Documentation is like sex... When it's good, it's very good. When it's bad, it's better than nothing.

me: your code base is vulnerable, you are not using prepared statements
him: not an issue, nobody knows
me: ...
me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Modern development methodologies:

SDD - sales driven development.
TDD - torture driven development.
BDD - bug driven development.
CPDD - copy&paste driven development.

Also this

my_girlfriend: who do you like more in your life?
me: linux
my_girlfriend: What????
me: you asked who i LIKE not Who i LOVE?
my_girlfriend: ok, who do you LOVE?
me: python

i dont know why she left me, i think she was php fan

I guess... thats what they are..?

I have a couple of stories that I think are memorable from co-workers quitting in funny/interesting ways.

1. At one of the first companies I worked at, they gathered everyone to make an announcement that began with, “this is just a reminder, any heavy objects/packages need to be removed through the freight elevators, and cannot be taken through the main lobby.” We’re all thinking OK... why are you telling us this. Next part of the announcement was, “so and so (co-worker) is no longer with the company.” Apparently, which we found out later, the guy either quit/and/or got fired and wheeled his desk chair out the front door through the lobby (keep in mind this is an office on one of the busiest avenues in Manhattan). The whole thing was crazy. That’s the last we ever heard about him.

2. This one was strange. A really quiet dev at one of my previous companies was clearly constantly bored at work (he barely had any responsibility and was pretty much ignored) but the job was pretty cushy. One day, he was out from work, and no one thought much of it. Then he was out another day, then another, and before we knew it, it was like a week. No one knew where he was. Eventually, he sent an email saying he got stuck out of he country or something and he wouldn’t be coming back. Ok... weird, but kind of made sense.

But, one of our ops guys was able to see the ip/location of where he logged on to send the email, and it was right from NYC! So pretty much this guy was just fed up, left one day (with no notice), and just never came back. And then lied that he was out of the country when trying to explain is hasty departure.

Decided to go hardcore Vim in 2018.

In my web dev class today the person beside me was having an issue. The professor comes over and tells him to open the HTML file in whatever browser he wants. His exact words were: "Use your favorite browser."

The kid opened fucking IE.

I'm not a designer but...

When you try to tell your fellow devs to start using Git 😶

Total garbage

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

From Facebook...

A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.

"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."

The man below replies, "You must work in management."

"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"*

"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."

It is the weekend and I will be a meme ++ whore just this once.

WHY THE ACTUALL FUCK DO PEOPLE PUT JQUERY IN EVERY FUCKING PROJECT EVEN IF IT IS A FUCKING ELECTRON APP AND EVEN WORSE WHY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DO THEY MIX VUE AND JQUERY JUST WHYYY 😢

I judge people pretty hard based on how nice their text editor looks.

When your program runs perfectly on the first try

"Hey, can you help me with our Algorithms & Data Structures task? I tried to tranlate my problem with Google translator but I can not select the option to translate into Java."

I was speechless when a girl actually asked me that

* Me to a girl*
Me : Hey can I know your age?
Her: I can't tell the age like that!
Me: Oh! I see! Can I get your email address so that I can contact you later!
Her: priyanka1995@gmail.com

Me : —_(@_@)_—

Me: *busy doing dev stuff with my laptop*

Sis: *looks at my to-do stickies* Hey, what's Log4j?

Me: *without looking away from my screen* it's a library.

Sis: oh, cool! Where is it? Do you have a membership?

Me: Ha-Ha. This is going on devRant.

Difference between C# and Javascript
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
C#: That's not a cup of tea.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar in it.
C#: That's not a cup of tea with two tea spoons of sugar in it.
Me: Hold my cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk in it.
C#: That is not a cup of tea, with two teaspoons of sugar and milk it.
...
Me: Hold my cup of tea.
Javascript: I'll hold your cup of coffee.

Me if i was a game dev

I am so sick and tired of hearing "I'm not good with computers" from these god damn secretaries I have to work with.

Fuck you! I mean, seriously, FUCK YOU! That God damn piece of shit Windows XP door stop has been on your desk for at LEAST a decade (shit, I think that was the same PC my highschool had, and I'm in my mid thirties)!

What in the FUCK do you mean you don't know the difference between files and folder? How? HOW can you stare at that damn screen every fucking work day off your life and not grasp simple concepts!

And FUCK THE ADMINISTRATION for hiring these volunteerily ignorant babies who refuse to bother figuring out more than just where the power button is (and, fuck me, even THAT took years).

Fuck me if, after spending 40 God damn minutes of my time trying to guide some secretary, who's been working twice as long as I have and making probably twice as much, on how to copy a file from one folder to another, I have to listen to some fucking pity speech "I just don't get this high tech computer stuff. I'm just too old"

And FUCK society for allowing this fucking behavior! I don't know any other piece of technology where people are happy being so blindly ignorant to even the basics! I don't know Jack shit about the internal working of a car, but I know where and how to use my steering wheel and peddles and that I need to take the thing for an oil change. Hell, I even know when my tires look bad... If I can do that, you can fucking learn how to copy a god damn file without needing me to help you... FOR A FUCKING HOUR!

FUUUUCK!

*Takes a deep breath*
So... How was your day?

It's a sad sad sad story

Here we go

That's a great bug

me when i wake up: im gonna code!
me 12 hours later: i swear ill code this time.

In case you were wondering, I couldn't revisit it and was super groupie today with Uncle Bob!