When the client requirements for the ios/android app is that the source code has to be php...

Me and my team has been creating React components for the last two months. Today we realized that not a single component is done the Redux way (as pure functions), which means we have to refactor every component and the tests.

That's what you get for trying out new technology..

PM: We don't need a spec. We'll figure it out as we go.
Me: O_O.... So what do you need the system to do?.....
PM: ( gives vague requirements)

4 weeks later I still no clue what they need.

If a developer has to ask what a ticket actually asks for and the answer includes the words "The idea was...", you don't know what you want and it isn't ready for development.

the worst person I worked with was back in school. he would make no contribution to our work and would have a go at me if I did something wrong and whenever I fixed a bug he would act as if he knew the solution the entire time. it was so frustrating

Started learning React, was confused.

Finished learning React, still confused.

You know it's going to be a bad sprint when sprint planning takes two hours and at the end you've committed to 30% more story points than your estimated capacity.

Never add some actual features to a prototype, or you'll end up with a prototype in production...

Apparently the firewall at work has blocked access our git repo since there are too many consecutive requests to it.

Reality of those delivery dates in executive slides 🤓

git blame

More like
git whose line is it anyway

Where commit messages are made up and the branches don't matter

I worked all weekend to reach a deadline monday for testing, fixed all issues detected and made the release document, change elements, everything required by end of tuesday. And sent it to release manager. He calls me back immediately and tells me the release Windows was closed monday and it will have to wait until next month. Noone told me the deadline for release changed, and the users are invited to a training and release event next week. Gotta love working for a huge company and being the little guy noone keeps informed. #releaseblocked

When you have a pull request with 2 lines of code and no one reviews it...
https://github.com/kadirahq/...

When your sysadmins can't script a file compare and so you do the code for them.
"Sorry but we can't run unknown code on the server"
Read the code then you vile troglodytes!

Every sprint...

"I have 50$ for an e-commerce website"

every Upwork job post

PMs that start every ticket with "as a user I..."

Just got out of a 2-hour meeting where I was told to keep doing what I was doing.

DevOps takes away my admin access in team city... ask devops for a change to a build runner, devops asks how to do it?

Good thing they locked it down!

Dig it.

Oh yeah 🙌🏼

Every. Day.

Best quote ever

People who think that emailing, texting, voicemailing, whatsapping and skyping are acceptable alternatives to raising a ticket/defect/issue

You're already working 60 hour weeks and your client decides to give you even more work because you're delivering and meeting all the deadlines.

Converting html to a pdf is the worst thing to do ever.

After 2 months of changes the pm finally landed on the solution that the Dev team proposed at the start of the project.

Exception handling.

My code is self-deprecating

When your tasks aren't vetted first, and their just full of opinions 😡