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Tech Industry: “We need more developers!”
NewDev: “Hire me”
Tech Industry: “only experienced developers please! We don’t have time to train juniors ”
Older Dev: “Hire me”
Tech Industry: “no, you want too much money and too much time off“
Mid dev: “Hire me”
Tech Industry: “only experienced devs who are a culture fit!”
Robot dev: “Hire me”
Tech Industry: “You are Hired”10 -
Recruiter: Why you choose this company to work with?
Me: I didn't choose it, I have other interviews.
Recruiter: So why we should hire you?
Me: So I can pay my bills.14 -
Heard a CEO say at a conference that they hire the most competent candidate. Unless there is a woman in the candidates. Then they hire the woman.
That seems pretty sexist to me.33 -
Companies: We can’t find any senior developers to hire.
Also companies: We pay seniors like juniors.9 -
On my way to my first job interview ever! Applying for a Linux Support Engineer position.
Let's nail this 😎24 -
When interviewing a dev, ask them what they think about time zones. If their answer is "fuck time zones", hire them immediately.4
-
> New hire in company
> Uses white theme in IDE
> Sits next to me
> Get blind everytime when turning head left 😭14 -
If you hire nine women to make a baby, you won't get a baby in one month.
But if you hire one woman a month and impregnate her immediately, it will still take you nine months to get the first baby, but after that you'll get one baby per month for the rest of the year.
That's the difference between latency and throughput (and that's also how pineapple farms work, since it can take up to a year to grow pineapples).11 -
FULLSTACK DEVELOPER
- A buzzword that startup companies use when they can't hire a lot of people. Multitasking all the way sucker!7 -
3 hours of interview end up asking me
“Are you Chinese”
“Why don’t you look and sound Chinese”
“We only hire Chinese speaking candidate”
After told them that I withdraw my application as they only hire “Chinese speaking candidate” , they started to yell “you not professional , you waste time , I will ban you for life, you quick quick go away.”
So I ended up telling people not to join that company.32 -
In a nutshell, i severely underestimated myself, applied to a bunch of places and now they all want to hire me. Oh well.11
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New hire commit:
Message: Visual update
Gitlab: Showing 27 changed files with 21628 additions and 12296 deletions
Do I kill him before or after teaching him?16 -
I'm gonna start a software company and cleverly split up the work into pieces so that I can present them to potential employees as "coding challenges" during the interview and never actually hire them.3
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Today @ 4pm:
New dev: I need help with this issue, i've been stuck on it all day.
Me: ok let's look ...... ok, and did you try google this?
New dev: ... no
Me: ... why?
New dev: well this is clearly my issue, why would I google it? I only google for things I don't know
Me: ... ok ... we'll do you know what this bug is then?
New dev: haha ok, fair point, I'll give that a try. Thanks for the tip.
Seriously, should I be worried? I feel worried13 -
So I quit my job and am currently serving my notice period. I do the hiring for my team (lead dev). Today I got an email from a recruiter trying to recruit me for my current role ....6
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Interviewer : why should we hire you?
Me :*smiles because I have been preparing for this my whole fucking life*3 -
Do not hire a team of full stack developers such that the entire teams' core competency is back-end development and then wonder why they can't hurry the fuck up to design and build usable, device-friendly interfaces.
Hire a damned front-end dev.1 -
Right i'm building a new interview test. Short and simple, I give the potential hire a laptop with a browser open on this: http://jasonette.com/
If he / she recoils in horror, they are hired.20 -
Companies: “We believe diversity is our strength. We don’t discriminate on the basis of sex, sexual orientation, ……”
*departments hire 90% women and 10% men*
Companies: “See! Diversity solved!”14 -
- hire a new Dev.
- not burnout this year
- work less, deliver more
- start a open source side project and make it production ready7 -
The funny thing is I have never been rejected. I know you think I am lying, but everyone I have ever interviewed with wanted to hire me.7
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A company on my LinkedIn is looking for a Jedi programmer to hire again... I guess their first Jedi didn't fair so well.9
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Hiring Manager: Thanks for interviewing for the position. But the things we listed as "nice to haves" are actually required for the job so we aren't going to hire you.7
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If you had a dollar for every time someone has told me "I have an app idea" , you would have enough money to hire me to build your app.3
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Marketing for Developers done RIGHT!
<!-- Hey Payoneer Its better to hire me... im better in posting ads on fb and more better in writing codes -->
6 -
I await the day, when @dfox and @trogus hire someone. There will be some pretty huge competition among us devranters.5
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Boss: We need to hire more people, lower your technical requirements.
Me: Why not just hire interns. They're cheaper, we can mold them into the role faster, and most interns get hired after school and stay for years.
Boss: ... we can do that?
The boss knows I started off as an intern at the company. 🙄6 -
Should I actually look into getting a dev job..?
*I have a high school diploma (graduated three years early)
*College dropout (3-4 months, Computer Science - Personal Reasons)
*No prior work experience.
*Good textural communication skills, poor verbal communication skills.
*Currentally unemployed. (NEET :P)
*I have extensive personal experience with Java, and Python. Some Lua. Knowledge of data generation, parsing, Linux, Windows, Terminal(cmd & bash), & Encryption(Ciphers).
*Math, but very little algebra/geometry (though, could easily improve these).
*Work best under preasure.
Remote only.
Think anyone would hire me..?13 -
So I was talking with a coworker about a difficult situation I had with a manager years ago. It came down to how to interpret the company rules. The issue was about schedules and not being allowed to modify those schedules permanently. Say always leaving at 3pm on Friday every week kind of thing.
It came up because I wanted to work through my lunch to make up an hour. So my manager went pouring through the company rules and found this one phrase "you are not to modify your work schedule on a continuous basis". I was like what does that have to do with me working through lunch. He then told me that would make my work schedule during the day without a break to be a continuous day. Which to him was not allowed. I was flabbergasted at how insane the interpretation was on his part. It was not worth fighting it at the time.
Back to my current coworker. We keep talking for a while and he says to me: Was that manager an adversity hire?
I have been chuckling about this all day.1 -
I would hire all the devs and build an all powerful AI
So devs can come up with better jokes and not repeat old ones, it's clearly the main issue this world faces3 -
Oracle really need to hire a new front-end web developer. Their site is not very beautiful, especially their JavaFX documentation sites.7
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Recent boot camp grad here with a solid portfolio...holy crap...this industry is so illogical...got a call from a recruiter whose job needs 3 years experience. I demonstrated I know every single one of the requirements, have implemented them, know pros and cons, etc. She says OK I'll run it by my manager and see because we can't fill the spot and it requires 3 years but you meet all the qualifications. I get an email the next day, and she says sorry, we actually need 5 years...fucking face palm...I'll apply again in 5 years because that job will still be open. Really sucks that the only thing holding me back from landing a job is experience, not knowledge. No employer wants to touch me with a 10 foot pole...how long will it take be to find a job...jesus christ.12
-
Too many clients watch one or two development videos on Youtube to then 'school' me on how to fix bugs... if you're such an awesome dev, why hire me? :)
2 -
New business opportunity. Hire the worst, cheapest devs on the planet and get them to build a HR system.
Judging by past popular HR systems, it'd become a best seller instantly.1 -
Came across 'var3' and 'var15' while debugging Hybris. What the actual fuck SAP, since when do you hire preschoolers to code.1
-
when you don't have anything to rant about because you're fresh out if university and don't have a job so you don't feel like a full fledged dev. 😞😭 time to study for those interviews I guess.3
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Damn, AWS really need to hire some decent UX people. Not sure what's with this latest change, but it feels like a massive step backwards.10
-
When I was a beginner ppl told me
"French companies hire Indian developers because they're cheaper"
Today ? Oh I'm working for an Indian company.5 -
When the project you've been working on gets canned at 85% completion since your project stakeholder decides to go back to the contractor he was initially trying to replace...
How's your morning, fellow devs?
1 -
Oh gosh... This week a "friend" of mine will have a job interview for a company I am working at. This guy really just can't Code. He has no understanding of clean code, abstraction etc. He just knows the basics. But he loves to brag how good he is and got his bachelor degree. Damn I hate this guy and I hope HR won't hire him.7
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So our team is scaling and we've been handling increased workload and I've been wanting to hire two juniors ever since. Finally narrowed down the candidates to three, but I couldn't decide between them so after some careful considerations, I've decided to hire all three. Fingers crossed I have enough time to mentor and manage the three of them and I don't fuck them up.1
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Now i told u have to work 44 hours in a week, after 3 mounths they will hire me if i be good enough.
Sounds scary a little🏢7 -
Microsoft should start to hire some real web developers, because their websites keep being awful.
Slow data loading, inconsistent UI and UX, just a pain in the ass to use.
3 -
Company Motto: “Business is simple, hire amazing people and let then do their thing”
Company Culture: You can’t do that!! It’s really hard and expensive to hire people with those skills! How would we replace you or save money by continuing to not give you a raise if you did that!?1 -
When recruiters try to hire you for a position that you have no experience or interest in... "You write code, right? I know someone you should talk to!"
2 -
When high schools hire CS teachers without a teaching degree why should it be a surprise when THEY DONT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING TEACH.10
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What you'll be working on if they hire you vs what they say you'll be working on if they hire you.9
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Just started onboarding the new hire and it made me realise how much of a dumpster fire some of our code is
-
Treat software development like a trade. Because it is one.
Would you hire someone to build a shed for you if you needed to supply the hammer and saw and they needed to read a "How to Build Sheds" book to just get started? No, you wouldn't.
So why would you hire someone that doesn't have any kind of ready-to-go dev environment?
Why would you hire someone that doesn't understand the basics of this field?
Why do you expect employees to stop what they are doing and teach the new guy everything he should already know, or be able to figure out on his own based on his own experience?23 -
They said: hey, we need to hire a guy to work directly with you and help with your everyday tasks.
They didn't say that he will be in a different country.3 -
Flying back to NY for my last semester.
Don't know how to feel about it.
Let the job hunting begin!
Pssst... Please hire me2 -
We have a new hire, and he doesn't know much so he is receptive when given feedback on better ways to handle a situation...Or at least, he appears that way. Until the next time and he didn't listen at all.
Today I'm working on the front end to match his API calls. I ask him about a list of options for one of the fields, as he didn't provide that info initially. No worries, there was a lot, easy to miss. He responds with a list of ~100 options, which he copied and pasted from, I'm assuming, their documentation. I tell him that's too many options to hard code, as there is an easy chance to have an error or for there to be one added or deleted, and ask if there is an API endpoint to get the list.
He then asks if I need the key and value, or just key. I tell him if he needs the value(human readable) then he can send me just the value, otherwise both. He says he just needs the key, so I let him know that I need both then, as the value is human readable. He says okay.
He proceeds to make the endpoint, I test it. Then I look at the code he wrote. Not only did he not send me both, he just sent the keys, but he hard coded all 100 keys as opposed to making the call to the external API.3 -
I am doing very well in a STEM PhD on a topic I don't like. I wish someone could hire me as a junior software developer instead. :(5
-
When management hire consultants to tell them the same thing you're telling them. It's just more meaningful because they paid more for the information.1
-
So today at work while trying to get a group of people together to play a game of foosball my boss comes up to my friend and starts talking with him.
The conversation then goes on to include the topic of a new hire coming onboard and my boss not wanting to take him into our team because he feels that the new hire isn’t smart enough.
I’m the time span of this argument/conversation I went and helped another coworker, bought a keyboard from a friend and also finished reading a 25 page white paper.
At the end he still doesn’t want to have the new hire on our team.
All I wanted to do was play a game of foosball 😥8 -
8 days till end of contract.
Let’s hope nobody nice want to hire me for at least a month.
I need vacation badly.2 -
Why is every innovation trying to go towards "replacing programmers"? like, what have we done to you?
GitHub CoPilot will replace programmers!
AI will replace programmers!
This/That tech will replace programmers!
Nobody says,
"Programmers work remote so we don't need to hire managers anymore!"
"Programmers wrote a monitoring script for progress tracking, so no need for managers anymore!"
"We are asking people to install sprinklers everywhere so we don't need firefighters!"
"We can just have one teacher record the subject material once and re-use the same video every year, so now we don't need to hire teachers anymore!"
"We are making everything legal so we don't need to hire policemen!".
Why is everything trying to replace programmers?8 -
Me(handling 3 simultaneous apps): we have too many projects need another dev to share the load
Boss: don't worry...
Proceeds to hire one more Dev and take 3 more projects on :/
Logic!=present.1 -
Recruiter strikes again:
"... looking to hire a Senior Android Engineer to drive their global expansion. This is predominantly a backend role, with some very exciting global projects."9 -
dont you just hate it when u want to hire devs but they ask for too much money so you decide to hire interns with experience ?
i became what i always despised6 -
My Biggest dev. fear.
Hire a freelancer/partner to share your work load and he might start developing whole project parallaly himself4 -
For half a year, I couldn't find a job. Now I can't find any to hire. WTF, that doesn't make sense.3
-
When your manager asks for, but ignores, your feedback on new developers after interviews, because "we need to hire so the project is done in 6 months"...
Proceeds to hire 4 junior front-enders with limited/non-existanttt Javascript experience...
😓🔫5 -
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37 -
How do you get experience for a position if noone will hire to get experience?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg?17 -
If corporate always bothers that they can't find any female dev to hire, then encourage them to look into femboys!8
-
Why the hell does enterprise software get away with not having basic, logical, functionality?!
A hierarchical page structure should allow you to name multiple pages the same as long as they're under different parents.
Every FREE documentation platform understands this, yet atlassian fucking confluence can't figure it out.2 -
I need to hire a fucking personal cryptologist just to help me understand Visual Studio error messages.
-
all companies want hire you asap and all those companies also wants you to sign a contract with at least one month notice leave2
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Sometimes I feel like I have to hire a boss for myself. I would tell what shall I work on, and his job would be schedule my time and make deadlines.9
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A programmer wrote scripts to secretly automate a lot of his job -- including to automatically email his wife and make himself a latte
Read more at https://businessinsider.com.au/prog...2 -
My life! What has it come to ?
(I'm primarily backend but I'm broke so I can't hire the frontend devs)
3 -
Yeah sure, drown me in administrative work and then plan to hire another dev to help because I can't keep up.
Are you kidding me?
F*cking hire someone for the KPI and that stuff!2 -
True reason of unemployment-
Firstly companies hire people to make their software automate and then after successful completion of the project, the company terminates most of the employees.4 -
Recently, I was hired by another company. It's a huge change for me and my career, so I'm looking forward for start in my new position.
By then, in my current company I just started a high-prioritary-super-important project for the company. So, I asked to my new company some extra time before join them in order to finish some stuff on that project and to make a good project transfer.
Today, halfway throught that extra time, boss anunced me that super critical project is no prioritay anymore due bussines decisions, so only we have to do is usual tasks (which my junior coworker can do without me).
I feel like newbie in the world of work.3 -
Feelin' not prepared but also prepared for code samples and tech interviews. Can companies just believe that we are capable of building awesome shit & hire us?! You feel me?2
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Well, that's how much it costs to hire a senior developer. I think I'll just go back to being a junior dev :-D.
2 -
Guess I shouldn't share this on the company social network... https://fastcompany.com/40426845/...3
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"you're over-qualified for this position, sorry we can't hire you!"
Well, I never expected to hear something like that during an interview but I guess there is a first time for everything 😂.2 -
Im 30, and I was wondering, what is the max age to retire as a developer? i mean, companies still hire developers at 50?6
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New hire and haven't did anything other then look at the code base. How long did it take until you actually start contributing code at your first job?9
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Wow I'm jobless now due to inflations now no companies here in Malaysia wants to hire me.
I looked at linkedin realised I am not the only one who is facing this issue.
Most company in Malaysia declared bankruptcy. Massive retentions.
Looking remote jobs from overseas, got ghosted.
Hey @devrant want to hire me to reprogramme devrant for 3500USD? Hihihihi😈😈😈🤡15 -
designrant / As a prepress media designer who study part time interaction design on fridays, I'm fucked. Every agency in switzerland is searching like crazy for Senior UX Interaction Designer. Because of that, they wont hire me as junior, until i have my degree as interaction designer. And printshops won't hire me because of my study. They say I'm overqualified as a prepress operator. fml! :-/6
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I graduated from a bootcamp this February, moved to London and I was certain someone will hire me in the first two weeks. I have never been this wrong4
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Should i be posting on devRant to hire a fellow devRanter for a project in my company? (temporarily but may become constant if we click well)
More info:
Looking to hire a mostly frontend react dev.
The project is about graph visualisation and traversal.
Our stack is python (flask, appbuilder, SQLalchemy), react, react d3-graph, jest.
Must know how to use git and pull-requests.
(The software is based on Apache superset)
The code is a bit of a mess. But let's be honest, which big project isn't?12 -
Who are you going to hire in web dev position?
1. Algorithm master but new to web development.
2. Full fledged with cutting edge web dev technologies but don’t know much about algorithms12 -
When you work for a dev shop and one of the clients buys you out of your non compete to hire you directly. Now I'm my old bosses boss :)1
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Hire the best talent you could find. Then give them little to no time to actually implement the extra layer of their expertise. Profit! Wait a minute....1
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Apparently if you go to an interview desperately filled with hope, your eyes and body language will rat you out and people won't want to hire you. Ok, so they want to hire someone who's not desperate for a job? That's not easy to hide..8
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Partner wants to hire a freelance consultant for iOS development, (because I cant make anything out of their retarded ecosystem), on my advise.
After a year im still getting paid 0$/h, and we have to hire someone...
Is this the point where i wear a dunce hat?3 -
Going in for a restaurant interview today because no tech companies want to hire a college student, but I have to get by somehow....2
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Hey assholes, if you need a cms dev. Don't hire a front end dev to do your dirty cms bullshit. Sorry, NOT sorry.3
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I need help for a dev test.
So the company that I work at is hiring a couple of new devs and they’ve put me in charge for test in order to see if the applicants are any good.
When I was hired there were no tests so I don’t have that many ideas for a good one.
Have you guys any good recommendations for a test or what it could consist of?
I’m thinking of having multiple small tests so if one misunderstands the task it’s not the whole test they fail. Would that be a good idea or not?
It’s for senior and junior web developer.
Any idea is greatly appreciated 😀5 -
I am against the idea of outsourcing dev jobs.
Every software company should hire in-house devs, that live in the same country/region the company is in.11 -
I really hate recruiters. 90% of jobs via recruiters have been terrible where as 0% of direct hire (applying directly with the company; at most their internal HR recruiter) positions have been considerably better.
For my next position, I really want a direct hire. My minimum standard:
1) Direct Hire
2) No non compete clauses (see: https://penguindreams.org/blog/...)
3) Allow for my primary laptop/desktop to be Linux (see: https://penguindreams.org/blog/...)
Anyone hiring Scala, Elixir, Ruby, Python, Java programmers in Chicago?2 -
Let's suppose you have your own company and you want to hire developers
Would hire a junior or a senior ? As a first step
If your answer is senior
Please tell me when it's the best time to hire a junior ?8 -
I see all the top devs using cool onboarding graphics, like the one attached for todoist, is there a site or marketplace for these kinda graphics or they have to hire dedicated graphics experts ?
3 -
junior dev looking at requirements for first job:
"We want to hire someone fresh out of college but they need to of started working at the age of 14."3 -
Interview: "We provide on going training for all our developers."
After hire:
do
{
// lie to employee
Console.WriteLine("We'll have to schedule some training for you.");
// wait 30 days
System.Threading.Thread.Sleep(2592000000);
}
while (IsEmployeeStillWorkingHere()) -
I need to know, supposing where you work has an empty remote position, will your company hire devs from Iran?30
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Considering a contract to hire position. Do these usually result in full time employment? I've never done contract work.6
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Be confident, if they are too fool to not hire you after the interview, don't worry the next one will see that you are the best
-
A.I. Hacker. :P
Some big corps will hire me to hack the AI systems.
Option B: beach bum for life. And enjoy the low stress. -
It is always good to get rid of bad blood.
Hire slowly, fire quickly, do both decisively.
Don’t get emotional. Your emotions will betray you.
✌🏼5 -
Is part-time remote dev work a thing? I wanna go that route but no clue where to get started. Freelancing? Consulting? Or do companies actually hire part time remote devs?7
-
I can't seem to get people motivated...
I supervise them closely - they complete one task a month.
I leave them be - they complete one task a month.
Did I just hire poor developers?12 -
Why does Google hire Chinese developers although Google is blocked in China ?
Coz someone gotta copy other company’s tech.3 -
Dear Devranters,
I am once again asking for your knowledge support.
I've been working as a legacy dev for a couple of years now and that is... pretty much it. I am kinda of a mid guy. So I tried to apply here and there and ... I got a number of offers from junior to senior roles in ranges from +/- 50% of my salary.
I am kind of a pesimist. It does look tempting to go for the top senior position with the coolest tech and most salary... but there should be a catch.. right? I am not a great dev and some of the companies have noted that I should be more of a junior dev. I havent worked with most of the tech stacks.
Question: Have you had similar experiences and which job would u pick?
9 -
As a big company CTO will you hire developers from Africa. And how much will you recommend as starting salary .2
-
How do you guys hire people? I need to hire people for a big laravel project and I am not sure how to evaluate someone in just 30 min.
So please tell me about your hiring method.7 -
I'm writing a guide to help non-tech (like plp with startup ideas) people hire developers. What I can't miss in this guide? What do you think about it?4
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HIRE A FUCKING QA AND GIVE TIME TO DEVELOPERS TO BUILD. DONT GIVE ME YOUR BULLSHIT ABOUT HOW THINGS ARE BREAKING.3
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PHB heeds my advice to hire another person. PHB thinks it needs to be filled immediately and starts talking to TEKsystems.
-
Management fired the catfish hire!
The person who showed up was not the person on the phone. It took three months for the team to convince them it was not the same person.5 -
I am thinking of joining a friend's startup. He is pitching for clients and investors while I am developing the app. What are the things to bear in mind before joining there full time?7
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any freelance dev doing java/spring projects out here who can hire me as junior dev? im a systems engineer and dev wanna be and wanna work it as a side hustle.4
-
My parents told me that no one is going to hire me to be on the computer all day, get a job in high demand like nursing1
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!rant
If there was one person you wanted to hire in your company, Who would that be ( assume you can hire anyone).7 -
I would like to hire some 3 week Treehouse programmer just to fire them after 3 days. Damn good we have better standards. Treehouse, your video commercial sucks.
-
What's the best way to interview when you can't leave work? Like yeah I could swing one or two maybe by calling in sick... I can't work from home... I know other people get offers while working still, what did you do? If you have been through this I would appreciate any advice!1
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Give me a job pls im starving. Im a ML Engineer, no ones want to hire me. I will be eternally grateful :/5
-
In my attempts to find a company not run by you people I came across the worst parents in history.
betcha you'll all rush to hire him.
19 -
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Living in China, I’ve grown accustomed to our advanced technology, but I learned the hard way that even the best systems can fall victim to hackers. I had stored $370,000 worth of Bitcoin in what I thought was a secure wallet. One day, I logged in, only to discover that my entire balance had vanished. It felt as if someone had stolen my future, leaving me feeling vulnerable and helpless.
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