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"Can you put my site as the first result on google?"
I can add SEO to your site, just give me your preferred keywords, a description, and let's make sure we follow white hat best practices etc.
"No call someone at google and ask how much to go to the top of the list"
So you want to pay for ads or..?
"No get a figure I can pay to get to first page"
"Or can you just edit the google"
... And so I never renewed that contract ever again, the end.12 -
That moment when an SEO 'expert' asks if changing ip addresses will put his sites lower in Google.
I'm a fucking Linux engineer, how am I supposed to know that?!
Please live up to your fucking title "SEO *expert*" and don't ask some innocent Linux engineer about this shit 😡20 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, beer garden, lounge, pub, tavern, night club, mini bar, drinks.5
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Dance like noone is watching.
Encrypt like everyone is.
Sudo like you have backups.
Tag like you're a SEO.
Vim like you know how to exit.
Ticket frontend like you're the project manager.
Commit like saying "fuck you" in the message is appropriate.
Alert like you would use console.log
Design like you know CSS.
Comment like you aren't the only dev.
Code like PHP isn't outdated.
And finally:
Try to work like you know how to quit devrant.13 -
I need a site with seo and advertisement.
The page should make about 750€ per month. I will only pay after site is complete and pays out.
You will get 150€5 -
Our Web Technology professor taught us this in the year 2016, he said and I quote,
"HTML frames are the latest technologies in the www and are supported by new generation browsers only, for example Netscape navigator."14 -
Arghhh, rant time :|
So yesterday I completed a database migration of 167,000 products from an old ecommerce system to a new one. Everything was brought over, orders, customer addresses, everything, really chuffed :)
The only thing the client picked up on was the lack of his spammy "meta keywords" data that I intentionally did not import. I mean the tag isn't used and a list of 40 comma separated random words you'd like to rank for isn;t going to help the sites SEO on bit.
Anyway, the client is now moaning a lot and insisting I add them in. Even after I explained that the meta keywords is gone for good reasons he insists on keeping the data.
Soooo, pointless :|
(note the tags for the sake of satire :) )
4 -
Me: "I'm a programmer"
Others: talks about linux
Others: search algorithms!
Others: service infrastructure
Others: memory optimization
Others: encryption
Me: "I'm a front end web developer"
Others: complex services
Others: strong user form validation
Others: lazy loading
Others: SEO
Me: "fucking, I make shit look pretty alright"11 -
Client: Hi. my SEO guy messed up the website. Its kind of .... you know .... gone. You must have the backup. Please restore
Me (after 10 mins): Done
.............
Client: Hi again. I don't see my changes from yesterday. Why?
Me: Because I had 2 months old backup.
Client: Why?
Me: Because that's the last time I worked on your website. And you changed the credentials later on.
Client: But you're a programmer. You must have had a back door to take back ups.
........
Client: Hello?
Me: It's time to leave earth.8 -
Heard a new one from the client today.
Said with a straight face, "You guys write your HTML in all caps, right? It's better for SEO."6 -
Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.
"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"
Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.19 -
Time for a rant!.
Got a client I've just built a website for and they went live 2 weeks ago.
This morning he sends me an email saying that the website is not good enough because it's not making any sales or getting any traffic.
I send an email back asking if he has a marketing / SEO company... The response was I thought you do that as you said the site would be SEO friendly!!!.
I'm a developer! Not a marketer, fuck off.2 -
New client wanted us to redo their site and boost their SEO because "nobody has ever used our contact form".
Looking at their current site, turns out their contact form is POSTed to an HTML page, that obviously does 0 processing on it. Like tossing it on the trash bin.
Their current website is done by a company that claim they're experts on web design for our clients sector.
Still haven't stopped laughing.7 -
Me: So here's the completed website.
Client: *goes to Google and searches for media agencies india* What the hell is this ? I was told that my name would come on the first page in Google.
Me: Sir, we had quoted to build SEO friendly pages and not for doing SEO.
Client: This is fraud. How the hell could you cheat me by using these technical words. I want my name on the first page in Google.
Me: *types companyname.com in Google* Here Sir, your website is on the first page in Google.
Client: I very well know fraudsters like you. If I wouldn't have checked it then you'd have charged me for this later on. Here's your cheque.
Worst part of being a dev is handling less techy people than you 😫3 -
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, inn, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drink, drinks, beer, alcohol...
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38°C, sunday afternoon, client be like: "Omg, I need you, it's important, can you call me?"
*calls client*
"So I got this E-Mail that said my SEO could be improved alot, why didn't you do that"
*looks at auto generated spam mail, hangs up*5 -
Sometimes in my company, I just want to shout "Java is shit". But I am afraid my coworkers will beat me, because they all seem to love Java. 😅17
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Generic-IT
--------------
Client:"So we would like to found a new company and offer IT and network consulting. Would you be able to build our website?"
Me:"Absolutely. What will be the name of your company?"
Client:"The name is going to be 'Generic-IT'. The website is going to be 'generic-IT.com' . We checked that with google."
Me:"I am sorry to tell you that generic.com is already taken by another company. Incidentally that company offers the same services, that you intend to offer. They also seem to be quite big an have businesses in 5 different countries.
Because of this I advise you to pick a different name that does not get you into trouble and makes positioning your own brand easier."
Client:"We want to neglect that problem for now."
Me:"0.0 ..... -_-""""
"Well, listen. Apart from the possible branding and copyright problems imagine how people will find you on the web. ...What will happen if you google 'generic IT'?"
Client:"Yeah well, we want to neglect that. And with SEO you can do something about that."
Me:"..........Welllll, you that SEO is not a cure all, right? The older an bigger company will come up first. Why not avoid that missunderstanding and come up with a unique name?"
Client:"......"
Me:"Please tell me. Doesn't any part of my argument make sense to you?"
Client:"..."
Me:"Well, ok. I will send you the estimate on monday."
___________
Then over a back channel I hear that the client is ...bewildered, why I would not stick to my area of expertise.
There I was now. Left bewildered myself, being the one with the webagency that does frontend design and branding.7 -
We had a mega rude, pompous asshat client come in who's company was SO disliked that someone made a hate site about them that was out ranking the client's actual site. They hired us to re-do their site and SEO to try to get back to the top results. We redid the site but we didn't improve the SEO. We also visited the hate site so many times we probably improved their ranking. 😂🖕🏻5
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An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol.1
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Had a meeting with my client who brought with him his brother and an SEO guy. They orgy fingered my Thinkpad screen. Behold the aftermath
9 -
Client: Can you build a Webshop and make it SEO,SEM and advertising-friendly?
Me: I COULD TRY. Whats your budget?
Client: Up to 400€
At this point I slowly faded away.9 -
A couple weeks ago, my coworkers built a site where 90% of pages consisted of all images and uncompressed images at that. I'm talking even the text was images. At the time I told my boss that it should be done with css and this would later come to bite them in the ass with page load speed and seo. He ignored me and said it was fine. Well today my boss assigned me with going back and basically removing images with things that can be done with css because load speed was terrible and seo wasnt too hot. Maybe if he listened to me from the get go, he wouldn't have to assign me this unnecessary work and I can focus on cleaning up all the other piss poor excuse of websites they have. Seriously tired of feeling like I, the junior dev is doing the teaching to these "senior developers" who get paid like twice as much as I do when I'm the one who is always doing the cleanups /optimization and guiding them on all their problems. Is it Friday yet?-_-4
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Fucking hate sites with great SEO but shitty user experience like Quora. Top of Google but requires a login or else it's locked down like some university cheat site.
Fuck your low quality answers hidden behind a useless blurry paywall. You're a glorified Q&A. Go fuck yourself27 -
When your primary Android app (with over 1/2 million total downloads) gets banned...
And all the email says is read these [links to] policies!
Back story: this happened to me back in 2011, no matter what I did there was no way to get in touch with a human at Google, I sure hope this process has gotten better! Having my app suspended with no way to fix and get it back is ridiculous!! This could ruin a business.
Over two years later, on a Google+ hangout with Google Android devs out of the Google London office, I said to them how silly it is that this happened....one of them asked me for the app ID, I provided, he looked it up in a system which then had a reference code which then related to SEO violation....wow I finally found the answer, how silly that an SEO violation (too many keywords in the app description) can get your app permanently suspended. What a shame. I wouldn't wish this on any solo developer trying to self learn and make something...
Sometimes I really just have to say "Fuck you, Google" out loud a few times.
9 -
The worst part about being a web developer is when clients ruin a perfectly good website by asking for dumb things, even though you told them it's either:
a) near impossible
b) not useful/helpful to users
c) deprecated/no longer used code/techniques
e) will harm performance and SEO
d) just plain stupid8 -
So this mornings i was helping my 2.5year old daughter to count the lines on her potty training table.
me: look there are 1,2,3,4 and 5
she steps back and looks at it for a minute and says : FOUR
i was about to correct her and say no there 5 but then i thought well if your on a zero based list your technically right!!
My mornings are fun!!4 -
Worst dev experience….
Forgetting to use a private browser tab to look at porn….
Take my laptop to work the next day because the bosses want a rundown on seo and trends of the site….
Go to google type “ana…” hoping for the autocomplete of “analytics”, but no. I got “busty anal POV”….
On a 50” 4K screen, they all saw my auto-complete……11 -
Every day I feel like Dr. Leonard McCoy.
"I'm an automation expert, not a ..."
* DBA
* ElasticSearch administrator
* Kafka Architect
* Email marketing specialist
* SEO Analyst
* Front end developer
* Doctor
* Project manager
* Accountant8 -
I work for a small web agency. So today a customer asked us a seo report and what was her position on Google. She don't even have a website.
Another customer asked us to "quickly put them on first place in Google" cause they waited too many days.3 -
Those SEO guys that believe they are some kind of web Gods for building a real crap over WP with a $50 theme and fucking Visual Composer (the most fucked up piece of shit ever) and then ask you to just "optimize" their bloated site so they can get a great score on PageSpeed Insights.
NO.
No way I'm gonna put my hands on that *thing*.6 -
Why are there a million websites that scrap and republish stack overflow content? SEO induced page hits for fraudulent publicity?
Whatever the reason I hate them so much.7 -
Is it true that the seo guys get more ++ because they know how to tag the post in a manner that keeps it on top in algo list?4
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So this PR company hired my firm to convert their client's Wix website to WordPress to have better control over content and SEO, not to mention get away from the piss-poor "absolute position everything" setup of Wix. This is a single page design. 2 days later, we deliver it, performing faster than Wix and with a few extra goodies on the UI.
The client's director of IT wants to stay on Wix, because it's "the most secure provider", and will only move their ONE PAGE INFORMATIONAL WEBSITE to another platform and host if they answer a 133 item "security questionnaire". Short of SSNs, they want to basically know everything, including our proprietary and confidential security practices. You aren't Google...stop acting like you are...
How are people this stupid a "director" of anything?3 -
Lead-Dev: I got a little job for you; put this list of links in the footer of our website.
Me: But... this list of links is a bunch of websites of another company...
why would that go in OUR footer?
LD: Well, Google gives a higher SEO score when two websites have links to one another.
Me: Oh, okay.
LD: Just make the list as subtle as possible. Visitors aren't really supposed to click on them.
Me under my breath: (How are these people allowed to call themselves professionals?)2 -
Girl: What major are you studying?
Me: Computer Science.
Girl: Cool. Can you hack my boyfriend's Facebook, I think he's cheating on me.
Me: Go to hell. 😡4 -
team lead: what is the minimum lenght validation on the first name field?
dev: i decided to put minlenhgt 3
team lead: why? did you tests it
Dev: i tested it. 3 makes sense to me
Team lead: isint your first name 2 letters long?
Dev: oh i dodth think about that4 -
Disclaimer: Long tale of a tech support job. Also the wk29 story is at the bottom.
One time I was working tech support for a website and email hosting firm that was in town. I was hired and worked as the only tech support person there, so all calls came in through me. This also meant that if I was on a call, and another one came through, they would go straight to voice mail. But I couldn't hang up calls either, so, sometimes someone would take up tons of time and I'd have to help them. I was also the "SEO" and "Social Media Marketing" person, as well; managed peoples' social media campaigns. I have tons of stories from this place but a few in particular stick out to me. No particular order to these, I'm just reminiscing as I write this.
I once had to help a man who couldn't find the start button on his computer. When I eventually guided him to allowing me to remote into his computer via Team Viewer, I found he was using Windows XP. I'm not kidding.
I once had to sit on the phone with a man selling Plexus Easy Weight Loss (snake oil, pyramid scheme, but he was a client) and have him yell at me about not getting him more business, simply because we'd built his website. No, I'D not built his website, but his website was fine and it wasn't our job to get him more business. Oh yeah, this is the same guy who said that he didn't want the social media marketing package because he "had people to hide from." Christ.
We had another client who was a conspiracy theorist and wanted the social media marketing package for his blog, all about United States conspiracies. Real nut case. But the best client I've ever had because sometimes he'd come into the office and take up my time talking at me about how Fukushima was the next 911 and that soon it'll spill into the US water supply and everybody was going to die. Hell, better than being on the phone! Doing his social media was great because he wanted me to post clearly fake news stories to his twitter and facebook for him, and I got to look at and manage all the comments calling him out on his bullshit. It was kinda fun. After all, it wasn't _me_ that believed all this. It felt like I was trolling.
[wk29] I was the social media and support techie, not a salesperson. But sometimes I was put in charge _alone_ in front of clients for status meetings about their social media. This one time we had a client who was a custom fashion-type person. I don't really remember. But I was told directly to make them a _new_ facebook page and post to it every day with their hot new deals and stuff. MONTHS pass since I do that and they come in for a face-to-face meeting. Boss is out doing... boss things and that means I have to sit in with her, and for some fucking reason she brought her boyfriend AND HER DAD. Who were both clearly very very angry with me, the company, and probably life. They didn't ever say anything at first, they didn't greet me, they were both just there like British royal guards. It was weird as fuck. I start showing them the page, the progress on their likes goals, etc etc. Marketing shit. They say, "huh, we didn't see any of these posts at home." Turns out they already had a Facebook page, I was working on a completely seperate one, and then the boyfriend finally chimes in with the biggest fucking scowl, "what are you going to do about this?" He was sort of justified, considering this was a payed and semi-expensive service we offered, but holy shit the amount of fire in all three of them. Anyway, it came down to me figuring out how to merge facebook pages, but they eventually left as clients. Is this my fuck up? Is it my company's? Is it theirs? I don't know but that was probably the most awkward meeting ever. Don't know if it comes across through text but the anxiety was pretty real. Fuck.
tl;dr Tech support jobs are a really fun and exciting entry level position I recommend everybody apply for if they're starting out in the tech world! You'll meet tons of cool people and every day is like a new adventure.2 -
So I never had a proper education in IT. Started web development as a hobby, then some people started giving me money for it, and here I am, working as a fulltime web dev since 2001 and SEO expert since 2010.
Still, I sometimes wonder how much I really know compared to some fresh coder who just got out of university.
I know how to create great software from A to Z, but still I sometimes get the feeling that I am missing the fundamental basics.
Is that weird?3 -
Not learning data structures and algorithms. Not learning programming languages. Actually not learning anything to answer during a job interview.
I am more of a learn-while-you-do kind of guy. I never learn anything, instead just do it. Interviewers think I am useless because I know nothing. But I can get a job done, any kind of job done. I have no learning period, I can start working from first day in a all new language, in a all new IDE, in a all new OS.
I know nothing, and I learn nothing. I am a problem solver. You got a problem, I can solve it.6 -
Got a request from a client to remove the dot on the i because umlauts are bad for SEO in URL paths3
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- Fuck mobile apps that open links in embedded browser windows
- Fuck Wordpress page builders that use the single content field as an embedded IDrag&DropE.
- Fuck unindented HTML markup
- Fuck plugins with "pro" versions that provide more than 50% of the advertised features.
- Fuck building an app with a SPA framework and then adding SSR cuz ur SEO is fucked.
- Fuck Javascript transitions that are meant to make a site look fancy but slow it the fuck down.
Fuck it.
Vent your frustrations9 -
A Client wanted a Webshop, SEO etc... i was like "sure mate". After a while of talking he said his Budget is around 250€. GG.
Move on, nothing to see here.5 -
Ok so it's not a good SSD for PC's then... Fucking hate how many YouTubers so this shit just for SEO
2 -
I intend to MAXIMIZE the background music because the SEO GIRL has the biggest mouth ever like its a market place! What in the world?2
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The moment when they recommend you WordPress over Laravel just because it has better SEO.
Bitch, I write my own SEO. I'm not only on the first page I am the top result. Bet you didn't expect that.1 -
I wrote a node + vue web app that consumes bing api and lets you block specific hosts with a click, and I have some thoughts I need to post somewhere.
My main motivation for this it is that the search results I've been getting with the big search engines are lacking a lot of quality. The SEO situation right now is very complex but the bottom line is that there is a lot of white hat SEO abuse.
Commercial companies are fucking up the internet very hard. Search results have become way too profit oriented thus unneutral. Personal blogs are becoming very rare. Information is losing quality and sites are losing identity. The internet is consollidating.
So, I decided to write something to help me give this situation the middle finger.
I wrote this because I consider the ability to block specific sites a basic universal right. If you were ripped off by a website or you just don't like it, then you should be able to block said site from your search results. It's not rocket science.
Google used to have this feature integrated but they removed it in 2013. They also had an extension that did this client side, but they removed it in 2018 too. We're years past the time where Google forgot their "Don't be evil" motto.
AFAIK, the only search engine on earth that lets you block sites is millionshort.com, but if you block too many sites, the performance degrades. And the company that runs it is a for profit too.
There is a third party extension that blocks sites called uBlacklist. The problem is that it only works on google. I wrote my app so as to escape google's tracking clutches, ads and their annoying products showing up in between my results.
But aside uBlacklist does the same thing as my app, including the limitation that this isn't an actual search engine, it's just filtering search results after they are generated.
This is far from ideal because filter results before the results are generated would be much more preferred.
But developing a search engine is prohibitively expensive to both index and rank pages for a single person. Which is sad, but can't do much about it.
I'm also thinking of implementing the ability promote certain sites, the opposite to blocking, so these promoted sites would get more priority within the results.
I guess I would have to move the promoted sites between all pages I fetched to the first page/s, but client side.
But this is suboptimal compared to having actual access to the rank algorithm, where you could promote sites in a smarter way, but again, I can't build a search engine by myself.
I'm using mongo to cache the results, so with a click of a button I can retrieve the results of a previous query without hitting bing. So far a couple of queries don't seem to bring much performance or space issues.
On using bing: bing is basically the only realiable API option I could find that was hobby cost worthy. Most microsoft products are usually my last choice.
Bing is giving me a 7 day free trial of their search API until I register a CC. They offer a free tier, but I'm not sure if that's only for these 7 days. Otherwise, I'm gonna need to pay like 5$.
Paying or not, having to use a CC to use this software I wrote sucks balls.
So far the usage of this app has resulted in me becoming more critical of sites and finding sites of better quality. I think overall it helps me to become a better programmer, all the while having better protection of my privacy.
One not upside is that I'm the only one curating myself, whereas I could benefit from other people that I trust own block/promote lists.
I will git push it somewhere at some point, but it does require some more work:
I would want to add a docker-compose script to make it easy to start, and I didn't write any tests unfortunately (I did use eslint for both apps, though).
The performance is not excellent (the app has not experienced blocks so far, but it does make the coolers spin after a bit) because the algorithms I wrote were very POC.
But it took me some time to write it, and I need to catch some breath.
There are other more open efforts that seem to be more ethical, but they are usually hard to use or just incomplete.
commoncrawl.org is a free index of the web. one problem I found is that it doesn't seem to index everything (for example, it doesn't seem to index the blog of a friend I know that has been writing for years and is indexed by google).
it also requires knowledge on reading warc files, which will surely require some time investment to learn.
it also seems kinda slow for responses,
it is also generated only once a month, and I would still have little idea on how to implement a pagerank algorithm, let alone code it.
4 -
I'm a perfectionist and like things done the right way, but had to learn to let go and remind myself it's the clients site and their choice. No amount of logic and reasoning is going to stop a hellbent client from wanting the dumb things they want, even when it's bad for design, performance, usability and/or SEO.1
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About a year ago I was doing work for a client that hired a separate contractor for SEO consultation. I could easily end the rant here.
This lady was trying to convince my client to write the same page or blog article several times over and merely change their physical address at the bottom of the page to one of their many respective clinics.
When I told them not to do this because they would suffer for stuffing and duplicating content, their response was to ask me to be respectful of the other contractor's skills and knowledge regarding digital marketing and to call her and sort it out.
I called. We argued. I called the client back and asked if they should respect the skills of an auto mechanic with pliers to remove a teenager's braces rather than send them to one of their orthodontic clinics.4 -
I wAs ChEcKiNg YoUr WeBsItE aNd I sEe YoU hAvE a GoOd DeSiGn AnD iT lOoKs GrEaT, bUt It’s NoT rAnKeD oN gOoGlE aNd OtHeR mAjOr SeArCh EnGiNeS.
please leave me alone5 -
Vendor we('re forced to) work with, as we share a client. This is in their stylesheet. Fuck SEO best practices, amirite?! 😒
5 -
A SEO copywriter walks into a bar, liquor store, pub, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, vodka, sixpack,...
credits: it-talents.de4 -
SEO analyst (hired by client) sends his inform to client, designer and developer (me) and all it says is: use friendly urls, proper use of h1, h2..., use alt in img tags...
Come on dude! Those are obvious things to any webdev out there who earns his salary. Do YOUR fucking job, do some fucking research and DO NOT dare to tell me page title and meta description are important (Really? No shit genius!) and tell me THE page title and THE fucking meta description... Or...
Fuck off and go find some other victim to trick with your bullshit marketing slang.3 -
My friend who works in marketing told me the other day that he would like enter IT world to earn more. I have told him that company had opened position for junior SEO/SEM which in theory is very close to what he is doing right now. His base salary would double and there are bonuses and commissions. I have told him that I could get him that job, but what I heard back? "Nah I don't to want to do that" and started whining again about his salary...2
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!rant
Reddit comment on a thread about Joomla! sites being vulnerable to SQL-injections:
"Joomla sites are so infested they became sentient.
Joomla sites needs no webmaster, some one else will administer it for you.
Joomla sites have very good SEO, specially in "v1agra c1alis p3nis size"
Traffic count with Joomla is high, all the bots breaking all the vulnerabilities count for somethin'."
😂 Pure gold.1 -
When you pay money to Facebook to advertise yourself as SEO expert, but are unable to even properly optimize your own website.. 😬 🤷♂️
2 -
If it crashes, it's linux :/
Even the OS installation crashes, they call it stable release with LTS.
11 -
Kiss for fucks sake! What the fuck of an ORM is Sequelize? How the fuck do I have to write a 50 line query json to get a query for a single object going, which doesn't work then because that shit peace of software has a bug that breaks findOne and forces you to use findAll and use the first and only hit?!
Well yes, I looked in your garbage SEO docs for that issue, but whenever I look for something specific I just end up on your optimized as hell querying for noobs doc page. FUCK YOU!
Seriously, you guys working with Sequelize saved me many hours. But fuck your fuckups! And ajfjekidjjskrhbdkaowbdjdkwobdnfie4 -
"We totally know everything about SEO, you should trust us and pay us so your website is #01 because we know how Google ranks their shit" (not literally)
No fuck you. No one knows how google ranks pages. No one. And your pseudo information is even free to find on the first google result about seo that is above yours. Oh look, they must be better than you with that.3 -
"we have add a lot of cost partly due to currency exchange rate, but we also added some services and servers, we'll have a meeting and see what we can cancel or re-arrange."
So now....
- JIRA is gone
- SEO tools are gone
- budget for site security & SSL undecided
- Servers are too expensive.
$800 for twelve 2-24gb ram servers with backup, I call that bargain
Can't wait to see the websites falling apart. Now where are my popcorns?9 -
Love when the client knows more than you and tells you to create a report on an imaginary tool they are 100% sure it exists because their friend is an SEO expert and thinks all pages should be running at a 100 percent on lighthouse. Fml.2
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That moment when social media and seo people gets paid more than developers in your country.
Are you f**king kidding me!2 -
funny coincidence happened at work the other day.
One dev ask to get more ram for his pc so we sent him a link to download more ram... after all the laughs we actually gave hom more ram.
The next day, we had performance issue on our dev servers, and after checking the VM's where missing 4gb of ram each from the original setup... so i poke my dev and say see now we know where the downloaded ram came from XD. man those small things really make my day -
Ask fairly technical SEO question on Stack Exchange. Only response is a comment telling me it's be easier to do it differently and use HTML instead of Javascript.6
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That moment when your online competition reaches an almost godlike plane of existence as SEO strategists by placing the literal google analytics code in the literal head of the website. Organic traffic through the roof.
2 -
just saw a production level code, all the fucking variables in the code are in capital letters🤪😵😵😵2
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After this weekend's work with React and Material UI, I started thinking about the downsides to going that route (particularly social media sharing & SEO). The obvious solution is to render server-side, but then you have to ask yourself...is there really a benefit to all of this, or are we just coming full-circle and pretending this is better? I'm all for something that improves maintainability, performance, and reliability, but I feel the more I try to keep up with the latest fads, the slower I work, the more compiling and caching b.s. I have to deal with, and the less I trust the final product to "just work". Anyone else feel this way?4
-
God I hate my job I hate my job I hate my job.
I know that you are supposed to make more than what you have been hired in the first place today, especially in tiny company, but I expected to code a little bit...
This week, all I have to do is to deep-etch pictures in photoshop, send packages, answer the phone, do the SEO and be the community manager on Facebook. No time to code at all.
I just have to stay till august, then I will finally be able to switch company. Please make it fast...6 -
devrant rant
Every rant is SEO friendly.
Put few of your GitHub names in ddg - got few pages of devrant post. Not sure if that's beneficial for the personal digital footprint.
Option to exclude post from robots?15 -
Ah the managers have come up with a new term we need to implement: "SEO Doubleposting"
I must bow down to their technical genius and prowess, I've never heard it before, it must be high tech term beyond my 10+ years of being a developer.4 -
Had to ride the train to Bonn, Germany yesterday to attend a Sistrix workshop today. Bonn has one of the worst, ugliest.and smelliest train stations I have ever seen - and I have seen quite many.
The hotel I chose over inet recommendations is a shithole with paper thin walls, through which I could hear the neighbouring room's occupant snore all night.
Now I am awake at 6 am, feeling like shit and haven't had coffee yet. My workshop starts at 10, ends at 5pm. Train home leaves at 6pm, I will be home at 10:30 pm.
Gonna be a long f'n day.
I hope the SEO people I will meet are going to be fun.2 -
A Client's hotshot webmaster just asked us to provide a JavaScript 301 redirect script for a CMS we don't own/have admin access at all.
"Must be 301 style for SEO benefits... "
So, hows your day going? 🤣🤣6 -
@netikras
not sure why, but you tend to appear on google search "devrant". i thought it was a random user each time when i first saw it... tried on different devices/ips... 80% of them, you showed up.
are you aware of this?
anyone else have similar, or totally different, insight on this?
though it was different IPs, i should mention that they were all on the same subnet... not local, public IPv4 /28 subnet
12 -
when you realize that performance issue you just could not figure out is the SYS admin taking a full back of your production machine during peek traffic hours
-
When you realize devRant's SEO is pretty decent and you were getting doxxed from your old account so you change your name to fullstackclown 🤡
(tried to include the emoji in it but once again devRant is too smart for me)8 -
CLIENT: My wordpress site runs really slowly, can you fix it?
Me: Yeah sure, let me have a look.
*logs in and sees Facebook feeds, twitter feeds, 3 seo plugins, 5 backup generators, 4 slider plugins, jscomposer, social sharing buttons and loads more*
Me: Do you realise that you don't need that many plugins?
Client : well they make my site really fancy and my customers love it.
Me: yafud7 -
The best part of the day: when someone from SEO tells you how easy adding/updating an extension in magento2 should be.... Uhm, excuse me.2
-
I'm kind of triggered by all these social media posters and SEO optimizers and "wordpress developers", it's one of the oldest internet scam "jobs" in my eyes where anyone can do what they are doing, yet somehow they are getting paid absurd amounts of money for who knows what. I'm just triggered by how much these people get away with. And stupid ass "companies" that I see all over first google results whose pricing starts from 5k and they're resumes are stock unmodified fucking wordpress themes that cost 39-59 bucks. WHAT THE FUCK. I just want to make a huge wave about this, this is straigh up scaming people. I couldn't live with myself if I would charge this amounts of money for installing a fucking wordpress theme and uploading a few photos. Are you kidding me. And seo scammers? is writting a 200 word essay with fucking yoast seo optimisation worth a few hundred? IS IT?14
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Me: Hey SEO guy. I am updating our online store from Flask/jQuery in ReactJS.
SEO guy: That is amazing. Google LOVES ReactJS and it will crawl the site very fast.
*fast forward*
SEO guy: Hey, did you change anything in the site because the site is not ranking anymore on Google. The URLs are dynamically generated in front end. Google does not like that.
ME: But you said that Google loves React. It took me nearly 1 month to migrate the code in React.
Fucking hell.11 -
I am working on my personal resume website (with a lot of css and jQuery).
Two days ago, I got a job offer, so I started preparing for the interviews, leaving the website aside.
Then, yesterday that company turned me down. So, I left the interview preps and started working on website again.
Then, today there is another job opening and I am now again preparing for interviews, keeping the website on a pause again.
Also, I have my internal exams coming up this weekend.
I don't know what should I do. Idk what I am doing. 😥😥7 -
when a dev fixes a memory leek issue but rebooting the server, and when ask why the production application crashes he casualty replies "I don't know but I restarted the server and its fine now..."7
-
marquetting department: i need a new for on the website its urgent drop everithing else
dev: sure can you give me the text and the fields that should be on the form?
....1 week later
dev: do you havr the info
marketing: can you have ot online today
dev: yes just get me that content
1week later
.... you know where im going with this -
Working at a local seo sweat-shop as "whatever the lead dev does't feel like doing" guy.
Inherit their linux "server".
- Over 500 security updates
- Everything in /var/www is chmod to 777
- Everything in /var/www is owned by a random user that isn't apache
- Every single database is owned by root sql user
- Password for sudo user and mysql root user same as wifi password given to everyone at company.
- Custom spaghetti code dashboard with over 400 files in one directory, db/ api logins spread throughout these files, passwords in plain text.
- Dashboard doesn't have passwords, just usernames to login
- Dashboard database has all customer information including credit card stored in plain text
- Company wifi is shared by other businesses in the area
I suggest that I should try to fix some of these things.
Lead Developer / Tech Director : We're an SEO company, not a security company . . .7 -
When you find it amusing that your boss thinks you can copy and paste SEO from one website to another, you know you've given up.
-
Having my last day at this company today!!! So looking forward to the new job. No more customers I have to talk to, no more deadlines, no more fucking app development.
Going to be the lead SEO and e-Commerce guy in a relatively big company, with my own small team, finally my own office again - and less development (but will still develop about 20% of the time).
Gonna be awesome, but first, I get to have 3 weeks vacation to renovate my house 😁1 -
Happened today,
A senior guy who knows how to design “says he have a creative agency as a side business” came up with a new website design with the approval from executive and asked us to develop it!
With no discussing with the developers, or the designer in our team! And his design is a full one page website filled with full page modals whenever you click something!!
And my dear manager of course approved it.
I am not against the design or anything, but I am against that we aren’t involve in something like this. The design is doable, but the page load will be heavy because it contain a lot of pictures, and SEO will be bullshit. Developers should give their technical opinion in the design but they don’t understand!2 -
I'm preparing to leave my current position.
Anyone have any recommendations on job search service?
I've been looking at indeed and I like their filter for remote and salary. Just want to make sure I'm not getting SEO bamboozled and miss out on a better job posting platform.2 -
The Google Play Store sucks my ass with miracle whip. Want to find something useful? Too bad! Paid placement for you!4
-
what's your opinion on search engine marketeers? I think they're smurky and don't know how the internet works. I once had a 'SEO specialist' even telling me that my HTML wasn't correct because it didn't had the same markup as Google's documentation. For the record: it díd have all the microdata, but I used <ol> instead of <ul>. So yeah...1
-
The meetings for SEO.
The SEO guy is really, really nice. He's patient, comprehensive, he's quite good looking and everything, but my boss is a total moron when speaking about internet stuff. He makes us repeat everything at least three times, he will note everything on a sheet of paper that he will lose and write again... these reunion last 2 hours and we have one twice a month. Uuuugh... -
Do you still charge your clients extra for HTTPS being it’s practically a requirement now for SEO purposes?7
-
my workstation, can't imagine to work without it,
waiting for dev rant stickers even left some space for them
Proudly running Ubuntu Gnome 16.04
3 -
Going from 80% development/20% SEO at an agency to a new inhouse position with 90% SEO and 10% development. But it'll be fun.
If not, I will let you know for sure.3 -
So ive been seing a couple funny unattended PC pranks lests here yours!
my ultimate favourite : when someone walk of without locking his PC i go and switch his mouse to left handed. its hilarious how some ppl take for ever to figure it out.
so funny and constructive, you can gage problems solving on the fly! plus the average i now lock my pc goes up 90%7 -
Boss : make me a project with serverless and vue js
Me: you renounce to the SEO
Boss: no i need full visibility on search engines
Me: i will prerender it :'(
Rant :what i can do to save de seo of an vuejs application ? ... My html file have div id app ... End XD3 -
Is it just me or are there more people who get immense satisfaction and happiness resetting their PC and their phone?
Like I was kinda depressed for some 2 days, and today I re-installed Windows in my friend's laptop and now I am feeling up again. Now I am resetting my PC and my phone 😋.
Feeling super motivated and hoping for a better start. 😁5 -
Wish we could downvote whole websites / url links
Researching information and the website is just plain wrong...
Search engines would also be better done using bookmarks I think
But then you'd need to sign up to certain communities to share bookmarks with and not others, because just like people make bank gaming SEO they will try to infect these networks to sell you useless stuff just the same2 -
What the fucking is happening with react? They advice you to use NextJs but that thing is just Vercel trying to force us buy their servers. Are we going back to PHP ? Tightly coupled front-backend.
I used to just build any React/Front app and deploy the bundle on a bucket and let the CDN do the rest.
Now you need to spin up a fucking node server to just serve some fucking html. Wtf are we heading.
They say it's for the SEO, why not fix the SEO problem altogether then ? Plus there are already SEO solution out there for SPA.
I'm very disappointed in YouTubers like Theo that are out there pushing people to use vercel and showing tutorial in dep
Bro all we need is npm fucking fucking build8 -
So there is this guy with a startup, who wants me to work with him like a co-founder, putting innovations in to the startup. But I want to work like an intern, I will code, you will pay me money, if something breaks, I'm out.
Idk for how long, we can continue like this. Sometimes I feel I should leave, but then I think about the extra pocket money (I am a student). But he calls me like 10 times a day, talking for 15-30 minutes on phone, repeating the same things again and again, which really pisses me off as an introvert.
Should I leave the extra pocket money for some peace of mind?1 -
Fuck SEO companies and their dumb fucking faces.
The SEO campany that was hired for a website by the client just asked us to implement hreflang tags.
Which at fist sounds logical, but it was requested on a website that is multi language installed (english has a .com and dutch has a .nl domain) meaning all installations target a completely different audience and to implement it correctly we would somehow have to make it automatically resolve the url? Like what the fuck do they want us to do, so we called the actual Client of the project and he's like;
"We'll wait for now as it sounds like you guys don't think it would be usefull, but I think we may need to pick it up later"
So that cleared that up for now.
In other news; One more day and then I have vacation, maybe afterwards I'll be able to not fall asleep at 6pm and sleep to 11pm only to sleep from 11.30pm to 6am6 -
Holy fuck, I though working with Wordpress was a fucking nightmare, but it’s a dream compared to the shit I am estimating maintenance on...
It’s running on Asp.net and the Sitecore cms... I have no fucking clue what the fuck is going on anywhere
I’ve estimated 3-4 days for doing basic maintenance like improving SEO and fix some minor semantics. Everything is wrapped in a fucking <form> element, I mean every fucking thing. It goes;
<body><form method=POST>shit content</form><body>2 -
This is a little shameful, but i dont tell people i do IT since it leads to a , "wow you must be really smart, i could never do computer science" discussion.
Alot easier to connect with people without a plethora of stereotypes attatched to your SEO of a name3 -
I always start with a personal need. I can't really commit to projects that I wouldn't use myself. Once I have the need, I spend days trying to Google if it exists, and if not, I go ahead. (Then sometimes I find out later that it does exist, it's just that they suck at SEO.)1
-
This book I'm reading on SEO is like drinking nightquil.
The more I read the harder it gets to not pass out.6 -
What I want to read is how to train an ai model to recognize images.
What I don't want to read is your 6000 word ad filled dissertation on everything related to the concept of ai that links to the tensorflow documentation 3/4 of the way through.
The first 15 links on Google are like this. You have you look real hard for a link to the actual documentation.
SEO has absolutely ruined the usefulness of the internet.4 -
Today I redacted all my girlfriend's SEO seo resume while clean his macbook of badblocks so she could be able to use my so hated osx...6
-
Attended KubeCon this week in San Diego. Was amazing great speakers great ppl all around.
Its amazing to see an open source community get together to share. I was not expecting there were goin to be more than 12k attendees!!
-
dev = true
rant = false
post = " hey guys, I wanna make a photography portfolio website for my brother.
I want to change my habitual stack and go in uncharted seas.
My habitual stack : Nodejs, angularjs/Angular, bootstrap/foundation.
This portfolio should be SEO ready and lightweight.
Thank you if you have some ideas so I can enjoy learn a new stack 😃"
return post2 -
nothing is better than starting the new year while working on a project,
first git commit of the year 2018
happy new year ranters1 -
Any ReactJS developer here? Just wanted to ask, how do you handle SEO with ReactJS SPA? Do you follow any tutorial to convert it to SSR? Or do you just use NextJS instead?
Thanks3 -
looking for a nice side project very badly..😖😖it sucks when you have nothing interesting to work on.3
-
Having to sit and explain the difference between json and jsonp to a graphic designer and and SEO manager
-
i previously had Windows 10 and somehow my Windows was deleted so i installed Ubuntu and wiped the hard disk
can u suggest any full data recovery tool in linux from which i can recover the data i had in Windows.1 -
yeah we have a guy that actively paints himself into corners. last time was an api he was saying yeah there just this last field to put in, then when you open the code because of the bs reaspn he gives you for not finishing it you realize you have to wreak everithing and start pver cuz there is no ways in hell this would work. and thats just the tip of the iceberg....
-
Me (to Google): I need *this* WITHOUT *that*
Google: Okay, so you need *this* WITH *that* gotcha.
*SEO guy laughing at my misery*3 -
"Let's make a blog post, I have a very good idea : comparing 3 totally different things !"
I guess it's all about Seo and traffic...
1 -
Does anyone blog or post on dev topics / tutorials, and if so what platform do you use these days?
- Medium is just full of aggressive paywall crap these days - not interested.
- Freecodecamp is more geared towards tutorials, though I wouldn't be against this - but seems like it's mainly geared towards "getting started" tutorials, and there's no way to comment on articles either.
- dev.to seems to be more of a "Twitter for devs" rather than a blogging platform.
- Blogger is as good as dead.
- Self-hosted platforms require me to maintain them, and I can't be arsed with the SEO side of things.
Anything I'm missing? Apart from to give up and do something more worthwhile with my time of course...5 -
"curious about programming?
You’ve read all of your member-only stories this month. Become a member to read and support the writers and publications uncovering new insights in the topics that matter to you."
Fair enough, good work should be paid.
But do "the writers" actually get paid by medium?
From my knowledge and experience so far, I had reasons to doubt, at least they never paid me (but then again I only wrote 1 serious story there).
Also I still do not get it why some stories are free and others aren't. Personally, I prefer dev.to for reading as well as writing. But medium stories rank so successfully on Google that there are always some of them before any dev.to content in the search results.4 -
Client: "We don't rank for {competitive keyword}. What is wrong with your code? Or is it the design?"
Me: "I'm the designer, not the SEO guy"***sits client down to explain SEO -
So I was working on this website for a hackathon.
Finally the website is online ☺
www.csimhssce.in/err_404
Does anyone know about SEO? -
To keep the search results of a self build webshop after browsing and returning after searching, my client had "the solution" to make the product page picture-in-picture. He's a self acclaimed tech and seo expert.
In the end I solved it with pushstates1 -
I have been trying to learn SEO for a while now but without any result. Does anyone know where I could find a good guide to follow? Thanks
-
Is there a search engine indexing pages that work without JavaScript?
Why?
- I use the Lynx text-mode browser
Why else? Maybe I'm naïve:
- At least without JavaScript the advert/tracking methods will not slow load times or break the page.
- This may be a nice way to highlight websites that don't have time to join an SEO/analytics arms race.8 -
My client wants me to "help increase sales" by applying seo voodoo. For over two years they didn't even have Analytics. Now, after 12 days they're asking me what do I make of the results. Like that's a meaningful amount of data for analysis.2
-
Finally release the next version of my own asocial (*) medium, wegurus, which will feature SEO friendly urls, responsive layout, and a lot of minor and major fixes under the bonnett.
(* Asocial because it's basically just me and my mum using it atm ;))1 -
I want to setup a website, I have a few questions.
What's SEO and how does it affect my website?
Where should I setup?
Also how should I set it up to prevent hackers from damaging my site?11 -
How to do SEO in the easy way
On a white background write the keywords many times and make it color: white
Use a tiny font-size and make the text unselectable
You're welcome1 -
Updating WordPress plugins and pushing directly through Test to Live without stopping and doing regression tests on Test first. “It’s just Yoast SEO. What could go wrong?”
-
Quote from reddit is too true
If your company runs AI generated SEO for other AI generated advertising for SEO services that promote your AI to other SEO services- you might be snake oil peddling and if anyone looks twice at your company it will blow over like a solo cup on the back porch.
https://reddit.com/r/... -
Google’s SEO glitch over the weekend resulted in both a ruined weekend for my client and I but also a little billable time for me and extra moolah in my bank account. I only wish I had seen this article, but it did help us uncover a nasty hotlinker to block and disavow. Thanks, Google?
https://searchenginejournal.com/goo... -
Reading code and getting that face palm moment
String code = customer.getCode();
customer.setAccount("foo");
customer.setGroup("bar");
customer.setCode("new code");
Ok this is preparing the customer obj makes sence.
Some 20 lines later
customer.setCode(code);...... Wtf1 -
+ this post if you believe web developers shouldn’t touch fucking SEO, im sick of this shit still after 12 yrs…wtffff, am i wrong ?????? Please help14
-
!Rant
Discovered jetBrains dotPeek today.
Wow ive decompile dll beforr but this is insanely good. I feel like i have the original sources to debug this POS lib now4 -
mfw the client says he wants his e-commerce site SEO optimized, and his "computer guy" friend has had a default cms installation set on their domain for months and it's already indexed by every engine probably with a negative score 🙆🙆
-
Was just told that my week is going to be spent changing 700ish image names from "some-image-name" to "some-image-name1"... for "SEO" benefits. Seriously, what the heck... :? Nothing good can come of this...10
-
Started a seo project/busines and i was working day and night...can't finish it because i started working from 8 am to 7 pm in an auto service so i can feed myself and pay the bills...any advice on how to make some money online so i can work from home and continue with my project and finaly get my business going?2
-
Just starting to learn front-end js frameworks ( vue ), and I'm curious. What are the advantages or disadvantages of routing in an SPA vs traditionally redirecting the user? Besides the fact that you don't have to create routes in the backend.
Are there any effects on SEO?
Are there any substantial performance differences?10 -
"Software" such as Yoast SEO, by Yoast is the reason people hate WordPress.
Fuck Yoast SEO, fucking bugged crapware piece of horseshit.2 -
Going through some code I was handed to do an emergency project... Think of an aspx site that follows no design rule, like database access directly in the code behind. No models ect. So I'm going through this section that calls a function good start. Open the function find a class that contain code to access the database.. Humm ok this part look better that the rest. Read the code that validates if it exist in the database and gets the type back. So far so good then there is a get details function call.... Open up the fct ... Started crying... There is a 200+ lines switch case that goes over the type previously fetched..... And the type is stringed compare in the biggest switch case I've ever seen.... Fthis... I'm out1
-
@SidTheITGuy - please help enlighten me. You claimed 1 was Ignorant of Indians... you may just be right... so im coming straight to you about this specific, foreign topic. Im assuming you have expertise with softcolon, right???
So... Ive had one hell of a day (well... a month and still pretty hell of a yr tbh)...
Due to some work-related reason to look at an associate's LinkedIn, I ended up curiously clicking the profile of a sole respondent to a post...
ROFLOL (near literally-- extremely rare for me).
I read it like 10x... going through every, oftenly plausible rationale for what I was making sure wasn't just dyslexia, thinking in non-english, some typo or even some new trendy crap that i was unaware of.
Do to my tendency to avoid tons of new dev/tech terms...
I even briefly wondered if it was some new term for using whitespace formatting instead of semicolons in js (fyi, i prefer coding in giant unformatted blocks, in notepad.exe... you will never catch me w/o explicit ;'s).
Now i really wanna just contact this guy and ask him how/why he chose this business name.
I cut out his pic/name... but, tbh, as someone who's innately amazing at SEO, i must admit, he's got some seriously impressive SEO.
The entire 1st page of google results (after asking if i meant "softcolor"...idfk what that is), was all his company, even an Insta. My locale is germany/deutsch... technically i do also have Hindi pages as allowed/dont auto-trans... but what i searched on and what i was using for linkedin, barely resolve to the same country, no shared anything.
24 -
Fucking shitty agencies promoting their marketing solutions. Oh, you can make a shitty WordPress landing page with SEO plugin and launch some ads, just for 500€? Fuck you, and fuck you for not telling your customers how little support you provide, how shitty devs you employ, and how little work you actually do. And royally fuck you for telling customers how everyone else is too expensive for doing a proper job, only to have them come crying for help after your bullshit gets hacked and all your marketing solutions get flagged for spam.2
-
Can you like SEO my website?
Me: What?!? 🐼📱 this is why im currently putting up Panda emojis on devRant 😂😂😂😂😂😂 -
Any WordPress developers here? Which free plugin is best for image compression/optimization?
Need Quick Suggestions!!2 -
I don't know much about how search engines works and all that stuffs. I started a Blogspot and tried the Google Console to index my web on Google. But it sucks. I get redirect errors. "Crawled- but not indexed.", "Discovered not crawled". I don't know shit. And every video is just a crap on YouTube. I tried several methods and sometimes I feel like giving up.6
-
how can there be any usability issue in google search console that lighthouse did not warn about before?3
-
I want to ask wordpress blog related question . 3 to 4 days ago I deleted my wordpress blog and removed my deleted wordpress blog's 5 pages with the help of Google's remove outdated content .
I want to ask In how many days google will delete those removed pages permanently?7 -
Guys , i need help about frontend framework and seo
which is the best frotend framework that work good with SEO ?5 -
I was asked about SEO going into long description that this is not just about keywords. Get ok I'm going to go eat now let's get this SEO thing going.
-
is it seo, if i post my domain here? I mean i could just throw some keywords in here like Webdesigner Köln Bonn Homepage and such, then say: visit www.robinoehler.de and it would be a valid Backlink for free to my domain.. am I right?5
-
I’d like to add the FAQ schema to a page. However, when I test it google search console I get an error telling me that there is a missing field “mainentity”. Is it something I’m doing wrong? I am using SEO Yoast but after enabling it, it is showing above error in testing.
The page I need help with: [https://makeupdealsandcoupons.com/w...]1
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