A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

My code just returned "ERROR: 200 OK"

It's only 3pm

!dev !rant - only very sad

I have been through the worst and saddest week of my life.
Sadly, it's getting worse every day.

I've been travelling around the world in my RV for years and haven't seen my parents for several years. Since I recently successfully completed a huge project and now have some spare time, I thought it would be nice to visit my parents. Everything went well. We were glad to see each other after a long time and had a nice day together. My father works as a security guard and had to go to work early in the evening. So I stayed alone with my mother.

In the evening my mother went to bed earlier than usual because she didn't feel well. I wished her a good night and wanted to surf the internet. But somehow I had a strange feeling (maybe a premonition) and after 5 minutes I went into her bedroom to bring her a glass of water and at this very moment she suffered a heart attack. I threw it all away and called 911 immediately. I shouted the address into the phone, screamed emergency, heart failure, unconscious while trying to start resuscitation at the same time. Fortunately, the ambulance was nearby, arrived in just a few minutes, pushed me aside and started the resuscitation procedure. It took more than an hour and dozens of electric shocks to even get a pulse.

The ambulance took her to the hospital for further medical treatment. I was in the hospital all night until at least she had a stable pulse.

As soon as I returned to my parents' house (the car was still warm, hardly 3 minutes have passed), my father, who had returned from work a few minutes earlier, suddenly suffered a thrombosis in his leg. The whole leg was slowly turning black. I immediately dragged him into the car and drove him as fast as I could to the hospital.

It's Sunday now. I haven't slept since Thursday and I've been in the hospital all the time. Both are in a coma, fighting for their lives. I thought it couldn't get any worse, my mother got sepsis and pneumonia today.

Now I have returned to my parents' house and pray that both of them will survive. Can't sleep even though I'm tired to death. Can't work, try to distract me somehow. Maybe I'll be able to sleep at least two hours. Then I'll go back to the hospital.

What a damn fuckin' week.

Funny story about the first time two of my servers got hacked. The fun part is how I noticed it.
So I purchased two new vps's for proxy server goals and thought like 'I can setup fail2ban tomorrow, I'll be fine.'

Next day I wanted to install NginX so I ran the command and it said that port 80 was already in use!

I was sitting there like no that's not possible I didn't install any server software yet. So I thought 'this can't be possible' but I ran 'pidof apache2' just to confirm. It actually returned a PID! It was a barebones Debian install so I was sure it was not installed yet by ME. Checked the auth logs and noticed that an IP address had done a huge brute force attack and managed to gain root access. Simply reinstalled debian and I put fail2ban on it RIGHT AWAY.

Checked about two seconds later if anyone tried to login again (iptables -L and keep in mind that fail2ban's default config needs six failed attempts within I think five minutes to ban an ip) and I already saw that around 8-10 addresses were banned.

Was pretty shaken up but damn I learned my lesson!

SELECT * FROM [fucks_given]

0 Rows returned.

A coworker was working on some code and wrote two return statements and asked a senior developer why the second value wasn't being returned.

Navy story time again. Grab that coffee and fire up Kali, the theme is security.
So, when I got promoted to Lieutenant Jr. I had to attend a 1-year school inside my nostalgic Naval Academy... BUT! I was wiser, I was older... and I was bored. Like, really bored. What could go wrong? Well, all my fellow officers were bored too, so they started downloading/streaming/torrenting like crazy, and I had to wait for hours for the Kali updates to download, so...
mdk3 wlan0mon -d
I had this external wifi atheros card with two antennae and kicked all of them off the wifi. Some slightly smarter ones plugged cables on the net, and kept going, enjoying much faster speeds. I had to go to the bathroom, and once I returned they had unplugged the card. That kind of pissed me off, since they also thought it would be funny to hide it, along with the mouse.
But, oh boy, they had no idea what supreme asshole I can be when I am irked.
So, arpspoof it is. Turns out, there were no subnetworks, and the broadcast domain was ALL of the academy. That means I shut EVERYONE off, except me. Hardware was returned in 1 minute with the requested apologies, but fuck it, I kept the whole academy off the net for 6 hours. The sysadmin ran around like crazy, because nothing was working. Not even the servers.
I finally took pity on the guy (he had gotten the duties of sysadmin when the previous sysad died, so think about that) and he almost assaulted me when I told him. As it turned out, the guy never had any training or knowledge on security, so I had to show him a few things, and point him to where he could study about the rest. But still, some selective arp poison on select douchebags was in order...
Needless to say, people were VERY polite to me after that. And the net speed was up again, so I got bored. Again. So I started scanning the net.
To be continued...

My wife asked me to clean, cook and watch the child.
When she returned home she started screaming hysterically and cry.
Who understands women...

So this other senior dev got seriously ill a couple of weeks ago and the project he was working on was assigned to me. His code was so aesthetic, loved his work, the structured code helped me a lot in meeting the deadlines. He returned a few days back and now the company has given him two weeks notice because "his pace is slow". I am frustrated, PM is frustrated. The guy is such a gem that he is still helping with all the new requirements client is throwing at us.

"We e-mailed out the wrong newsletter last night, how do we get them all returned back before anyone reads them?"
- Client

...I, uh, nope.

Wow, what a fucking mess this sunday was.
My boss wrote me an email that one route of a RESTful API we wrote for a customer was not working anymore and puking back a status 500 with some error mentioning invalid UTF-8 characters.
Not one single person has had touched nor changed the code on production in some 6 months, so what the fuck could it be?

Phpunit did not give any errors (running only locally), the code had no syntax errors and the DB dump did not contain any invalid bytes (tested with a hex editor).

WHAT THE FUCK?!

OK so I started to comment out lines (all tested directly on production of course) until the error vanished.

Guess what was the culprit?
.
.
.
.
.
.
In the code (PHP) we used strftime(...) to get nice time strings. Of course we set the correct locale on the server, thus having months and days formatted in German.
So, in Geman there is this one mysterious month called "März" which contains an umlaut character.
Calling strftime generated the date with März in it, but the server locale was de_CH.iso-8859-1 and not fucking de_CH.utf8, so the "ä" was returned as 0xE4 instead of 0xC3A4 (valid UTF-8), which json_encode(...) did not want to swallow but instead threw an exception.

I just restarted my server. All pages returned 404. I spent over an hour debugging this, and eventually realised the php service wasn't even running.

Got very little sleep last night, not in a great mood to begin with. Came into work to find someone borrowed one of my cables that I need and hasn't returned it. It was wrapped around a few things to keep it tidy, all of which have been moved, stretched, bent etc. Now my battery is running low and he has emailed to say won't be in for 30 minutes.

Think the only reasonable course of action in a just world, is for me to strangle him with the cable when he gets in. I mean come on, whats the alternative? Still haven't gotten that pen back from last year ... this place is going downhill fast!

After using Windows for two years because of work and university, I finally returned to Ubuntu.
When I saw the logo while booting I felt that I have finally returned home.

And on the very next boot grub shat itself.
I am home alright. 😂😂

Appreciation post.

Fucking love Amazon even more now.

Story -
I created a new Aws account and they asked me to pay ₹2 (0.031$) as part of the verification process.

No big deal right?

2 days later, I got a notification saying - "Your account has been credited with ₹2.66"

Not only they returned me my money, but they also paid a certain interest with it too.

And the fact that they are taking care of their dev community (as if we are their customers) is appreciable.

Amazon - you bloody have my respect. I trust you.

No big deal

Yes I am a Linux user and yes I don't like windows and this is NOT a windows hate post but I've been a windows user intil the age of 15 and this is the one thing I still cannot wrap my head around. Fun fact is that I also talked about this with my examinator guy who is a 'hardcore' windows user and he fully agreed 😆

Whenever I was either at the start menu or within for example the downloads folder, when I'd put something in there or downloaded something and later on wanted to search for it through the start menu or the folder viewer itself, IT ALWAYS RETURNED AS 'NOT FOUND'.

Whenever I search for that fucking file, it always said that it couldn't find the damn fucking file.

AND THEN WHEN YOU SCROLL THROUGH THE FUCKING FOLDER IT IS RIGHT FUCKING THERE RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF YOU.

I've used many linux distro's and even OSX for a very little and it always works perfectly on there but windows ALWAYS fucked this one up for me and appearantly (according to them though) I am not the only one who this doesn't work for!

I still find this one very weird.

Dev: “Ughh..look at this –bleep- code! When I execute the service call, it returns null, but the service received a database error.”
Me: “Yea, that service was written during a time when the mentality was ‘Why return a service error if the client can’t do anything about it?’”
Dev: “I would say that’s a misunderstanding of that philosophy.”
Me: “I would say it’s a perfectly executed example of a deeply flawed philosophy.”
Dev: “No, the service should just return something that tells the client the operation failed.”
Me: “They did. It was supposed to return a valid result, and the developer indicated a null response means the operation failed. How you deal with the null response is up to you.”
Dev: “That is stupid. How am I supposed to know a null response means the operation failed?”
Me: “OK, how did you know the operation failed?”
Dev: “I had to look at the service error logs.”
Me: “Bingo.”
Dev: “This whole service is just a –bleep-ing mess. There are so many things that can go wrong and the only thing the service returns is null when the service raises an exception.”
Me: “OK, what should the service return?”
Dev: ”I don’t know. Error 500 would be nice.”
Me: “Would you know what to do with error 500?”
Dev: ”Yea, I would look at the error log”
Me: “Just like you did when the service returned null?”
<couple of seconds of silence>
Dev: “I don’t know, it’s a –bleep-ing mess.”
Me: “You’re in the code, change it.”
Dev: “Ooohhh no, not me. The whole thing will have to be re-written. It should have been done correctly the first time. If we had time to do code reviews, I would have caught this –bleep- before the service was deployed.”
Me: “Um, you did.”
<a shocked look from Dev>
Dev: “What…no, I’ve never seen this code.”
Me: “I sat next to Chuck when you were telling him he needed to change the service to return null if an exception was raised. I remember you telling him specifically to pop-up an error dialog ‘Service request failed’ to the user when the service returned null.”
Dev: “I don’t remember any of that.”
Me: “Well, Chuck did. He even put it in the check-in comments. See…”
<check in comments stated Dev’s code review and dictated the service return null on exceptions>
Dev: “Hmm…I guess I did. –bleep- are you a –bleep-ing elephant? You –bleep-ing remember everything.”

<what I wanted to say>
No, I don’t remember everything, but I remember all the drive-by <bleep>-ed up coding philosophies you tried to push to the interns and we’re now having all kinds of problems I spend waaaaay too much time fixing.
<what I said, and lied a little bit>
Me: “No, I was helping Nancy last week troubleshoot the client application last week with the pop-up error. Since the service returned a null, she didn’t know where to begin to look for the actual error.”
Dev: “Oh.”

I told these people that this issue would happen. Did they listen? Nooo

It'll be fine, they say. We likely won't be having that much data returned to the front end, they say.

Day of the install. Web Application attempts to query 68,000 rows of data straight into the web page.

*Surprised Pikachu face* when they are consistently getting crashed browser tabs.

And now everything gets pushed back and we're behind by an entire month because they didn't heed my warnings.

Oh, and now I have to pick up after them, and do some stupid work arounds that will likely be defunct in a month or two. 🙄

So I was applying for a research position in linguistic department, and had the interview today.
Prof: So you know excel right

Me: (show a project to him to prove I at least know csv file)
Prof: Ok so you know excel.

Me: Yeah kinda.

Prof: Ok that's good. Cuz right now we are using amazon Turk, and the data they returned, which are excel files, are not really the way we want it.

Me: Ok sounds like a parser can fix it......

Prof: Yeah.... the students in the lab are doing it manually now

(Dead silence)

Prof: Ok move onto next matter

After a long time in .NET and JavaScript, I have returned to Java today. I was quite happy about it for a few minutes!

Well one time, it was very awkaward.

My colleague went to lunch, and he was working on some website for international client.

So he left his mac unlocked, and as soon as I saw that I thought i would be cool to add click listener on body of page, and on click it opens up 100 tabs of porn. And I did that.

Before he returned from lunch, client called my boss, with wtf is happeneing with his site, and that it is constantly opening up porn.

What i didnt realize that before colleague went to lunch he contacted client to see some progress. And suprisingly I didnt know that his editor atom was automatically set up to upload website on save to dev server that client is currently looking.

We ofcourse told client it was the hackers :)

But boss wasnt that stupid.

Instant karma.

Would you like to smile for 10 seconds? Read this short story:
*Story begins*
During World War II, numerous fighter planes were getting hit by anti-aircraft guns. Air Force officers wanted to add some protective armour/shield to the planes.
The question was "where"?
The planes could only support few more kilos of weight. Mathematicians were called for a short consulting project.
Fighter planes returning from missions were analysed for bullet holes per square foot.
They found 1.93 bullet holes/sq. foot near the tail of planes whereas only 1.11 bullet holes/sq. foot close to the engine.
The officers thought that since the tail portion had the greatest density of bullets, it would be the logical location for putting an anti-bullet shield.
A mathematician said exactly the opposite; more protection is needed where the bullet holes aren't - that is -around the engines.
His judgement surprised everyone. He said "He said We are counting the planes that returned from a mission. Planes with lots of bullet holes in the engine did not return at all".

Moral: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.

Source: From the book -
"How Not To Be Wrong", by Jordan Ellenberg.

This one isn't as interesting.

I was probably 6 years old when I first used a computer. A commercial played on the TV about an online game called Fantage.

I wanted to play, so I begged my mom if I could use her Dell inspiron 5100. After hours of begging, she finally said yes.

I've never touched a computer before, so when my mom typed her password and left me alone I was confused.

I didn't know how to get to the game so I stared at the screen until my mom returned. She was annoyed and said to go on the internet and I stared at her. She was about to yell, but refrained herself from doing so, and clicked on IE before typing in the game.

She made me an account and then left.

I figured out how to use the trackpad and keyboard so I was really excited. Then there was a pop up box that said something like, "click OK if you promise not to give anyone your personnel information."

As the stupid kid I was, thought I was going to give her a virus if I clicked OK, so I stared at the screen until my mom said computer time was over.

I never got to play Fantage.

!rant
Colleague handed me an orange to eat it, I returned it with a minor improvement. She didn't get it.

My start at one of the Big Four (accounting firms).

The first two days of each month they organise "onboarding days" for the new starters of that month. (I so hate upper management buzzwords!) They sent me a formal invitation that looked like I was being invited to a ball with the royals, and they included the following super-smarty-pants line: "Dress code: would you wear jeans and t-shirt when you meet a client?"

And I thought: "I'm an effing hardware and software engineer for internal services. I will never meet a client." But I dressed formally nonetheless, and I went to the onboarding, and I hated every second I spent in those effing high heels, and don't get me started on how I managed to get a run on my stockings in the first hour.

The first day of the onboarding we sat through eight hours of general talks from senior employees who wanted to explain the "culture" and "values" of our company, but the worst of all was the three-hour introduction to IT services where they "helped us set up our new laptops" and taught us how to send e-mails and how to use the Company Portal.

On the second day, they divided us into groups depending on our speciality (assurance, taxes, legal, etc) and exposed us to further 8 hours of boredom related to our speciality. However, since the "digital services" thing was still new to them, we didn't have a category of our own, and we had to attend the introduction to one of the other categories, and I didn't understand one word of what was being said.

On the third day I finally went to my office and they provided me with a second laptop. It turns out that we engineers got different laptops and were allowed to manage it ourselves instead of letting central IT manage it for us. So I simply returned the laptop they had given me the first day and started working. However, for some reason, the laptop I returned was not registered, and two weeks later they started pestering me with emails asking where was the laptop "I had stolen". It took me 3 weeks of emails and calls to make them understand that I had returned the laptop immediately.

Also, on the two onboarding days we had to sign attendance, and since I forgot to sign the paper list on the second day, they invited me to the event the next month again. I explained to them that I had already attended the onboarding and didn't go, so they invited me again on the third month, and they threatened me with "disciplinary action" if I didn't go. After a week of lost time writing emails and calling people, I ended up going to the onboarding again just to sign the effing list.

In the end, I resigned during the probation time. That company was the worst experience of my life. It was an example of corporate culture so absurdly exaggerated that it sometimes reminded me of Kafka's Trial. I think they have more "HR representatives" than people who do actual work.

Just spent like ten minutes searching why my api always returned false.
I forgot, that I am using Java and therefore cant compare strings using equal signs 🤦‍♂️

Once I got zero in an exam just because I chose to make a function for a piece of code I had to use repeatedly. I went to my lab teacher and asked her what was wrong about my code to which she replied "This code is wrong because there should not be this function in this class". She was our lab instructor and turned out she marked us by matching our code with code given to her by our lecturer. I quietly returned to my seat and started thinking about how did she get this job.

Accidentally left a test line in an API method - the first line returned a 200 OK response.
It was a notification API for our payment portal, so when they complained our API didn't work our logs always said all was fine...

After an hour of listening to our help desk guys saying "everything in our logs says it's fine", I looked at source for 2 seconds, fixed the problem, went home, had a whiskey and went to bed!

Took me longer than I'd like to admit before I realized why my function always returned zero.
Too quick with the constructor it seemed.

Some years back I was working in a project that essentially dealt with all things related to foreigners and foreign affairs in Switzerland. You could manage entry visas, work permits, citizenship, international warrants, Interpol requests, etc.

One of the test managers (from client side - i.e. the government) was once manually "testing" and mixed up the production and test instance, to both of which he was logged in at the time.
The test case then ended up setting up an entry ban against himself, as he used his own name for testing...

Next time he returned from vacation the border control at the airport were like "Uhm, Sir, we can't let you into the country. Please come with us." :D :D

(He managed to clear that up in end, I dare say, though, that he learned his lesson.)

Epic team fail. I bought a mechanical keyboard, plugged it in typed one word and the team wanted to kill me.

I don't know much about keyboards, but turns out it had blue, very loud, very clicks switches.

Keyboard was unplugged, wrapped up and put back in the box ready to be returned.

I wish people would stop claiming their product is an AI when it isn’t.

Guy on product hunt today says his name generator is an AI. This is how he describes the process:

- first it passes your input keywords through fasttext

- we get a random sampling of the top 100 or so words most related to your input keywords

- the top words are used as the dictionary input to a markov chain word generator, which generates 10~15000 random words

- the results are passed again through fasttext, we take the cosine distance of the resulting word to your input keywords (by using the out-of-vocab feature of fasttext)

- the top 100 most relevant results are returned

And then they never returned back..

I working on Twitter Cilent for android as school project, and I made code getting the logged in user own tweets, but it not returned anything, and after one hour trying I realized I never post tweet with example account....

I'm 4 days old to this company. I spent 40 minutes debugging why the internet is not working. I asked the IT Guys for the support and they said everything is good.

So why the fuck is the internet not working? I rant at them. The IT Guy told me to calm down and then he will help me. So I calm down and again went to ask for help. He said that he will check it out after breakfast.

It's been more then an hour and he hasn't returned yet. I'm going to complain to the Boss when he comes in. This is not cool man.

User gives me a Mac to work on, States that it “only needs Microsoft office Mac installed”

Okay.

Boot up the laptop....

**Mac OS X utilities**

Hmmm, odd. Reboot.

**Mac OS X utilities**

You’ve got to be shitting me. Call user —
Her - “NO! It was working when I gave it to you, you fix it. I’m not paying to get my laptop returned broken. It was working when I gave it to you!”

Me - “I’m sorry, but it wasn’t. I literally turned it on and this is what it stated * read her the message*

Her - “I don’t believe you, you did something to my computer.”

YOU FUCK! THE FUCK I DID! YOU LITERALLY JUST HANDED ME THE GOD DAMN THING! Can I PLEASE curb stomp this bitch, please....

Just found out there is a "Hooker City" in Oklahoma.
How you ask?

Was testing for this weather app and expecting it to return "Location not found" but it returned the weather when entering "Hooker".

Don't you just love when your program finally compiles and runs error-free and...

It would be nice if it also returned what it was supposed to, but--

No, actually, there was this other hackathon I attended. The hackathon itself went pretty damn good. But as for the "experience", it was full of regrets.
You see, I was working on it for ~36 hours straight with the team. It was held in a warehouse sorta building. Weird place. But I lived nearby. So I finally thought (around 2AM) fuck it I'm going home for a quick nap, and went home. When I returned around 3-4 hours later, no one was there (even other teams). They all started to come back at around 7am all drunk, sweaty, and happy. Then I found out what happened. Apparently, there was a bondage themed party going on downstairs. And around the time I left, the girls and guys came up, saw a bunch of devs, and invited them all to the party. AND I MISSED IT!!! 😭

IT has returned to work and the servers are still working. The true Christmas miracle!

I am once again reminded how much of a clusterfuck C++ as a whole is.

They recently (C++17) added this cool new attribute called nodiscard.
You can put it on a function like this

[[nodiscard]] bool writeMessage(...)

and the compiler will check if the returned value was discarded or not, and give a warning accordingly.
Pretty neat if you're returning an error code and you want to enforce that it gets checked, right?

Except it doesn't work in template classes.
It just doesn't do anything there.

Anytime I have to deploy to iOS store. Part of the stack includes human review... Need I say more?

If I had a dollar for every fucking time they ignored our flagging to not put it on iPad, and returned with their review 2-3 days later saying:

"App UI did not run on iPad resolution cleanly."

Then having to submit an appeal and wait 2-3 more days...

Hello devRant,

This is already from a few days ago but I had to process the whole thing myself first.

It was a normal day at work nothing special. Customers came in got their repaired PC's/Laptops and brought some new work in. So I went through some and then I got to the case that is the most well unbelievable and shocking I had in the only 2 years doing this. At first it was a normal HDD bad sector thing and I started copying the old HDD to a new one.

//NOTE: the program we use shows every file it's copying and the sectors it spans //

Suddenly I saw a weird thing happening where it started copying tons of files from a folder called "mature/kids" over to the new HDD.
I noted the path and after it finished we returned the laptop to the customer and he luckily left his old HDD with us. So my boss and I we did some investigation and we'll turns out the dude has a whole library of childpornography.

tl;dr check what you copied and report such cases to the police.

Don't do such stupid shit and stay legal guys.

Which you all a great day/night/morning/evening/whatever

//EDIT: I ofc won't post pictures cause of obvious reasons

I never had problems with punctuation marks during coding, especially the notorious semicolons because I've always used an IDE, ain't gotta time to waste on compiler errors.

But today I meet my nemesis, a fucking comma wasted an hour of my precious time, causing my unit tests to fail in Python, my unit tests where expecting a list and the actual value is a tuple, it turned out that there was this trailing comma - which I don't know where the hell it came from - at the end of a function call that returns a list.

I only noticed this freaking comma after Pycharm indicated a conflict between the returned type and the expected type and underlined the culprit, that small invisible fucker 😬.

Thank you Pycharm and type hints in Python 3.

this is why, my fellow devs, you have to use an IDE.

PS: For those of you who aren't familiar with python, a trailing comma at end of a variable turns it into a one element tuple.

1, = (1,)

Whilst I was browsing the university website I came across a directory that allowed directory listings. Amongst all the .pl files was one named something.pl.old. Rather than interpreting the file the web server returned the raw source, including domain credentials for one of the network admins.

Saw this security blunder a while ago. Went onto some site and it showed me this username/password dialog (probably an apache's htpasswd or nginx one). Went away but returned quickly because I noticed I could see all content. Then I thought 'why the fuck not try?' so I dragged the auth popup thingy to the side of the screen and et voila... I could interact with the page as if nothing was wrong while the authentication popup was hovering above the page on the right!

I sat there giggling dramatically for a while.

I did it - I went outside! Felt strange, like Y2K and Maya doomsday would have been together. Of course I went out only during daylight because THEY hide in the dark. Infrastructure was mostly still intact, I've even seen some houses. Occasionally, survivors scrambling the area.

GPS didn't work so I used my magnetic compass. OK, it was because I forgot my mobile at home, but anyway. Should I take petrol with me so that I could burn my clothing upon return? Or would this attract THEM? Occasional gunfire in the distance. Might also be some pneumatic hammer, that's what the media would try to tell me.

The local supermarket had still trolleys outside. I took note because I might need them to bar the stairwell, along with the land mines that I still have left over from New Year's Eve.

Deserted cars standing around. Looked like neatly parked, but that doesn't mean anything. When Germans turn into zombies, their last human action is to park their cars. That's so genetically hardwired that no virus can override it.

Dusk set in. I better returned home.

That awkward moment you go from being the developer of an online store, to being the customer of said online store, and pray the ordering system behind the scenes doesn't fall over due to a bug you haven't fixed yet 😅

Here's something I never thought I would do, I just returned this weeks pay check back to the company!

Not a rant. Just a story.

So two weeks ago, a cat gave birth to two beautiful kittens in our balcony. We started giving milk to the mother and sometimes inviting the family to our house. The kittens are naughty charming. The mother sits for hours and sometimes sleeps while watching us do our chores (watching movies, coding, etc.)

Now, we live in New Delhi and Wednesday was Diwali. The family was playing in the balcony and we had to go out. So we locked the balcony door and went to have fun with friends. We didn't realize that people would burst firecrackers which could scare the cats. When we returned, the mother was very scared and (kind of) screaming. One of the kittens was missing!! We live on the fourth floor and I got scared too. We searched using a flashlight but there was no sign of kitten. After 30 minutes of search, We gave up. I assumed the kitten jumped from the balcony and might be dead. I tried to sleep but could not. Around 4 AM in the morning, I heard some noise. When I opened the door, the second kitten was there. Her mom was scolding (or so it seemed). It was a moment of joy.

Thought of sharing. This family has become our friends. Now I realize how cats are good companions.

Return to office, return of the haikus:

Returned to office.
Time for the daily standup
On Microsoft Teams. 😒

Oh look, a new fancy MacBook Pro 2018.

How come noone is talking about the extreme heat throtteling problem they have with the 2018 laptops?

They can't even hold their base clockspeed when doing compiling code. And they become extremely hot (worse then the last gen, which was already insane).

I know devs/creators/editors want the most powerful computer out there, but supporting something like this is just laughable.

Regards, disapointed customer who tested and returned the laptop after 2 days.

#7

The former dev tried to implement redirects. He created dozens of routes wich lead to a 'redirectXY' method within the 'mainController'. There he returned a redirect Instance.

😓🔨

It was a Monday morning, and I did what most people do - I got up late. When I came to senses, I realized I have an important client meeting today.
I ran towards my closet and grabbed my favorite shirt, but it was a mess, badly wrinkled.

But no problem, I decided to put this task on my old but trusty laptop, I waked up my laptop (Which has just celebrated its 12th birthday yesterday), it literally coughed 100 times as i opened 3-4 chrome tabs and android studio on it. Within a minute , my newly found laptop-iron become as hot as the surface of sun, i gently placed my shirt under it and in 5 seconds my shirt was looking brand new !!! I quickly got dressed up , while my laptop was cursing me at the back.

Luckily my meeting went well and we secured a new project, on my way home I was happy and satisfied that my oldy has found a new purpose of life as a makeshift iron.

I returned home, and to my surprise my laptop was'nt turning on....!!! I though maybe its tired from todays work so i let him rest..........

My Flask App all of a sudden started throwing 'Error 500 - Internal Server Error' pages at me for a new subpage I made.
I couldn't figure WTF was wrong because the method responsible for the page literally just returned the HTML-template.

After giving up yesterday night, I noticed this morning that I forgot the quotes around the HTML-file name...

While trying to integrate a third-party service:

Their Android SDK accepts almost anything as a UID, even floats and doubles. Which is odd, who uses those as UIDs? I pass an Integer instead. No errors. Seems like it's working. User shows up on their dashboard.

Next let's move onto using their data import API. Plug in everything just like I did on mobile. Whoa, got an error. "UIDs must be a string". What. Uh, but the SDK accepts everything with no error. Ok fine. Change both the SDK and API to return the UID as a string. No errors returned after changing the UIDs.

Check dashboard for user via UID. Uh, properties haven't been updating. Check search properties. Find out that UIDs can only be looked up as Integers. What? Why do you ask me to send it as a string via the API then? Contact support. Find out it created two distinct records with the UID, one as a string and the other as an Integer.

GFG.

I'm in the process of moving a web store to Shopify.

Today I was writing the product migration script and noticed about 10% of the products were missing their images after being imported, however no errors were returned from Shopify's API.

After 20 minutes of debugging I finally realized that some idiot uploaded some images in PNG format but changed the filename to a .jpg extension since our old CMS required a JPEG extension.

Wow i must have been brain dead when i wrote this code. Needed to exclude certain elements from response for the the list of objects.

for (obj : objects) {
If (obj.skipFromResponse()) {
break
}
add obj to response
}

I used break instead of continue at the if condition which meant it would break out of the loop at the first instance of condition being met.

This went through qa and has been in production for 4 weeks so how did this not break before. Well little did i know the list of objects was sorted and all the test data, qa data and everything so far in production coincidentally only had the last element with matching condition. This meant it returned everything correctly so far.

Today was the first time there was a situation where this caused incorrect output. Luckily as soon as I heard the description of the issue I remembered to check the merged PR and hung my head in shame for making such trivial error. I must have written way more complicated code without any problem but this made me embarrassed to even admit. 🤦‍♂️

Fuck you javascript and your bizarre Date object.
May your ass itch, and arms become too short to reach.

Spend a good hour debugging why this fucker:
(new Date).getDay();

Returns 3, when it's actually the 2nd of May.

Turns out the value returned by getDay is an integer corresponding to the day of the week.

(new Date).getDate(); it is, ಠ_ಠ

I spent 4 hours finding a good way to instanciate golang structures. Came up with a function that returned a value or pointer and I just kept reusing the nomenclature for an entire project. Then my buddy looks over and goes, "Ethan, you're a f****** idiot", and shows me the standard nomenclature. Now I have to refactor my entire project. FML.

(Edit: typo)

Ever since i was a little boy, i was fascinated by the stars in the sky and what made them shine. I used to wonder how our universe came in to being. What made it what it is today. What will happen to it long after we re gone. Will it die? Will it live forever? How big is it? Why is it big if it s big and why is it small if it s small. "God did it" was never a satisfying answer for me. God does not play dice as Albert Einstein said. So many questions went through my 10 12 year old mind. Until someone recommended to me the book, "A brief history of time". The book answered a lot of my questions and gave birth to more. Computer science is like my crush. I love it as a friend. But Astrophysics, its the true love of my life. It not only quenches my thirst, but it satisfies my curiosity, while making me more curious. Its an endless cycle. It teaches us that we came from the stars, we go back in the dirt, and only to be returned to the stars again.
Stephen Hawking, his work, his books, taught me so much. Inspired me. Made me more curious. And today the world has truly lost, one of its greatest people.
You will be missed Sir Hawking. RIP.

Dropped by my old uni to visit some friends. Met an old classmate who wanted to ask me something about his Python code.

"Oh, no", I thought to myself. "I haven't touched Python in so long, I don't know if I can help, and even then I only knew how to do menial tasks in it!", thinking how to save face and my image of "programmer dropout".

5 minutes later I realized he was mistaking a dictionary for a JSON string, AND was trying to access a dictionary in a list... in a dictionary.

I quietly fixed his print statement which incited an excitement "oh wow, it works!" and quietly returned his laptop. Fun day.

What.. the actual... fuuuuuck?!

Browsing through changes on TFS (yeah, yeah boo me for using TFS instead of git if you like, I don't care, most people use/prefer TFS here, so I conform 'to the standards'..)

Anyhow, going through changes, looking for the one where some comment appeared..

'a wild comment appeared'.. tadaaah!

Checked the rest of changes.. Hm.. Someone did a validity check.. that returns the 'false' if not passed.
// OK, great! They are finally testing their shit and fixing stuff..
But apparently then they decided it is OK to do all the shit anyways.. so WTF?!
Why even bother validating it?! Oh yeah, forgot... cuz in case it returned false YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO LET SOME STUFF HAPPEN!! But they weren't assigned with that exact task I guess..

TO DO:
- do the validation algo // fml, not going into how fucked up that was written..but it was horrible!
- do validity check where appropriate/needed
- test validity check and that it doesn't break functionality

+ check if the validation actually logically works?! nope, not on my to do list, not my job..

All done, better not actually do something that requires you to think.. :\

How the fuck that happened?! How can one person be assigned to check if something is stupid/wrong?! and when checking (&confirming) still lets the customer do that shit anyways?! What's the point?! O.O

You returned from your five-day vacation you spent in the mountains. You’re exhausted, but you feel awesome. After all, you climbed Mount Hood all alone, all by yourself.

As phones die in freezing conditions, you took pictures with your camera, that amazing views from the mountain peak, and everything on your way there.

You connect your camera to your PC. You open the pictures folder and realize the photos you took are gone. Instead, there are just five pictures.

Pictures of you. Sleeping in your tent.

Not a hack but more of an orchestrated attack. It was high school and our computer labs ran windows and all of them were connected to a central server. Now i had just learnt about windows api and how it can be used to check the space available on a disk. So i wrote a small script to to write chunks of 5mb files in the directory where TURBO C++ was installed and let it run till the system ran out of space.
Then in the spirit of conspiracy i added the said script to the central node and asked everyone in the lab to copy it locally and execute.
Then a few days later, the poor lab incharge corners me and say who added the ms91.dll file(do not remember the exact name😐). I said that it is a standard Microsoft dll and also how would I know. Then he goes on saying how he had to reinstall windows on all computers. At first I felt sorry but then the spirit of satan rose in me and I denied any responsibility about it and returned back to class where each of my classmates had a good laugh about it. 😂😂

Have a function that takes parameters and then performs a switch statement to determine what function to call next with those same parameters. One of those parameters is a Union type.

During CR, my reviewer said they’d like if instead of returning the function per case, I instead assigned a handler to the value of the function per case and then returned that handler at the end of the switch. Simple change, right? Only snafu, I’m casting one of the parameters on a per-case basis.

Somehow, through no fucking change of my own, TypeScript in its wisdom has decided that the type of that value by the time I call the next function is a fucking Intersection.

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU THINK IT’S AN INTERSECTION?! I’m fucking casting it per case! I’m ensuring it’s the right type for the next function called on a per case basis!

…. And that, my friends, is how I wasted a day with a stupid refactor that was ultimately just scrapped because no one could figure out how to make it work.

Goddamn fucking TypeScript. I

Hey guys, you won't believe what happaned to me, I left my laptop open in a hacker coffee shop and went to take a piss, and when I returned I fou d out that someone stole all my crypto CockRingCoin 😭😭 I lost a million and a half Shekels but then remembered my brother has a cousin who knows a lawyer who's wife is a friend with a wolf who knows a real matrix hacker who can hack CIA using only his toes, I contacted him and you wouldn't believe it but he got all of my cock coins back to me, I don't know what I would've done without him. If anybody needs help recovering crypto I can more than reccomend my dear holy saviour LeHackerCockSucker
WhatsApp: +972-50-EATMYASS-0
Email: ciahacker@cock.gov

But then as I was happily looking at my crypto returned I notice a few payments I don't rwmember making, turns out, my wife was cheating on me! And using my crypto to buy her lover stuff!
So I contacted the afformentioned lawyer who's a friend of the cousin that my brother has, and he helped me file for divorce and punish my cheating wife, for anybody needing a marriage lawyer:
WhatsApp: +972-54-DeliciousPussy-6
Email: eatmypussy@lawyers.porn

I am now happily married with the wolf who's the friend of the lawyer's wife and he fucks me in the ass every night. If you want a good life like mine you know who to call.

Haven't coded for a few days, returned to my github project to find one of my co-workers has gone through every single line in all of the scripts and added passive-agrresivd, sarcastic, comments about what they do.

Thanks.... I guess....

Not the worst, but probably the only one I can sort of explain & not get into trouble for NDA breach..

Umm.. here it goes.. wrong id returned from db procedure, tried to do something on db with that id and got exception that the id doesn't exist. Instead of checking why the procedure returns nonexistent id, he just wrapped everything in try catch without any logs.. & of course, didn't tell anyone about this.. o.0

I know, I know, code review could have prevented this, but holy fuck..
Guy's cv had more experience than I have now, so at the time, I didn't think I'd have to check every line of code he wrote, especially not for shit like this.

Yesterday I had a good idea for a project I'm working on, so I decided to stay awake all the night drinking RedBull in order to implement it.

Eventually I went to bed. I dreamed I was on an island with some friends and a volcano erupted. We escaped from the lava boarding on a big boat, then a tsunami wave reached the boat. Boat didn’t sink, however electric power went down. When the electric power returned, on the boat screens appeared the following text: "Please, restart MySQL". However, under it there was the PostgreSQL elephant logo. I was someway more worried about that rather than the tsunami. After that, a hurricane was coming too. We were saved by people coming with a spaceship, however they appeared to be drunk. I woke up thinking «WTF!».

This morning my husband told me our 4 cats made fuss all the night.

Spent weeks cleaning up legacy code, because my phone was ringing non-stop about errors and crashes, got it done. The CEO has been on vacation for like a month and a half, so I had to make executive judgements, and has just now returned. I got called down to the CEO's office so that I could get bitched at for marginally changing the appearance and behavior of a part of the site. I explain that it was necessary, and the response I got was "it was working fine for five years". All I could say to that was "no it fucking wasn't, are we working at the same company?" When I go to take another job, I might just put all of the old code back in place to remind them of how much "better" things ran before I worked here. Massive headache now, physical and proverbial.

We had a co worker that we once pranked by doing the old flip screen trick (ctrl+alt+down keys if I remember rightly). Except when he returned to see that his windows desktop had been rotated, he physically picked up the monitor and tried to balance it on its head to correct it. Nevertheless it subsequently fell over and we pointed and laughed.

applying for a job at a company whose website is broken is kinda ironic

Todays gems are
- the menu item jobs isn't clickable. I have to find a link elsewhere
- the application form has a second page a "this is what you entered" page. It switches month and day of my birthday. I returned to first page to check. Here it's still fine. Now I needed to reupload my attachments because the "field is empty" - lets see if they get my CV twice
- the jobs page doesn't even load. firefox eventually prompts "This site is slowing down the browser ... [stop]"

ATTENTION @dfox!!!!

I found a bug in the devRant REST server. When you upload a rant with a vertical image (when the height is bigger than the width), the server seems to flip between the width and the height (I don't know if it happens all the time), and when I fetch the rant, the JSON data for image width and height is flipped! (in the JSON, the attached image section contains width and height information about the image, and they are flipped in their values, meaning that the width key is equal to the height, and the height key is equal to the width).

An explanation on the image below:

The small window on the left shows the real info about the image. Notice how the height is 800 and width is 600.

The window at the bottom shows the data fetched from devRant servers. Notice how the width returned from the server is 800 and the height returned from the server is 600.

Must nearly every recently-made piece of software be terrible?

Firefox runs terribly slowly on a four-core 1.6GHz processor when given eight (8) gigabytes of RAM. Discord's user interface is awfully slow and uses unnecessary animations. Google's stuff is just falling apart; a toaster notification regarding MRO stock was recently pushed such that some markup elements of this notification were visible in the notification, the download links which are generated by Google Drive have sometimes returned error 404, and Google's software is overall sluggish and somewhat unstable. Today, an Android phone failed to update the Google Drive application... and failed to return a meaningful error message. Comprehensive manuals appear to be increasingly often not provided. Microsoft began to digest Windows after Windows XP was released.

Laziness is not virtuous.

For all computer programs, a computer program should be written such that this computer program performs well on reasonably terrible hardware... and kept simple. The UNIX philosophy is woefully underappreciated.

Really?

Far far away in a small startup, one developer was brave enough to try to fix the beautiful iOS application (hmm, nothing fancy just a broken, patched and served behind a wrapper).
To do so our hero needs, of course, a testing iOS device.
So the guy went searching for the testing device and asked around, then he returned to his desk shocked when I asked him what happened the guy told me literally:
- "Can you believe it? The boss gave the testing device to his fiancée"

and now guys you know why bugs in startup application take a while to fix :/

So after the original idea getting scraped during a hackathon this week, we created a slack bot to fetch most relevant answers from StackOverflow using user's input. All the user had to do was input few words and the bot handled all typos, links etc and returned the link as well as the most upvoted or the accepted amswer after scraping it from the website.
The average time to find an answer was around 2 seconds, and we also told that we're planning to use flask to deploy a web application for the same.
After the presentation, one of the judge-guys called me and told me that "It isn't good enough, will not be used widely" and "Its similar to Quora".
Never ever have I wanted to punch a son of a bitch in the balls ever.

Got to admit. Got a little surprised when stream.ReadByte() returned an integer instead of a byte.

After 1.6 year of pandemic, i returned to train Judo today.

"Your documentation doesn't specify what should be returned if there is no item matching the id, so currently I'm just gonna have it throw a 504"

Why on earth would you? What's wrong with you, you sick bastard?

Today's butt hurt sponsor is... Cordova!

Whoever came up with wrapping web apps in a slow and outdated browser and calling them "Mobile Apps" are absolute lunatics, dangerous for the IT society.

These people should have immediately returned to the asylum they had escaped from, as soon as the idea visited their heads.

i dreamed a parallel reality

not even fking joking rn

it was MORE REAL THAN THE REALITY WE LIVE HERE

IT WAS LITERALLY LIKE I FKING LIVED IN ANOTHER REALM

this has never happened to me before ever

this shit woke me up at about 4:30 AM and i couldnt sleep for the rest of the fking day

i slept for 1h 30min

after i woke up it took me a couple of minutes to figure out if that realm was the base reality or if this current realm the reality we live in is the real base reality....

i wass fuckjgm lost !

there were 2 identical scenes that happened to me in the first and second realm

but both scenes had a different outcome, the realm i was in the dream had such a good outcome that it felt too good to be real BECAUSE I FKING DREAMED OF EXPERIENCING THAT I ACHIEVED HALF OF MY DREAM, WITHIN THE DREAM

And when i woke up and realized i returned back to this fucking realm i was so goddamn disappointed that i just wanted to go back to fkig sleep and just.. die

what the fuck

my brain is overwhelmed with bullshit and lies so much that i can not distinguish what is fake and what is real

fuck, eeverything in this existence

Fuck everything about Microsoft Dynamics. I'm supposed to use the REST API to make a web front-end. I notice all of the data comes back codified.

null == 0.
boolean true == 100000000
boolean false == 100000001

except sometimes when

boolean false == 100000000
boolean true == 100000001

or other times

string "Yes" == 100000000
string "No" == 100000001
string "Maybe" == 100000003

Hang on. Is the system representing a 1 bit value with base 10 numbers? Did the client set this up like this? Holy crap every number corresponds to a unique record in a table somewhere. That means it only returns numeric values instead of strings and I have to figure out what the number means in the context of the table.

A "key" is user typed? So every time someone starts to make a new record it saves a new "key" without a record? So I can pull a bunch of "0" records if I pull sequentially? So basically I need to see all of the data in Dynamics to have any context at all for what is returned from the Dynamics API? Fuuuuuuuuuu

So I recently returned from university and was catching up with people. Then this guy(childhood friend) who is in EE was "asking" me about how my academics were going. So I was describing my cs classes to him until he suddenly interrupted me saying he knows "how algorithms work" and also that IT == CS. I tried my best to explain to him that it is not the same thing, but his ego just couldn't allow me to talk. He continued on forcefully about how he did a project in java that used SQL and blahblahblah. After he was done exhibiting himself, he asked me what languages do you know(LOL)? When I tried to explain to him that cs is not about learning languages, the guy proceeded to interrupt me again and tell me how his curriculum is hard so as to imply that mine is shit. Finally, this human waste told me to "open java" so that he could code, I opened up my terminal, which he responded to by asking me "What is that?"

Writing a truly crossplatform terminal library is the biggest pain in the ass.

And you thought windows was bad. They have a proper API with droves of features, freely allocatable screenbuffers, scrolling on both axes, etc.
Fucking xterm vtxxx compatible piles of shit are the problem.
Controlling kinda works eventhough the feature set is pretty bad. The really fucked up thing is reading values back. They literally get put into the input buffer. So you have to read all the actual user input before that and then somehow parse out the returned control sequence. Of course the user input has to be consumed so I have to buffer it myself. Even better is when you get a response with non printable characters which the fucking terminal will interpret as another control sequence. So when you set a window title to a ansi control sequence it would get executed when queried. Fuck this shit but I'm not giving up. I will tame this ugly, bodged together dragon

(After several hours of debugging a returned "mal formed xml" error)

Me: We found out your api does accept our XML only if its elements are in certain order.

They: Oh! yes. :)

Me: ... and since XML should not depend on order, maybe you should fix that. Or at least alert about it in docs.

They: Yes, maybe we should. :)

Me: ... OK

What the sh*t is this kind of response?! One of my corporate department's internal API returns THIS.

LOOK AT IT. LOOK. "NULL". What are those malformed closing / ending brackets?!

(request headers have accept: application/json btw)

And, as a final "f*uck you", the "IPG_API_JOBD_NC_RESP_P_COLL" is returned as JSON object if response has one element to return, but will be JSON ARRAY if result has more than one element.

Good luck, you there with strongly typed languages..... Boils my blood 😅

Rant

I'm tired of this shit!!!

First I receive a task to create a new functionality for the app that I'm working on and some documentation (this is the only good part of all the rant) but no design.

It's been 2 weeks since I got assigned to this and still no design, no assets, no API calls that ACTUALLY WORK.

Today was testing a plist to get a banner link, and for 1 hour that little fucker didn't returned the image I was asking.

Better, I wasn't getting ANY IMAGE. Turns out that the link sends me to a HTML URL that doesn't have any image... go figure!

So I've been working on this from some images inside the PDF with the documentation given.

Oh! Wait! There's more!

The cherry on top is that I'm implementing a chat/voice call/video call into the app and the framework that I will be using is being created now, and it's not even finished!!!!!!

Me trying to copy a file from pendrive to Hard disk.
Status- 45 seconds left...
Went to College, completed Bachelor, went to university, completed Masters, got married, had two children, got retired from job, returned to the same PC
Status- 45 Seconds left...

just spent 2-3 hours trying to make a slideshow responsive for mobiles.

position().left returned an incorrect value breaking the whole thing. then jquery animations slowly produced a one pixel discrepancy when everything is animating based on the container width. breaking the whole thing.

Only solution has been to pretend all is fine.

things that make you want to smash something.

“This reminds me of the Warp Train in Library of Ruina. It can travel anywhere within 10 minutes, by jumping through another dimension, but in one incident it seems to malfunction, and doesn't arrive at its destination. The passengers are stuck in warp space, and oddly are in a 'stasis', wherein they don't need food or drink, or need to use the bathroom. It turns out they can't die either, as people start trying to commit suicide after being stuck for weeks. As the weeks turn into months, and then years, the passengers resort to brutalizing each other just to feel something, eventually turning into quivering lumps of flesh through their violence. After 2000 years, the train finally arrives at its destination, 10 minutes later in our universe. The company hits a button, and like loading a savestate, the passengers are returned to normal, none the wiser, with no memories of the 2 millenia of hell they just went through.

The train was never malfunctioning. This happens every single time.”

Now Kim Jong Un as returned. And all those meme that were circulating last week. I think this anime needs to be made.

We have the artwork. We have the story. Japan your call.

We founded a 3 man startup.
I am on holiday for two weeks and my mates paid 50k to someone so he programs a prototype app without any specifications. They told him about what the app should display without any mockups or images via Skype. Returned Monday, found out about it, and on the following Monday we will see the current status..
Oh boy, dog help me. I expect a clickdummy made with Adobesomething, and we paid 50k for that. Why didn't they wait for 2 weeks?!

Feel free to make fun of me on this one.

> be me.
> Write a function that calls a second function to get a returned value and continue work.
> That second function always returns null no matter what changes are made.
> Spend half hour scratching head.
> That second function has this written at the end

return null;
//return $returnVal;

> fml.

I just wasted 2 hours trying to figure out why the properties of a destructured object returned undefined, even though everything was fine in JSON format. Tried to request data on the frontend from my server with a database attached. Tried accessing each object of my array separately, it worked. In a loop: dataArray[index].propertyX ... undefined??
Turns out I used the wrong property names to access the info inside each object.
🤦

Quick rant, I dont have time.

I have no idea how the fuck but I managed my IDE to show me that it's confused if my class "PackModel" is "PackModel" or "PackModel" (I have only one definition if you are hands first to ask).

its few years and first time when I see shit like that.

Fun fact, it was working OK until I used getter that was returning another object and than IDE got absolutely lost.

I had to use workaround in middle of nowhere as shown on image and suddenly its back fine with it. Not like it's returned by function hard typed and PHPDoc typed to return instance of this very object and in other scopes it just works...

It's Jetbrains so Im confused, it's robust IDE ;-;...

TL;DR My parents should have known that I was made for computers
Note: I am pretty young. Most of you were probably at least as old as I am now when it happened.
My parents told me about the first time I used a PC. They left me and my older siblings home alone with a movie on and returned later than they wanted to. We were still watching the movie, and when they asked how that was possible we told them that I restarted the DVD twice. I had never touched a computer before.

The first thing I actually remember is me playing Age of Empires II on a PC our family got for free somewhere. Although AoE3 was already out by that time, it ran slow af, but it was the most fun I had in my life up to that point. I was and still am pretty bad in both AoE3 and AoE2, but that was the first step into my preference for RTS games.

KISS, DRY, Path of Least Resistance, Three Strikes and You Refactor, early returns, no array.map when nothing is returned, only use switch when # cases >= 3.

And using var in javascript instead of let/const to piss off my colleagues (and because I understand function scope well)

Spend past 2 days trying to hunt down a bug...
I forgot `0` evaluates as `false` so this statement always returned `false` if `id` was `0` >.>

CNC finished...
Can't do anything else (level it and such) until I get new motors...
the steppers I ordered one month ago returned back to China, FUCKKKKKK
one more month waiting.
So many project ideas.... nothing concrete.
What should I do now? Did my BT controlled car, the CNC, ... Any ideas?

I had the oppertunity to join a non profit organization to help them automate stuff instead of serving the army. One of their core applications got rewritten like a year ago from a terrible and very old Symfony stack to Laravel / React.

The guys who were in charge for the rewrite didn't really adapt the mindset of either MVC for Laravel nor the component idea behind React. There are a few controllers in the backend, but they sometimes have functions defined which would clearly belong in a model or service class. They rarely defined relationships on models, instead they're joining the tables together for the same effect. The frontend rendering mostly happens in for loops over the returned array from the API instead of breaking things down into little components. This ends in components which have sometimes over 1000 lines with super-nested logic in it.

But I did find my favorite piece of code today in of the controllers. Some many questions ...

A woman sends her programmer husband to the supermarket.

"Bring a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, bring 12".

He returned with 12 cartons of milk.

WTF PEOPLE!!
Some people really need to read their error messages.

Just now I got this teammate asking me how he should handle the error git returned. The error message stated: "Please commit your changes or stash them before you merge." He asked me what he should do to fix the error... I was astonished by his stupidity that he did not read the fucking error message.

Almost every fucking time a teammate comes to me with the question how to fix an error, there is a message that says how to fix the error. Why don't they read them?!?! I told you so many times to read your fucking error messages!!!

I'm really glad the project is over in a couple of weeks and I get a new team..

I started with C#at the age of 12, it was way too complicated and I learned Lua for Computer craft instead. Next I learned Ruby for RPG Maker and finally Javascript for web Dev stuff.
Now comfortable enought with Javascript but put off by its quirks I learned Java for compiling faulty minecraft mods, but I only fully learned it in school.
At the same time I learned python and quite liked it for scripting, but ultimately it was not a good match for my projects.
Disapointed with Java I returned to C# and liked it quite a lot, but started learning C++. After touching my first Microcontroller I learned C and I've stuck with it as my favorite language.
Along the way I picked up Kotlin, in case I need to do some Java shit. Much better.
But how did I come to an understanding of programming. Well I got better after each time I got a layer deeper until I hit silicon.
I had tinkered with electronics since I was 15 so I just had to study some boolean mathematics in school and some vintage computers architecture and instruction sets and...
Then I finally understood how that shit I wrote in Lua way back when was actually executed by my hardware.

Allways dig deeper and you'll find enlightenment eventually.

Hello everyone, I've returned and hopefully start ranting again.

I took a long needed break to think about a lot of shit and I'm back with a much healthier mindset and plan for myself.

Aside from the world going to hell what's new?

not sure if this totally classifies as a rant, but here goes:

so my Pi is giving a lot of problems. can't install software, keep getting weird error messages. so I try DD a new image onto the card. does not work at all. tried on three different machines :D
next I try run rm -rf /
it's obviously totally fucked. nothing works. pull the plug and plug it in again to see what happens.... it boots up again :D all the commands are back. no files are gone.

and that's when I was like fuck this and I returned the sd card :D

I worked for this Chinese company, one of their systems that was supposedly handling millions of US$ in transactions per day had an API that returned HTML tables...

I stop you right there commenter, there was no format=json parameter.

Another of their API I gave up on:

Status = 200
Content = "error"

Today a tester returned my task because “placeholder should say Bruse Wayne not John Doe”.

Yes, Bruse, not Bruce.

Too bad I’m leaving John Doe there and close it anyways

I wish I could declare variables IRL so I wouldn't have to repeat myself 6 times in a row before being acknowledged. Yes, the client left these fields empty, that's why the form returned an error as it should have. No, it's not the code's fault. For once.

Fuck..I lent someone my laptop and they returned it with a different power adapter and most of the keyboard keys don't respond when I press them. Now I can't code or do anything coz all I ever do is code, really.

Laravels error reporting is sometimes fucking useless. Yesterday it wrote into the logs "class foo doesn't exist". I triple checked the including of this class. Checked the namespaces. Checked the classnames. Everything was ok.
Today I removed the content of this particular class, which returned an array. And the error was gone...

After further search I realized I was missing commas within the array deceleration...

Why the fuck you don't just tell me this????!?

Yesterday I helped in a college final project. To be done using PHP and MySQL.

- they were taught to create a login page and when submitted just check the values against username and password from DB table and redirect to a dashboard page. No session created.
- in the dashboard, session is not checked. Shows links to other pages.
- each page is a separate php file
- the app allows users to issue books to customers. They were taught to delete the book from book table and save all the info in issue table, when a book is issued
- when a book is returned, book info is saved in a return table and also saved to book table again and deleted from issue table

I asked this student to change it to the right way, to use sessions and includes. He said that then the lecturer would know, he didn't do the project. It's a diploma level course.

Meeting with another dev team whose application needs to interface with ours. A few topics and Q&A sessions later, a dreadful feeling started to creep up on me. That moment when you grep'd the other team's architects and technical lead for any combination of common sense and grep returned no results. This is going to be a long day

Left the desk to look something to eat in the fridge. Returned 5 mins later to find my laptop restarted all by itself.

Microsoft, you evil bitch.

Returned to my desk earlier and guess what, someone fucking stole something from me. How dare someone fucking steal my tictac! 😑😑😑

Closed MBP and left. Returned to office. Head to a very quiet Starbucks. Open MBP lip. Greeted with a woman's moan. F-ING COWORKERS!

SELECT * FROM PEOPLE WHERE GIRLFRIEND = 'Y';

> 0 rows returned

*Sigh*

SELECT VIDEO FROM WEBSITES WHERE URL LIKE '%hub%';

Forgot to do server side verification.

As the service (an injectable game) was expanding and the old system relied on server side calculation without anything returned from the user, the expansion was done a little too fast.
The result could have been anyone passing wrong data and receiving the grand price like a holiday worth $10k. Quick fix ...

A dev found a bug I created where I set a SQL parameter name to @OrderID instead of the expected @Order. The standard is @OrderID, there is one stored proc where it's @Order.
Oops...I didn't catch it because the integration test didn't cover that area of the code. My mistake...I should have checked...I take complete responsibility for the screw up.

He let me know by email..
"When refactoring, from now on check the stored procedure parameters, there are a few that don't follow the standard."

I was like "from now on..."? ...wow....bold comment from someone responsible for code that doesn't check for nulls, doesn't log errors, and relies on exceptions for flow control. You wouldn't even have known about the error if I didn't modify your code to log the error (the try..except returned false)

I really wanted to reply ...

"Fixed. From now on, when you come across those easily found bugs, go head and fix it, write a test, and move on. Don't send a condescending email to me, my boss, your boss, all the DBAs, and the entire fracking order processing team. Thanks."

But..I thanked him for finding and letting me know...we're a team..blah blah blah..

Frack..people suck.

So I am managing some legacy code and I found quite the gem last week.
The code went something like this :
IF(methodA()&&methodB())

However, methodB returned ! methodA...

I feel stupid to ask this here

I am getting this error in flask
view didn't return a valid response error. The function either returned None or ended without a return statement.

Go home Dart, you're drunk

A value of type 'String' can't be returned from function 'myFunction' because it has a return type of 'String'. dart(return_of_invalid_type)
string.dart(102, 16): String is defined in C:\src\flutter\bin\cache\pkg\sky_engine\lib\core\string.dart
string.dart(102, 16): String is defined in C:\src\flutter\bin\cache\pkg\sky_engine\lib\core\string.dart

The first time I was able to create a solution to a problem I had.

It wasn't some super-difficult problem, but the code worked, and I got my first jolt of satisfaction in a long, long time. And more importantly, I wrote it with my own two hands.

It was a Slack slash command and it takes a task number, sends it my server that creates a query for our Redmine, formats the returned data and posts it back to Slack. It only took a few hours to implement (mostly because I was unfamiliar with Slack's API), and while only a few people uses it frequently, I still get a small amount of satisfaction whenever someone mentions it.

Pro tip: always make sure your methods return the correct variable.

I’m currently working with deep neural networks using tensorflow. I needed to generate some test data and wrote a program to create it. I had two text files which each consisted of approximately 5000 lines of text.

I wrote a method that should sort out some words, and make my final data shorter. When I executed the program first time on our server, it spent about 25 minutes, then crashed due to MemoryError (which in Python means that the server didn’t have enough ram). That seemed quite weird since I only had about 10k lines of text, and I even sorted out a bunch of it, and the server has 128gb ram, and nothing’s using it.

Apparently I returned the wrong variable. That meant that my program tried to save 750 quadrillion lines of text rather than just a few thousand.

Always make sure to return the correct variables!

My Facebook has been returned to normal.... Ahhhh.

After a management meeting about the companies first e-commerce initiative which I proposed and protocol-typed with assistance from internal and 3rd party resources, I returned with my boss to her office feeling on cloud nine as everything had been accepted / approved and the project was green lit!!!

She turns to me and says “I’m going down to the local sex shop and buying the largest dildo, strap it on, and then they will listen to me too”... I just sat, staring at the floor ...

Queue the crickets...

So my boss asked us to start using a timer app (toggl) to measure the times spend doing each thing, the thing is I suck at that, so I started a meeting activity and then left to have breakfast, when i returned my timer showed I had bren in a meeting for an hour lol. Even worse I have no current activities assigned so I am just watching videos how should I call that activity?

!rant
We were finishing another sprint of our grocery shop site at school and it was time for a demo.
There we are, showing our work before the other students. Our teams have a healthy habit of always checking each other not to leave some stoopid mistakes in the final versions, so everybody always regExes and validates THE SHIT out of every input field, both in the view and on the server side. But this one team found out that sometimes it's not enough.

Like every team, they're asked to buy a negative value from their shop. The guy clicks through the process, buys exactly -1 of a banana. He clicks the button to purchase and the site returned "Added banana to the cart!" and we're like "haha n00bz". But someone asked them to show the cart and everyone stopped immediately.

There were 9999 bananas in the cart.

Turns out the member responsible for purchase validation made it add 10000 if the quantity of a bought product was negative.
To this day I can't understand why he did that. xD

When I was challenged by my teacher to develop an application for a Solid Mechanics class at university. I developed a dedicated calculator which returned all the results of a given problem, one of which had a graph! I made it with MIT App Inventor and later on took it to Android Studio with a friend of mine.
Best feeling I had at that time!

Back in the old days, ie. before facebook, I used to save all my funny email attachments to a folder. I got talking to one of the support guys. Seemed a nice fella. So, I network shared my folder and told him to how to connect. I did suggest that he probably shouldn't share it with everyone else in support as some of the material was a tad risqué.

I realised he hadn't taken notice of this advice when I walked in the office and all the support PC CD drives were randomly opening and closing and the PCs playing farting noises. (Anyone remember that?)

I had to go round all the PCs and kill the process.

I then returned to my own machine and disconnected the shared drive.

If you have clumsy people around you, your belongings are never safe.

I left the laptop on the table for just a few hours, and this is what I returned to. Someone carelessly moved the laptop to the right without paying attention to the USB stick, so it bent from the table to the right with a higher position.

Indeed, lack of protrusion is the main reason SD cards are better than USB sticks, and why laptops should have full-sized SD card slots, and why external SD card readers are no valid replacement for built-in SD card slots. Relying on an external SD card reader outright defeats the primary benefit of SD cards, lack of protrusion.

One can be careful with ones belongings every day and have them last a long time, but then someone else comes and ruins it for you. Years of effort with being careful have been wasted. Clumsy people will certainly find new creative ways to break your stuff.

First rant guys!

I'm a .net and PHP developer and love visual studio. I also hate windows 10 and it's stupid surprise reboots. Twice I switched to Linux mint but returned to windows because of the IDE. Been on VS (with PHP tools) for too long and nothing on Linux comes close to VS not to mention the lack of .net 4.6 (no mono) on Linux. M$ make Visual Studio 2015 cross platform!

My boss called my team for a meeting, where he pointed out the difference between "doing what we can" and "doing our best".
He later said he was dissatisfied with our lack of commitment with our latest, biggest project , and expected an improvement.

That would be all fair and well, were it not for the fact that, because of his delivery date of said project, we returned home four times. In the previous two weeks.

I know that my job searching is just a small chunk of what grownups and people after school and early duties do, but what I've went through while searching for a job in the summer was a hellish nightmare: out of ~60 companies i ever nudged, only ~3 companies returned to me.

0 RESULTED INTERVIEWS. ONLY PHONE CONVOS.

unelated, but i am currenty working on the big altrant QoL update - the stupid visual glitch in the title in the profile screen is already fixed!

"Honey, go to the store and buy some eggs."
"OK."
"Oh and while you're there, get some milk."
He never returned.

When I first began with Python I really missed the static typed checking from Java, I barely know anything about a returned object from a method and have to read the API extensively for every new library.

After a while I finally understand why Python is so powerful, the combination of dynamic typed language and rich default methods make the language unbeatable for your productivity.

While Java's Object only has toString(), hashCode(), equals() or clone(), Python's basic Class has every fucking method for every scenario I could ever image. No wonder that libraries like numpy or pandas work so well and fluidly.

dfox returned to sell custom avatars for $7/mo. Y’all laughed, then some Chinese spammer with mspaint avatar took over the platform while retoor justified his actions

AAAARRRGH!!! I wanted to rant! I wrote a huge text! I got really furious about it! Then drove through some area without Internet, looked something up in the browser, returned to devrant app - and THE FUCKING FUCK TEXT WAS GONE!!!

That makes me even MORE ANGRY!!

I got a new keyboard in my office. One hour ago i have been restarted my pc 3 times, because power button is in delete position. One more hour ago, i have returned my old keyboard.

My old iMac 2010 is returned operative after 12 GB of Ram; it seems reborn!

Past month I had been working on a JSON hierarchy construction from flat rows returned by query where some bugfuck had introduced pagination for some damn reason, I never gave a flying duck to this till I get a email from one of the clients who supposedly made a complete hierarchy and my endpoint wasn't returning some hierarchy after some levels.

Frustrated that my service layer there is a bug, I debug to realise only certain rows are getting sent back from the query and ebullient from this fact , I put the bug on the DB person and walk off for a smoke.

After a smooth drag , I realise while closing the email on my phone that this client had entered 10 on pagesize which would indeed just return 10 rows. *Facepalm* I didn't even need to debug all this and now I had to a face a db person I just plastered a bug on. BAHHUMBUG

*So I have a function where the date is formatted as 20180317 and get returned if I pass a date to it.*
Junior Dev: I'm selecting March as a month but it's showing 20180217 and not 20180317, what should I do?
Me: I've written function for formatting date just go there and there will be date.getMonth() just add 1 to it by doing +1.
Junior Dev: It's still not working!!!.
So I went there and checked what she did, and she did this .....
date.getMonth(+1);

Okaaay.....so after I got fucked at the technical interview i returned there the following day and wrote them code for a system that was actually on their pipeline
Left the thing 80% complete and they were like: Amaizing we will be in touch
And I left bouncing

I just returned from a 1 week vacation and my boss summonned me for a 1 on 1, and said he is not satisfied with my work, as I don't deliver "fast enough" according to him and do not show enough enthusiasm. I just nodded and didn't answer out of shock.

Background: It's my first dev job, and it's in a really fast paced startup. I have no degree, and I'm here for 3 months. I'm 23 years old, he is around 30.

I really don't know how should I feel about this. It's the first time someone tells me stuff like that and I'm kinda depressed. I know I sometimes work slower than my colleagues because I have less experience but I never thought it would come to this.

Any advice?

I miss the days when Googling "JLS" always returned the Java language spec as the first result.

!rant

I finally returned from my hiatus, I am starting professional college now and I am starting to work a little again on AltRant! The next feature will be weekly rant group support. I am unsure about when it will be released to testers on TestFlight but it will be pretty soon I think.

In the lab:
"Look! I have compiled and that gave me no errors! On the first try!"
So I look closer and
"Dude, ehm.., you are compiling the wrong file..."
Then he tries to compile the right class and the compiler returned errors on errors
"You know what? I hate you."
Never laughed that loud

When I rented my server I uploaded my webpage (including resources like videos, images etc) which is about 150GB as .tar and extracted and setup all that stuff and deleted the backup from my PC. The uploading process took me about 4 days. I opened the site of my server provider and reloaded it.. Aaaaannddd whoops. All data gone.

On my server hosters webpage when you click the reinstall button for installing a Linux image you get returned to the main page of that server after it finished installing. If you then reload that page which basically only shows some monitoring diagrams and shit the server gets reset again.

Damn. I lost so much good porn on that day...

!dev

So that new keyboard I bought? They sent me a French azerty instead of a Belgian azerty layout. Meaning the special keys are in the wrong places.

It's from a third party vendor. Here was me thinking I was getting a good deal on a second hand product in a box that had been opened but returned. Think I can guess why that happened.

I contacted support who will contact the third party but I have a bad feeling about this already. Both the third party and website where I ordered this are Dutch and they are used to Qwerty. Guess I should have bought on a Belgian website at full price :(

Recently saw a rant here asking how bad it would if SO went out for a while, with most replies saying it would be good, and asking people to read documentation instead.

Well i tried to prepare myself for that and tried to read the selenium documentation for getting the html of a page. After 30 mins couldnt find it. A google search returned a SO answer which i didnt have to click on coz it had it in the first line.. How difficult is it to provide documentation functionwise/attributewise instead of long tutorials when i click on Documentation.? C++ libs and major python libs do it so good.

I think mine had to be when I was working with SQL and Lua. I was attempting to store some ints into the database but kept having it fail randomly. It was a 50/50 chance that it would succeed or fail. I tried reading errors (Limited on what I could see) after a while (Almost 3 days, since everything I could think of didn’t have issues and was completely lost) I realized the system another developer setup returned either string or int, thus it causing it to error out when I gave it a string. Once I added a tonumber statement, all my headaches went away.

So the guy who i mentioned previously with his shitty csv made webservice which i needed to use.

It returned utf-8 encoded xml:
- in file the header contained central europe encoding
- the xml had more roots
- basically he only put his csv format inside xml tags
- csv contained html tags but there wasnt cdata

Now work with this lol

I neded to cut this shit with string functions and also some numeric data get with regexp from htm table td's

Whyyyyyyyyyyyy

I've just spent the last hour or so banging my head against a brick wall trying to figure out why I'm unable to retrieve some data via AJAX even though I know data is being returned as I can see it in my error log.

Turns out the permission system I wrote a few days ago actually works and because I didn't specify a permission it automatically denied my user from retrieving the data. One thing I forgot to add was an error message to tell me when I don't have sufficient permission to do something. Adding a message could have just saved me a lot of time :/

Dev-tip of the day:

Always make sure that your database table fields are long enough to hold the entire third-party API client reference ID, so that the last three characters won’t be cut off..

I’ve been “crying” here while debugging for the last hour because my API function and everything else worked, but the result wasn’t showing up in the third-party application (their API returned a 200), but when I tested it with their API sandbox application, it did show up..

As a mobile developer I get fucking pissed off when I get a ticket on Jira saying: Response code 500

The server fucked up why am I the one to be reached for? Especially that code is displayed when no response body is returned

When I hit the endpoint from Postman it works. When I hit the endpoint from my application that pushes data to the endpoint it doesn't work, returning a 404 status code. I KNOW the endpoint is there and operational and that both Postman and my application have the same endpoint configured, letter for letter.

So lost. So confused. What the hell is going on.

I decide to install Fiddler to monitor the traffic to see if I can see anything helpful.

I initiate the request again from the application and immediately see that the request size is huge. BAM. It immediately hits me, the payload to the endpoint is too big and the server is "rejecting" it with a 404. I post a smaller request with the application and it works fine.

Yay, saved by Fiddler.

Why does the endpoint default to 404 in such scenarios. The definition of 404: "the client was able to communicate with a given server, but the server could not find what was requested"

In my case, the 404 returned was a red herring. I understand that the substatus code gives more information on why the 404 was returned, in my case the request size being too big, but 404 in general feels like the wrong status code to return because the endpoint IS there. It made me troubleshoot the wrong thing.

Thanks, IIS.

E-mail returned to sender, insufficient voltage. 🤔

I forgot about October...

Now those November deadlines look more reasonable.

I realized because I was checking when is get my mail-in ballot and apparently it needs to be returned by Nov 3. And well today is Sep 17...

It also recommended sending it back 2wks before which would be like now.

So I had a melt down like wtf, I didn't get it yet!!!

And then well... Yea...

My conversation with Avalara support (API for taxing):
Me: Hey I'm implementing your API for a client. The requests are going through, I get a valid response back but all goods are taxed with $0. Can you please give me a hint what I might be missing?
Sup: You're using Salesforce Commerce Cloud, requests might be blocked through their firewall
Me: I don't think so, here are some sample requests and responses I just created. The object returned matches the one in your API Doc.
Sup: This isn't a system controlled by us, no support.
Me: So how in the world can it be you don't control your own endpoint?

Seriously, if you don't want to help, next time just say fuck you...

I was a university student. The it company, I was interviewed at, required everyone to pass English test. I passed it with quite a good result (90 of 100, know no one with such result). So next day I had an actual interview with a head of some department.
He didn't had his own office, instead he shared it with 5 other employees. One of them was taking with someone on Skype. He told he had some work to finish, but it shouldn't take long. It took an hour.
And then he returned to me, starting asking questions about my knowledge. I am a java backend guy, but he asked me about php stuff and front-end stuff like ‘moving a button to a new position’.
Basically, this is it.

So we were able to do a pre-test in programming I, and if you passed, you would get 70% of grade. Then doing the homework would net the rest 30%.

I passed the test and returned first homework, answer: "Sorry, you haven't been in classes, so you need to defend your work. It will take 10-20 minutes max"

I then informed the professor that I have done the exact same course in open university, and have proof of working as a programmer for 2 years, but it wasn't enough.

So in the fucking defending that took 50 fucking minutes, I had to answer to 15 fucking questions regarding the code.

How on earth am I supposed to remember what 2 fucking lines of code do in a program I wrote 3 weeks ago, if you don't give me the whole code?!?!
Or if Euler's fucking constant is defined in math.h, and why did I define it by myself?
And apparently scattering 50% of the code over 8 pages is sufficient for remembering what the whole programs does!??!?

Oooh and did I mention? I NEED TO GO AND FUCKING DEFEND MY NEXT HOMEWORK NEXT FUCKNG WEEK!!!

Fuck that course

So today, my friend (who is younger) has returned from a programming competition hosted by the district. The language used was Pascal. Before the competition my friend had been pretty confident about his skills of using Free Pascal, but after that, he has been different.
He came back in tears. I asked him what was happening in the computer room.
- Turbo Pascal.
I was stunned for seconds. Who the heck in this 2019 still uses an ancient compiler dated from the 1990s for the DOS operating system? And yet the competition's computers had only it installed. I think nowadays everyone learning Pascal, at the very least, uses Free Pascal as the IDE. I could immediately imagine how restrictive and frustrating was programming on such that thing.
- I couldn't create... dynamic arrays... so I had to declare two 30 000-element arrays (which was required by the problem), but when compiling... it said... the maximum heap size was 64KB.
It wouldn't let me use "exit(result)" (to return a function's result) so I wasted many minutes replacing them with "<function name> := result; exit;".

And many more problems.

Raise your hand if you think this is ridiculous.

Fucking Pixel 6.... Worst upgrade ever ...

Already the battery is crapping out.... As of last night, it maxes out at 72%....

What happened to adaptive charging that's supposed to make the battery last longer...

Should've kept my 4a 5g and returned this instead...

I loved my Watch, i wore it everyday, and even bought a premium bracelet 40 euros or so... then, THE FUCKING BACK OF THE WATCH FELL OFF! LIKE THE FUCKING BACK! So i returned it... AND THESE CUNTS SEND ME A FUCKING REPLACEMENT WITHOUT MY FUCKING BRACELET! WHICH FUCK DID THIS! WHO CAME UP WITH THIS FUCKERY! FUCK!

Project managers moved all the tickets around and then got mad that we couldn't find them to log our time.

Mass mutiny about logging time in general and expected dev hours per week.

They returned the tickets to the old system at least

I think UPS' Api documentation and service must be the worst documented and build API I have ever seen from a corporate.

1. The developer website is a mess. A total mess. You can barely find the API type you are looking for.

2. When you get the API and download the documentation, the files, .pdf etc is still a mess. Pages long that most are craps.

3. Each request returns Status Code 200. Even if it is an error. This blew my mind.

4. Each request, based on error type or based on tracking activity returns different JSON schema.

For example, the JSON Schema for a shipment in transit is different from JSON schema for a shipment that has been delivered. A shipment that has been returned, a shipment that required signature etc. They are different from each other.

5. And the worst. They do not provide with test tracking codes. I have found some on internet, but they do not work in development and production environment.

Drinking beer. Yes, seriously. I especially remember one Friday afternoon in the late 90s when I was still a trainee at a major Swedish telecom company. I had been working on a test application which gave visual output in the shape of dots teeming around on the screen, each one of which represented a network node. Then my colleagues and I had an afterwork at a nearby bar. After a few pints, when the others went home, I returned to the office and, in an inspired mood, made a few modifications to the test app so that you from each client could control one of the dots with the keyboard, basically turning the app into a multiplayer game. Over time I improved it further with some sprites and the possibility to shoot at each other. We had great fun while performing tests :D

So nylas mail is free again.
Rejoice! The email gods have returned with something actually fun to use!

me ={}

function me.returned()
error, login = http.submit("devrant.com", {"Rexzooly", "magicSource"}, 20);
if error == 200 then
//Ya I logged in
retrun true
else
me.resetpassword();
me.returned();
end
end

me.returned().

As the function kind of says ... I AM BACK and I remembered to reset my password :P

Payment gateways are such a big pain to implement. Docs say that they will return values A,B,C but what you end up recieving is X,Y,Z.
And don't get me started on the webhooks, man they return values completely different values from the api end points and with no reference what so ever to the fields returned by them.

Wish i could get the documentation writer's address and may be the dev as well!!

public static Map<Integer, List<Integer>> stuff(arguments) {
HashMap<Integer, List<Integer>> map = new HashMap<>();
method(map, otherVariables);
return map;
}
public static void method(HashMap map, otherVariables) {
map.put(things);
}

So... You know how to return a map from a method. Then why do you create the map outside the method and make it an argument that does not get returned, making it confusing because the map gets created empty, given to a different method, then returned, making it look like you're returning an empty map...
...instead of just creating it inside the called method, returning it and assigning it to a map in the calling method? Even if you think that would create another map (it doesn't), the compiler is intelligent and can optimise that away.

I happened to come help with a project that deadline was in two weeks. It was hardware project for customers with UI.

They said to me - help us 2 weeks and it’s done. It only needs polishing. There was nothing working and we finished it after half a year.

Hardware was crap and drivers wasn’t working. Managers called me stupid when I tried to explain that this is hardware team fault. They used to say that it was tested in laboratory and there is no defect. Laboratory my ass fucking assholes never released anything from scratch.

I got depressed after this project for a year. It was fucking nightmare.

Everything, literally everything was rewritten 3 times cause of stupid decisions that I questioned all the time. At the end of project most of those assholes stopped commenting my decisions. I believe we released impossible product that was crap but based on usage rates I got later when I left it returned expenses.

I lost like 2 years of my life and about 20kg during those 6 months. Never again.

-> Had to remap all api endpoints on the backend...
-> The system architect raised a critical bug, saying he can't delete reports from the GUI even though the back-end is returning HTTP 200 (for now, say we also save some sort of reports in our DB)...
-> While remapping, I had returned get in the delete call xD
-> He thanked me for not doing the other way round, delete function in get call xD

1. Find a function: getDayDiff(d1, d2)
2. d1 and d2 are momentjs dates.
3. See that function performs complex ancient math rituals and then returns an integer
4. Try to rewrite function, return d2.diff(d1, 'days')
5. Should be OK right? Run tests
6. Whole module melts down. WTF?!

Turns out the math performed returned the difference + 1 because it included the current day which moment's diff() function does not (out of the box).

Processes that depended on this function then uses the result like this:

const diff = getDayDiff(d1, d2)
if (diff-1 == should_match) { /* more fun logic */ }

$ git checkout .
$ run-shutdown-script-because-fuck-you

Requests to a soap server were failing randomly. In order to contact the API provider, I tried to provide an curl example with the same payload and the error response. Yet when sending the payload over curl, the request worked just fine. When my application was building the request, it failed.

What. The. Fuck.

I checked and double-checked the request body and headers. They were identical.

Of course, no error response was returned by the API provider and, of course, they could not tell me how what error I caused in my request.

So I created a basic dummy server, installed wireshark and compared the payload when sending a request from my application and from curl to my dummy server.

It turns out: curl, if called in a certain way, automagically strips out newlines. The soap client kept them.

So that that shitty soap server crashed due to newlines in the message body!

Stripping out the newlines was rather easy.

Shame on you, your house, and entire family for letting it crash due to them!