
bb456d4 Shit code!
4878b46 Copy-paste to fix previous copy-paste
e2c7e87 A fix I believe, not like I tested or anything
f56109f derpherp
e4b8f4c formatted all
3691208 I'm just a grunt. Don't blame me for this awful PoS.
0888b69 just checking if git is working properly...
62741aa I'm too old for this shit!
0735196 COMMIT ALL THE FILES!
09caccf I CAN HAZ PYTHON, I CAN HAZ INDENTS
1e1cda8 giggle.
ab70bde Fixed errors
934436d Now added delete for real
5f84e30 My bad
99baff8 CHRIS, WE WENT OVER THIS. C++ IO SUCKS.
953473d final commit.
f0c3b57 Just committing so I can go home
4e5ce4e yolo push
deb4e3b I CAN HAZ PYTHON, I CAN HAZ INDENTS
710c06a Commit committed....
3c45e67 it is hump day _^_
4487788 Committing in accordance with the prophecy.
bf86e7e This solves it.
4804f68 FONDLED THE CODE
051d42e REALLY FUCKING FIXED

I just sent an email to a client about a bug fix with Bootstrap 3 Date/Time Picker, which was not working with Firefox and Safari.
My email was like this "The bug has been fixed and it will work on most browsers except IE and Edge."
He replied "Great!! I don’t like internet explorer anyway…"

I love these kinds of clients.

Riverbed...the software cost USD $120,000+ and their support was horrible.

Tickets would go unanswered.

Their documentation was pretty good but there were parts that were wrong and they would not fix it.

They would usually close an issue because it was opened by someone else 5 years prior and hadn't been fixed.

The several years I used it their releases consisted of no tangible code enhancements.

Several times we provided very simple reproducable issues and there response was basicly "just don't do that".

That feeling when your boss calls you clever not because of your programming skills, but because you fixed a trivial Excel issue for him.

Created a whole program from scratch in Powershell, while learning it on the fly. Developed GUI and got some friends to beta test it. Fixed bugs and finally the manager saw. After using it for not even a whole minute, he says "Looks fine, just make it in Python and we'll see".

FML
Fuck Python
Fuck this shit stupid world

I'm a lead Dev on an agile team. We were just handed a fixed scope, fixed date project. On Monday, instead of helping push this out, I get to have a meeting to explain how throwing more bodies at it will slow us down.

"No! We are not code monkeys! Knowing JS and Java isn't the same as knowing our application. Stop fantasizing that it's a simple manpower issue and leave us alone so we can work these fucking nightmare timelines in peace!!"

I'm looking for a better way than that to explain it to the Sr management for the business so I don't get fired.

QA : There is a bug, come at my desk now !
Me : I'm busy on some feature, can you make an issue on Jira I will fix it later.
QA : NO! It's a major issue
Me : Ok... I come.
* 3 hours later *
QA : I just created you the Jira you asked
Me : I told you, the bug is already fixed since 2 hours
QA : yeah but I will not test it until you mark the issue as done on Jira

.... Are you kidding me ??? So you interrupted me in my work two times for one stupid issue...

Boss: we follow scrum here
Me: yeah, tell that to those shitheads who call themselves "product managers" and throw whatever features they want at us at the middle of the sprint with a fixed deadline, not regarding the team capacity.

10 hours later: I might have not fixed the bug, but at least my code looks presentable

Everytime 🙄
Client: it's not working.
Me: what isn't
Client: the app video and link thing locator
Me: device and spec ? Like I always need
Client:iPhone
Me: yes. What one and what version of iOS
Client: urm 6s iOS 10 something
Me: great 😏 not broken for me
Client: well everyone is complaining so we need it fixed.

What can i even do now 😐

In one of our webinterfaces you could swap between users once you logged in by changing the user in the link.

Not intended but our support is using this "feature" frequently because then they don't have to log in again when helping another client so it's not planned to be fixed

There was fire in the below ground generator, smoke pulled out, in home, alive. Electricity not coming, hope it gets fixed soon.
Thank god i am alive.
And i managed to save my final year project files.
Yay!

> Monitoring: Load Average of 57!! ALERT!!!!
> me: What? That's not possible?
> *Monitoring froze 14 hours ago*
> *sshs into server*
> *see attached image*

The issue was ~1200 df processes that were issued by our monitoring system and all of them didn't finish because the external cluster we mounted onto that server died a few minutes before that. Just re-mounting the cluster fixed it but still a funny sight!

When you know for sure you fixed a bug but client still say its not working.

During QA for a huge project when our dev team was confident of the stability of the project, We started introducing small bugs, QA team use to raise bugs in Jira, we marked them as not reproducible.

Frustrated QA started coming to our cubes - at this point dev team worked in a perfect coordination like a man to man marking in hockey. While one dev asked QA guy to reproduce the bug in front of him while the other dev has already fixed it.

Continued for a couple of days till our team lead was satisfied with the revenge.

.... And it appears my Atom has Entered the Matrix. Full time.

In other news, I successfully completed the E-Commerce App I was working on, even though that Stripe Verification was a ball ache and the bane of the entire project giving me a stupid bug in jQuery whereby it was infinite looping over adding the token and not actually submitting the card charge. Somehow changing my button from using an id to using a class fixed my problem :/ (# -> .)

So, California, land of no rain whatsoever.

Until today, where it actually rained!

Also today, a weather applet for tmux started misbehaving. Suspicious.

Coincidence, I think not! Sure enough, stopping that applet from running fixed everything. Turns out, the raining icon breaks the terminal, for some strange reason.

And why had this not been discovered earlier? This had been the first time it had rained for at least 8 months, and I added this only 4 months ago. Thus, it had never had its time to shine.

Yay for strange encoding!

Anyway, I now have a new excuse; blame bad code on global warming.

11:00 AM
Boss: *autistic screaming* Make this module not shit.
Whole team: Alright we'll have a meeting to discuss changes at 6:00PM

5:00 PM
Me: I'mma fiddle just a bit with this module.... *fiddles a lot* *makes it not shit*.... cool, I'll just notify my team I fixed it.

LiterallyAtTheSameTime:00 PM
OtherDudeFromTeam *in my dm-s*: AY YO DUDE I FIXED THE PROBLEM LOL 😂😂😂
Me: iGiveUp.exe

Transport management system support team:

Me: Good day, how may i assist?

Client: Hi, Can you help me setup my printer?

Me:* Sighs deeply with great discretion*

Me: Sorry mam but we don't do that here, we
only deal with issues regarding the TMS.
You would have to contact your IT guy

Client: but you are our IT guys

Me: *Sighs even deeper*

Me: Unfortunately mam we are not your "IT
guys"

Client: Well, This issue needs to be fixed

Me: Yes mam, yes it does *Hangs up phone*

# PROD

* 10 app instances running
* 1 instance starts burning up 100% cpu
* we ask for a Thread Dump (stack traces)
* we get a TD taken after they manually restarted the instance
* they: "Please investigate. We need this fixed ASAP"
* .....

EVERY FUCKING TIME!!! Not once in recent years have they managed to take a TD correctly. What kind of a retarded monkey do you have to be for this to not sink in for YEARS!

Who tf put those idiot monkeys there in the first place...

WHAT'S NEW

We removed some things that weren’t working properly, fixed some things that weren’t working properly, and added some things that might not work properly.

Just a heads up - there was a problem with the calculation of the "top" tab day, week and month calculations the last couple of days so there might have been some rants not showing up.

It has been fixed and everything has been recalculated now.

No other language can do something as fucky as javascript.

"7 high severity vulnerabilities"
$> npm audit fix --force
"13 vulnerabilities (11 high, 2 critical)"

How is this fixed?!

It will be a great day when JS finally prolapses under the weight of its own hubris.

1. high severity production incident was asked to look into at the end of the day.
2. needed fix in ui.
3. fixed and deployed in 1 hour.
4. issue remained. debugging began.
5. gave up at 1 AM and went to sleep.
6. woke up at 6 and after debugging for 2 hours, identified to be a back end issue.
7. worked with back end team for the fix, and 6 hours and 3 deployments later, it worked.
8. third party vendor reported they are still not receiving one parameter from us.
9. back end team realised they forgot to ask ui to send another parameter.
10. added the parameter in ui, redeployed ui.
11. build and deployment tool broke down. got it fixed. delay of 1.5 hours.
12. finally things are in place. total time 26 hours.

13. found half bottle of vodka, leftover from last weekend. *Priceless*

Actually I'm pleasantly surprised about Windows' stability nowadays. It's capable for running for up to a week with no stability issues, whereas systemd on the other hand.. let's just say that my Arch containers could do better right now.

Data mining aside, damn man.. Microsoft is improving for once! Is this the so-many'th unusable/somewhat stable switch? I mean, it's not like we haven't seen that happen yet! Windows 98, shit! Windows 2000, kinda alright! Windows Me, shit! Windows XP, kinda alright! Windows Vista, oh don't even get me started on that pile of garbage! Windows 7, again kinda okay! Windows 8, WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT START MENU GO YOU MOTHERFUCKERS?!!! Windows 10, well at least that Start menu got fixed. Then it got into some severe QA issues, which now seem to have gotten somewhat fixed again.

I'm starting to see a pattern here! 🤔

Client: we are using Scrum. Next week we have sprint review organized by the project manager.
Me: it’s not Scrum.
Client: in the next sprint we work on a mockup not releasable in production.
Me: it’s not Scrum.
Client: sprint backlog is changed again, at the end we must do everything that is written in the contract with that fixed amount of money.
Me: definitely not Scrum.
Client: we are using Scrum.
Me: Ok.

6 hours later, the call is suspended because all users went home. We can't recreate the issue anymore, but don't know that we fixed it vs not having enough people to recreate it.

Boss: we have to fix this bug.
Me: It is not a bug ..the server takes more time to send the response which cause the timeout issue . we may need to change the implementation to increase the performance to send the response quickly. It will take some time
Boss: okay can we fix this by today
Me: ya if we increase timeout to 20 seconds the issue is fixed
Boss: No we want the server to send the response quickly and we need the fix now

I worked for the weekend to fix it finally......Guess what ....the change dint go live since the scenario was not valid and will never likely to happen in production

Two of them, both are not very extrem.
Positive one first:

Meetings were usually not dead serious (unless there was a problem), everyone just joked around a little, made their actual points and got back to work.

Now the other one:
A client's QA staff commented "this bug is still occuring" on 5 tickets, without checking if they ever deployed the new release candidate.
They didn't deploy the new RC, so of course, the bugs couldn't have been fixed on their side.

Google: buys Android
Makes tons of $ from Ads
Meanwhile 7 year old bugs
Are still not fixed

A bug reported in 2012: recently created files are not visible when using MTP protocol.

Guess what? I still have this bug on my 2017 phone, like many other people.
Probably has something to do with file cache.

Because obviously 7 years is not enough to fix a stupid bug. Especially when Google is busy implementing all the other features nobody asked for except marketing department

I love it when people make a mistake and break something on their website then act as tho the are losing millions of pounds every second like they are going to have to remortgage their house "life is over", if it's not fixed in 30 seconds the world will end!

Then you look at their website and you think they probably have about two users every week, and the website looks like it has been built by a one armed monkey. Delusional

Being sick absolutely deleted what bullshit I can tolerate

- Searching through feed of jobs
- See 999$ Job with description "*platform* forced me to put a budget, but it's not fixed, tell me your quote and what's fair"
- Quote X$ with Y$ interview cost
- Get a message, write and then get the budget "I got offered 10$, 40$, .. if you can do it for 75$ it's a deal!"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, THAT'S WHAT THE FUCKING BUDGET IS FOR, WHY PUT 999 IF YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T SPEND MORE THAN 75 WTF?

A classmate's earphones once stopped working, I went to go look at it. After a bit of tinkering, I said, "The speakers on these are toast, you'll need a new pair." Then, some random kid grabbed the tablet mind you, and not the earphones, played in the settings, and said "Fixed." I then told them, "This is a hardware issue, not a software issue." What's worse? Some people said "So, software and hardware are the same thing."
Mississippi is just full of computer Illiterates.

I hate when a software update changelog looks like this:

The latest update is now available, update your software to get the most out of it.

I want a fucking changelog before updating my things. Like: fixed a bug, new button with cool new feature. Just something. I have to know. Can't just install something blindly that could ruin my software, especially when it's not reversible..

Not much of a story but about 2 years ago, I had just got to the mall (at its opening time so many shops were still closed). While walking through to find a place to eat while my mother went grocery shopping, my phone started buzzing. Upon checking; it had hundreds of notifications and emails. Our production server was malfunctioning.

Not much that I had to do, but I ran around to find a computer store to use their model computers to see what was happening.

However, while the problem was fixed, I did notice how friendly Mac stores were as opposed to windows dealers that day. Windows dealers did not allow me to use the computers while the Mac store connected me to wifi and allowed me all the time needed to fix my issue. 👀

Successfully wasted 4 hours then realised jQuery was not inserted..

jQuery inserted..
Bug Fixed.. o_O

To all you fuckers out there giving bad app rating because some shit does not work on your shitty phone and you are to fucking lazy to report the bug via the fucking "send log to dev"-button that pops up with the exception.
Go fuck yourself.
And to all the user whose bugs I fixed and did not change their Bad rating - fuck you too.
And oh.. The fucktards that did not even install the app and give a Bad rating because i am your competitor - guess what...fuck you.

If the project goes overbudget it's because you fucking gave away the custom made software for too fucking cheap.

Not because of the amount of hours building this piece of shit site which btw I was never consulted on the estimates and not even mentioned about the 2 different designs for the same fucking site or even how it needed to be architected.

As a contractor you depend on your time, not on a fixed salary. No perks, nor fucking swag.

My advice is if the company thinks that working remotely is a perk, then fucking run away.

A company contacted me about their custom ticket system not working

Then after asking them couple things they just wanted me to look at emails they found stacked and lost in the ticket system archive:

One clients ticket somehow got caught in between updates and hes been answering the auto close notification (each ~3 days because it never got closed) of the system, with ranging from "yes, thank you, I have solved the issue" escalating to "why dont you leave me alone, I have told you, I have fixed it, please stop", poor guy 🤣

Project Lead: “This needs to be fixed until Friday, no matter what!”

This is not how this works, that’s not how any of this works...

It is 10th December, but this "issue" was not fixed in 2 weeks (as screen says, happened 25th November). Noone bats an eye.

I'm an advocate of free software, debian specifically, hell my business runs on it!
But sometimes you just can't get around to use proprietry software. One of those is nvidia....

WHAT THE FUCKING MESSED UP NAGGING NARK SHIT NVIDIA!!! YOU FUCKING BREAK MY SYSTEM! YOU WONT PROPERLY COMPILE YOUR KERNEL MODULE, YOU BREAK MY X, AND ONCE I FIXED ALL THOSE THINGS MANUALLY(!) YOU HAVE THE FUCKING GUTS TO NOT EVEN DETECT MY SCREENS PROPERLY

WHAT THE FUCKING SHIT!!! NVIDIA YOU SUCK!!! MOTHERFUCKER DO I REALLY HAVE TO FALL BACK TO INTEL GRAPHICS??? FUCK YOUR FUCKING COMPANY AND ESPECIALLY YOUR LINUX SUPPORT

And no i am not planning to use ATI since they dont support EGL, what is a dependency for the gnome desktop...

I started a project at high school 7 years ago, I had no idea what's clean code or design pattern, just learn while keep coding. I eventually stopped because my code is so terrible I cannot understand it anymore.

Now, after 1 year of working, I look back those dirty codes and think it is actually not that bad. Within hours I even fixed a bug with concurrency.

I start to think, instead of learning to how to write good code, maybe I should learn how to read bad code. That's just much more practical.

About a decade ago there was a torrent site for audiobooks audiobookbay I think?, if you forgot your password to your username they would literally just give you a new password on the next page. Naturally being a 1337H4X0R teenager I found the username of one of the admins and got into their account on the site. I don't know if they ever fixed that but that was a serious wtf moment.

Edit: just checked this flaw has not been patched.

In 2010, it was my first client project. Our architect was not from iOS background, we had editable pdfs in our app. Those were pretty rich pdfs with inline HD images. iPads that time were not too fast and couldn't handle big gb pdf loaded into memory. App would crash randomly running out of memory. We fixed it by paginating pdf, it wasn't out of the world but considering it was my first mobile project and no one to guide, I thought it was pretty cool what we did there

Fuck the NBN - you aussies will know!

So apparently Fixed IPs are not a thing for HFC connections unless you have a business account.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Although I didn’t pay for a fixed ip on adsl and it states it’s “dynamic”, mind you it hasn’t changed in 6 years... so it may aswell be fixed right? Right?

Now I have to go explore DDNS with Cloudflare, looks like a api call on ip change will do the trick but urgh.

Ps: I finally.... made it to the nbn - well that’s next week...

only 3 years overdue since my first “NBN ready” letter 😂

I can only imagine what goes through clients’ tiny brains. Do they really think: “oh I know what will get shit done, insult the developer, his work, and demand things be fixed while saying the whole system is broken even though they have multiple times in the past demonstrated that it was either me using it wrong or an extremely quick and simple fix. I also have a problem with a few listed items in particular not the whole system, but I’m gonna insult everything.”

Fucking rude fucks!

Blaming someone and giving them a lecture on a bad code/bug then realizing it's not a bug or that I fixed it incorrectly.

The 'i am a total noob' feeling is real fiah like a mix tape right now. last week on a personal project i had the problem of placing a div within a div and the buttons not being clickable. i fixed it by fixing the positions of the elements. today the same thing but will a scrolling div and f*ck me right i just had to forget the solution. now i have been stuck for hours trying to figure out the right way and fooling around with no solution. learn your fundamentals.

senior dev cw: find this bug, would you?
me (20 mins later): found the bug, fixed, tested. btw it was bigger than we thought and affecting all users. shall I push?
cw: not yet, let me look into it.
(next week)
cw: find this (same) bug
me: -.-

So, a few words about this setup :
- I am not Portuguese, my girlfriend got this poster while on a trip
- The second monitor is very old and uses fluorescent tubes. It's shitty and not stylish, but useful at times
- Yes, I use a standalone scanner. Every multifunction printer I've had ended up suiciding itself, and suicided the built in scanner with it. A standalone scanner should be indestructible.
- The case is open because I haven't paid much attention to fans and stuff, so it gets pretty hot when gaming
- Talk about gaming : I dual boot W10/Ubuntu but use the original Gnome DE with Adwaita Dark (I love it). However, W10 is only useful for Lightroom and games. When Steam released proton, I decided to start using Darktable for photo editing in order to ditch Windows once and for all. That will probably happen in the coming months.
- I have not wired my home yet, so I use a router as Wi-Fi receiver.
- The top of the desk is not the original one. It used to be a glass one, but I didn't like the feel and it was too small. So I made a wooden one and painted it with paint my father had left over. However, it ended up looking hideous and sticks to the skin when resting on it for a long time. It has to be changed/fixed.
- The headphones hanger is just a big ass screw, and the headphones jack has been fixed at least a dozen times. I even changed the cable two times.
- The mic is shitty but cost only 8€ on eBay.

Windows...:
Problemsolver could not be opened because there was a problem...

Thanks! That totally fixed it🙃🔫

I made a Product in my free time (after work hours)

it's a SAAS thats supposed to be an add-on to apps and websites

Added it to my own apps (what better than Test in prod) and over months fixed its pitfalls n ngl, even im impressed by its core tech and resilience

But thats kinda it -.- Ik I should make a landing page and launch it etc but I lost the will the day the "core tech" was 99% perfected
Im a Product guy not a businessman T__T

It's the weirdest mental block ive had in a while ffs.

Fucking people, why the hell are you reading into things instead of asking for clarification if something is unclear?

So much time, sweat and tears wasted on miscommunication.

When I said, "there might be a problem in the way component X method Y was implemented", i didnt mean go refactor the entire code of the component. Why waste 2 days of work on unnecessary refactor that nobody wanted and breaks changes + the bug is not fully fixed 😤

When your non-programmer boss asks how exactly some code/bug was fixed.

"You sure? I mean, alright... "

It's not like every time something doesn't work right, this will be the fix. We're not going to have a conversation in the future where you help me troubleshoot something by remembering parts of this conversation.

Working on my website. Ranting on positioning my background which uses CSS perspective and translateZ to move slowly when someone scrolls.

Can't figure out a way to make it not overflow the whole document for almost 3 days.

Out of frustration changed the position to fixed.

And the problem was gone :( :D :(

I have no idea if I should cry or laugh loudly

I've known that users are stupid and should keep that in mind when designing a website. But holy shit that's ridiculous!!!

He said that "when something is not on the middle of the screen flashing then we are not seeing it!"

How the fuck would it look like if I will place the fucking menubar on the middle of the screen with flashing red and blue colors for you dumbass to see?? If you are that incompetent to look on the top (not to mention it's fixed) of the layout where 99% of main menus are placed then you shouldn't use a computer in the first place.

Or maybe my design is bad I am getting uncertain.

A colleague just hit his computer with a C++ textbook and shouted a verse that easily would have been bleeped out on TV. All this because he could not log into Windows.
Microsoft need not worry, they seem to have fixed any loophole for such bruteforce login attempts ;-)

When you get a project ready for launch and the client finds a huge error that has to be fixed first, except it's not a huge error, it's something they requested two months ago and forgot about.

Yesterday night, pushed code that work normally to prod server, website down, internal server error, too many connection to MySQL server, tried to fix it for 4 hours, nothing to do, removed the new code, still the same problem, in my head, I told myself that I'm not good at programming (not the first time), send an email to the host, they tell me the problem is from them and they fixed it. And now I know I'm not bad enough.

I really don't like billing time for things I am not really sure how to do and need time to educate myself on. This happens more often than my wallet is comfortable with and I spend more time learning than making money. How do you go about staying in an estimate or fixed budget when something comes up that you don't know anything about?

Wasn't even going to do this but here it is.

Meeting to start every single day. Every day I have said what is assigned is not possible in any way. Nobody listens or cares.

Fast forward a week, my team is deadlocked with an issue that cannot be fixed. Morning meeting kicks off, topic gets brought up by me and the immediate response is, "Why have you or anyone else been looking into that? We've known for weeks that is an issue."

my first day with Linux.

1. downloaded the Ubuntu 16. 04 LTS and made bootable.
2. install it on my system.
3. after installing wifi is not working.
4. searched on internet with my phone and connected my PC with USB thetering.
5. now installed wifi driver.
6. now my Nvidia card is not working installed its driver too.
6.finally i look at my desktop and its looking really ancient and old.
7. installed gnome desktop and switch to it.
8. now gnome is not much functional so added some extensions like dash to dock, dynamic transparency.
9. now setup java and android studio.
10. after that android studio font is looking blurry. finally stackoverflow made my life easy and i fixed it.

now after all this my system is working crazy fast.. Android studio is opening in just 5-6 seconds.
really happy.. 😍 😍

When I point out something you did wrong. I do not care about the things you did right in the past year.

You did something wrong and that needs to be fixed. I do not care about how hard you tried, I just need it to be right. I'm not attacking you as a person I'm complaining about the end result being not good enough.

I constantly open devRant and check my notifications, but I have to learn that they fixed notifications now... I'm not that popular!

windows update bricked my touchpad.
rebooting bricked my keyboards.
reinstalling windows fixed my keyboards but not my touchpad.

this has been going for a week now.
i'm moving back to linux. maybe i'll try arch this time around.

fuck you microsoft.

ps: my touchpad seems to be permanently bricked.

YEEEEEESS! FINALLY!!!!
After 4 days trying to find why my build script was showing an error! I finally fixed it!

I still doesn't work, but, hey, it's not the same error message!

"Fixed. Works not as expected"

Today another story in this stupid company:
A freelancer created a feature to pay orders online . It took him 3 months (!)
Problem: sometimes people pay, but orders are not stored. Every morning, it takes 1 hour to check in db if the orders are stored, and if not, create them manualy
Yes, orders are created after payment.
Manager wants to fix it by creating the order before the payment, in 3 days (!)
Turns out that the freelancer has written a lot of obsolete code, I now have to clean up. 3 fucking months vs 3 fucking days!
And on top, the shoppingcart was stored in localstorage! (Already fixed by now)
Fuck this, I'm getting another wodka

Fixed a bug in a code wrote 11 years ago.
It took 11 years for a user to find a bug.
The user must have a prize: a Bug Bounty.
My Boss does not like Bug Bountis

Fuck me sideways. I work for a small business doing most of their IT work, a lot of which is in-house software development. Today I was working on a feature of our employee schedule system that I wrote and for the last couple of hours, my laptop (which is my dev machine) kept freezing up on me every ten minutes or so... 😬

Well, I finally found the cause, but only after running apt-get update/upgrade to see if updating fixed the issue. I haven't updated in a LONG time... Productivity is not on the agenda for today I suppose.

The Windows SDK was failing to install because the version of vcredist was newer then it needed.

The setup simply failed without saying anything about that. I had to see the log and find out that vcredist failed to installed with error code 5100 and find that out from Google how to fix that.

Why is MS like this? Why not just say that your vcredist version is too new for this program? Just unistall it and it will be fixed?

I just wasted 2 hours behind this. If my work never needed it I would never even think about using this.

Just wanted to fix one little thing. Ended up with 20 commits for 35 other little things, three branches and realizing at the end of the day that the one little thing is still not fixed. Story of my life.

You know how my 'about' here says I create features from bugs?!? Well if you didn't before, now you do.. :P

Anyhow, today the most bizzare thing happened.. Customer played 'reverse uno card' on me..

Meaning?!

They reported a feature missing on uat env, when in fact I fixed a bug they have on prod..

Not sure how I should feel about this, but it sure made my day! (: I just hope they will not open a bug report for this missing bug..

Long story short, my mama fixed the printer!

Well, more like she did troubleshoot.
Needed to print something and printer didn’t light up. Did some basic troubleshooting but didn’t work. So assumed it’s spoiled and thought would just use softcopy since document isn’t that important.

When papa told mama abt it, she went ahead and troubleshoot/setup for me to print. Even printed out a test doc, lol.

Then she remarked, “u’ve been doing software, that’s why not so good with hardware hah!”

Proud child is proud. 💪🏿

I have such little patience for the whole fucking “let’s just do it later” mentality anymore. Especially when it takes like 30 minutes or less to fix. Then a month goes by and everyone suffers from it not being fixed. Like I understand why they do so and why it’s important to just do the task. I understand there’s often no time to make huge improvements, but if you have time and you see a small thing that can be fixed, make improvements you silly little bump-on-a-log. Like have a little empathy for your comrades goddamnit.

OMG! the ancient one... amazon sells data mining book from year where not even computer existed.

FYI - if it's typo then not fixed for months

Not dev but I need to get it off my chest, first day back from holiday and I'm already stressed.

Today my company's travel agency made a mistake in my first name when booking me a flight. Once I received the itinerary and noticed the mistake I sent an email telling them and politely asking to have it fixed. They said they'd sort it out urgently.

~4 hours later

They changed my *last name* and now both first and last names are spelled incorrectly..

Seriously, how incompetent does one have to be to mess the very thing they were told to double check.

Android flow I’ve found(fixed in android 8, working on 7.1.1):
To make app uninstallable by the normal user make the app device administrator, add “android.permission.SYSTEM_ALERT_WINDOW” to the manifest and make sure it’s not granted by the user.
Now when you try to uninstall the app, it tells you to disable it from device administrators but the device administrator disable dialog is System Window handled by the app itself and if the app has this permission but not granted, settings will crash with SecurityException leaving the app untouched.

HR: good news! We're going to be moving your whole floor to a **newly renovated floor** in our main building.

Me (thinking): sounds good! It'll be all new and I'll be reintegrated with the main population, see young ppl (girls) finally.

HR: there will be no assigned seating though. Do you think you will have any problems finding a seat since your deaf?

Me: Hm.... should be fine... (Thinking: so no nobody will care if I work from home or not...yes!)

HR: Actually they said they can give you a fixed seat!

Me: wow thanks!

(Wait... Fuck... Did they actually review my low physical attendance rate so now if I become the only guy with a fixed seat on the floor, I will have to show up more instead of working remotely whenever I want (the rest of my team are in different countries)... I will literally be the center of attention...)

I'm getting to the point where every time I encounter a new bug to fix I die a little inside. So tired of stuff not working and as soon as I get one thing fixed another blows up. Unresolved problems and open loops keep me awake all night. I sometimes want to switch careers but what else is there for me after more than 2 decades of this? I guess I could flip burgers and mow lawns. The burger flippers make about what I made in my last job and the guy who mows my lawn makes twice that much.

Follow-up on yesterday's rant.

Boss hired dev-ops team to restore data from the broken server image. They said it may be completely impossible. Which will probably make clients want to kill us considering it's an government agency.

I wonder how large the contractual penalties will be considering they are almost completely incapable of working without the system and it's going to be few days until anything will be fixed.

Oh well, since no one bothers me it seems it's currently not my problem and I'm free to code ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Had two issues with my new Manjaro installation.

-Fixed DM getting stuck on boot by disabling DM
-Fixed touchpad issue by installing drivers

No fuss. Not much googling. Didn't fuck anything up. No Grub rescue. All my files are still where I left them. WiFi still works. This is a historic day.

when there was a client who was complaining about something and my co-worker told him that we'll fix the issues. my co-worker wrote it down and decided to fix it later. he never told us about it. he never even mentioned about that encounter. then one day, i was at work alone. the cliente went in and said, "is it fixed already?" and of course, i asked what was fixed. i checked it out and found out the issue was not fixed and it has already been a month. the client was so pissed off and started yelling at me like im the one who was at fault. in fact, the client stayed there for over an hour just to watch me fix it.

i didnt talk to my co-worker for a week because of that. everything he does just pisses me off from that moment on. he arrives late most of the time and he takes more breaks than anyone else. he fixes issues less than anyone else. i swear to god, if the company wasnt his family's, he wouldnt be able to find a decent job with how he acts.

i do not know how i fixed it, but it works so i’m done for the day.

any potential repercussions are a problem for future me

So I just noticed something.

When I am using my client when I am connected to LTE and not a good WiFi signal, the app hangs every time you want to vote on a post/comment because I didn’t make it non-blocking. This will be fixed in the next few days!

It’s amazing how experience degradation can be absolutely invisible depending on your connection.

If anyone is using the fall creators update of Windows 10 and wondering why they are not receiving notifications from devRantron, it's a known problem with Electron and Windows 10 FCU.

I will update the app again once the issue in Electron has been fixed.

I also recently released an update which fixes the "Post Comment" textarea becoming out of focus when you receive a new notifications. And some other bugfixes as well.

Okay, we fucking get it guys, you wish that you'd get changelogs with every app update and they'd tell you everything and blah blah blah.
Fuck off
We're the only people who even check, it's not worth the effort. Unless a major feature was added or a well known bug was fixed, the "fixed bugs" is more than enough for the general public.

"We'll reach you out soon"

This is a sign you got rejected without hurting you.

"How do you see yourself few years from now?"
Is a sign that your employer would end your contract or you get to be terminated if you say that you will not be in their company.

"What's your expected salary?"
If you went overboard, they won't accept you. You either lower it or never give a fixed salary.

God why did no one tell me about these sooner. I'm facing mind-reading interviewer/recruiter/hr just to please them.

My laptop has its own life...
I arrived at the lecture, start the laptop, black screen... Alrighty, might be the update from yesterday, I will just revert to the old version. Nothing... After multiple reboots and troubleshooting, I put my laptop down and go the old way of sitting down notes.

Then I come home after university and I'm set on fixing my laptop. I start it, it works perfectly fine...

I'm not even sure what fixed it..

I would say my biggest insecurity is not getting (enough) useful straightforward feedback from my boss about how I work.
I have a tendency to take a bit longer than others, but deliver code that rarely has to be fixed.
Some of it may appear overengineered but it really isn't... I just like it clean and not hacky.
There are times my boss seems like telling me subconciously that I take too long for my stuff, but then again, he is really happy when we deliver a big thing to a customer and it just works, without any bugs or negative feedback.
It sometimes drives me nuts. 😅

Deploying on stage.
Testing on stage.

Why does the issue persist on stage?

Testing on local. It is fixed!

Wtf?
Wtf!?
WTF???

Oh.

I did not merge my branch and deployed a new version on stage without any changes 🤦

It's Friday. I should go home.

Is anyone else get irritated while upgrading apps and seeing changelogs as:
1. minor improvements
2. performance boost
3. information not provided by the dev
4. repeating changelogs from the past few updates.

just tell me what minor improvement u fixed?
where performance is boost?
how can I trust if tomorrow you decide to add some malicious code.

I don't know but it really irritates me. Sometimes I don't even upgrade the app until they have something in the changelog.

Maybe because I am getting old now.

Went to bed last night with my code not working. Woke up, ran the app and IT WORKED! I have no clue what I did last night it's all a blur, but apparently I fixed the problem in my sleep. #SleepCoder

I have a first date tonight, but production is smoldering and about to catch fire, and it was my doing. I get 5 people coming to my desk every minute asking when's it gonna be fixed. my supervisors think I'm enjoying this because It's delaying a feature. I'm not. I feel like crying, and it shows.

🎶 It must have been a bug,
but its over now-ah-ow...
🎶 I'm not sure what I did...
but I fixed it somehow 🎶

Boss: here you go 3 tasks for your sprint

Days later with local server and db still not connecting on docker.

Boss: ya can we add a task on jira and get that fixed as soon as possible and see why its not working(feature doesnt work)

Me: you got it boss.

Me(in head): How am i ever going to finish my sprint for next Friday...

Created a simple bot for an online game using puppeteer.

After an evening (and night) of dev and debugging (quite some rejected promise errors), it worked fine and was ready for a 10-minutely cron job.

Fixed a couple bugs in the first three hours. Then started playing minecraft, which lagged like hell.

Opened task manager and saw a list of about 25 headless chrome processes. They had not been closed because of unhandled errors before the close method call 😵

Now added some basic error handling ☺

Oh my effing goodness...just went through the repo of an app we're working on and this new dev in our team saved his commits with, "ok", "done", "fixed", "another one", "arrggghhh!", "wow!"..."not complete"...for fucks sakes...DUDE!

> Moment you thought you did a good job, but ended up failing
> Times the bug wasn't actually your fault
> Times you took the blame for a junior or other dev
> Times someone took the blame for you
> Times you got away with something you shouldn't have.
> Most valuable data loss
> The bug you never fixed
> Most satisfying bug to fix
> Times where a "simple" task turned out to be not so simple
> Debug code left in production?
> Moments you wish you could undo
> Most satisfying optimization
> Have you ever been ranted about?

GIT LOG VERSION 110
---------------
a9c2934 I don't believe it
fb8d2e6 I am Root. We are Root.
6be9078 FINALLY FIXED THE FUCKING BUG IN THE CODE, DO NOT EVER EVER FUCK ME AGAIN YOU MARON
3d08a88 THIS IS THE FUCKING WORKING VERSION
013faed THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU ARE LOOKING FOR, GO TO A PREVIOUS COMMIT
af5d013 We'll figure it out on Monday
49e238b de-misunderestimating
a40351b happy monday _ bleh _
a5f345d Fixed unnecessary bug.
485a26a pay no attention to the man behind the curtain
c4fcbde s/import/include/

Not sure if this should be a proper rant about the reasons behind this, or a simple 'so much win' situation..
CTO asked how I'm doing with task xy.. my answer: mostly should be fixed, but I'm trying to figure out this zz thing.. It is so fucked up, I can't make sense of it.. before I could really finish the sentence CTO was like: shut up, don't tell me about it, we know, just please fix it..can you fix it? Please say yes..and don't talk about this anymore.. 😂😂😂

Today on "fuck Firefox": elements with display: inline and position: relative completely mess up z-index and nested fixed / absolute positioned elements. It's a known bug, it has open issues on bugzilla since 2005, but still no fix. IE 8 can get it right, but not Firefox...

Worked 2 weeks on hunting a memory leak on a product.

Ended up writing object tracker to find the leak(ironically it was in garbage collector). Found the leak and fixed it. It sounds cool but what I pushed was 9 lines commented out 1 line added for 2 weeks work..

Doesn’t feel very fulfilling to work for 2 weeks to comment out few lines. Only silver lining is that I might turn my object tracker into a library for colleagues to use.

P.s: not a linux or windows environment so tools like walgrind aren’t available.

lambda lambda lambda!

So I was tasked with porting a bunch of code to a new set of libraries a few years ago. I didn't have a whole lot of experience with the framework at the time. I just fixed issues with what I thought should be in there. I mean it compiles right?

Fast forward 4 years:
Coworker: Uh, Demo, this printing code doesn't work. A customer is complaining.
Me: I didn't work on that.
Coworker: Yes, you did...
Me: Oh, yeah, I remember that. I just guessed. I didn't know what I was doing back then. It looks like I am not waiting for the printer. I will put a lambda in there to notify when the printer is ready. Then another lambda inside of that to delete objects when that is done. Hey! I put a lambda inside lambda!
Coworker: Thanks, it works now.

Talking to my boss later. I had just explained how I fixed the issue:
Me: I put a lambda inside a lambda! Wait, I have a new goal. Putting a lambda inside a lambda inside a lambda!
Boss: Uh, I am not sure that is a "good" goal...

?rant
We bought an expensive middleware which helped development speed and stability a lot. Something did not work and after a week I located the bug in the middleware. Support was adequate and the bug got fixed after my report.
I'm not mad at the developers, because bugs happen, and this one was hard to catch, even with tests.
On the other hand I have to explain my boss what took so much time.
It really wasn't my fault, but I also don't want to shame the middleware company, because it will make it harder for me to buy their stuff (and I quite like their products) or even any software at all.

I came home about 1am and saw a bug in a small (unpaid...) project that had to do with timezones (see some earlier rants). Fixed it, got to bed.
A few days later I realized that a feature I implemented before was gone. Going through the git log I found out it was me in that night who removed it, by accident I suppose.
Not the end of the world but I was quite intrigued by my own drunk ability to remove a feature that had nothing to to with what I was doing and not even noticing it.

>end of the work
>me tired and want to go home to pet my cat, dog... and fishes or whatevs
>while shutting down monitors I was asked to help fix the bug
>fml
>ok, though I was not working on that part of the project
>fixing it and feeling proud
>today I got angry messages that it wasn't a bug and I shouldn't have touched it
>the person who asked me to 'fix' it did not understand why it worked in the way it worked (and I fixed it in the way he wanted it to work)
>ffs...
>I guess next time when I feel tired I should just be avoiding helping people
>time to think of prepared excuses

Our biggest competitor has just been hacked. All their sensitive data, including passwords and client data, has been compromised.

It is not yet in the news, but someone forwarded their internal communication to us. :D

(fixed mistranslation)

What's wrong with Mozilla?!

Savvy webdevs use link preloading to break up dependency chains for late discovered resources, and users like the faster loading as result. Firefox 56 started supporting that two and a half years ago. Turned out they had screwed up and it didn't work with non-cacheable resources. So Mozilla "fixed" that by disabling the feature altogether behind some config flag.

And they left it at that - still not supported. They even had patches, but decided not to merge them and instead try something different, some day.

Is Firefox becoming the new IE or what?

When you finally fully integrated an API, fixed the obvious bugs and want to demonstrate it to the client... and just out of the blue your API key is not accepted anymore.

The day has come where I was asked to fix some windows issue of a coworker (not an IT guy) at home. Some data sharing issue in the homenetwork.
Ok, told him I've never set up anything like this but could take a look at it.
Got it fixed after 1-2hours and he was nice enough to pay me for my time.
I'm not even mad, that is nice :)

While I fixed stuff for a friend multiple times who is richer then me who can't take me to the next tram stop by car after a meeting since it's not on her way. Damn.

I remember our PM/GM used to give us a website name and one line of website description, then he disappears to attend meeting outside the company. His phone is switched off most of the times and he doesn't reply to messages or emails.
2 days later, which is our fixed deadline for a website, he comes and says why the website is not up yet!

Note: One developer for one website and the developer has to design, write content and code frontend & backend.

I'm writing c# code, does not work, wrote the same code in python just to see if I'm thinking the wrong way, nope, it worked in python then fixed the c# code...
I might be a c# racist or I don't know.

So we have an internal license server for intellij.
Installed idea, tried to connect to license server. It wouldn't connect.
Got at least, 10 devs and the admin to look at the problem. No one could find why it was not connecting.

After full 2 hours someone got the idea, came to my laptop and fixed it. Turns out windows firewall was blocking all requests from intellij.

Fuuuuuuuck

Used a wrong filter during loading of a table in ETL. Did not test and migrated to production. 80% of users had empty reports.
Had to stay awake till 4AM to get it fixed.
Realized an important lesson -

' A test in time saves nine'

Fixed a high priority bug today just prior to release. There was 100% test coverage. The tests pass both before and after the change. The product behavior is correct now where it wasn't before. Just one more reminder that test coverage does not equate to either quality or correctness. Tests are alarms (at best), and quality of tests are no better an any chunk of code. All tests have costs, but not all have value. All reasons why I am skeptical of the value of code coverage, TDD, or anything that posits that "all tests are good".

> # Changelog
>
> ## x.y.z
>
> - Added something
> - Fixed something
> - Other changes

'Other changes'?! What other changes! Either tell me what they are or don't even add it, considering usually not every little thing is listed in the first place..

@dfox

Just a suggestion, when scrolling down on a user's profile, their user information should scroll up too along with the 'rants/+1's/comments' tabs and then those tabs stay fixed while the user information hides. Sort of like what Twitter does

There's not much room to view the actual content with all the user information in the way. Of course once we scroll back up, it will then reveal the user info again

:-)

I really like that a lot of people in construction work just dont take anyones bullshit. If someone fucks up, it gets fixed. Sometimes with a lot of cussing.
Meanwhile as a programmer if you call out anyone or anything for doing something wrong, you get immediate backlash cause of it. Its a lot like that you are the problem for calling it out and not the one who caused the problem in the first place.

For the love of the God and compiler. Why do tech companies keep putting finance people in charge of operations?

Everything gets reduced to a value in a spreadsheet and ifsum<pretendprofits it’s a problem.

Company just closed $40m in funding and here I am quibbling about fixed costs with some MBA holding jackass to get $200 so I can equip my team with a licenses for a better IDE.

I’m this close to saying fuck it, buy independent licenses and then expense it back to the company. It’ll cost more than bundling but that’s why I’m not in finance.

Most frustrating? Anything involving IE, but that's a safe answer. No, my most frustrating experience (to this day) is getting tables to behave responsively on mobile screens. Not easy when the tables in questions contain dozens of columns with hundreds of rows and mostly rely on fixed widths to render the text the way the client wants. So if you have a client who doesn't understand how hyphenation and word break work, I know how you feel.

So the other day, I was working on some Python project when there was this bug that kept transforming. Like seriously, I would turn from "bool not defined" to "function does not exist" to literally "file does not exist"... within the FILE. And when I fixed them, new bugs kept popping up, and I couldn't find anything that was a problem. Nothing. There was this one function in there that, if I changed even the comments in there, would break. And so.... I turned off Atom and turned it on again. ( ha ) Didn't work. I restarted my computer. I copy pasted the file into another file. I used another IDE. I restarted GHCI. I restarted Jupyter Notebook... and after 6 hours... I found that it was because an if statement has a comparison between a bool and a bool, with a = in the middle. (not ==). I swear I almost threw the computer on the floor.

Having to work for clients sucks. They are so rude. "We sent an issue over yesterday and it's still not fixed". You think you're our only customer? You think this shit is automated and takes no time to fix? You think you have resources working on you stuff 24/7. You don't man. Get in the queue and be grateful a load of time and effort goes in to your website. Sit down and stfu. Ahhh... that's better.

bug comment in the tracker, from the new junior dev, during her first week:
"probably fixed by [other dev]".
Among the unhelpful comments, this was a special gem. really special. a What the Fuck did you mean by that special. Was it fixed or not? who fixed it? [other dev]? someone else?
it was better not to have any comment at all.
later that junior became a really good dev...

Off Topic Rant: so the condo I'm currently renting in have 2 elevators but only 1 is functioning. They turned off the other elevator so that they can save some electric bill. I doubt it is being fixed because it is still not working up to this day. Now there's a waiting time for the elevator because only 1 of them is working. Rathole and shithole Asian country I'm in.

You know what really boils my piss?
Clients who email in all caps.
"URGENT HELP, CAN'T RECEIVE EMAILS"
Followed by two lines of bitching about how this keeps happening and they'll move elsewhere if it's not fixed asap at 11pm.
WELL GUESS WHAT?
YOU MOVED YOUR EMAILS AWAY ALREADY!

Might not be the most active on github, but all contributions were accepted/fixed.

So, yeah it's been a month in the industry for me now. Rant time - I got mind fucked when I saw my teammate making a drop-down list which was editable, when I confronted him and explained him the disadvantages of that. His explanation is that user will not take advantage of that as the feature is for our internal use. But on a positive note he fixed it.

Had a Windows update the other day. Now hyperv isn't working anymore.

I fixed it but why the fuck does the update change the group policy settings? It's supposed to update the system not poke around in my settings!

Set up an account on cPanel to show the client their final product. Set the bandwidth limit to a low number so that the client can only view the website once and so that if something is not right, I can blame the bandwidth error.

After the client reported an issue, fixed it before resetting bandwidth limit.

I just fixed a bug I've been trying to fix for over 10 hours. "Email not sending in laravel notifications but sending with Mail::send". How did I fix it?

Changed "email_address" to "email" because that's what the framework was expecting.

How do I explain this to my client? 😂😂

When another "front-end developer" appends the entire bootstrap CSS file to your templates because it needs to align two elements. To templates that never included any css framework cuz i hate them... Then he asked me for help because it did not work... I fixed an invalid CSS file reference.

FUCK HIS LIFE

Spend hours debugging a python script because tests fail. Turns out ftp (the unix binary) adds CR bytes to every byte in a .gz file that looks like a LF on upload (in test setup). Client and server are both linux. 😭

Yes i know switch to binary mode (that fixed it - why not default??). But still WHY CR? Didn't ask for it. No windows in sight.

boss: someone fix these it's not working *3 problems highlighted on screenshot*

problem 1: something went wrong when updating the data, i fixed it in a minute
problem 2: not our problem, send an email
problem 3: wait isn't this the task *boss* handles?

First time in years I've ended up in my old pub...

Got a message from work:

"Can you please look at this order?"
(screenshot with badly synced orderlines)

*looks via 4G*

nothing wrong, was fixed by customer

quickly send a message back:

"Nothing wrong, might need to refresh your page. I see the products..

Oh, and cheers... I'm not at home for once..."
(adds pic)

"Sweet, I fixed story 1 and can commit! ...but issue 2 is pretty small, let me just work on that first so there's 1 pull request".

4 hours later, issue 2 not done yet, and I can't push push story 1 to QA until I finish it. I really need to stop doing that.

Today, I was sad because of a problem that I could not fix for the past month. I was so desperate and disappointed that I seriously considered switching career. Then mentor helped me fixed it. To say that I went ballistic is an understatement, I went intercontinentally ballistic.

How is everyone's day going?

Don't you love when there's a teeny tiny little bug in your code that's not very important but you want to get fixed because you're a perfectionist so you start inserting log statements and it magically fixes itself and stays fixed even after removing the log statements? So now you have to live in constant fear that the bug will appear again and you will never be able to fix it.

Abfjancnancnamxhajd fuck this, fuck js, fuck webpack. It was probably a fucking cache issue but who knows, fuck everything.

Honestly stack overflow can be helpful but what's not helpful is when some unresponsive asshole puts your question on hold because you left out part of the problem but doesn't respond to you after you edited the post and fixed the questions problem. Like fuck am I ever gonna get it answered or do I have to wait for this fuck wad to say it's okay. At least with asking on reddit I get responses. Fuck man I'm probably just gonna repost.

Product Owner (PO) the problem with this sharing widget it loads slow and people might scroll past it.
Me: ok. Let's make it fixed on the side of the page so that it's always seen, but not intrusive.
PO: No. It's not how the brand should look. And it might cover 1% of the skin ad. Let's make our own widget.
Me: that would require to create several apps on social networks and maintain the code internally instead of using a centralised service that many people already provide. You don't have the money for that.
PO: sorry I got distracted by this bird outside the window.