Two programmers have been arrested and currently sit in a jail cell.

Programmer 1: Hey I think we had too much too drink.
Programmer 2: I believe that is a logically assumption.
Officer: You have a phone call.
Programmer 1: Yes, it's my lawyer!

Phone: Is Steve Smith ?
Programmer 1: Yes, who is this?
Phone: Hi, this is Jane calling from Tech Hub Recruiting....
Programmer 1: HOW DID YOU FIND ME?!

I found a recruiter that read my CV. My CV, he READ it... ALL of it!

I'm keeping this one, he is very well trained!

The whole javascript / java thing (which i suppose is an easy mistake to make to the uninitiated ).

The bright side is, it functions as a good litmus test.

My most ridiculous recruiter experience was the time he called me back to say to me that I'm too confident and... too good for the job. I was so confused ! I had no experience at all, and I was a very introvert person. What a strange way to say that I don't fit for the job.

Continuous emails from recruiters:

"I saw your profile on LinkedIn and wanted to see if you were interested in a career as an Area Sales Rep for [cell provider]. Here's the benefits!"

degree says IT, past jobs say IT, hobbies say IT, interests say IT. Do they just send that to everyone no matter what the profile says??

Called by a recruiter for a position as a JavaScript engineer, and he claimed my LinkedIn profile looked like I would be a great fit... I don't have JavaScript labeled as one of my skills on LinkedIn.

At the top of my current CV (the only one with current contact details on it) is the line "I am only looking for remote working roles" in bold. Why is it that over 90% of recruiters who contact me want to place me in a role where I would have to commute to an office, mostly over an hour's drive each way? Then they wonder how they get a bad reputation? FML!