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My dumb CEO just hired an even dumber CTO. The new CTO asked me the following questions...
1. What is GitHub?
2. What is JSON?
3. What’s an array?
4. What is Get and what is Post?
5. When an iPhone is offline, can it call an API on our server to tell us it’s offline?
6. I know you’ve spent 11 month the writing this backend in PHP but can you change it to Java now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because it’s better.
Me: How?
Dumb CTO: because it is.
7. I know you’ve started to rewrite this codebase I Java but can you convert it to Node.JS now?
Me: Why?
Dumb CTO: Because Facebook uses it.
8. What is MySQL? Why aren’t you using a database instead?
9. What does NULL mean?
Somehow, I doubt that asshole is remotely qualified for the job.
Fakin shyt for brains.180 -
Me: "My PC is sad what should i do? "
Tech-Support: "what do you mean your PC is sad"
i wonder whose(developer) idea was it to put just smiley instead of meaningfull error...
9 -
Java is to JavaScript
: what Car is to Carpet
: what Swift is to Suzuki Swift
: what Perl is to a Pearl
: what Ruby is to a Ruby Gemstone
: what Go is to Go Home
: what Shell is to Sea Shell
: what Bash is to Big Bash
: what Alice is to Alice in wonderland
: what Rust is to Rusty Theron
: what Awk is to your Awkward cousin
: what Dart is to Darts
: what Julia is to Julia Roberts
: what Korn is to Corn
: what Maple is to Syrup
: what Caml is to a Camel
: what CHILL is to Netflix
: what Crack is to Crack
: what Curl is to Curls
: what Hugo is to Boss
To be continued..
Have a joke? Say it in comments
Criteria : programming language on left , analog on right15 -
@dfox so is devrant turned out to be what you thought/hoped it'd be when you first started it, or is it different than the initial idea?43
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when your boss tells you they hired you just to save money, and the job should actually be done by a team of intermediate/senior devs, but they thought one junior dev could do it in the same time span
4 -
Vsauce has made all of its Mindfield content free on youtube...
Watched the episode about moral licensing
TL;DR; If you do something very good you tend to compensate and give yourself a free pass to do not so good
It happens to me in software when I accomplish something really fast, like a bumpy process that is undefined and in most cases should take X amount of time, but due to luck + experience + right mindset I get it done like 5 times faster...
I end up wasting the other parts of the time feeling good about myself and exploring google maps and writing rants here...4 -
Anyone know what this is?
Is it a bomb? (lol)
It was in front of one of the apartments i live in.
21 -
So, my wife is in the hospital with two of the kids for an annual checkup. Should be nothing to worry about but still it's stressful and I want to be there.
I'd booked the day off (until the end of the week) and last week I got told, you've taken too many holidays, just the Friday is approved.
Ok, fine, I'll do some extra hours work from home and be there for the appointment. But fuck no, they schedule an "important" client meeting this morning and I'm required to attend.
TWO FUCKING HOURS and I contributed a sum total of 2 sentences which could have been filled in just as well by the other developer on the call
Just another reason I'm happy to be interviewing at other companies.6 -
Hello, it's 2018, and your alternative software to make presentations, namely, Prezi Next, takes a lovely 1.7 Gb of ram, and randomly decides to take 40% of your CPU constantly whenever it wants.
I feel pillaged. Plus the software is crappy as hell.14 -
Mum: Is this the big data?
Father: Do you know anything about Bitcoin? Can you explain me what it is?1 -
Just added Kotlin plugin to my new android project and what do you know, CPU went to 100% of usage.
Aaand the winner is: Fucking Android Studio!
19 -
Was it it with clients and wanting to restrict the height of webpages?
Client: Can you make it all fit on the screen?
Me: What this particular screen?
Client: Well all screens, some people might not realise there is more content.
Me: What if the screen is tiny?
Client: make it smaller
Me: What if you add more content to it?
Client: Hmm, your the developer.
Me: Teeny tiny text coming right up.18 -
Believe it or not… This means shit is doing what it is supposed to…
EDIT: Sorry for length web client users .-.
15 -
*phone rings*
Me: "Hello".
Caller: "Hi, I'm just going to patch you in to this conference call."
Fucking hell.3 -
I started saying 'yes' to every opportunity in life. Long story short, I have 3 websites, 2 logos, a couple of leaflets and 2 non-profit websites due yesterday. Whiskey with cereal never tasted better at 8 AM!3
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Signed up for a coding contest that starts at 9am. I’m bad at timed code challenges, but I’ll never get better if I don’t push myself.
Woke up in a panic, thinking I’d overslept... 1.5 hours after falling asleep.
This is definitely not going to help matters. Thanks, brain.10 -
Do you know what i hate most?
... commented old code!
What is the fucking purpose to comment old code IF YOU ARE USING A VERSION CONTROL SYSTEM?????
Commented old code is shit, because it fucks the readibility! I saw entire class full of this shit!
DELETE IT, YOU DON'T LOSE IT YOU MORON!!!!5 -
non-IT friend: I still don't understand what is"hardware"
Me: it is the part of the computer that you can kick.5 -
Sales: "There is a problem in complicated feature A, in a client system!
Dev: "What is the problem"
Sales: "I don't know exactly"
Dev: "which client system? What version is installed?"
Sales: crickets.
Dev: "Do you a Jira ticket, or an email with more details?"
Sales: "It is urgent that we fix the problem ASAP!"
Dev: "what problem"
Sales: "The problem! I talked to the VP RnD, So he can make sure you are on it!"
Dev: "What exactly do you me to fix"
Sales: "The Problem!"8 -
Let junior dev design module.
Make code review.
What junior dev says: "It is a totally flexible concept!"
What junior dev means: "It is extremely shitty to use for the one use case it was meant to do, but it will be equally shitty to use for all the use cases we will never have."
Back to square one.9 -
Mom: what is it you do exactly?
Me: I make web sites and test computers for bugs.
Mom: What is a bug?
Me: it is when a program does something you do not want it to do.
Mom: k, I don't understand how money is made in that. But, you know (random store) is hiring.2 -
Fuck.
Fuck this shit
Fuck. What the hell is this?
What the fuck????
Fuck this place.
How the hell is it even possible??
Fuck all. M leaving.
.
.
.
.
A snapshot of my workday nowadays.7 -
Your phone/laptop is on 5%
After it dies you can never recharge it, and you can never get another (all technology is dieing)
What do you do?40 -
Why is it so hard to read a 15 pages paper or article? I read hundreds of fiction pages or news in a day, but reading 100 lines of a scientific paper is a pain in the arse and I lose concentration by line 3.
Fak.9 -
Wow I can't believe how well this infographic nailed it.... I feel a bit naked like it read my soul...😮
Src: http://carlcheo.com/what-is-program...
5 -
FirstRant FR = new FirstRant();
Why is it that when you are looking for a method to do what you need and manage to find it, it is deprecated?2 -
As long as the couch does what it should and is stable, I think it's a good code. Programming means knowing what the computer does before it knows it.
Heaven for programmers:
2 -
It took straight 2 minutes to send 3 values to their server and even then it failed, just fucking great, what fills my eyes with blood is how calm the message is supposed to sound, you fuck can't receive opt-outs over https, what?!
3 -
Javascript.
All devices in the world:
Dev: can you gently copy the content of this dynamically generated <input> element and copy it to the clipboard?
Devices: Sure thing brah!
...
iOS: LOL
(and proposed solution on SO, ridiculous)
https://stackoverflow.com/a/...
8 -
me: Have you heard of Murphy's law?
them: Yeah.
me: What is it?
them: If something can go wrong, it will go wrong.
me: Right, have you heard of Cole's law?
them: No, what is it?10 -
!rant
Does anyone know what the Boolean Pythagorean Triples problem or the Ramsey Theory? I read about it while reading an article on brute reason, a kind of compliment to brute force...8 -
As a software engineer, I’ve only *ever* worked remotely. I honestly have no idea what it’s like working in an office as a dev/engineer. Probably makes me weird. 😅
What did you like about working in an office, if you’ve had that experience? Was mentoring different? What did you dislike about it?29 -
Created 'GET STARTED' section in our application in English. It will guide new user to Highlight some App features.
End User started Posting screenshot of it in our feedbacks service : What this is?
Implemented 'GET STARTED' in local languages.
End user started posting screenshot of Language Drop Down, what this is?
Implemented 'GET STARTED' on Location based Language.
End User : I am here in Banglore seeing it in Different Language, my other Partners in Hyderabad are seeing it in different language. What this is?
Removed 'GET STARTED'.
End User : It was a nice feature. Why you removed it? What this is?
May be i over reacted but i am not bringing it back.8 -
(popup) ERROR OCCURRED!
But we're not going to tell you what it is...
Or at hint what the root cause is...
Let alone tell you how to fix it...
2 -
What is this “successful project” of which people speak? It is an elusive creature which I have not hitherto observed.4
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For a .net developer is it normal not to know what an abstract class is? I interviewed someone today that didn't know, and a colleague told me it wasn't that unusual.
To me this is the same level as knowing what an interface is12 -
That moment when you're dragged to a meeting with a group planning a dating app with custom avatars, discuss about what art style to use (realistic vs cartoonish) and the guy in the suit casually mentions he doesn't understand how there are people attracted to "hentai" and its related art styles.
😨 -
What kind of sick joke is it that the url for camelCase on wikipedia is www.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camel_case2
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What tf is matlab
I got a job for the summer, and I had to learn it by myself
Is it really a pain in the ass or is it just complicated to learn ?12 -
That thing has got an eye of fish.Any guess what it is called?
.
.
.
Welp,It is🐠
.
.
.
Fish Eye Raspberry Pi Camera
1 -
I don't know how to feel about it. What story it tells? Python is so easy that even vandals use it or maybe someone bleed on the wall how much she/he hates python. Or maybe it is scream of inner Vandal closed in cubicle who works with AI and blockchain for life's. What is the story behind this?
6 -
2021: What is Metaverse?
Google: I "think" it means...
2022: What is Metaverse?
Google: Seems "maybe" it is a ...
2050: What is Metaverse?
Google: Mate to be honest It's unclear to me also.3 -
American Express is proud to be the official card for Universal Orlando. It also uses Windows XP. WHAT IS THIS? WHAT ALTERNATE DIMENSION AM I LIVING IN? Meh, still better than Windows 10.
1 -
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. What is this dude talking about?! What am I doing with my life?!?!
Test what? What do I have to do? I didn't study this. I don't know what this API thing is. My life sucks. My job sucks. I suck. I'm stupid, because apparently knowing who or what this API is is essential for being a normal part of society.
I don't even.. oh someone pls kill me.
(No I don't want a detailed explanation what I have to do - I know this is not google and i wont understand it anyways and my husband will torture me with it in the afternoon. Just some sympathy for a finance person who has to deal with this would be nice)
9 -
What do you guys think about TypeScript? Does it worth time to learn the syntax? Also what is the relation between Angular 2 and TypeScript?4
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Management: ReactNative is great because it is faster!
Me: What else do we get from it?
Management: Facebook made it so it is good!
Me: 😑3 -
Me: "Can you get the user to send us a recent crash dump?"
(Support person forwards my email)
User: "The most recent ones are from November"
Support person: "It seems they haven't had any this month"
Me: (?????!!) "Which November?"
The eventual crash dump was datestamped with today's date. -
Wanted an iPhone badly since 2007, and I'm about to get one today.
What do you folks think? Is it garbage? Is it worth it? I just really want an SE. Really tired of meizu lags and freezes.
What to expect from iPhone? Are there some shocking downsides?43 -
Why exacly PHP contains "T_PAAMAYIM_NEKUDOTAYIM".
Yes, I googled what that is, I understand message, yet still it strikes me if PHP creator was high that night and later figured T_THE_DOUBLE_COLON_THING_OF_MAGICK is not what he aims for and out of wtf'ness temporarly forgotten english?
And what is your theory on that8 -
Slack's latest update just broke the darkify hack. It's 2019, right? It is unbelievable that there is no built-in dark mode for Linux, Mac, or even windows. I mean, they are aware of dark mode. It is available on mobile without trouble. Get it together, slack!11
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What is debugging an application?
Sticking in it for hours, for fixing the error. Finally when it is done, you find it is already there in SO :/.
#myFirstHackathonExperience1 -
How the fuck do you do a performance review?
For me, we need to do self assessments.
Part of it is what I do well, part of it is what i need to improve.
No idea what to put, since I feel like I'm awful at everything lol.11 -
I made a thing.
I then turned it into a CodeSandbox template so other people could make the thing.
I then turned it into an npm package.
The thing is a cat clock generator.
https://codesandbox.io/embed/...
https://npmjs.com/package/...3 -
"Where do I find the Ctrl key ?"
"What is TAB ?"
"CTRL-ALT-DEL. What is that? Where Do I find it?"
P.S. These people are my classmates and some others I know... -
i don’t know what docker is and at this point im too afraid to ask.
i read an explainer on it every few months. i’ve used it a couple times. still don’t know what it does.
“it’s a container!” okay.. so is my tupperware. it has beans in it. what’s your point.12 -
Whenever someone starts a sentence with "But [Linux|Windows|Mac] is better because..." in the open space developer pit...
3 -
So what exactly is it like working as a developer?
I'm still in the learning phase but I can't seem to picture what exactly it is you'll be doing daily if you get hired.
Is it like constant coding? But like, the site is already made and is huge.
Or is it like making new stuff? But then like, there's already a big company site.
It's what I wanna do but I honestly can't imagine how it will work different from doing it for yourself7 -
Degree itself? Marginally useful. Learned most of what I know from youtube/CTFs/tinkering. Most kids graduating with me don't know or care what a rest service is, AWS. What's that?, Etc.
Is what you make out of it honestly.
Now the environment it provided and doors immediately opened by people I met/professors: invaluable. Guaranteed internships and jobs.1 -
One coffee down and my eyes are just glazing over my code and wondering... right... what is it I gotta do now ... ? What day is it ... Where am I ...3
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Me picking a knife: does research about types of steel, what screws hold it together, what metal detectors it can fool
Me picking a crush: THIS ONE IS PRETTY!5 -
Is there a fucking boundary of what is artificial intelligence and what isn't? People literally shove a few conditionals in a function and call it AI...
By that criteria everything is an AI4 -
What?! I mean what the fuck?! How it become sooo late? Why is devrant eating all my time? Fuck you devRant! I fuck you too!
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Does anyone here have a PhD (for CS)?
Is it worth getting?
What about a MS? Is it worth getting?
Thanks in advance everyone.3 -
I have no clue what GitLab is, what it does, and im feeling left out when most are ranting about GitLab deleting their database...
There! I said it!3 -
aagh fuck college subjects. over my last 4 years and 7 sems in college, i must have said this many times : fuck college subjects. But Later i realize that if not anything, they are useful in government/private exams and interviews.
But Human computer Interaction? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS SUBJECT???
This has a human in it, a comp in it, and interaction in it: sounds like a cool subject to gain some robotics/ai designing info. But its syllabus, and the info available on the net , is worse than that weird alienoid hentai porn you watched one night( I know you did).
Like, here is a para from the research paper am reading, try to figure out even if its english is correct or not:
============================
Looking back over the history of HCI publications, we can see how our community has broadened intellectually from its original roots in engineering research and, later, cognitive science. The official title of
the central conference in HCI is “Conference on Human Factors in Computing Systems” even though we usually call it “CHI”. Human factors for interaction originated in the desire to evaluate whether pilots
could make error-free use of the increasingly complex control systems of their planes under normal conditions and under conditions of stress. It was, in origin, a-theoretic and entirely pragmatic. The conference and field still reflects these roots not only in its name but also in the occasional use of simple performance metrics.
However, as Grudin (2005) documents, CHI is more dominated by a second wave brought by the cognitive revolution. HCI adopted its own amalgam of cognitive science ideas centrally captured in Card, Moran & Newell (1983), oriented around the idea that human information processing is deeply analogous to computational signal processing, and that the primary computer-human interaction task is enabling communication between the machine and the person. This cognitive-revolution-influenced approach to humans and technology is what we usually think of when we refer to the HCI field, and particularly that represented at the CHI conference. As we will argue below, this central idea has deeply informed the ways our field conceives of design and evaluation.
The value of the space opened up by these two paradigms is undeniable. Yet one consequence of the dominance of these two paradigms is the difficulty of addressing the phenomena that these paradigms mark as marginal.
=============================7 -
Hello, everybody! Recently, I've decided to switch from Android development to web-development, mainly JavaScript. Ok, it is clear what to do and what to learn in frontend part. But what about backend? I have a some kind of a dream to learn Go. It is clear language it is a great pleasure to write on it, and I've started to learn it. In parallel I'm trying to study JS + Angular... Well, now I have some douts: is it effective to learn two different languages, which are quite new to me? Maybe, I should learn Node.js instead of Go? Right now it is clear, that this technology (node) is much more demanded. What path should I choose? To follow heart and learn Go? To follow mainstream trend and learn Node.js?1
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So today I debug the code from the previous developer.... I show this in the file I wonder what it is as I debug , it give the log which is I don't know what to react .....
4 -
It is Monday 1:22PM here and what is on my mind? Sleeping. I freaking want to sleep right now.
What the hell do I do to keep awake #_#7 -
👩💻 What do we need?
👨🏻💼 Digitalisation!
👩💻 When do we need it?
👨🏻💼 Yesterday!
👩💻 And what is our company's Content / BPM strategy?
👨🏻💼 ?!3 -
Finding an awesome new library / framework then finding the documentation is all "this is what it is" rather than "this is how you use it" *sigh*2
-
There is something off with the M1 MacBook. I can’t pinpoint but there is definitely something different about the experience. Not necessarily in a positive way. The interaction feels lacking of certain things. Don’t know. It is what it is.
What I can point out is that the notification functionality is definitely a little off. Could be Monterey’s fault.7 -
I wonder what makes you the most attractive in the IT world? Is it power? Or doing new things? Or what?4
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I hate developers that don’t apply logic to non programming concepts. Like when someone declares what they don’t want instead of what they want. For my sake just say what you want to see.
I’m thinking of an animal. Guess what it it is not. Congrats you probably won.
I’m thinking of an animal. Guess what it is. Sorry you probably got it wrong. -
Is it good to be a Linux Administrator, what are good and bad aspect of it and what is future scope so that i can answer myself where do i see myself in 5 years 😂
Currently working at GoDaddy as Hosting tech lead..6 -
This is not a rant!
Has anyone use whonix before? If you have how is it? Is it better than tails?
For those who don't know what whonix is here's a link.: https://www.whonix.org/1 -
Is Lua worth learning?
What can be achieved easily with it? What are it's strengths and weaknesses?6 -
Argument exception message convention: is it better to specify what is allowed or what is not allowed? Eg: "value must be a positive integer" or "value can not be negative"?2
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Opinions please.
I want to share a small model in my iOS app. Now on android I'd do with with ViewModelProviders, but on iOS I'm going with SharedDataContainer which is basically a singleton class that store key value data.
Is there any better approach? Data will not be bigger than 10 list items with guid (key) and int (value)
However; when I have big data I do cache on disk or hello OOM exceptions (or whatever they call that bitch on iOS) -
what kind of sorcery is this? how am i suppose to call this class( or whatever it is)'s functions?
4 -
Poll: What OS do you use for development? If your os isn't in the comments add it, if it is ++ the comment mentioning it..16
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Love this app.. SkyView..
You point it at stars/palette and it shows you what it is.
Edit: sorry not a rant..
1 -
You know what is awesome. React with Redux. It is such a clean and scalable pattern for building UI. Conceptually not that easy but on once you have it. So much better than any other pattern I have seen.
But what fucks me off is working with other librarys with it not hard just fucking annoying.2 -
!rant
What is golang used for in a professional setting? It's a really cool language and I like it, but is it useful for me is what I want to know. Thanks7 -
So is it feasible to develop iOS swift apps also using vscode? Is it smoother than Xcode?
What about android apps...android Studio is so slow, what all will I miss if I use vscode for Java/kotlin apps instead?4 -
Recently I have started receiving many mails from all different websites I signed up .
1 What is the reason for the update ?
2 What is the update (still not going to read it :p)? -
What type of technology is used nowadays in IT companies when it comes to storing, changing, deleting and reading data?
Is SQL still a thing or is it outdated?15 -
What is the output of these program?
Actually it show 2byte but I didn't get that how it calculates 2byte?
13 -
I've heard of the prisoners dilemma, so here's the programmers dilemma:
If nobody gets what they want, endless meetings ensue
If person A gets what they want, then everything is fine
If person B gets what they want, then everything is fine
If both get what they want, it becomes a shitfest
I think this goes for conventions, patterns, you name it2 -
I literally don't understand the purpose of a "higher half kernel"
What does it matter where my kernel is mapped in virtual memory?
"It is traditional and generally good to have your kernel mapped in every user process" what the hell does that even mean??
Mapping my kernel into userspace is something is explicitely don't want to do. Like at all. Ever
And in physical memory it matters even less where it is.
I'm so confused right now3 -
Decided to try the beta build of WP 5.0 today to get a feel for Gutenberg block development, but it's not building confidence. Following the examples in the Handbook (Link: https://wordpress.org/gutenberg/...) and it's failing when trying to set up the rich text editor because apparently the object it relies upon is undefined. Been trying to track down the code for the basic paragraph box for an hour or so now so I can see how it's doing things, and haven't turned up anything useful.
-
In your coding daily routine, what is the action you repeat most often, and what ideas do you have to automate it?
3 -
Making CD-Extra discs, because apparently some people still use ye-olde CD players and others want MP3s.
What a magical world I live in. -
Serious question, what is the use case for Arch? From all that I hear about how complicated it is it doesn't sound very practical3
-
So I'm a windows person through and through.. I used them at school college and university, but
I've heard a lot about Linux and unbuntu and it's got me a little curious Now the question I'm asking is can someone eli5 what unbuntu is? is it free to use? how hard is it to install? How hard is it to use? What is it good for? work/games/music?4 -
What i think is... Participating and securing a rank in hackathons is much easier than organising it.5
-
What is Python good for? (I had to use it for the first time today and used it to process some audio input but i don't know what else to do with it)
-
What is today's standard of server-side rendered pages, today's replacement of php since everyone seems to hate it? Is it Vue/react/angular SSR? Or is it some other technology I haven't heard of?13
-
Is it just me or is devrant a little bit slow to load rants. If so why is that? What should be done to make it better?6
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Does any of you guys live in London? If so, what is life like there? Is it easy for someone to live alone there or is it too lonely?2
-
As a front end programmer and UI designer, what really annoyed me is that the color on my notebook screen is not what it shown on my phone...1
-
Getting frustrated recently because of the micro manament and problems with how things are in my job, i just cant accept the "it is what it is" mentality
-
Has anyone tried Flutter yet? Is it too early to start development with it? What about React native? Is it mature enough for native tasks?3
-
What is your favorite way of advertising? Is it more technical, like "Here, thats what we have" or is it somerhing else? Oh and i do mean advertising in the context of presentations, or something like the product website4
-
Bloody softlayer sending notifications about expected downtime on "IMS services" (which could mean any of a great number of things), without specifying what it is, what it does or to what services or regions it is related...
Grmbl, what use is there to get a notification about unexpected maintenance if you can't even make out if you'll be affected or not! -
What is consciousness? Can it be simulated? If so, is it possible with current hardware? What is thought? Is it an input or an output? Is it voluntary? Is there a gap between stimulus and response? If so, how large is it? What happens there? How do you know?22
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What is this fucked up fucking bullshit?? Yesterday I preloaded tw warhammer 2 to play it when I get home today, now I'm waiting since two hours for it to install.. what is this shitty steam doing?2
-
Is it me or people are learning how to use a framework before the langage? AngularJS is for JavaScript what is Spring to Java...1
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I haven't seen this posted on here but it gave me a good laugh and some cheer when stressed with work so here's some joy for you ranters.
http://ibiblio.org/harris/... -
Me: God damn why don't some of these save to the DB or others do it intermittently.... is this a network issue or-
API (if it could talk): Yeah mean I don't get, it I mean this is what I sent to the DB.
Me: Wait ... "what you sent!?!?!"2 -
What kind of database do apps like Snapchat, Instagram, etc. use to store pictures and info. I'm guessing it is not MySQL, or Firebase, or Parse, so then what is it.7
-
It is 39 deg F and it is snowing. I was out in the snow for a while, but it is also lightning. So I decided not wanting death I came inside. I was talking to a coworker about the snow.
ed: That is hail.
me: It is thicker, but not hard.
I just looked at ed for a minute realizing what I had just said.
me: You realize what I just said?
ed: Yeah... -
Is anyone here using Avocode? Is it good/bad, what do you like/hate about it etc? And do you recommend using it?2
-
Finding out this morning that Firepath is not showing xpath nodes anymore. Why?? Is it me or last update screwed what it was a really good tool?
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