Did a very tiny migration for a client which would normally be done against our hourly rate but decided to do it for free as it would take me like 5 minutes and it was a very important thing for him and he actually offered to pay.

Fuck it, he'll be very happy, it doesn't take me much time and I know my boss would approve.

Did the migration, messaged the client and he thanked me.

Next day a cake arrives at work with my name on it and "thanks for helping us with the migration!"

Now that's how you make my fucking day!

When I was in my second semester of college I was tasked with creating a file encrypt/decrypt program. Take in normal textfiles and spit out a new random text and symbols file. I worked on it for two weeks and read up on all different encryption types and stuff. I was so excited when it was done. After it was done compiling I tried it out on its own source code. Encrypto.c and named the output file Encrypto.c 😰 The next thing I did was google " best version control and how to use it."

!rant
A few days ago a friend of mine rang me up complaining about internet issues with his computer. As usual I did the "is it plugged in, turn it off then on again" sort of thing to waste time while my pasta was cooking. After a while he asked if I had another bogus solution, so I suggested flushing his toilet.

He runs off, I hear the flush, comes back and viola - it fucking worked.

The point of this is: if it don't work, flush the toilet. You're welcome, tech support out ✌️

Although there's been a lot of rants on Firefox Quantum, I'm going to add my experience anyways.

Just downloaded it on my laptop and netbook.

Motherfucker this thing is fast. No lag, pages load very freaking fast, consumes less ram than before and I fucking love the new interface!

Mozilla, you did a hell of a job!

this isn't even a tech thing. it just fucking bamboozled me. I overheard a conversation today.

> "duuuude you gotta make a better password that shit is insecure af"

> "bruh i did, i googled it"

> "googled what?"

> "how to make a good password"

> "so how longs your password?"

> "not long, it's bob2"

> "where's your capital?"

> "I made the '2' capital"

> "so you capitalized a number…"

thank god he walked away. he even told him his fucking password. ignorance.

Going on a vacation, so notify all clients that I won't be available during two weeks.

Client: well we have this huge presentation and here's a list of stuff we absolutely need for it
Me: sure I have a look.
Me: holy shit dude! That's gona take about 2-3 days. I'm leaving soon!
Client: it's realy critical to have them in a week as it's a very important presentation! Is there any way you can make it work? If we can do anything to help, just name it.
Me: well I'll do my best (planed 1 day for such rhings)
Me: *pulling a 15h day*
Me: here, all done budy! Did a 15h but now it's done, so do that presentation!
Client: oh, nice, but it wasn't that urgent
Me: ...

Next day:
Client ssh in to the server, fucks shit up
Client: well I did a thing and now stage and prod is fucked, can you do anything?
Me: (knowing it will take 30min to fix) well... I try my best. Btw. I'll leave in a few hours and won't take my computer, so try not to fuck every thing again, okay?

This isn't really a hacking story but it does remind me of something I did as "revenge."

In middle school, this one fool kept bullying me. Always tried to harm me, always tried to insult me, always tried to make me fall during PE.

I hated him a lot, so instead of trying to kill him as planned, I did a harmless little keylogger prank thing.

I installed a keylogger on the school's laptop before class. (I did it during break, and when class started, I placed it on his desk.)

He took the bait, and instead of doing work, he logged onto his social media accounts. Now I had his passwords and everything.

When I went home, I logged onto his social media. I checked his messages so I can get some dirt on him, didn't find much except for the fact he snuck out a few times, and smoked before.

I changed his profile picture to some cringy anime thing and messaged one of his friends (the one who always copied my test answers in History and would steal my homework) and I said, "tell --- that if he doesn't stop being an asshole, I'll do worse than "hack" his social media."

It freaked them both out a bit, but didn't change their behavior, which is a shame because my threat was empty. It's not like I was able to do anything more than that in middle school. To this day, they still have no idea who did that.

This was about 4 years ago.

WhatsApp, freaking WhatsApp.
How did this thing become such a standard. How? Why does everyone EXPECT you to have it. They assume that you have it installed on your phone.

'Why don't you respond to my messages? '

'Which messages? '

'The ones I sent you'

'I didn't get any messages. Wait, how did you send them to me? '

'WhatsApp'

'Ah, yeah I don't use that. Wait, where did you even get my phone number from? '

'What? You don't have WhatsApp? Freaking weirdo. '

'bye'

How did an app(lication) become such a standard and why does everyone automatically assume that you have it? And whenever I explain them why I don't use it (Facebook = bad), they just react with 'install it again' (most ridiculous answer) or 'what is wrong with you' or they just give me a confused look and walk away.

A lot of them also act like there were no alternatives (some even better than whatsapp). One of them and probably also the best one is signal. It has all the necessary features a messaging app needs and is also very secure.

Luckily a few of my friends have installed signal and I am currently trying my best at my parents. They have threatened to 'take my phone away if I don't install WhatsApp again' or 'if you don't use WhatsApp then you also don't need a phone'.

Okay finale:

Fuck whatsapp, fuck facebook, fuck ignorance

I challenged my girlfriend (and myself) for the FizzBuzz thingy. I did it in js (because I suck at js) and she in Java. I never saw such a way to write FizzBuzz. Turns out she forgot there is a thing called modulo operator.

I know there are more elegant ways to solve it! Feel free to post your favorites.

My boss asked me to do estimates for some tasks.

I did it.

He told me that was too much time.

I told him that those were the estimates taking into account the experience of the team.

He told me the estimates were independent of that.

I asked if an estimate, for the same tasks, for a team of interns should be the same as for a team of seniors.

"Of course they are the same!"

Funny thing is that he even says he supports scrum...

Just got messaged by one of my customers. He buys a lot of scripts from me for his gambling website. He asked me to screw around a bit with the code so that of someone bets above $2500 they automatically lose. And they have a 50% chance of winning when they bet lower than 1000. He actually wanted to pay a lot of money but I declined the request, I don't want to screw around with scamming people.
I think i did the right thing? I don't care about the money though.

I might have posted this before. But I am going to post it again. Because emojis.

Me: 😁 Software lead I have finished coding the thing.
SL: 😀 Cool, good job. That is going to really help out the analysts.
Software Manager: 😐 hey I noticed you have coded a new thing and pushed it to integration.
Me: 😁 Yes.
SM: 😐 Well how do you know when it's done?
Me: 😑 . . . When you run it and it does the thing?
SM: 😐 Did you write test steps?
Me: 😕 Yeah . . . they're in the issue ticket.
SM: 😐 Yeah but how do you know those are right?
Me: 😕 Because I wrote the thing and the test steps?
SM: 😐 did you put any steps in our acceptance test procedure?
Me: 😕 No.
SM: 😐 why not?
Me: 😧 Because the acceptance test procedure tests requirements. There is no requirement for this functionality.
SM: 😑 Then why did you do it?
Me: 🤔 Because it was an internal request from the analysis team. There is no customer impact here.
SM: 😑 I really think we should write a requirement.
SL: 🤔 But what requirement is he going to attach this to?
SM: 😑 We don't have to attach it to a requirement. We can just test it once and remove it.
Me: 😒 SM, you know we never remove anything from the acceptance test procedure.
SM: 🙂 We do sometimes.
SL: 🤔 When was that I have worked here for twenty years and we have never removed a test from that document.
SM: 😑
SL: 😒
SM: 😑
SL: 😒
Me: 🤐
SM: 😧 I really think there should be an acceptance test written.
SL: 😧 Looks like you're writing an acceptance test.
Me: 😒 Alright as long as y'all're payin'. Shit I was just tryin' to save y'all money.

*acceptance test written and sent to peer review*

Peer: 😐 The requirement tested section doesn't have any requirements spelled out.
Me: 😅 No.
Peer: 🤔 Why?
Me: 😓 Because there is no requirement associated with this test.
Peer: 🤔 Then why are we adding an acceptance test?
Me: 😡 WELL AIN'T THAT A GOOD GOD DAMN QUESTION!?

Interesting thing I did yesterday:

This is a program which loops over every word in the wamerican word database and checks if the username is available on the Mojang servers, thus, this is a Minecraft OG username finder, and it works beautifully.

I'm checking 72,000 words, the only thing is I can only check one per second, so the entire process takes about 20 hours. Any usernames which are available are sent into a text file for later viewing, and it remembers which word it looked at last if you can't have your computer on for 20 hours straight.

Very happy! Found quite a few good names so far!

I made a setting that hides your messages in a group chat. The UX guy said it would "cut down noise" to only see what others are saying.

I would like to tell you that I did this thing at gunpoint, but the truth is I did it out of malice. Sweet, sweet malice.

When the community reacted with the expected, uh, reaction... the UX guy got all the credit he deserved.

Sweet, sweet malice.

I've had 3 interviews with the same company. The first two interviews went pretty well, they looked interested, on the third they tell me "your CV says you are not graduated yet, we can't hire you now".

SO WHY THE FUCK DID YOU HAD TO WASTE MY TIME?

You've had my CV before the first interview, why the hell didn't you read that I am still a student? Is the first thing it's written on it! Stupid fuckers.

So I was taking a Linux class in college. I knew Linux pretty good at this point but it was a required course for my degree. I found some other people who were programmers in other languages like python and C and we just fucked around the whole semester. End of semester is coming up and the teacher poses a problem: write a bash script to do this complex thing that bash isn't the best language. But it's a Linux class. Everyone is typing away while the four of us are stunned, having no clue. So we did the only reasonable thing: write a bash script which echos a full python script to achieve it into a file, run that python script, then delete it. We submitted first and got extra credit. She threw it up on the projector as an "extrodinary example" of a good script, having not looked at it. She complimented us profusely, never turning around or reading it.

My teacher told me not to do a project. He said it was much too hard.

I did it.

2 months pass

And then i come to him with anothec project idea.

Same thing goes, nobody believes in me, but i still succeed.

in the aftermath, i was able to create an interpreter AND a compiler in about 1 year... 😁

There are people in my workplace who ask "why did you set your IDE to dark theme?". How do I convince them that turning off the lights above my cubicle, lowering the screen brightness and having a dark theme is the best thing ever to concentrate?

Not to mention earbuds and a hoodie.

How do I convince them that once you turn to the Dark Side, there's no coming back?

Spent 4 hours today working on a monitor that wasn't working. someone had put by their garbage can in the rain. I dried it out for about 2 weeks before plugging it in. It turned on but when I plugged in the DVI, it did nothing.

Today, I pulled the ENTIRE thing apart because either I could find out what was wrong, or all is lost anyways. Who knows what the rain could do to it?

With no luck, I did a quick search online about the model and found that this one just had some defective firmware (Who knew monitors had filmware??) I installed it, ran it, it took about 20 seconds and it worked!

Lesson learned once again: google is your friend

Sex talk between programmers.

She: I'm a virgin.
He: Don't worry. They call me the virginslayer007.
She: Oh! So how many virgins have you slayed till now?
He: That would be ONE in a few minutes.
She: So u r also a virgin then..
He: Don't worry. I watched so many video tutorials. We just have to do exactly as they did. Best thing is that it can be done both for testing and production purposes.
She: Let's stick to testing purposes for now.

- there is a bug in the code.
A: I have searched everywhere I can't find the bug
B: What was the last thing you wrote?
A: I called this function
B: did you check the function for bugs?
A: no, I just coded it, there can't be any bugs there

I'm surprised by the ability of coworkers to get on my nerves. Here's an example...

Me: "Just upload those files you idiot! I got called up three times all because you couldn't upload this thing!"

Co-Worker: "Chill bro, I've got it all here safe and secure on my computer"

Me: "....."
(In mind: Should I do to him what Walter did in breaking bad.... Drown him in a vat of acid. Saves me the trouble of hiding the body)

what i did today:

1. start a computer
2. start a xampp server
3. open text editor
4. open bug list
5. realize that i cant do a single thing.
6. steam game invitation shows up (i think it's ok just one game)
7. realize that i spent 10 fcking game
8. tried to fix the bug
9. i failed
10. i do another game
11. and it's time to go home
12. i feel guilty

We received an urgent email from a client this morning that needed addressed immediately. We knew it was not going to be easy or fun so we did the sensible thing and began a rock paper scissors tournament to see who would work on it.

I lost... But then we see a follow up email from my boss saying he is handling it. Win!

Fast forward 6 hours, he comes out of his office and hands me a piece of paper and says he is too busy to work on it so I need to do it before going home. The paper is the email from 8am this morning... He did absolutely nothing with it for six hours except print it because a digital copy isn't good enough I guess.

I ended up working late, got yelled at by said client, and still haven't finished the fixes.

Worst of all is that I missed part of shark week because I stayed late.

I'm so grateful DevOps is now a thing. I remember getting a phone call from a client at 2am on a Friday because their site was down and having to ssh in from a Nokia with the world's tiniest keyboard to reboot the server.

Of course that particular server only exposed port 22 on it's local network, so I had to first ssh into another server which did have its ssh port open to external connections.

Trying to remember two sets of credentials and type them in on a tiny keyboard, while so drunk you were seeing double, standing outside in the rain as it was the only place you got signal. Yeah…I'm so grateful DevOps is now a thing

Christmas-rant:

So I'm having a nice dinner with my in-laws when one of them turns to me: "So, what I want is a website with a link on it to another website, you can do this right?". Seems overly complicated to achieve this result, I know, but she had a fair reason for it. So, I start walking her through what she would need for it. "First thing, let's buy a domain name." "I have to buy these??! I don't believe you, I know people that did not pay for this!" "Well, that's technically impossible except for certain subdomains", I respond politely. "No, I don't believe you!"

So far my happy helping christmas mood.

Merry christmas y'all!

Me: I develop Applications.

Stranger: Oh so you are a programmer.

Me: Yup 😎

Stranger: Please hack my ex's insta.

Me: I am not a hacker nor am I intrested in learning to hack. I develop stuff from scratch. Innovate and contribute something to society.

Stranger: Oh, what a disappointment. Why did you say you are a programmer then.

Me: I...~am 😶

For some, hacking is the only programming thing for them. I get message at least once a month from someone requesting to hack someones fb,insta or some account.

Thinking of creating a bot which finds such keywords in my messages and automatically replies to them explaining what I really do. Or just f***ing block them.

Just did 70% of the job for a software project in college, only to get the least grade of the group because others were more vocal during the presentation.

The thing that irritates me is that not only did they assume that they can take part credit for my work, they cared more about 5%of a semester grade than their own self respect.

No hard feelings though, because even though I got lesser marks(about 2-3 marks lesser), I gained the most knowledge in the group, which is what matters

When ever someone asks me to fix their PC I ask them to sit down next to me so I can show them how I did it. First thing I do is open up Google search the problem then look them dead in the eye and smile 😂😂😂. I Then proceed to implement the fix from the first page of results. I don't get many repeat requests... I'm Such a passive cunt.😂😂😂

STOP BREAKING FOR NO FUCKING REASON YOU FRAGILE PIECE OF BUG-INFESTED SHIT

I’M NOT EVEN TOUCHING ANYTHING WTH

The last startup I worked at didn't give us the WiFi password because they "didn't want people to get distracted by unnecessarily using internet on their phones". Little did they know that making a hotspot from a laptop is totally a thing...

Trying to install Ubuntu onto my newly acquired Asus T100.

It's hardly compatible with Linux but after tweaking around I did get it to boot with Ubuntu 16.04.

I'm actually quite nervous 😅

But leaving windows on that poor thing would be a no-fucking-go so I hope this will save it.

Published a well documented and tested API with project examples for basic use cases

- "Yeah we didn't use yours because we didn't know how to use it"
- "Did you look at the documentation or code examples?"
- "What where?"
- "In the repo you just cloned"
- "Yeah no <random guy> found a hacky way of doing what we want, his thing just works"
- "I..."

Interviewer: Time limit for this exercise was an hour and you took 2 hours so you fail. Best of luck next time

Dev: Look I really don’t think your assessment has a very fair time limit. The only way you could do this in an hour is by knowing what the problem was beforehand and having all these niche utilities written ahead of time.

Interview: Oh yeah we had one guy that did that, he did the entire thing in only 45 minutes! We hired him immediately!

Dev: …

Did anyone feel like IT is the thing in college not a lot of people really cared about?

Friend 1: "im going for chem engineering"

Everyone: *applaudes*

Friend 2: "im going for medicine"

Everyone: *applaudes*

Me: "im going for IT!"

Everyone: "uh, what about you Friend 4? What did you take?"

...

And i dont just mean it socially, the university doesnt pay much attention to us until they need something fixed or needs us to make something more convinient for them.

I did the thing and stuck it out at my shitty job. Tomorrow, I get to quit the most abusive place I have ever worked. I got a new job at a shop that's a 15 minute drive away vs an hour commute. No more SCRUM with a gun to my head. No more getting yelled at for learning on my own and not working fast enough. No more making Grindr, but for CEOs. I have never been so happy. Thank you for the encouragement to find something else. Thank you for giving me hope. Thank you for being there, and being my sanity, my safe place.

I did a thing!

"Install through npm"
"Install through gulp"
"Install through compiling"
"Install through x"
"Install through y"

WHY CAN'T I JUST SIMPLY INCLUDE THE MOTHERFUCKING THING IN THE HTML LIKE A FUCKING NORMAL PERSON?!

ALL I WANT IS TO INCLUDE A GODDAMN UI FRAMEWORK.

When I just started web development, this stuff was so fucking easy! Why did it become so motherfucking complicated to include simple shit like this?!

All I want is to start programing this motherfucker, not spend 3 hours on compiling CSS and whatnot (because I'd have to learn this bullshit first).

Mother of god, why did this become so fucking obnoxious?

I. JUST. WANT. TO. INCLUDE. TWO. FUCKING. FILES.

User gives me a Mac to work on, States that it “only needs Microsoft office Mac installed”

Okay.

Boot up the laptop....

**Mac OS X utilities**

Hmmm, odd. Reboot.

**Mac OS X utilities**

You’ve got to be shitting me. Call user —
Her - “NO! It was working when I gave it to you, you fix it. I’m not paying to get my laptop returned broken. It was working when I gave it to you!”

Me - “I’m sorry, but it wasn’t. I literally turned it on and this is what it stated * read her the message*

Her - “I don’t believe you, you did something to my computer.”

YOU FUCK! THE FUCK I DID! YOU LITERALLY JUST HANDED ME THE GOD DAMN THING! Can I PLEASE curb stomp this bitch, please....

THEM: "I got a chrome thing that says, 'Don't turn off your computer. Someone is trying to hack into your computer.' ...and it had some lady's voice saying, 'Error. Someone is hacking into your computer.' Should I click anything?"
ME: "No. I'll be right there...what did you click?"
THEM: "It was some Facebook quiz about 'Which Disney movie are you?'"
ME:

<Email thread>

Manager: Hey @iiii, please, create stories for {things that shall be done}. You will be responsible for that implementation next sprint.

Me: *procrastinating like a bitch*

**several hours later**

Dev from another team: Actually, we discussed that with {upper management guy} and it seems like those things are unapplicable for current project, so we'll send a letter to {client} to remove those requirements.

Manager: @iiii, don't create stories.

</Email thread>

Me: *welp, good thing I did exactly nothing so far*

Every time someone rants about Visual Studio I'm like: WTF are they talking about? it is the best IDE I ever used!!

but now after using VS 2017 I must say:
WHAT THE FUCK MICROSOFT DID TO THIS THING! IT RANDOMLY FREEZE EATS OUT ALL CPU AND NOW USES A GOOD 1.5GB RAM!

my previous experience:
barely 20% of CPU
at max 700MB RAM

Guess those days are over :\

Who is the guy who designed the AZERTY keyboards ? 😠

Seriously... Alt Gr + 5 = [

And the most horrible thing is the "(" char... WHY THE FUCK DID HE PUTS IT IN THE "5" KEY WHEN KEYBOARD IS IN LOWERCASE ? YES, IN LOWERCASE, NOT ONLY WHEN SHIFT IS HOLD.

There are more than 100 keys in a keyboard, so why here? WHY?

Half of time I check if CapsLock is off just to be sure if I can open a bracket just because someone thought it was a good idea to put it here. It annoys me.

Hello devRant,

This is already from a few days ago but I had to process the whole thing myself first.

It was a normal day at work nothing special. Customers came in got their repaired PC's/Laptops and brought some new work in. So I went through some and then I got to the case that is the most well unbelievable and shocking I had in the only 2 years doing this. At first it was a normal HDD bad sector thing and I started copying the old HDD to a new one.

//NOTE: the program we use shows every file it's copying and the sectors it spans //

Suddenly I saw a weird thing happening where it started copying tons of files from a folder called "mature/kids" over to the new HDD.
I noted the path and after it finished we returned the laptop to the customer and he luckily left his old HDD with us. So my boss and I we did some investigation and we'll turns out the dude has a whole library of childpornography.

tl;dr check what you copied and report such cases to the police.

Don't do such stupid shit and stay legal guys.

Which you all a great day/night/morning/evening/whatever

//EDIT: I ofc won't post pictures cause of obvious reasons

I was today years old when I discovered the CSS property column-count.

Do you have any fucking idea how many times I’ve used CSS grid or flex box or BOTH when all I wanted was to make a layout with a set number of columns?

Why the fuck didn’t I know about this thing?

Did you know about this thing?

Did not expect this from Google. Seems like you're hiring real linguistic pros.

Now this is not the only thing I didn't like, they're very disorganized & the interviewer got sick & two of three interviewers were so cocky.. bad bad vibes

On the other side, a small local company is giving warm & good vibes, seems more accommodating even with lower pay.. their website sucks & the tech director was honest & smiling.

So yeah, Fuck You Google
..|.

Not sure if I should be happy of I should cry.
...

I woke early today so I could directly start working on my little project to make some progress.
I was coding for ~10 hours.. The code worked fine for all testcases, except for one. I debugged for hours and I couldnt figure out what was wrong. I tried changing stuff in my code and it got more and more messy to the point where I couldn't even understand my own code anymore. I was so frustrated ...
> Deleted everything I made today.
> Rewrote the entire thing in one hour with a different, more structured approach.
> Worked perfectly for all cases, even the very complex ones.

1 day wasted....

Should I be happy that I came up with something decent in the end? I am still mad cause I wasted the entire day.. Why did I not directly went for the thing I did in the end ..? ._.

If i spent all the time that I did on programming on any other thing I think that I would have a gold medal or a nobel prize by then.

FUCK SAFARI!!!!! I am developing our new company website and have a deadline tomorrow. It is built with flexbox WHICH SHOULD WORK EVERYWHERE BY NOW. The new website works FINALLY GREAT in all browsers now and then I just tested it in Safari (which I did not do before) on my mac and SO MANY THInGs doNT WORK! WHATTA FCUK?? I EVEN GOT EVERY THING TO WORK IN EDGE?? Is safari the new explorer?! What happened?!

I passed my exam (did well even), signed up to be a blood donor and landed a job interview all in one day. If all days could be like that.. Now to go look my coworkers in the eyes like I'm not getting ready to jump ship but I'm secretly so excited I can barely sit still 🤭😂
(yes I know a job interview doesn't equal I got the job already, thanks and calm the fuck down, dads 🙄 only an idiot would only have one other thing lined up. Plan C, D and E are on standby too)

Python seems so ... simple, yet beautiful.

(It's just ... a feeling, I only did the codecademy course and doodled on the command line by now.)

But this whitespace/tab thing and the fact that missing semicolons don't result in errors is just fucking confusing.

Got into a big argument with my lead developer today.

The thing is....he says that the Red Ranger, the original one (Jason) is the most powerful ranger. And we know this is bullshit because even Zordon said that the White Ranger is the most powerful one of them all. But his argument was that Jason did best the Green Ranger in combat. Man that don't mean jack shit.

The White Ranger is the best and I don't care what you say.

The things I have to endure I swear.

Today I couldn't decide if I wanted an h4 or a p so my fingers did the most intelligent thing available and went with "<hp>"

Smh

Finally got approved to bring on a second developer for a three month project. Our vendor provided 12 of their "best" candidates, and we picked the only three that actually knew the programming language required to interview. Two did not speak sufficient English and the last one sounded perfect. Two weeks in, he quits and doesn't answer the vendor or us. No money in the budget to try again and I end up developing the entire thing myself. Five months later and I have finally finished.

I had a coworker that was a real asshole. I noticed that often, during git merges, he removed part of the code I wrote.
So I had to spend a lot of time copying and pasting my code from git history in order to restore it.
I complained about that but he answered it happened by mistake. In reality that happened so often that he had to done it deliberately.

Btw, I did a little revenge. One day I discovered he didn't feel very comfortable using recursion. Thereafter, every time I needed a small loop I created a recursive function doing the same thing.

Fortunately, after some months I found a better job. I hope he is still debugging that code.

Because DevOps in a lot of organizations is really “help desk for clueless developers”, conversations like this happen a lot:

Dev “hey the thing seems to be not working right”

Me “what does that even mean? I need you to be a good deal more specific. What thing. What isn’t working?”

Dev “I dunno”

Me “Are there error messages?”

Dev “yes”

Me “….would you like to share them with me?”

Dev *sends error*

Me “ok did you actually read this error message?”

Dev “yes”

Me “…so you’re good then? It says you’re trying to use a variable that hasn’t been declared yet. You should fix that. “

Dev “…”

Me “good luck”

Dumbest experience.
Talked to recruiter, they praised I know ruby, said I needed to do a code test in ruby.

I was given 1 hour to complete 5, exercises in a codefight like thing.

1 exercise had C as the only lang option.
2 more had C and Python.
The last two has ruby too, they were permutation exercises that never completed within the time restriction (that was probably on me, but they did complete on my local ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

I told them about all this, I failed, no second chances, no explanation, no nothing.

Why did you choose to be a developer?

For me: I always liked to know how softwares work, and watch a thing that I created running!

Is prompt engineering going to be the next "big thing"?

Very related fun fact: SQL was meant for business people so they can quickly generate reports w/out needing to rely on programmers. (When was the last time your CEO did a DB query on prod I wonder?!)

Lenovo, you dumb fuck cunts.
How the fuck did you think it might be okay to ship a laptop with a BROKEN FUCKING WLAN DRIVER??????
This piece of shit doesn't even have RJ45 anymore.
And also who shit in your empty cavities where your brains should be when you thought it was a good thing to disable booting from anything but the main windows partition? My Mint installer stick works on any and everything I have ever tried him with except for this.

A coworker and me did together a "hackathon by choice" this week to finish a project. We did it only because we thought it would be cool and be able to finish the thing. Well it was surprisingly fun to stay awake 36 hours, coding all through, having a good flow. After that, our boss came and was very proud of our work and he was able to send it for inspection to the client. I stayed a bit longer to fix a few minor bugs, but after 42h I was finally in bed. 😁
Our boss gives us the following Monday off.
But I think on other projects, often deadlines take the fun out of it, if they are not estimated well... I mean you do great, high-professional work but in the end you feel bad, useless, slow and incompetent because of the pressure.

I sent my Galaxy S9+ to repairs after someone scratched my fingerprint sensor.
It came back with "repairs done" but the only thing they apparently did was a software update, the sensor still has a scratch in it, and it still goes haywire when I try using it.

So I'm just wondering if this happened to everyone else because a few friends of mine at work have corroborated my experience.

So, when I was very young and just starting to learn PHP, I was trying to grasp OOP. I read and read about it and did the example tutorials and nothing really did it for me. Then one day, writing some scripts for a game I played, it just hit me. Literally like "oh.....I get it. That's why this is a thing."

"how did you make that app?"
"nice website, how'd you make it?"
"I thought only geniuses could make x? how'd you make x?"

maybe because I put in half a fucking ounce of effort into making it. please kindly shut the fuck up and realize that I don't care enough to tell you how I did it, because it would take more fucking effort to tell you than to walk away (surprise?). no I will not take your idea in consideration. why? because it's not worth fucking considering. go fuck yourself. and don't ask me the same thing tomorrow you cunt.

I can you about one really annoying coworker: Me.

The first thing I did as a sysadmim was to break my colleague's rc helicopter. After that I decided to learn Python, pestering him with questions once every two minutes. I developed, using the word loosely, some scripts that I wrote directly on the production servers, with predictable results.

After a while, I broke less things than I fixed. I learned a lot those years. Today I'm still amazed by the patience and knowledge of this guy; I owe most of my career to him.

These days I have a brilliant job stopping morons such as myself from breaking to many things. I try to be as patient and I hope to be as knowledgeable.

My grandpa just called me and asked if I could remove some Facebook notifications from his phone. I know it's been milked to the moon and back, but I'm a programmer, not IT.
I guess I don't blame him, though; in his mind, that's probably what all programmers do.
Here's the real wtf thing: he told me that after I messed with his phone last time I saw him, it's been sooo much faster. WTF I NEVER MESSED WITH YOUR PHONE ALL I DID WAS ADD MY CONTACT INFO

why me

I did a thing! Also, Magento can go to hell.

How can some developers send emails like "I did <x> and <y> right, but I still have an error!" with NO copy/paste of the error? Come on, you hate user emails that just say "Your site doesn't work." You should know better.

I'm going to just start answering with "Wow, that sucks, and you did everything right, huh? It must just hate you." I shouldn't have to go force you to tell me what the problem actually is at that basic level.

I used to think this was a user thing. We wouldn't do that... hah, lost user, oh well, that's why we're helping them. Apparently it's not.

What the fuck Visual Studio? Last day my app was compiling succesfully. I DID NOT CHANGE ANY SINGLE FUCKING THING BEFORE I LEFT OFFICE. Today it refused to compile. It didn't even show the source of error, just says missing a reference.

- Clean solution, rebuild. Compile error
- Close VS re-open project. Compile error.
- Restart computer. Compile error.
- Close VS re-open project. Compile succesfully.
WHAT THE FUCK DID JUST HAPPEN? I could't believe it if it didn't happen to me. Is this shit compiling just by luck or what?

Recently I disassembled this Remington beard trimmer that I have, right. Thinking that I probably just depleted the battery or something like that, and that that's why the fucking thing would turn off after 10 seconds, with a miserable motor speed that could only be caused by what.. 2.5V or something like that? So I kept up with it for a while, and then a few days ago, I finally disassembled the fucking thing.

New 4.2V LiPo battery of my own attached, wicked! The thing has a 2Ah capacity and is fully charged, so fuck all in a big ship, I'ma shave my fucking hair without protection, who cares with 2Ah anyway, given that motors at 4.2V consume only 800-ish mA, right. So I shaved my head, and figured.. holy shit mate, I fucking beat this fucking cunt, fuck you Remington! Planned obsolescence my ass!!!

Just now @xewl sent me a request that made me reconsider this shaver. Some PS3 controller, should be easy enough to fix. But I referenced my shaver so I figured that I might actually check it beforehand.

The original fucking battery has 4V left on it. 4 fucking volts! That ain't gonna trip shit for an overdischarge protection circuit!!! WHY THE FUCK REMINGTON, WHY THE FUCK DID IT (IF ANYTHING) TRIP?! And more importantly, why did you make the motor turn for only 10-ish seconds after charging, 1 year after purchase, despite the fucking cell having 4 fucking volts in it, which is more than plenty to get the thing turning for at least a 60% charge?! Planned obsolescence perhaps, hmm?

But let's say that it was bad contacts or something like that. After all, my probing was a bit intermittent, showing 1.5V (if it's shorting, shouldn't it be in the mV range?) and then 4V at times, until I separated the nickel connectors from the 16500 cell. Why the fuck should that thing short, considering that it's unprotected?! The fucking cell is unprotected, and you Remington are going to let it short? What kind of fucking engineering is that, you fucking braindead morons?!!!

And why do you use a 16500 cell which isn't very standard over a 18650 cell, which is? Again, planned obsolescence? Fucking vile pieces of shit.

Now what's more.. I tried to power on the shaver for a picture for this fucking rant, using a LiPo cell of my own that I used to shave my hair with the other day, to get a nice picture of my little hack. But the fucking thing, despite having 3.89V left in it after that fucking shave, which is more than plenty for a lithium cell, the fucking unit doesn't power on. WHAT THE FUCK REMINGTON?!! That's planned obsolescence at its best, init?!! You vile fucking pieces of shit.

So I guess that this rant is no more one of "I beat these Remington cunts". It is one of "you can bet your fucking ass that planned obsolescence is a thing!!"

I did a thing...
And then I did a win 🥇

I started interning at a non IT Company, first thing I did was fix the printer 😂
I guess this is our destiny

Damnit! I dropped a 16GB USB Drive on an open floor, and the thing has just vanished. It has my install files for CentOS 7 on it. It's like a mouse or something came out and snatched it and, poof, gone. Dobby, damnit, what did you do with my USB Drive?

Turning my 27" monitor vertically was the smartest thing I did all year.

There's so much space now that just using it makes me happy!

That only drawback is the 1080p horizontal resolution which is not enough for many sites to fit without zooming out.

I feel like I will soon persuade myself to buy a 4K monitor...

Today one of my friend just became a hacker...😂😂
The whole thing he did is:-
Opened a random WordPress site(found by luck) and in the URL bar he tried to type wp-login and it worked. Login page for WordPress dashboard board loaded and he told me that he hacked that website.
I said to him "Go On broda you are a LEET hacker..........

Me: “here’s a demo of the backend functionality you requested. We’ve got more work to do to make this production ready. Let me know your thoughts or if we need to make any changes, otherwise I’ll hand this off to the UX team, we’ll be ready to go live next month after other they deliver the front end”

PM: *telling stakeholders* “The new thing is done and ready for go live”

Me: *privately to PM* “who told you that the thing was ready for go live?”

PM: “You did”

Me: “I suggest you go read what I wrote a little more closely”

*Working on custom magento build*

Project manager:you are taking to long on this project. I know how long it should take to build a web site, I built a way more complicated site than this in just a few hours!

Me: what site did you build?

PM: *sends link to wife's photography site* wife.squarespace.com

Me: ...that's not the same thing at all

FINALLY fixed a stupid website issue. Absolutely nothing to do with my job, but it's also no-one else's job - the website was apparently contracted out years ago and everyone just let it go when they saw this thing.

...also 'finally' refers to the fact that it's been bugging me since I interviewed several months ago. I spent longer finding the thing I was looking for than I did fixing it

One time, I accidentally deleted all the data from one of the client's database table (invoices) because i forgot to comment the line from the script.

Good thing there were some backups and I was able to restore everything without anyone noticing. I was so fucking dumb at that time and I felt all the blood rush to my head at that moment when I did a SELECT * and NOTHING was displayed on the screen.

Rookie mistake.

I have this reserve phone. My previous phone broke and I needed a cheap replacement till next February.

First thing I did is download DevRant.

Since I play BF1 I also wanted to download the companion app.
It appears that I ran out of space and my phone asks me if I want to remove DevRant to free some space....

Guess I'll use the companion on the web then.

Just lost my shit with a colleague which went for the Nth time "Oh MaN tHiS sCrIpT sUcKs So BaD".

Dude, I wrote the thing in 5 days, and back when I did I had no experience whatsoever with JS -or with programming at all, for that matter. It was pretty much my first project and I was as green as it can possibly get.

And yet, that script served us well for well over a year and a half without being touched once. It always worked for everything you could possibly want. Shut your mouth or do it yourself, buddy.

I Googled "png to svg converter", this is the output of the first online tool I tried.

This dev literally just a base64 encoded copy of my origin image wrapped in an svg... the most infuriating thing about it is that technically it did 'convert' it to svg - just not in the way I had anticipated.

Whoever wrote this is a lazy genius (and a dickhead).

bool rant = false

I became my school's computer club president just last year. Although it's a computer club most of them aren't specially good in computer. We learn Photoshop for mostbof the time. So I decided to bring in unity3d and teach it myself.

I did managed to teach them in a slow pace. What came to me as a surprise is that I inspired another student to held unity class in school to teach other students game making .

Sometimes little thing we do may influence people in a big way we don't know.

Help!!!

Motherfucking, 13 year old brother, manages to brick Mac with downgrade. He says he did it because the current version "was bad."

😧

I could use some help with this. The thing boots up. But it's stuck on a screen where it can't figure out which version to use.

I salute all server admins here. I might never understand how you guys get through with all those terminals and debugging and greb and runlevel and all these weird things.

I spent two weeks trying to set up a dev server on CentOS installed on a VM. Just configuring the server took hours of trying to figure out what goes where and in the end I realized that the only thing I did wrong was the runlevel! Which I found out today is actually a thing!!!!

I thank you all for existing. Without you, us web developers would go crazy!

I have a mate who downloaded encryption software that he somehow managed to use to encrypt almost every system file in windows, now the entire thing is fucked, like how can anyone be that stupid? Like before he even did that he tried encrypting the .exe of the encryption software and guess how that went

Had to refresh a group session in my program, spent 15 minutes looking at my phone, put my bare feet on my desk and did this thing where I lean back in my chair and stick both hands in my pants, possibly smelled one. Thats when I realized my camera was on the entire time. Was also the only other person on stage/presenting so my screen was directly next to the instructors face cam.

So today I forgot what FTFY meant, then clicked on some FAQ in Google Search. Then I noticed a strange thing. If you open one of the FAQs (last one works best) then collapse it, a few more appear.
I guess this can be repeated indefinitely. I wasn't patient enough to see if it loops like mobile text predictions but it did give me ~130 lines without any repetitions.
Seems like a lightweight alternative to obsessive Wikipedia link following xD

This is how I scored my current job.

I worked at a local newspaper as a sole dev. Nobody knew what I did, neither did they care. The job was miserable, and so was I.

A small design bureau I partly knew, had moved into the building. I hang around in their office quite a bit. Not only because they were cool kids to be with, but also because I hated being in my own office.

One thing led to another, as they say. Eventually the design bureau offered me a job. I was too chicken to jump ship atm, so I declined at first. Then the newspaper had to fire people. It was the ultimate time to jump ship. And now I wasn't only offered a job, I was also offered a partner position.

I still feel kinda lonely, as none of the others are so "dev-y". But it sure as hell beats that crappy newspaper!

This is a follow up to my previous rant where I complained about Lenovo firmware update failing and bricking a relative’s computer.

We bought a chip programmer, got the bios from some forum and the thing fucking worked. I’m actually surprised it did, I’m not used to doing shit like this. I was pretty fucking scared of burning something.

The programmer also came with a clamp so we could hook it to the chip without desoldering it. Thank god.

I’m terribly depressed so good timing with that I guess.

ÆÃÅĀÀÁÂÄ!!!
I'm so thrilled!! I am not a GUI person & I am rly rly slow & bad when it comes to minor changes on that part..
But today I finally finished GUI, client logic, server side logic & db shiiit for some audit interface I was making.. ..from scratch, meaning it wasn't some changese here & there, no copy pasta no nothin.. I did the whole thing by myself..did a lot of things for the first time & it didn't take me ages!! Wiiiiii!!! Having a total 'I iz so proud of myself' moment!! // I usually am not the boasting/confident/happy with myself type..

Becoming an 'almost' decent developer these past few years has made me realize how absolutely undeserved my ego was back in high school when I first joined DevRant and StackOverflow and thought i was 'all that' just because i did some programming thing stupid teenagers found cool in a random school.

At 24 I can say I'm happy for the internet knocking me down a few pegs when my 16-17 year old ego got out of hand. I feel it's really made me better in the long run.

Thank you DevRant

So. I was pretty sure I had fixed the problem we had with compiling in Windows 10. Thing is I did it in a stopgap non-permanent way because we have to be done with it by the second week of February to support our subcontractor.
Turns out I had an older version of the framework we build on installed on my box and the newer version decided to fix their windows 10 compilation issues the right way. So we can't use our stopgap solution. So basically I look like an idiot and more important people than me have to work on the problem because I am not allowed to install anything on my box myself, our SA is already overwhelmed, and only the higher ups have the newest framework version. Good thing it's a long weekend and I have plenty of of beer and whiskey.

I did a thing. And I'm super happy about it. I just wanted to share.

I bought an LLC and have registered a domain name for it. I know there's a bit of a stigma about people who are always saying that they have ideas. But I'd like to think those with ideas that are willing to commit to them and actually create something with the idea instead of making others do it, is what matters the most.
Anyways. I'm not going to share anything about the idea because it is still in its infancy and I want to release it when it actually has traction.

My first dev project was making a small 3D engine in GameMaker 7 when I was 14. I had been using gamemaker for two years then but I never got past the "platformer movement and collisions" and "top down movement and collisions"

It was the first thing I made myself without following a tutorial and spend quite a few afternoons at school to ask my Math teacher to explain things like sin cos and tan. Words I saw on the internet but did not understand.

Seriously, a new guy joined out team and suddenly I'm out of my comfort zone and started following the pattern I used to follow. The thing he did, commented on my PR, a lot of comments.
I had this thing that hey now I can control anything right, new guy? less experienced? yes, so I don't need to be intimidated. But I realised today that I'm easily intimidated my intelligent people because I think now I am the inferior one.

I will push myself to think about it in a better way, by looking at it positively, to learn something from it.

WE DID IT BOYS! @dfox @trogus I feel that putting our devRant stickers on our laptops is officially a thing- So I'm prepared to join the dark side 😄

Need to get some time again, to fix the current problems with the scripts I did so far and then would want to add a script for people to embed polls into rants, which has been a thing people seem to want for a while

---

In case somebody actually visits the strawpoll link from the rant text, you're going to be disappointed, it's exactly what's on the picture lol

"We need this project done by friday"

When:

Requirements changing on a daily basis.

No standards whatsoever, anywhere.

5 different people commiting changes with no code review.

Original team leader quit a month ago.

Current team leader doesn't know our own deadlines.

QA looking at layout through a microscope at every single possible resolution. (please move this 2 pixels to the left between 934px and 936px range)

QA being too vague some times (this looks weird some times)

Same thing being changed back and forth because no-one could agree on how exactly should it look.

PM implying at every chance that I did nothing and what little I did broke everything all the time.

me: Hey. This looks like a cool component that will save me lots of time and effort in the project I'm kicking off next week.

/* Two months later */

me: WTF was the name of that component that did that thing?

======================

I really should write things down more often.

Procastinator's tricks to be productive: Schedule messages

I hate to write people. They could answer. My whole plan might be thrown off. But when is the best time to answer them? The day after tomorrow? Too late. Tomorrow. Around 10? Thank you to all messengers that allow me to schedule a message. Instead of procrastinating, I answer, I schedule, and if I am in a bad mood, I later come back and abort and rewrite the message nicer.

Went perfectly swimmingly with my happy new year messages. Everyone got them at 00:00. Yes my friend, you're obviously the most important thing in my life, first thing I did was writing you!

The worst thing I have seen a dev do?

- Have all the APIs work without an access token for our main product which handles ~10k requests a day.
- Calling our architecture secure in the crucial investor meeting and being 'confident' that our database can not be compromised. No wonder we did not get funded.

Customers thought it was funny that the obvious abbreviation for for a thing today was "ASS". They joked about that being a column in a menu.

So I did it.

They've got their very own "Ass" menu item in production.

OH
MY
GAAWWWWWD

The funniest thing happened today. I was helping a teammate rebase his branch onto master. Since his root was a merged local branch with 3 commits already in master, but squashed, we had to do an interactive rebase. So we have 3 commits to drop, and one to pick. He was using vsCode on windows, so he got vi to edit the rebase. I told him to change the first three pick for the letter d (alias for drop). Since he was not too familiar with vi, he only changed the first letter. I was like : dick is not a valid command, it's just d. Then he removed it and did the same thing again! When he finally understood, we both died of laughter,and so my ghost is now writting this rant. In the bus. Laughing like a crazy person. 😎

Remember how my course paper used a de duck image?

Asked the writer about it, apparently he wasn't aware of devRant and that devducks were a thing (he did know about rubber duck debugging).

He just took the image from Google and after I explained they were real he ordered a couple :D

Who at Microsoft thought that this is a good idea?

I wish I did not update, last update I did was a year ago and I was happy with it, now Windows feels like chaos ... Half the things are Dark themed and the other half is not. Lets see what the future holds

Also that Windows.old thing takes up 20GB that even if installation fails, it never succeeds in rolling back ... At least I was never able to rollback ...

"OMG WE MISSED SOMETHING WE NEED AN EMAIL SENT TO EVERYONE IF X HAPPENS AND NOBODY DID A THING WITHIN AN HOUR!"

Ok done.

"OMG WE NEED IT SENT IF NOBODY DID A THING EVERY 30 MINUTES"

Um... not sure we're solving this problem right way ... but there you go done.

"OMG SOMEONE GOT AN EMAIL AFTER 45 MINUTES AND NOT 30 MINUTES"

Bro who the fuck knows why that happened, it's email not instant messenger .... that's what I meant by us solving this in the wrong way, email for this is dumb... how about we solve this process problem in some other way or you just fuck off ... this isn't a coding issue this is something else...

Just ran rm -rf ~

Only good thing is I ran it without sudo.

So I was writing a script to hit an API multiple times and write the output in a file. Instead of providing the absolute path like /User/.... I gave the path as ~/..., So it created a folder named ~ inside the directory I was inside. Now I wanted to delete it and the file inside it. And so I did it.

I am an idiot

PM: I’m not asking what you were doing, I’m asking what was done
me: losers are asking, champions go and do it. This is what I did. The only thing I hear from you is questions. Meanwhile leaders are always a part of the answer. With that loser mentality, you’re never gonna be an MVP.

I’m a neural network powered parrot with a supercar brain. No matter the business guru speak BS you throw my way, I’m gonna wipe the floor with you in your own game. You have no chance. You’re that mediocre type of person who buys a rolex, the same one Gary V has, with the hope it would fix your self-confidence. The only thing I see in your eyes is your shattered ego.

MS Teams:

*Notification*: Bob sent you a message: "Hello netikras. Got a minute for a call? Andrew told me <...>"

Open up Teams, open chat with Bob. Last message received -- 2 weeks ago. Chat summary on the left (chats list) shows the last message was 2 minutes ago with "Hello netikras. Got a...."

Prolly just javascript failed to fetch the full message to display it in the chat.. refresh the Teams tab

Same thing.
How the f*ck do I read the full message? WHAT DID ANDREW TELL BOB????

Fucking Micro$oft... Ironically, the only thing they're good at is hardware. Well okay and the office suite.
Can't even make a working chat app that doesn't lose messages or doesn't behave like a three-headed dragon with multiple personalities in each head.

When the fuck did Mac OS start updating without any notification?!

I was in the middle of some work and suddenly the screen goes black and system starts updating.

I thought this was a Windows only thing!

WTF?!!!!

My Final Year Project used robotics, speech recognition, body mapping and it was possibly the coolest thing I've ever done. I did it to be balls out ambitious as I wanted an impressive project to help me get a job...

I was told the other dev hadn't enough time anymore to maintain this 20-year-old project, because he did it in his free time and we should transition from working together, learning the code, etc to me maintaining the whole thing with the other dev providing the knowledge about his program.

So, we had one meeting where I got the current state of the program and never really heard from the other dev again.

This thing was written in C and quite a mess (it still is, who needs refactoring...) and I have never programmed in C before. Needless to say, I learnt a lot.

Learning languages and frameworks after accepting the job,

Best thing I did this year.

I managed to learn waayyyy more and end up with a better skill set and resume.

I just did a weird thing... I am used to ++ with a double tap... So, I am on relay for Reddit and like the post and I double tap it expecting an up vote. What have you done to me devRant???

Me: *creates a new telegram bot*

User: Hey, compliments for the bot! How did you create that? Did you use HTML or other programming stuff?

Me: ...

The funny thing is that 1 week later I discovered that someone actually created a library to create your own bot with HTML and CSS too.

I'm back. I'm the old itsnameless. I left programming because high school stuff. It was just overwhelming. I, slowly, left programming until the point I forgot everything. A lot of evaluations, high school stuff just for remembering NOTHING. The only thing I did this year on high school was losing a really big part of my time remembering weird stuff.

After all this stuff, I would love to spend my 2 months vacations mostly in the place that I've met lovely, awesome people. That place is called devRant.

So, yeah, hello there.

P.S: Of course after the vacations I'll still be here. lol

So I'm in charge of planning how the projects are gonna be dealt with from now on and today my boss just emailed a list of changes to another dev, with the following fuck ups:

- I'm not copied
- He already did most of it
- It doesn't even exists on our Trello board
- Obviously not thought out and unplanned Bullshits that might change once again...

I was so fucking pissed that I didn't have a reaction, I'm absolutely gonna talk to him tomorrow first thing...

So... Today I started using my first Python web framework, web2py. At a first glance I liked it, the templating system, the view/controller thing ecc. But there is one thing in frameworks that I really don't like: they make me feel dumb.
I mean, in just one line of code I can generate an entire form, but if I wanna customize it a little bit... I can't. Or better, it is very hard, also if there is a bug, I have to look for a problem in an entire system that I DID NOT wrote.
I don't like the idea that the frameworksl handles everything for you, like it is teasing me, I don't even know how it works, it just works, and man, I don't like it. There's some kind of hacker in me, I dont like a system that just works, I want to know how it works. But the sad thing is that I will have to learn web frameworks if I want to work in the IT, right? Please If you can help me or share your experience with web frameworks do so.

1. Use browser for a few minutes and creating tabs with 'ctrl + t'
2. Switch over to vscode to open a new tab with 'ctrl + t'
3. Random wild search popup thing appears
4. Confused. Searches for keybindings
10 minutes passed till I remembered the keybinding was 'ctrl + n'. Thought my vscode was broken.

Why am I here? How did I got this job?

Today I just spent ~100€ for a 3 year VPN subscription. A lot of money but I feel like I did the right thing.

"Well, I used Jekyll, but then switched to Hugo - but then that wasn't cool anymore so, I went with Nuxt, but switched to React, then Gatsby, then Next - and Now I just redid it in 11nty."

"So, did you ever write any blog posts? I thought it was a blog? The only thing you've done for the past 3 years is to update your basic website? That really could have just been HTML?"

(I'm not sure we can trust this guy to work on a legacy project...)

The other thing I did was write a reduce function to sort items in an array without modifying the original array.

.... I really need to find a job so I stop being the sole driver of my time. XD

My killer PR:
I made a small feature and it was to be merged in my senior's branch.
So I made it, resolved all the conflicts and when it got merged it broke my senior's branch.
This is nothing new and it happens, so me and him sat down and got it working. After two days, his branch got merged and broke it's parent 😂, after investigation my code was the reason, got fixed and merged.
Same thing happened 3 more times, and every time my code was the culprit.
Now for staging we thoroughly tested everything and deployed it, after running for 2 hours the piece of shit broke again 😂😂😂.
A meeting was arranged for scolding the team, and after the meeting the architect comes to me and say "how did you manage to fuck things on so many levels, literally?". I handled it like a pro with an awkward laugh.

We exhaustively checked it for production. Deployed, it did not broke, we were happy. After a month of successful run, I just joked about the above incident while we were working on next release on morning coffee. That cursed thing broke on the same evening. I was like 😮

Me: *pushes up code that should stop bad thing from happening*
Bad thing: *doesnt happen for a few hours*

Is..is it good??? Did i fix it????? Or does the thing just randomly not happen right now??????? We will never know.

Since I am running a home server and want to be updated on what the stats are, I did create a webpage where I can get the "renewed" information via ajax (not with jQuery) in every 5 seconds. The thing is that I don't get the "new" information. It's still the old information that keeps reshown in the div.
I checked the server.php file. It keeps getting regenerated. Since, that is the case, it isn't the server to blame. But more likely the client.php is the one that is causing problems. May someone know how to deal with that?

True Story:

first thing I did today: got my tickets for a meat raffle at my friend's church.

second thing I did: took a call from the tech recruiter at PETA.

My first experience with computers was in "technology" class at school.
The teacher told us we had to switch off the monitor then turn off the computer.
Once, I forgot about this and did the other thing around, and I got yelled at ... It traumatised me so much that for a few years I always did it that way, thinking that I could break something doing otherwise...

I still feel bad thinking about this and hate that teacher for such a useless trauma about a thing he didn't understand either.

A client asked for a tool for his website. So I built it for him and he was satisfied with the thing, cause it did what it should. Nevertheless I was not, because it kind of had a messy backend. I made it working and charged my time. Now I am wondering if I should rebuild the thing to satisfy my code quality for free, or just keep that thing as ugly as it is....

What your opinion on this?

I didn't really plan to study computer science, it just kinda happened. So when a few years into school my GPA was low my mom concluded it wasn't right for me.

Thing is, I knew I was good at programming and problem solving and so did my classmates. I even helped people who the school system said were smarter than I was.

So now I am constantly doing projects and freelancing with hopes that I'll prove myself to her.

...

!rant

I just did a thing. Signed the contract for buying my very first apartment at age 21. So fucking stocked, and feel bad for my wallet

I've got a report that one of our machine-learning purpose computers broke down suddenly. I took a look and saw that the thing was stuck at the BIOS screen. The thing that was off was that it did not prompt for any keystrokes. Like, if there were a BIOS problem, there would usually be a prompt to press <F1> to ignore or something, right? But, nope! Even BIOS did not do jack s#!+.

I tinkered around the peripherals for an hour before finally finding something odd - why the f*<k does this computer have a screen hooked up via f*<king D-Sub????????

Yup, somebody hooked up a screen to the base motherboard via D-Sub when they rearranged other computers, even though that machine needed to have a screen hooked up to a GPU via HDMI.

🤦

> Mister IHateForALiving, we need a new table on the website do to thing

No biggie, we know there's a datatable plugin somewhere.

> No, you can't use that, it doesn't have pagination

Oh, right. I also see here it was last updated 4 years ago, it's kinda shit too, it's like the inbred cousin of a real datatable. Ok, how did you tackle the thing until now?

> There's a script template somewhere in the page, we iterate over that to create our tables

Ok, but I'll have to write some logic for that, how much time do I have?

> I want this to be online by this evening

Can't be done, what if we used a normal datatable like normal people?

> No, it looks too different from the real site

How am I supposed to manage the thing then?

> IDK, just reload the page every time

_____________
And here we are, triggering a full page reload on an already bloated Laravel app (something like 600-800ms) for 20 lines of json. Great idea mister team leader, but consider the following: fuck you and your bastard lineage.

I am starting to get really annoyed by shitty devs and tech leads from other teams that ask me to fix urgently a "problem" with my project they rely on, but turns out they did not even debug the fucking thing in the first place to understand where the problem comes from.

Turns out someone used the wrong parameters on his duct taped jenkins CI and instead of finding the reason for the failure, he just assumed my code did not work.

This is the last time I'm helping you fucks before a release while I am on holidays in my country. Worst thing is you guys are paid twice my salary in US dollars but you still can't code and debug for shit.

How about telling me truth when I asked you guys if everything was working fine before I took my vacations? Do you fucking test your shit for fuck's sake? Nah you guys just suck ass.

I will turn off my computer when off work from now on and uninstall slack and emails from my cell phone. These guys are not competent enough to use those tools properly.

Me - 1+1 is 2
Client : Did you say 1+1 is 2
Because even i thought 1+1 is 2 and i think we should go ahead with 1+1 2 because that seems like a good thing to me.

***"1+1 is 2" can be replaced by some long tech discussion

#my brain hurts

I published my first ever thing! Sure it's only a chrome new tab page but I did it! Check out compTab

TL;DR
I signed in at a few sites like freelancer.com , you did it you understand this nightmarish post.

for every fucking job, there was a full team of fucking lowcostshitters that took it for 0,50 $ . When I say this number, I mean it literally.

Translations
Data Entry
Ios app
Android app
Java
Python
Websites
Games
Scripts
System Manager
DB creation
Porting
...

And if you think this was the only nightmarish thing, you have to check the jobs descriptions and their spec.

You'll loose your sleep for sure.

Did not understand why people posted so much on here till I had to argue with my "partner" product manager that SVG icons are better than pure CSS icons, and yes there is such thing as animated SVG, and no I'm not a designer to create fancy icons for you just because they "are actually code" you twat

wk257 - How did you learn to program?

GTA San Andreas Multiplayer Mod (SAMP), when I was maybe 14. Then some Java in high school. Studied Engineering and the only thing that didn't completely suck was programming (C), so I changed my field to work as a dev.

Hey, I need ideas. Keywords: DIY, IT cabinet, cooling. I hope I'll catch your eye :)

So I'm doing my apartment renovation. Complete renovation, 100% everything is remade. Soviets did a lot wrongs but one thing they did I like - storage compartments below ceiling (like double ceiling.. does it have a name in English? I often see them in garages). So I tore down the old compartment and created a bigger new one. I've moved some of my IT devices up there: router, switch, raspberry, etc. Now... it's okay while it's autumn-winter, it's bearable up there. I'm worried temperatures might get very high during summer.

Compartment is not that big, smth 1m x 2 m x 0.5 m.

Any ideas for cooling? I could set up a vent fan to circulate air but it's hardly a cooling. Also not very effective. A/C is not an option as the compartment is too far away from outter walls. Also A/C might be somewhat overkill :) 5 minutes ago I've remembered I had an in-car portable fridge-like thing that could keep drinks decently cooled during summer. I'm wondering whether it would work? Any ideas where could I get this cooling mechanism (what to even google for? :) )?

Is there anything better in the market? DIY? I'm not willing to spend a fortune for this idea (one more reason A/C is an overkill)

For my AP Comp Sci final project I put a ton of work in, and built a mix of space Invaders and galaga, and called it Space Invaders 2. I created the thing on my own, with no partner, and I did all the art myself too. It was easily one of the best in the class.

The only thing I studied from HTML is that you have to close anything you have opened.../>
I already had some experience with C++ and suddenly they suggested me to take a mentoring.
My mentor - Well, we're going to learn HTML.
- I'm busy. I'm learning python...

- What have you done? Did you learn the HTML?
- Eeh I need to do a neutral network project for the uni. Wait please...

- It's time to learn HTML.
- Eeh I have a deadline in these days. I have to make an Ethereum smart contract. Wait please...

- HTML!
- WAIT!

Finally I asked my mentor to stop this fucking recursion. I'm not going to learn it.

!rant

For the past year I was more or less solely responsible for a project. With the beginning of the year 2020 that project is paused. I had vacation starting the 23.12.2019 so the project ended there for me. Since the 25. the project is alerting like 30 crashes a day. I didn't change a thing but the external consultant did. Now I sit here at home and drink relaxing tea while reading a book. It's nice to say that it is not my problem anymore :-)

Linkedin looks like some devs went to Facebook, right clicked, saved a copy of the webpage and just edited some of the text. Why do we need "Like" and "Comment" features?
It was fine when it was just a professional networking site. Boring, sure, but at least it did the thing it was created to do.
It's all very cringe now.
PS I got my current job and will probably get my next job through Linkedin, but it still makes me cringe

Actually, it happened just before my current holidays.
I had prepared a whole system to feed and use a machine learning model. My colleague and some others had been working on a great thing, all encapsulated, all abstracted for my system.
My last day at the office, they had it ready.
I install their thing, load one model and launch one dummy prediction: error. I try with other input data: error
I try debugging a bit more, errors all the way. Knowing them, I asked if they wrote some unit tests.
"Sure we did"
I find the tests, yes there are some. And I notice:
"Hey, I see that in all your tests, you're making more than one prediction at a time (=aka using a matrix with more than one row)
- yeah, and it work fine
- in the project, we're doing one prediction at a time, did you try it with one prediction?"
He tries: error, that was totally what I said.
I started ranting on loosing the scope of the project, why we do tests in the first place.
Then, I grabbed my coat, said "see you in one week" and let them rework their code.
I was so angry at them, it seemed so basic to just check that 👹

I opened devrant with this rant in mind and the first thing i saw is a post about someones boss getting killed...

Fucking hell does someone have good news?
Everywhere i look is pain. Why is this world so cruel!?!?!
Why is there war Why did so many people get killed Why Why Why

My only safe place is while coding, this distracts me from this whole world. I create my own world while coding and dive deep into it. Its one of those things keeping me alive.

We're rebuilding out company's platform from the bottom up, and throughout this process I've learned a lot. However, the stuff I've done lately has fascinated me the most. We're implementing OpenOffice for converting files to PDF. Since I started with this task I've had to implement secure running of OpenOffice by sandboxing and queues, but by far the coolest thing was what I did today. I was trying to implement IPC, and damn was it fun. I actually ended up writing a full parser for raw byte streams, since we had to include some special information. It was fun 😁

Client asks for a thing. Cancels meeting. Says I have all the details and it should be easy...

Did I mention there's a deadline. You bet it's ridiculously soon.

Those of you who did some kind of programming class in highschool, did they teach you about git?

I was talking to a friend the other day and we both said the one thing we wish we knew back then was git. Both us had projects go completely missing or fubar at T-10 seconds. I don't recall even knowing that version control was a thing

When I was doing replacements in a text file manually and some smug coder did the same thing in 5 min after I'd spent a day doing it ...

way back in highschool, for recitation i fixed a bug in the code written on the board with a very small change. feeling proud of my work, i did a 'mic drop'-esque thing on the marker i used.

my prof apparently did not see the change i made, said to the class something about 'having guts,stagefright,etc. he thought i really did not do anything, and just erased the whole thing. i almost lost interest in programming after that.

after college though, graduating top of the class and all, the school asked me to do their website, it was kickass and the board liked it.

months after golive, i came across the same prof in a party for celebrating the success of the website.
i will never forget that "in your face" smug smile i gave him, and the obvious stumped look on his face.

sorry if its too long, here's a rant potato (:/)

"Non-technical" users must have some magic skill that goes beyond my understanding. How can anyone work with no-code page builders? I tried Wix, Webflow, Gutenberg, Elementor, Divi, and Semplice. Each one sucks in their way, but they have one thing in common: their UI behaves even more erratically than Microsoft Word.

Is there a "non-technical personal computer user" class where people learn that logic? How did they manage to hide their secret understanding from developers? Or what did I miss?

So, today I revisited my 5 months old code and was like "What? Did I really wrote this horrible code?" 😐️ 🙂️ 😃️🔫️

```js
setState((initVal) => {
initVal.food = 'burger';
return initVal;
});
```

The function above change its argument's value, which is terrible thing to do, since it will also change the original value passed to the function. A variable's value for example. Making it an impure function.

I always thought I suffered from imposter syndrome until I saw what the previous developer on this NodeJS/SailsJS project did.

They put return statements inside of a switch block. He also put in the break statements as well. The return statements were the exact same thing every time it was written.

Fuck shitty JS developers....

I have spent 5 days in Microsoft Excel trying to do my budget planner. I struggled a lot and too much Googling. Google started to show reCaptcha whenever I search for something after that.

Yesterday, I spent 3 hours and got my fully functionality web based budget planner done.

I don't know if I did the right thing or not but am really happy and I have the full control.

TLDR; College group projects suck, not because the work, but the people in your group will make or break you. Fuck having 1 week to do this assignment.

Sometimes working with other students on group projects is great, they actually know how to create a merge a git branch. I've had a decent partner once during my 3 years at university so far. This last project takes the cake on idiots I've worked with...so far at least... It was me and two others, we'll call them Thing1 and Thing2 for now. Anyway so the 3 of us had a week to implement a very rudimentary Invoice system; fine, easy enough. We divided up the work and 'started'.
All seemed to be going well, no complaints or cries for help all week. Until 4 hours before we submit the assignment; Thing 1 sends me a DM saying all of Thing 1's work is useless full of bugs and just shouldn't be integrated with the rest of the code. Umm fine? I guess? wtf?! why did this have to come out last minute?! We could have explained to Thing 1 what's going on and gotten him/her up to speed on everything. Believe it or not, I was sorta ok with this? I mean thing 1 hadn't pushed anything to the repo yet. I mean literally nada, Thing 1 is a collaborator on the repo that has contributed nothing. Seeing as how Thing 1 was contributing nothing I had already started to cover our ass a began Thing 1's work.
That's not even what's pissed me off... at least thing 1 had the gall to message me to say "idk..wtf is going on...continue without me". Thing 2 arguably made my time with the project worse. His code was nothing but garbage...every time...literally spent more time deciphering his incoherent bullshit more than I did rewriting his mess. I shit you not he wrote out this method, and tells the group he's "finally got it fixed and working":
public static float updateTotal(float newValue)
{
total = updateTotal(newValue);
return total;
}

How tf did he test this to see if its working?! I'm a novice and can already see the infinite loop here. You called your method within that method's own definition, what did you expect to happen.
I managed to get things 75% working and turned in 5 mins before the cut off.
Thankfully Thing 1 emailed the Proff as well, hopefully he won't tank my grade too bad. I'm so glad to be done with this assignment, fingers crossed there's no more group work.

Okay so I just went from getting no feedback on job applications to having more appointments than I can manage.... You'd think this is a good thing but how do you do this with or raising suspicion... Guess it means I did something right in all my hard work and late nights....

Keyboard in my laptop died, mobo issue. Work gave me an ex-lease Dell E6430s. First thing I did was dual boot with Ubuntu 16.10 - can't believe how smooth it was. When I put Debian on my Lenovo G570 I had a ton of issues. I love Linux.

Client Agency: "Well why did it take you so long to style the clickdummy?"

Me: "well I did not anticipate that you had that set up by a student who does it know his css. I had to fix many usability problems first."

Client: "To me it looks just like before. What did you do exactly?"

Me: "Are you serious? That thing was not at all usable before."

Client: "The functions were all there in the first place!"

Me: "Yes, but I one does not know where to click, that is no use, is it?"

Client: "Ok then what ever...I somehow feel like like you have gotten less efficient these days. "

Me: -.-""""!!!!

Client: "so would you please include some effects and make it shiny? I just wanted you to make it shiny."

Me: -___- "ok then"

-----

Client: "Now it's awesome, thanks."

Actually have a dev thing to say now.

I wrote a script to compile my kernel with the latest mainline version using my current config options. It works...so far. I'll check back with it in a couple months and hope it still works good. It also checks daily if my kernel is out of date (yes I'm one of those, fight me)

Also managed to get my laptop to boot from power on to LightDM in 15 seconds, and 9 of those seconds are firmware. It DOES have this thing on occasion where it freezes during the boot process while initializing everything tho?? I've been meaning to try and figure it out for a minute but I put it off so much cause I don't reboot that often anyways.

As for a personal update, I hung out with some good friends today and my best friend heard my singing voice for the first time, she said I have a good voice (she does a lot of musicals and stuff and just sings all the time, so I trust her opinion). I also gave that friend a gaming laptop as a late birthday gift/early graduation gift today because she doesn't have anything to game on and I didn't really use the laptop much anyways. Plus she's like my favorite person ever and she really deserves it. Unrelated note, I have had an off and on crush on this girl for 2 years. She's always been there for me and she's just an amazing person.

Fellow coders, where did your passion for coding come from?
Mine was in school when I had to create a website and it was the best thing ever

I joined a project that has been in development for four years. After a couple of weeks of getting used to what has already been done I saw some strange coding.
One thing that struck me in particular was how often I saw pointers to pointers of objects being passed as arguments without any obvious reasons.
Only after I got to write a new functionality myself did I see why that was done.. as I needed to do it too. I had to allocate the memory for an object that was given as the parameter.
C is a hell of a language.. just as I thought I was good at it things like this happen.

Aaaannnd again a failed interview.
Just because I didn't pay enough attention to the question.

Did that ever happen to you guys? Like you just write a huge pile of code, you look at it, you're proud, but it ends up not working because you forgot one little thing that makes it completely incorrect?

Did A big stupid thing right now

Deleted a web page, which took me three days to write. Very pissed right now. Should have added to GitHub repo

I started working on a new file on my project. After I finished working on the project I started doing something which didnt worked out. So I deleted the local version of the repo since the repo was backed up on the server. But the file that I completed last night was not yet added to the repo.

So I started at a new company about two months ago. I was hired as a Senior .net developer, which I am well qualified. I also told them that I did MVC but haven’t done react or angular.

So my first project with this company is building a react-native app. (Never done a native app either) The craziest thing is I am the most senior on this project too.

What is even crazier, I still work for my old company on the side, and the only .net I am doing is for them. And even funnier, my old company thought the reason I was leaving was to do more .net development.

Did a website for my uncle. I'm not a web dev and I don't normally do this kind of thing for family but he's putting me up for two weeks. So he asked how difficult websites are, basically just needed me to drop some stuff in a template and host it. Not a problem. The man then brings me a printed piece of paper with changes he wants.... No copy paste for me...

I did one thing really smart, schedule my vacation and tell them no access to computer. I also did a stupid thing. I told them 2weeks ahead. So for the next 2weeks I’m going to work double everyday. Lesson learn.

Give me an example of a cool thing your PM/team leader did for your dev team.

Our douche PM got sacked so i need ideas for my fellow dev team 🤓

*chuggs coffe in celebration*

Hello, I am new on devrant.

Trying to finally land a job after studying for so long. I must say that for a lot of interviews their questions are quite unpleasant and after interview itself I often feel like an idiot. Guess it's not my thing to communicate that much.

If there are any other devs shy/with an introvert personality: How did you overcome stress and later initial uncertainty in new job?

More marks for a bubble sort.

For those of you that know the bubble sort you may share my frustration. I built a simple python program that took three integers and sorted them using a series or compound if statements using no built in low and max functions. Someone in my college class did the same thing but used a bubble sort and got higher marks. This angers me, I had to write an algorithim in a language I had barely touched but this person just used old scrappy code and got higher marks. Only a little tease but you get the picture, bubble sort is inefficient.

Believe it or not, I actually had a great day of development today and don't feel the need to rant about anything!

It was one of those rare days when everything went well, and instead of running into road blocks, you actually learn about things that open new doorways, and the one thing I did struggle with received an answer on Stack Overflow within minutes that was both exactly what I was hoping for and as a bonus, not even condescending.

Dang, dev doesn't get much better than this! ☺️