I need to yell something out loud here because if I don't yell it here I'm going to yell it at a coworker, which would be unprofessional and kinda rude of me.

STOP APOLOGIZING FOR BEING A FUCKING CRETIN AND ALSO STOP BEING A FUCKING CRETIN.

Phew, thanks. That feels better.

*sends message in a thread at work immediately responding to message from another person*
*no response in more than 10 minutes*
*edits message to include apology of some kind*

Damn it, self. Why do you feel you have to do this?!

Coworker won’t stop apologizing for everything even though he’s completely competent.
He and I are learning a software completely new to both of us and he’s constantly apologizing for working slowly, not knowing where certain functions are, insisting I’m so much better than him, always reminding us that he’s “still learning” (has been with us for a year), apologizing for being afk for a few minutes, apologizing for having other stuff to work on during the day, apologizing for asking for help…
Again, he’s completely competent and an asset to the team but this guy is 20 years older than me and even calls me “ma’am” unironically. Is there anything I can say to him about this?