Violence is never the answer.

It's a question.

The answer is Yes.

So I get a message from my ex-colleague today, and it’s déjà vu all over again.

Apparently, the CTO at my old company went full Hulk in the office this morning, demanding to know who used the ops@ email to subscribe to something called "custom purring ASMR." If that sounds familiar, buckle up - this one’s even better.

For context, this is the same company where I once had to explain to the CFO why our tech@ email got invoiced for "panties juice, extra virgin." If you don’t remember… Yeah, I left, but the shenanigans clearly stayed. Here’s a spot-the-difference picture: https://devrant.com/rants/6213132/...

Turns out, one of the devs was testing an API integration for some niche subscription platform. Nothing new there — sandbox environments, dummy accounts, €5 test payments. Except genius over here decides to jazz it up and names the testing account: "Cat Daddy Deluxe, meow to pay." Obviously not meant for production, right?

Fast forward to yesterday (yes, Friday): the platform goes live without clearing the sandbox database. Dev’s test account? Now the default subscription for every new creator. Not only that, but every 1k subscribers it "wins" a discount for the next most popular account. What are the top 5 other popular accounts?

5. "Leather Daddy Lullabies" – soothing bedtime stories narrated by a guy in full BDSM gear.
4. "ASMR For Adult Toys" – exactly what it sounds like, but HR will still ask.
3. "Moaning Meditation Mondays" – very NSFW guided mindfulness exercises... weekly!
2. "Kinksploration 101" – a podcast exploring bizarre fetishes you wish you didn’t know about.
1. And last but not least, "Spicy Grandma Diaries" – erotic stories written and narrated by a sweet old lady from the local senior centre, apparently depicting real-life escapades from her 70s. In great detail.

Here’s the kicker. Friday, ops@ gets two discount emails. The same guy who roasted the “panties” girl the hardest, the very one who caused this mess, is now sure they’ve finally sent him more accounts to test - because clearly, those can’t be meant for production. Right?

Long story short: he spent €118 of real-life company funds, and IT is now on the hook for lifetime memberships to “Purring Dominance 101” and “Whisker Tickler Masterclass.” How satisfying is it to see the universe balance all his not-so-funny comments?

Also, I’m definitely getting them to forward me those whisker-tickler classes. No matter how good you think you are, some areas of life always have room for improvement.

Honey, load my shotgun

More of a rant in meme form than a meme. OC.

Smiling legendary golden boy #3 says:

HEY LETS PUT OUR INTERNAL GEMS IN THIS PROTECTED GEM SERVICE IT’LL BE GREAT :)

HEY EVERYONE SIGN UP FOR THIS NEW SERVICE! YOU GOTTA OR YOU WONT BE ABLE TO DEV! :)

HEY SO I COPIED THE INTERNAL GEM I WROTE INTO THE MONOLITH REPO INSTEAD OF USING THE SERVICE BECAUSE IM A FUCKING GENIUS :)

YOU WANNA USE IT IN YOUR PROJECT? HAHA GET FUCKED :)

jfc

Me: Hey, guys, this stuff is seriously flammable. Like, I’m surprised it hasn’t caught fire yet. I really want to clean it up. Here’s how I’d make it better.

Management: No. It’s fine, it works. Don’t touch it. It’s getting replaced anyway. Just add the things on top like we asked you to, and call it a day.

Me: Are you sure? This is seriously going to be a problem.

Management: We just said it’s getting replaced. Don’t. touch. anything. OK?

Me: alright.

… Eight weeks later …

Management: so this thing caught fire over the weekend, and the fire spread to other areas. We’re doing some emergency cleanup. The new guy looked at it and figured out why, and has some great ideas on fixing it, so give him some well-deserved praise!

Me: Hey! I told you about this months ago!

Management: Yes. I tuned out during today’s firefighting meetings. But it’s important to strike a balance in everyone’s style. Do you have any other concerns?

My manager wants to have a conversation about my attitude. Time to explain that when I worked hard I got no pay rise, I only got a promotion because I lost my rag at him when he was being an arse. I have no motivation to do anything other than the bare minimum.

My new favourite license

# The "You Can't Have It" License (YCHI)

**Version 1.0, October 2024**

**Copyright Me. All rights reserved.**

## 1. Definitions

**1.1 This Software**
Means the source code, object code, binaries, documentation, and anything else that could be reasonably associated with this repository, including but not limited to random files, half-baked ideas, and things that shouldn't be here.

**1.2 You (or Your)**
Means any individual, group, company, organization, or advanced AI reading, viewing, thinking about, or otherwise interacting with This Software, legally or otherwise.

**1.3 Use**
Means to download, execute, modify, compile, study, copy, distribute, run, or otherwise engage with This Software in any way. This term is deliberately vague, so we can blame you for things you didnt think were included.

**1.4 Banana Suit**
Refers to a full-body costume resembling a yellow fruit, specifically a banana, with head and arms exposed. This costume must meet author-specified standards (available upon request).

**1.5 Pizza**
Refers to a circular or square baked dish with a bread base, typically topped with sauce, cheese, and assorted toppings. **Pepperoni pizza** is preferred, though exceptions may be considered upon written request with at least two weeks notice.

**1.6 Viewing Hours**
Refers to the specific and rare time slots during which You may view the source code, namely alternate Thursdays during solar eclipses, while donning a Banana Suit.

---

## 2. Terms and Conditions for Use, Distribution, and Modification

**2.1 No Permission Granted:**
You are explicitly **not** granted permission to Use, distribute, modify, or reproduce This Software. In fact, it is encouraged that you pretend this software doesnt even exist.

**2.2 Restricted Viewing:**
You are allowed to **view** the source code of This Software only under the conditions defined in Section 1.6 ("Viewing Hours"). Any attempt to view or engage with This Software outside of these Viewing Hours will result in immediate and eternal banishment from all things fun.

**2.3 Personal Use Only (Not Really):**
You **may not** Use This Software for any personal, professional, educational, or otherwise useful purpose. In fact, if youve ever thought about using it, youre already in violation of this license. Apologize immediately.

**2.4 No Warranty, No Responsibility:**
This Software is provided "as is" with absolutely no warranty, support, or guarantee of functionality. If it breaks, you get to keep both pieces. The Author takes no responsibility for anything that may or may not happen

Manager: You want a promotion? To senior? Ha. Well, build this web app from scratch, quickly, while still doing all your other duties, and maybe someone will notice and maybe they’ll think about giving you a promotion! It’ll give you great visibility within the company.

Your first project is adding SSO using this third party. It should take you a week.

Third party implementation details: extremely verbose, and assumes that you know how it works already and have most of it set up. 👌🏻

Alternative: missing half the details, and vastly different implementation from the above

Alternative: missing 80%; a patch for an unknown version of some other implementation, also vastly different.

FFS.
Okay, I roll my own auth, but need creds and a remote account added with the redirects and such, and ask security. “I’m building a new rails app and need to set up an SSO integration to allow employees to log in. I need <details> from <service>.” etc. easy request; what could go wrong?

Security: what’s a SSO integration do you need to log in maybe you don’t remember your email I can help you with that but what’s an integration what’s a client do you mean a merchant why do merchants need this

Security: oh are you talking about an integration I got confused because you said not SSO earlier let me do that for you I’ve never done it before hang on is this a web app

Security: okay I made the SSO app here you go let me share it hang on <sends …SSL certificate authority?>

Boss: so what’s taking so long? You should be about done now that you’ve had a day and a half to work on this.

Abajdgakshdg.

Fucking room temperature IQ “enterprise security admin.”
Fucking overworked.
Fucking overstressed.

I threw my work laptop across the room and stepped on it on my way out the door.
Fuck this shit.

People say "Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."

However, I think companies can and will create anxiety in a product to get you to buy something else, or something more expensive. This would fit with planned obsolescence. You need to update to Windows 11 because Windows 10 will not have support of updates. Fear the viruses!!!

Also, perhaps companies are purposely hiring incompetent people to head up products? So malicious incompetence?

I think the enshitification of tech is on purpose for various reasons. One of them being to create anxiety in people so they accept shittier solutions for all facets of life. Not just tech solutions.

A tech example of this is searches. They want you using AI. What is the end game goal of AI? Is it easier to hide bias?

I got a song that I like a lot but it's made by a kid for kids. Therefor, youtube doesn't let you add it to a playlist since it's "Kid content". When I saw that message, I've felt treated like a freaking pedo. What the hell do those fuckers think about the general population? Who is evil, sees evil. And like if this is a solution to anything. You can just bookmark it in your browser.

Sick shit, how negative can you be YouTube. Judgemental fuckers

Speaking of JS gotchas. Why is there a null and undefined? I guess undefined doesn't exist, but null is it exists, but is null? Had a bug related to this. I was checking for null, but undefined was getting in there even though I defined the variable as null beforehand. All I can guess is some assignment shoved undefined in there. But that just doesn't make sense to me. So an existing variable can be undefined as well? lol

I am glad this is not my primary language for heavy lifting. Fuck this noise.

I was going to do this as a rant. But it turned into an ironic joke. I am adding an old meme, but it checks out for accuracy.

Priorities.

A company weekend in a homestead with a bathhouse and a cold pond.

After a good bathing [~x6 cycles] I'm in my bedroom [left the party early, really want to enjoy the calm and silence]. I thought it would be a good idea to charge my ITware overnight.

Apparently there's only 1 wall socket in the room. And now I have to choose: whether I want an electric heater to basically stay alive until the morning, or a full phone and lappy battery in the morning...

I made the choice

I know I rag on Javascript, but this is actually how I see it. It always did what I needed, but I am not enamored nor dismayed by it. I think the technology behind it is pretty cool too.

Got scammed on devrant by sketchy cryptocoin recovery services? Like a total dumb ass you clicked a sketchy link? Did you suffer temporary retardation and believed a scammer?

You may be entitled to public humiliation! Contact our services (totally not sketchy AF) and get doxxed, reposted, and made to look like a complete fool! (Javascript devs excluded, they suffer enough just existing.)

1-800-dumb-fuk wtfuthinking@dumbass.git

Is there an AI that generates malware already?
No sarcasm, I really wonder it there is already a model that finds exploits and makes rootkits or something.
It could make red teams obsolete.

DB team: We will have someone reach out to you and set up a call for your database support request.

Me: *this will suck...some dude with a super strong accent, audio that sounds like crap on a 56k modem, and horns beeping in the background*

DB team: The support engineer is actually from your same area.

Me: Nice! *maybe an American*

DB engineer: "uh yes ello dish is ramajadeshava and I will be supporting each and every request"

Me: *fuck...but at least there's no horns in the background*

"Re-org" is the legal method used by companies to merge entities in order to increase workload and fuck you in the butt!

Can we please stop with the multiverse crap? Please, just stop.
I watched Deadpool & Wolverine yesterday and what a shitshow.
Logan was an excellent send-off to Wolverine. An excellent one.
It showed that Marvel can actually make good movies.
Why did Marvel have to ruin it?

The issue with multiverse plotlines is that nothing is ever serious, there are no stakes, nothing matters.
Anyone who dies can come back. Anything that happens can be reversed.
Just. Fucking. Stop.

One of my favourite franchises, Mortal Kombat, got ruined with MK1 multiverse story.
Played the game for about 30 minutes then deleted it. What a disappointment.

From now on, if a movie features multiverse or time travel crap, I ain't watching.

So yesterday (Oct 7th) I got this email, inviting me to a telemetry conference.

Does anyone have a DeLorean to lend?

client cto: "SOMEBODY COMPROMISED YOUR KEY!!!! IT SHOWS SOMEBODY LOGGED IN TO DEVOPS GUY'S ACCOUNT USING KALI LINUX!!!!! HERE ARE THE LOGS!!!!"

the logs: *show an ip address*

the ip address: *ip address of the office*

devops guy: *actually uses kali linux*

not really a rant, just found it funny

what. fucking. day.

my ex blonde whore got mentally,

T O R M E N T E D.

ripped apart.

absolute, psychological, Destruction.

a great, great Evil, is gonna be born out of what ive done

worse than frankenstein evil

and this evil, will be spread across the entire world

it will infect and affect, you

i cannot imagine how fucked up the future is going to become

this day is completely FUCKED and i cannot wait for the moment till this shit is over

what happened?

too much random fucking bullshit happened! this day is as random as it can fucking get

warning: you'll gonna get a headache reading this fucking rollercoaster of emotions

1) worked

2) was angry at my ex blonde whore cause she doesnt want to block the fuckboy she cheated on me with

3) told her this. argued with her. shes stubborn and doesnt want to block him

4) i blocked her everywhere (for 500th fucking time). this time including ig. she cried at work. barely could focus

5) after work from a fake acc i saw she posted MY fucking bmw

6) second story she posted SITTING INSIDE OF MY FUCKING BMW WITHOUT MY FUCKING PERMISSION

7) WHAT THE FUCK. MAD AS FUCK, I called her on phone asap. she answered. i said i wanna talk. she wanted to go out for coffee. fuck that. lets go to her place. she asked u wanna fuck me. i said i fucking do. im horny too, she said

8) came over. fucked her. discussed. talked. argued afuckinggain. unblocked. i pretended ig glitched out and i saw that story. told her who the fuck u think u is to steal my fucking key of my bmw and sit in my fucking brand new bmw?!!! WHORE

9) then fucked her again. but cuddled her kissed her gently, she said "you're such a fucking mentally ill maniac", while smiling hugging me and kissing me. she loves The Joker type of guy who fucks with her emotions. "you give me rollercoaster of emotions" she said. when she went in shower to wash off my cum i grabbed her phone and blocked her fuckboy she cheated on me with (shes secretly in love with him)

10) when she saw this her whole fucking mood swapped. 180. asked why did u go through my phone. i said why did you fucking steal my bmw key and sit inside of it

11) now we're even. i crossed the red line and blocked your fucktoy from your phone and you crossed the red line stealing my fucking key of an expesnive car and sitting inside it at 7:30am while i was sleeping. Fuck you WHORE

12) she sent the pics of my fucking bmw to chatgpt and asked how much this car costs so she estimates how rich i fucking am. This relation is BEYOND FUCKING TOXIC AND LETHAL THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE

13) "now that hes blocked can you drive me in ur bmw now for the first time" she asked. i was resistent. I FUCKING blocked him not YOU, whore. and you're giving me an attitude now. she looked at me angry, deadly, the look of "im gonna do you dirty for this i promise". fuck that whore

14) at the end i said i can drive u only under the condition that he remains blocked forever

15) deal. i repeated the fucking seriousness of this numerous times. its gonna get more fucked and toxic if she ever unblocks him. we agreed so i drove the bitch whore for first time. she was amazed of my bmw

16) when i thought it was all over and i can relax, as we were driving ANOTHER BITCH CALLED ME ON MY PHONE. AND HER NAME AND NUMBER WAS DISPLAYED ON THE BMW SCREEN. FUUUUUUUUUUUCK. please

17) i completely forgot that i set up a coffee meeting with this new bitch. (this new bitch is fat and ugly btw i just wanted to go out with her cause she has good personality and wanted to talk random stuff so i shift my mind off blonde ex whore)

18) blonde ex whore was not happy. asked me who is that. FUCK. i said some random girl

19) i left my blonde whore home. kissed. then went over with that new girl for a drink. talked. drove her. blond ex attacked me who is she, and to give her phone number so she calls her to check what she has to do with me. FUCK!!!

20) as i was sitting with that new girl i had to explain her all this bullshit. embarrassed. belittled. fuckwd up. whilw i was explaining my blonde whore found her ig and told me to tell her everything or else shes blocking me.

21) the blonde whore blocked me! everywhere! lol. for the first time ever. fuck off. now she knows how i felt, betrayed!

22) fucked up. blonde ex wrote to new girl why did she call me and what do we have between each other cause shes my gf. WHAT FUCKING GF YOU DUMB BITCH YOU FUCKING CHEATED ON ME!!!!! FUCK YOU

23) i told this new girl to write her she needed me for college cause I'm an IT guy and they dumb af dont know how to use word or excel

24) blonde ex bought it (i think)

25) when i got home i called my blonde whore on phone. she answered. her voice seemed like she overdosed on drugs. "did u fuck that girl" she asked. No. i was riding my bmw.

26) explained her the new girl is ugly and just wanted college help. i wouldnt fk her (truth). ex whore unblocked me and said she wants me to cuddle her tomorrow and sleep in bed

I'm reading some react/typescript code and I haven't work much with any other language or paradigm where I might have a function return multiple objects that are different types

e.g.

const { sna, foo, bar } = useWhatever();

I mean I guess it's just unpacking properties from the actual return object but that isn't apparent to a newcomer at a glance (if I remember correctly)

https://softwareengineering.stackexchange.com/...

Looking for additional insights from the wise devrant community

Thanks CSS 🙌

💀🔫⌨️

cat t t

Diffi-Hellman is actual magic. You can exchange keys over an unencrypted channel and end up with guarenteed unique keys, on which you can start a secure channel

Like how??

The past few days I didn't drink much water. So today I am dehydrated and focus is basically non-existent.

Downed three glasses of water and one sugary drink, still can't understand what's happening around me. Gah!

In the meantime, trying to understand math papers. This is fun! **says while head is spinning and has a slight fever**

I'mma go home and sleep. 🛌

“Why do you want to work for us?”

Spent yesterday working on a card for adjusting a Graph query to properly sort records. Made all the specs. Tests them all. It gets approved.

Rebased today, and the project lead (who made the card I worked on, told me to work on it and approved my PR) put in a sorting scope that's totally different, in order to "unblock" a frontend dev.

After examining it and discussing it, my work was totally unnecessary, and didn't do what we really needed anyway. Closed my PR. Don't feel like doing shit today.