buzzword translations:

"cloud" -> someones computer

"big data" -> lots of somewhat irrelevant data

"ai" -> if if if if if if if if if if if if if else

"algorithm" -> something that works but you don't know why

"secure" -> https://

"cyber security" -> kali linux + black hoodie

"innovation" -> adding something completely irrelevant such as making a poop emoji talk

"blockchain" -> we make lots of backups

"privacy" -> we store your data, we just don't tell you about it

Reinventing the wheel can be very valuable. Even if you don't create a better wheel, you'll learn a lot about how it works, which can really help you out in the long term.

This rant has been written from the Signal messaging app and uses a custom Signal 'gateway' (a registered user which is a server in this case) with a PHP api behind it. If this rant appears on devRant, it fucking works!

Sometime I’m developing in Rust and I do something wrong.

Then I look at the terminal and it says...

“You did X, did you mean to do Y”

Then I do it and it works perfectly, and I’m like...

Why do I even have a job if the compiler is this good?

if it works...

Aardwolf is very fun and i suggest y'all play it a bit if you're looking for better ways to slack off at work

$ telnet aardwolf.org 4000
*port 23 also works

If it works the first time... its broken

Every time I hear "if it's stupid but it works..."

NO Fucking No!!!

If you know that it's stupid you should fucking correct it!!!

"I don’t care if it works on your machine! We are not shipping your machine!" - Ovidiu Platon

Having a server with a lower spec CPU and RAM than dev machines, to ensure that if it works on the dev machine it will always run perfectly on the server.

This means we can avoid any debugging tools or techniques (including console logs), because “it will be perfect and it’s not necessary”.

In programming, if it looks stupid and it works... it's still stupid.

The stupid stories of how I was able to break my schools network just to get better internet, as well as more ridiculous fun. XD

1st year:
It was my freshman year in college. The internet sucked really, really, really badly! Too many people were clearly using it. I had to find another way to remedy this. Upon some further research through Google I found out that one can in fact turn their computer into a router. Now what’s interesting about this network is that it only works with computers by downloading the necessary software that this network provides for you. Some weird software that actually looks through your computer and makes sure it’s ok to be added to the network. Unfortunately, routers can’t download and install that software, thus no internet… but a PC that can be changed into a router itself is a different story. I found that I can download the software check the PC and then turn on my Router feature. Viola, personal fast internet connected directly into the wall. No more sharing a single shitty router!

2nd year:
This was about the year when bitcoin mining was becoming a thing, and everyone was in on it. My shitty computer couldn’t possibly pull off mining for bitcoins. I needed something faster. How I found out that I could use my schools servers was merely an accident.
I had been installing the software on every possible PC I owned, but alas all my PC’s were just not fast enough. I decided to try it on the RDS server. It worked; the command window was pumping out coins! What I came to find out was that the RDS server had 36 cores. This thing was a beast! And it made sense that it could actually pull off mining for bitcoins. A couple nights later I signed in remotely to the RDS server. I created a macro that would continuously move my mouse around in the Remote desktop screen to keep my session alive at all times, and then I’d start my bitcoin mining operation. The following morning I wake up and my session was gone. How sad I thought. I quickly try to remote back in to see what I had collected. “Error, could not connect”. Weird… this usually never happens, maybe I did the remoting wrong. I went to my schools website to do some research on my remoting problem. It was down. In fact, everything was down… I come to find out that I had accidentally shut down the schools network because of my mining operation. I wasn’t found out, but I haven’t done any mining since then.

3rd year:
As an engineering student I found out that all engineering students get access to the school’s VPN. Cool, it is technically used to get around some wonky issues with remoting into the RDS servers. What I come to find out, after messing around with it frequently, is that I can actually use the VPN against the screwed up security on the network. Remember, how I told you that a program has to be downloaded and then one can be accepted into the network? Well, I was able to bypass all of that, simply by using the school’s VPN against itself… How dense does one have to be to not have patched that one?

4th year:
It was another programming day, and I needed access to my phones memory. Using some specially made apps I could easily connect to my phone from my computer and continue my work. But what I found out was that I could in fact travel around in the network. I discovered that I can, in fact, access my phone through the network from anywhere. What resulted was the discovery that the network scales the entirety of the school. I discovered that if I left my phone down in the engineering building and then went north to the biology building, I could still continue to access it. This seems like a very fatal flaw. My idea is to hook up a webcam to a robot and remotely controlling it from the RDS servers and having this little robot go to my classes for me.

What crazy shit have you done at your University?

me: your code base is vulnerable, you are not using prepared statements
him: not an issue, nobody knows
me: ...
me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

*Doing a Peer Code Review of someone senior to me*

Me: This fix doesn't look like it will work, but maybe I don't understand. How does this fix the defect?

Senior Dev: *Blinks* It works on my machine

Me: But how does it work?

Senior Dev: It works when I run it on my machine...

Me: Do you know if this will fix the issue?

*Silence*

Never seen QA punt an issue back to development so fast.

Dev gets hold of me, says my service is down in QA. Works if he hits it locally, works via Postman, but via the QA app server it gives a 401.

I’m like, look, if it works everywhere else, there’s something wrong on your side in QA.

He insists, no, I must help him, and begins CCing all the managers telling them this system has been down for days.

So I eventually climb into his system, check the credentials they’re using in the QA environment, and sure enough, the password is wrong.

If you're going to add a fucking CAPTCHA to your already poorly-designed website, MAKE SURE IT FUCKING WORKS YOU FUCKING IDIOTS.

Someone wrote a piece of code half a year ago. It's fuckin complex and recursive. And uncommented. Today it's my job to figure out WHY and HOW it works.
If it wasn't clear before, that someone who wrote it was me. I'm not sure if I was on some substances back then, but that shit is fast and I have no clue how I was able to create it. Perhaps it was the coffee overdose...

However, wish me luck figuring this thing out.

if a product still works, it hasn’t added enough features yet.
(sorry if reposting)

i hate the phrase "It's working but I don't know why". If you don't know how it works, it means it doesn't work at all and will fuck you up soon.

Obviously the: "I feel like a god" feeling, when something i made works :)

(Even if it doesn't work the way it was supposed to lol)

WTF - I discovered that wasps listen to me!

Earlier when one came in, I tried to catch it with a glass and release it, or kill it if that wasn't feasible. This year, I tried pointing to the window and ordering "get out!" just because I was too lazy to take action. Of course, I didn't expect it to work, but it did. I thought it was only a coincidence, so I kept trying it. It works every single time!

Crazy shit!

StackOverfllow -> Copy Code -> Doesn't work -> Study its working -> Read related info on other websites -> Code starts to make sense -> Do the required changes in code as per the understanding -> Got it working.
I only learn if the initial 2 steps fail. Else I skip the latter.

Pomodoro technique, and if nothing works take a break from sitting in front of the computer, and focus on something else, it will get solved easily the next time you touch your pc

"if it compiles, it works"

I mixed coffee types today... My eye is twitching and my office is spotless... And I started a program to monitor all our apps at all times... We'll see if it works in the morning 😂

A new linear time O(N) sorting algorithm [Keep it secret 🔒]

* Compare two adjacent elements one by one starting from the first element
* If there are out of order, delete the second element and continue with step 1
* If in order, go to the next two elements
* Once done, act like the numbers you deleted never existed

Works all the time.
Not yet published. Thinking of a good name for it.

Friend asked my if I could create his webshop.
I agreed.
Some time after that he told me “It’s ok. Will install WordPress. If it doesn’t work I will come back.”

1) I don’t like to be your second choice
2) FUCK WP

Just now he came back: “Hi WP works, but I have a problem removing x”
Me ...
F: “Fix it”
Me “Sorry don’t work on command”
F: “Just do it we are friends”
...

To be continued

What if Donald Trump (or Drumpf :|) was a developer

"I will make PHP GREAT again"

"I will KICK OUT all NODEJS developers from the office premises"

"I will install a FIREWALL in my system so my colleagues cant access anything "
But sir this is not how it works, besides its very impractical
"And my colleagues will PAY for it"

😉😁😁

If it works ...

Linux... Is shitty... Ok it just is. I've tried all kinds of variations and they all just... Urgh

Now I know... I know devs are meant to love it ... But compare it to windows

(Yes windows fucks up more) but when it works it works.

... Windows isn't perfect... But it doesn't try to be.

Linux has that feel of... Clearly made by a dev... It works consistently but doesn't take into account how people want to use something...

Linux is something you have to learn to love. And I'm sure I could.
But with windows it's intuitive it's straight forward

I feel like if I was to pick up windows having never used it... I would know how it works. I could at least use it go online and watch videos do the basics... In Linux ... No it's not as easy, sometimes not possible

An os you should just know how to do everything you want to do, and not have to download tonnes of shit to get it that way

It is, the future... But holy fuck get your act together Linux

If it looks stupid, but it works, it ain’t stupid.

*bunch of if statements*

Friend shouts proudly everywhere : I implemented an AI!

Me : but that's not how AI works

Friend : but it works just as an AI, so it is one, who cares?

😥

Me: 'im doing frontend here, i wont bother with the server stuff'
Pm: 'ok'

...

Me: 'here i finished the full stack because the backend team is a bunch of jackasses'
Pm: 'did you set up the server?'

...

Me: 'no because its not my job'
Pm: 'you have to do it'

Sometimes it makes me wonder if he even knows how programming works.

HTML: Who cares if it's written properly, as long as it works correctly!

Reject original specs. Do the bare minimum MVP that works and solves problems people actually have, and not problems you think people have.
Improve it if needed.

In my experience, software projects don’t live long enough to outgrow the MVP. If they do, it happens way down the road. At that point, business will change, and the original spec will become irrelevant.

It’s a paradox: 90% of the spec was discarded, but the business is happier than if we followed the spec word by word.

Also, static typing and unit testing solve nothing. I’m sorry.

Always remember the #1 rule in development:
If it works, don't touch it!

I've just seen a WordPress inside another WordPress.

- Why was it made like this?
- If it works, you should not touch it.
- Ok. :/

My company's build engine is like a shopping cart with two fucked up wheels. Yeah, it works if you pop a wheelie with it...but should you really have to?

I dont know if I should hate it or love it that I had to teach "certified microsoft engineers" about how Exchange works.

Had my pure PHP web app rejected on a market platform because I didn't use a framework..
BITCH IT WORKS PERFECTLY WITHOUT A FUCKING FRAMEWORK, IF YOU WOULD HAVE TESTED IT YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT!

Question, I use VirtualBox and PHPVirtualBox on multiple servers right now. Love it and it works great but I'm wondering if anyone knows any good alternatives?

Requirement is that it's open source :)

Regular expressions is like a condom, it's safe, combat tested and works most of the time.
But if you use it too much it gets dirty quickly.

If it works walk away slowly and never touch the code again.

Just wanted to try this little thing, just to see if it works... Aaaand it's 4am

When you develop and test your (Android) app on lower end devices, thinking that if it works on low end devices, it will work on higher end devices too.
And you get crash reports from the higher end (huh! Flagship grade) devices only.

DevOps is like working in sanitation. If everything works as it should, no one cares about you. But if there is a problem, everyone is up to their eyeballs in shit, and it is your fault.
Same as IT btw.

Is this just me?

if(..... expression.....){
System.out.println("it works, calm down");
} else{
System.out.println("it's not fucking working, holy fucckk, fucking WORK");
}

Tell me if you do something similar.

Do you know that feeling when you finally have no more errors, but then you can't tell if the software actually does the right thing?

🤢

Wisdom of the day:
'No crashes' is not equivalent to 'it works'...

That moment when... something finally works.

But you don't trust it.

So you pass it bad inputs to see if it's failing as it should.

Wk54

If I were to code a unknown thing to man, I would probably code a time travelling machine. Dont ask, how it works xD

Microsoft: Here's are simple to use Office suite which works offline and online with powerful features.

Google: Our suite is FREE. FREE. FREE. It's shitty, broken, and works only online.
If you want to use it offline, you can go fuck yourself. But hey! It's free.

Greatest dev sin.... oh god there’s been a few over the years.

Hmm 🤔

I guess one of the top 5 would be making an ecommerce platform without unit testing or documentation for the front or backend. 🤫

Mind you it runs smoothly to this day so I was doing something right 😦

*squirming in bed*
If it ain't broke don't fix it.. If it ain't broke don-WHAT THE FUCK IS "payment.needed2"??
Calm down, it's just some bad code but it works, you didn't write it, it's not your probl-WHY THE FUCK DO THE IF STATEMENTS HAVE SO MANY DUPLICATED LINES??

Sleep. Just sleep.

This junior dev is killing me with all of the bugs in the code ... like did you even test it to see if it works fml

Beginners be like, "First rule of programming, If it works don't touch it". But experts will be like "Why does it work?". That's why they are called experts.

All I'm wondering is how did @dfox manage to keep this avatar feature a secret while it was in the works? If I was in the process of coding something so elegant, I'd be telling people left and right! Bravo!

"Back in the days, you had to put a lot if effort into getting WiFi working in Linux.
Today, you can take a Linux notebook, slam it into its dockingstation with all kinds of peripherals attached to it, and it just works"
~ my boss

FUCK
FUCKING BULLSHIT!
WHY THE FUCK DID I UPDATE MY RASPBERRY PI! FUCK, I CANT SSH INTO IT ANYMORE! ITS BOOTED AND THE FUCKING PI HOLE PROGRAMM WORKS BUT I CANT ACCESS IT TO SEE IF EVERYTHING IS FUCKING FINDE (which it totally isn't) FFFFFFFF

If you ask me, you're a bad developer if you don't know hardware. You have to know how it all works and fits together to write code for it.

if (boolValue == true) ...
I know it works, but just kill me now.

Wrote some code that solved a program in a semi unique way for the codebase. As in not oft used functionality of language.

Some time later... This might be hard to understand. Maybe I should do a different way.

Some time later... No, I will leave a comment to describe what is going on.

Some time later... That comment is kind of cryptic. Maybe should rethink.

Some time later... No, if the next dev doesn't know how this works then they should learn how it works. (reasoning here is that the functionality requires a knowledge of internals of language)

Some time later... Also, if nobody else gets this then they have to ask me how it works. Job security?

Some time later... STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS CODE AND MOVE ON!

How I avoid scammers. If the website works well: you know it must not really be the IRS.

I want to know what brings you Joy while programming/coding?

I've been trying to catch that certain feeling...

For me it's having everything make sense and a logical flow through the code and it works every if it is adding two vars.

And please definitely not the money if you're coding for money then you're not enjoying it.

It worked! After all those years I've talked someone into linux'ising all theit workstations :) now that someone is eventually convinced it would solve most of the problems. Now they are collecting all the bau requirements. Next - testing phase. And then, if all works out well - reinstalling 100+ workstations with linux :)

yayyy

Have you ever been pair coding with someone who uses shotgun debugging? I am about to claw my eyes out! What is shotgun debugging you ask?
Code doesn't work... What do we do?
I start thinking about possible flow, how to go back to what works, where to insert debugging statements. My partner interrupts my thought and says - what if we change this variable name?
...uh what?
What if that fixes it
It won't!
Well how do you know if you don't try?
I change the variable name - of course nothing works and now I forgot the possible solution I was thinking about...
Starting over... I again start coming close to the idea... Interrupts me again. What if we comment out this random line?
Why what's your reasoning?
Answer: *Shrug* idk might work...
...rinse and repeat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU???!
I literally started muting my computer sound so I can not hear him while I think and that helps tremendously. This is programming not magic, people!!! Stop throwing random "what if" suggestions!

So, for my C class, the computers in the lab are using VS 2015. To be able to compile C we have to change some settings to allow the program to compile.
I like to use my computer (with Arch Linux) and use my tools (Vim and GCC).

The guy next to me was trying to do the homework, but he was struggling. I decided to give it a shot and I was able to do it, so I showed him my code and he tried it in the computer.
The program crashes every time no matter what. We asked the professor. I show him my code and how it's working. Apparently he was confused because I was using the terminal and not VS. So he proceeded to said that it's because I'm not using VS2015 and GCC is doing the whole work for me.

I'm like ಠ_ಠ and then he keeps saying that he doesn't know what or how GCC works (for real? Someone that teaches C and has a Ph. D on CS doesn't now what GCC is?) but that it is apparently doing everything for me. So my code should be wrong if it crashes on VS2015.... ಠ_ಠ

What do you think? I'm thinking about talking with the head department of CS (I know that he is a Linux guy) and see what happens. Should I do it? Or should I just use VS2015 as the "professor" is asking?
I even tried online compilers to see if it was just working on my computer, but even they use GCC to compile.

-not commenting
-leaving console logs behind in production
-not testing if it works in IE
-using root too much
-using if instead of switch
-never staying consistent with naming conventions
-starting projects and never finishing

So my pc just decided it doesn't want to run one of my python files no matter what it contains. No errors or anything, just quits as soon as I start it.
WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IT WON'T RUN EVEN IF IT'S EMPTY AND ONLY CONTAINS A PRINT, WHILE THE OTHER FILE WORKS

Edit: I created a new file and pasted the contents and it runs WHAT THE FUCK

Dear Udemy course instructors... If you're going to release a skeleton project, please make sure it actually fucking works...

Sincerely, someone who has had to rebuild a skeleton project 10 fucking times :-D

If git was written in english or in ancient greek it made no difference. It's everything counter-intuitive and you have just to learn commands by heart and google the errors. Because nothing makes sense, even if you know how it works and you used it for years

So today I forgot what FTFY meant, then clicked on some FAQ in Google Search. Then I noticed a strange thing. If you open one of the FAQs (last one works best) then collapse it, a few more appear.
I guess this can be repeated indefinitely. I wasn't patient enough to see if it loops like mobile text predictions but it did give me ~130 lines without any repetitions.
Seems like a lightweight alternative to obsessive Wikipedia link following xD

First Rule of Programming!

"If it works don't touch it "

It's not stupid if it works...

Started a new job today.
They gave me a Mac.

Why in actual fuck is there no shortcut for the terminal? Took me half a day to get an iterm hotkey working only to find out it only works if you have a terminal open already.

Stupid apple. I want my mod+enter back.

I had a response body that I needed to obtain data from. It would either come as {success: {name, id}} or {success: [{name, id},{name,id}]}
I couldn't loop over something that wasn't a list and I couldn't just ask the type of the element in success so in my infinite wisdom I split the cases by examining the length of the element in success. If it had one it was an array and could be looped over, if it didn't, it was a single object to be processed 😂 if it works it works (it's still in production, tyvm)

booze is to be blamed.

A lot of PM-rants (for good reason) but how about a reversed one:

Lead Dev: "Yes, but do we really need a dev and staging server? Can't we just try it out and see if it works?"

Domain server goes down, it's the gateway and DNS too.

Ok I'll just remove the domain, it's been orphaned really since you went to the cloud.

Don't have local admin password.

Ok call old it company who set up gear

Out of business

Ok boot to Linux and reset

Usb boot locked

Don't have bios password

Call old it company

Still out of business.

Wait, can I just set manual ipv4 ? Ok domain without a domain controller... If it works it works.

Honestly? I was always good at maths and creativity. And so, programming was natural to me. I was always good at it with minimum effort. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

... Algorithms were a whole other story tho. I'm still not confident 'bout any algos I program from scratch. But hey, if it works, it works. (that became my motto about algos, kinda)

Forgot one thing tho: looking at relevant code to whatever I'm doing, be it in a tutorial or stackoverflow. I don't need the text or tutorial or explanation, I need to see code examples.

So I'm not sure I understand this question fully, if it is meant only through code, than I guess none or those people I got to know while I was doing my algorithms and data structures project last semester where we were helping each other with our code
If it's meant generally through code related activities then I gained lots of friends in uni in classes and here on devRant of course and actually yesterday I got to talk unexpectedly about coding and programming languages on an event with a guy who actually studied financial maths in Vienna but now works as a tester and works with databases, that was nice

I just hate it when a co-worker says "AS LONG AS IT WORKS. It doesn't matter how you code it as long as it outputs what the client/user wants. They don't check how you code it anyway" *facepalm*

We effin' follow standards so that it will be convenient for everybody!

Bad code is still bad code if you don't follow standards even if it works.

if it looks stupid but works then it ain't stupid.

PM : Develop this new feature. Client needs it tomorrow. And be sure it works perfectly well.
Dev : haha how can it work without bug if it's developed in a day ?

Poor dev got transferred to support department :(

*has a test in school on html and javascript*
*Studies a lot and checks to see if code works*
*it works*
*goes into test confident*
*None of the Javascript works* (legit nothing)
Kill me

"Did you see, cryptocurrency XYZ has N commits in the past week, but the price hasn't gone up?!?! WhAtS gOiNg oN!?!?"

Dude. If I could just write code to make the price of things in the real world go up, I can assure you, I would have done it.

That's not how this works. THAT'S NOT HOW ANY OF THIS WORKS REEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

God... normie "crypto experts" who haven't coded a day in their life really piss me off, and are super cringe. The funniest is that none of them or their followers realize it.

Not sure if Google Assistant is playing dumb so it can cheat me out of a point or is actually dumb :)
Considering how well it works otherwise I'd say it's cheating :)

Creator of the react router:

If you ever see this, you created one of the greatest library with one of the worst documentation ever.

And don't get me started with versions. In every single versions, you break everything so badly and nothing works anymore.

Everytime I need to do something related to react router, I just fucking roll on the floor and cry. Documentation is fucked up.

It's totally fucked up. In the github there's one documentation, in the website there's a different. At the end, nothing works.

Please, if you want to create a nice library like this, maintain it. If you can't maintain it, mark it as deprecated and someone will take over.

But keeping something like this and making it absolutely inconsistent doesn't help. I am really tired of debugging bugs related to react-router

So... Today I started using my first Python web framework, web2py. At a first glance I liked it, the templating system, the view/controller thing ecc. But there is one thing in frameworks that I really don't like: they make me feel dumb.
I mean, in just one line of code I can generate an entire form, but if I wanna customize it a little bit... I can't. Or better, it is very hard, also if there is a bug, I have to look for a problem in an entire system that I DID NOT wrote.
I don't like the idea that the frameworksl handles everything for you, like it is teasing me, I don't even know how it works, it just works, and man, I don't like it. There's some kind of hacker in me, I dont like a system that just works, I want to know how it works. But the sad thing is that I will have to learn web frameworks if I want to work in the IT, right? Please If you can help me or share your experience with web frameworks do so.

Today's finished projects :
Mini vacuum cleaner:
Works. Just need better patles to be really effective.
Portable lighter wire solderer :
Busted.
Works but the flame must be always on. Takes time to heat. Good for a tight spot and you can buy the tools for it anywhere.
Many if the coil is more open... I'll check on beta 2 (not quitting yet)

"I know this guy who works in the service centre where they fix ATMs. He reckons if you could create a hacked copy of the OS, he could install it on a machine, then we can go and withdraw unlimited money from it!"

Join's bridge: "hey man, something is wrong with your DB. our app can't connect in any environment, it started after our code release last night"

"Every other app connecting is working as expected, could you rollback your release?"

"nah, that can't be it. we validated it works"

"Then why am i on an outage bridge? call me if it's still broken after you rollback"

If you've ever used Vue.Draggable and been as frustrated as I have, try Vue Smooth DnD. It works flawlessly and syncs properly without relying on DOM state. Just what's necessary for true reactive drag and drop. 😁

If you ++ this post, you will get good developer karma credits for the next 10 years, and every piece of code you write will eventually work.

Trust me this actually works, you can try it yourself.

Trying to inspect something to see if it works in IE.
FUCK YOU IE! this piece of pure garbage should be fucking illegal!

So I'm basically my family's IT guy, as you'd expect, but this is just pulling my hairs.

My mom's laptop has a weird error message saying something about a corrupt windows update database.

Not wanting to mess the system up, I decided to factory reset the computer and see if that helped.

During the factory reset, windows tells me that it can't delete all files, and that another factory reset might be in order.

Alright, I don't think any more of it and proceed to setup the account on the computer, everything works fine.

Next day I decide to run windows update on it just to see if everything works as it should, the computer restarts and immediately BSoDs on me. Upon reboot the same error from before the system reset pops up again, and I'm back to square one.

Fuck windows and all its constant issues

OMG OMG OMG!!! IT WORKS!!!

So one feature I have in my app is I can subscribe to a Rant. This means that if the OP ever posts a new comment, I will get a Notification in the Updates tab.

Completely forgot about this until today!

I have probably the BEST DDOS DETECTION WORLDWIDE! It detects any DoS or DDoS at my private Network.

How it works?

Everytime I get attacked(so pretty often) my phone rings. But if I answer the phone there's only a "Beep Beep Beep". Shortly afterwards my connection shuts down 😂😂

A coworker reviews if my applications work from time to time (as it is his job).
*sends request*
"Hey nothing works I can't get a single response"
*I check his request*
S-T-O-P using production users when testing, d#head.

> attempt to change password on laptop
> try sudoing to test if it changed
> it hasn't
> assume i was ssh'd into my server
> try the password, along with like 10 other permutations of it
> get ip-banned from ssh to my server :/
> try an online ssh client
> use old password
> it works!
> so what did i change?

First rule of programming ......
. .
..
.
If
it
works
..
.
Don't touch it :D

I have a rule for maintaining sanity. It only works if you job doesn't have you on-call. And it saves me a of stress:

Don't think about work when you're not at work.

!rant

At my university, we are not allowed to use the internet during exams (duh). But it is disabled using a windows program. I quote from a group chat:

"If you read up a bit, you'll discover that anything works besides Windows"

"Which is basically the story of my life"

Basically every time a designer thinks they made the perfect design and that if the program works by itself that's it. No man, I still have to spend hours trying to make every element of my program map to the elements you put for me to use. Give me time!

#include <iostream>

using namespace std;

int main() {
cout << "Hello world" << endl;
}

If it works, It's time for a coffee break!! :)

So sick of this one client. But why this but why that... it gets to the point of "because of technical shit you wouldn't understand". If you're so fucking interested in how your shit works, learn to build it yourself.

Gotta love it when everything works flawlessly with the test API endpoint and credentials, but when I try to go live, there's suddenly a ton of additional configuration to get the third-party APIs working.

Why the fuck do you even provide a testing environment, if it's completely different from the live one?

This makes me laugh a lot. I changed my online ledger app to use a unicode character in the URL, which I should probably just use a rewrite rule to accomplish, but for now just to see if it works I tried it out. After confirming that it does, I commited it.

TL; DR;
I'm one with code and the code is one with me.

Everything in my life has been inconsistent and as soon as I start building expectations from someone or something, it disappoints. Be it my friends (😂😂) or my ex girlfriend or my studies or my college or my professors or work, or food (sometimes).

Coding, or programming, has been the only consistent and non disappointing thing since 2010 for me. It just works. If I write a wrong program, I know its why and where its wrong and then fixing it works. Sometimes it works in one go. And sometimes is works beyond my expectations. Its like coding chose me rather than me chosing coding.

I don't like it when my brain goes on a self conflicting spree after I fix a bug.

*** Fixes a bug and commits ***
Oh wait, it works but what if this happens? It'll break.

*** Thinks more on the correct solution this time ***
Oh wait, what I did was right! NVM.

*** Another situation comes to mind ***
Start thinking again. Same outcome.

Go through this a couple of times.

Aah, screw it. Will see when it breaks!

If you don't know how to do it the proper way, just throw something together. :D
Might not be pretty, but it works... (only took about 3 hours)

So my Windows 10 after April Creators Update (aka Nothing Works) gets BSOD when I turn off Bluetooth, doesn’t recognize my headphones, turns them off if it does, WiFi forgets password after every single restart, most of the time I need to force Safe Mode to get the computer to boot because it freezes on black screen with cursor...

Just fucktastic

Wondering how many people use git cmd and how many use different git clients.

I regularly use git cmd. I made a transition from clients a while back because I wanted to learn more about how it actually works and it works just fine for me, except when I have to google something I don't remember (like how to revert local commit)

Git clients will for sure do abstraction which can be both good and bad, but I'm wondering if there are any definitive pros for clients.

I'm thinking about starting my own blog, where I can post my research and/or opinions on...

Though my private projects have a bad reputation I still think I might try one again and see if it works

Anyone else just nest a bunch of ifs and loops and feel absolutely disgusted but it works so you don't want to refactor it?

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it
I gave it to you straight don't mix it"...

Since when did DMX take on Programming?

I have a local variable that is completely unused, can be of any name or type as long as it's assigned.

Yet, if I delete it the program no longer works.

Huh?

If you put “up to” in front of “proposed salary”, which ofc is a very high number, I put your job offer in the trash. Just put the range or fuck off.

I will never understand how the little brain of recruiters works.
They write shit like we weren’t smart enough to see it.

To the JS devs (not all of course, but to many of them), look here: ;

Is it so hard to do? ;

I feel like you don’t use semicolons just to mess with non-JS devs...

Just because it works without, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be used...

It’s as if i would stop using dots Just because I can it doesn’t mean it’s the way to go
It’s just making it more complicated for others to understand
Especially if the code looks like the spaghetti monster vomited into the IDE!

from 1-10 how bad is it if i publish an app to play store knowing it has bugs and is not very optimized but everything works fine?

if you know how the code works is it fair to say that you have written it

IF IT WORKS DON'T TOUCH
IT…PLEASE DON'T!! 👾👾

Needed texts to call-duty with the gist of the incident. Implemented, works.

PM wants to also ring the phone, cause text may not wake them up.

Me, telling him, that his tools don’t allow me to call him. However, I said, I could send the text as a fax msg, which would end up “ringing” mr call-duties phone, and then fax-Morse-beep the msg to him.

PM was ok w/ that.

WTF if you want to program stuff learn how to use your programming language. Why is it so hard for that many people to learn how stuff works and stop copying blindly from the internet?
I have two colleagues who are doing nothing else that to just google their problems going to the first answer and cooping it then trying to run the program and if it doesn’t work ether give up completely or starting a loop of inserting the error message to google and copy the first result?

Spend nearly a full eight-hour day working on a piece of code that, while not at all trivial, would have taken probably two hours start to finish if not for the constant stream of interruptions bombarding me...

...but then, 10 minutes before quitting time, build and run it for the first time...

...AND IT FREAKING WORKS!

I'm never more scared than when ~1000 lines of code works the very first time it's run. Makes me want to check if I've signed any documents presented as a "deal" by a guy with a fiddle in a southern state :)

Today I implemented a system for storing all errors in a global store in Vue. That means field validation errors, API errors and potential generic errors. It works really well, and displaying an error is as simple as referencing it's source, if any. Flexibility at its finest.

Dear debian package maintainers...
If you want me to add you PPA to my list please MAKE SURE IT FUCKING WORKS!

so after 1000 emails from Google baiting me to try Google cloud tools I did. 24 hours later apt-get is dead and I'm trying to remove the shit storm of gpg keys etc it added to my machine.

If you want a really obtuse method for inverting numbers in python, here you go:

z0 = Decimal('78.56341431805592768684300246940000494686645802145994376216014333')

z1 = Decimal('1766612.615660056866253324637112675800498420645531491441947721134')

z2 = Decimal('1766891.018224248707391295083927186110075710886547799081463050088')

z3 = Decimal('15658548.51274600264911287951105338985790517559073271799766738859')

z4 = Decimal('1230189034.426242656418217548674280136397763003160663651728899428')

z5 = Decimal('1.000157591178577552497828947885508869785153918881552213564806501')

((((z0/(z1/(z2/(n)))))*(z3))/z4)/z5

From what I can see, it works for any value of n.

I have no clue why it works.

Also have a function to generate the z values for any n input.

Shitpost studios.

Bringing you QUALITY math posts since 2019!

"we shitpost because we care."

~!dev

If you watch a 30fps video at 2x, is it the same as watching it at 60fps?

I usually watch anime (all videos) at 2x on my phone but when I watch it at regular speed it feels stuttery now but not sure if 2x is the same or it just uses frameskipping. Not sure how that works wither but wouldn't that cause more stutter?

I know that if something looks stupid but it works, it ain't stupid... but this is just plain borderline.

Basically, a cast from int to String to int to String from some legacy code I'm working with

Hail Adventurer,

By Linus, do not fear what you see
and curse not I, but those before me

hold steady in the storms to come
brace for bugs, wherever from

I pass on to you, the light of PHP
Use it well, to fight against scrutiny

if it works, keep it so, ask not why
my time is over, while yours is nigh

Every Moral Lesson I encounter:

"If it works, don't touch it."

FIRE DRILL!!!!!

Customer who decided to deploy our system in the middle of their busiest time ... and kinda ad hoc-ed their ... human processes (not sure what to call it). Just to get by, and then sort of let things rot.

So last week they contact us and say "OMG some poor soul at this company was spending hours making spreadsheets to track what they were doing... and they keep fucking it up because it's nigh impossible to get right".

Real story, big shake up at the company, and someone said "lets look at our process" and they discovered "holy fuck we have this software but we're doing shit like it's the damned civil war".

This naturally raised questions about the competence of the folks we work with ... who chose our software, and thus our software.

So now we're flushing out all the stuff we asked the customer to figure out months ago that is usually done via a months long implementation / integration ... in a few days. Also ... I'm making some new things for them.

WEEEEEEEE

Granted, we're billing them like mad for this so no big deal really.

This is how it works in my company:
-> Spend entire day in meetings - don’t get anything done.
-> Start working at 6pm if you want to get anything done.

Those who have gotten promotions are the ones that have bought into this system.
I guess I won’t be getting a promotion any time soon

I'm surprised how well Dell laptops are made. I'm using 2011 Dell Latitude E6320 and it really works like more modern models. Of course it would be lovely if I had new XPS 15, but it's really not bad for this budget. It just needs SSD drive and it's ready to roll.

So I live in the middle of nowhere and therefore I have a very limited choice of different ISPs. The short version of the choices is a fast but very limited in data size or one that works 99% of the time (I'll talk about the 1% later) but doesn't have limits on downloads. So I obviously chose the second one.
It works pretty great most of the time and I don't have any problems usually... The problem with "usually" is that the 1% of the time it doesn't work is all it needs to frustrate me. I could be downloading a massive file and around 70% the Internet decides to disconnect. It wouldn't really be a big deal if it wouldn't cause the file to get corrupted.
My point is that if you're going to share a big file, don't upload it to mega, mediafire, dropbox or anything like that. Just use torrents. They work way better for big files.

If you're looking to buy IoT stuff, you should try Xiaomi. Not only their stuff works, even when you block Xiaomi servers, but it can still be controlled remotely from an independent server. Although they are probably not happy about that lol. (i realize how much this sounds like an ad, but I'm too excited that it actually works :D)

Does anyone know if anything special is required to vertically center a div in Firefox?
It works perfectly fine in chrome and IE and Edge and freaking everything else!!

Had a task of service discovery, went through following phases:
1. UDP broadcast
2. Wait why not Bonjour?
3. JmDNS for desktop works great
4. Android NSD on Lollipop, this is easy
5. Kitkat WTF..!! Why did you put it there when it's so buggy.
6. Replaced Android NSD with JmDNS and it's great
7. Network switching on Android... done
8. Wait how are others doing it.. JmmDNS.. awesome.. fuck not working...
9. Read mDNSJava is much faster... replace JmDNS.. why haven't they uploaded parent pom on repo
10. mDNSJava freezing my Android device... revert to JmDNS
11. Let's see if it works with Wifi Direct.... Come on why aren't you working...
12. UDP broadcast it is 😢

I used to work in IT support during my training, this is the most accurate description of the job:
If everything just works people will be like "what do we pay you guys for?" And if something doesn't work: "what do we pay you guys for?" ...*sigh*

I'm interning and working on something above my skill level and it works for the most part but I think I may have done it completely wrong for like the past week :') everyone is on paid vacation and I'm just sitting here like a baby bird with a broken wing

"halp"

Pls no anger if it doesn't do exactly what it is supposed to. I am frail.

If you don't understand your code, but it works, then it's not really a problem

I spent my last two hours trying to understand why my code wasn't working... Turns out that if i write this.item.lenght instead of this. item.length it will never works.

Thans to cscode also, who never corrects me when i write lenght.

When you wonder why it doesn’t work put print statements all over the code, because you want to find the error, but no print Statement works even if it just should print test...

Fml

As somebody who works in the industry, 2FA is a great idea, we need to do it more.
As a user, fuck 2FA, I ain't have time for that shit, if you make me type my screen lock once again I will throw my computer out of the window.

I'm going to kill myself.
In the nodejs server for my game, there's a function that pushes to an array.
It only works if the array is empty, no matter what type it is.
List of people that know why
- none

Today, another colleague of mine said a client wanted three logos at the top of their website. As if it wasn't clear enough what site your on...sheesh. I swear clients have the best ideas and know how everything works...

RIP my laptop 2016-2018. This fucking shit just won't charge anymore. Battery holds, laptop works when I take out battery, but it just won't charge...I read somewhere that it is fucked up motherboard so if it is true, RIP lol.

The old method of how to deal with semi close friends needing support still works:
1) Redirect their call to voice mail.
2) If the mention computer problems, ignore them for now.
3) Call back in at least 4 hours. By then, they've probably solved it using Google.

(Why "semi close friends"? Because if they're close, I take their calls and if they're not close, I'm not their free support service. And if they're close and want a lot of free labour, they'll soon find themselves distant.)

I can set Emoji as GET parameter names and it works. Not sure if I rant about that or not.

So my friend had an idea for a game and asked me if I could help him develop it. Now, he understands how the code works and can even write quite a bit himself. On several occasions (including today) this happened:

*writes code*
*tests code*
Me: Hmm... this isn't working like it's supposed to
Friend: It looks pretty good, maybe check to see if everything is in the right order
*checks code*
*tries alternative solution*
*checks again*
Me and friend: Well this is even worse than before
*presses ctrl+z a lot to go back to the original*
*opens new project*
*writes new code for same purpose*
*checks code*
Both of us: IT WORKS!!!
*checks again just to be sure*
Both of us: IT STILL WORKS!!!
*compares new code to original code*
Me: It's the exact same code with different variable names!!! Why did this not work before?
Friend: No idea
*puts new code into main program*
*it still doesn't work*

Reasons Java makes me cry sometimes

Always nice when you discover that your hardware has an *ELABORATE* HARDWARE OFFLOADING ENGINE with full protocol implementation for something you spent two months writing software for...

Well, at least the current solution works like it is supposed to. Don't know that yet of the hardware implementation.
It would save 4 euro component cost though if we switch to the offloading engine

"This site uses cookies" is the most useless thing ever... Who fucking cares if it does. What is next? We should put explanation how DNS server or apache works?

if you ever run into issues while programming, try using blockchain, it works 100% of the time

Sometimes, I feel like tearing my hair out from the way Bash works.

Like... Where other languages have two operators for case-sensitive and insensitive regex matching, bash? It doesn't. It only matches case-sensitively.

And if one wants the insensitive matching? Gotta set a shell option... And if a script wouldn't change it back, who knows what else could break, so of course it has to save its initial state, change it, do its case-insensitive matching, and return it back to its original value.

10/10 experience.

When date format is hard coded and application goes international. Application works ok until day turns 13. Error is seen a couple of days later, then it's the 1st again and everything is ok. Just to mention one of many strange errors. Just to make it harder, app works well if running in other countries that is using the same format. Daahh

Fuck sequelize, the bloody query generated by the "ORM" give diferent result on the same DB if you trie it on dBeaver (works fine) vs node (shit results).

order DESC have 0 effect on sequelize, but it appears on the logger as part of the query.

I just want to go to sleep ffs.

I've found a new genre that is really nice to listen to when I'm doing homework or the rare time I code some.

Bluegrass banjo music. It's pretty simple and it's never slow. It's off but if it works, it works 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

if it works with 6 common browsers it is definitely solely my fault if the site doesn't work with your niche product. thanks for the constructive input today of 'doesn't work' for this nine year old site containing photos of your grandchildren dad.

Yesterday I spent my whole fucking day solving a bug from a Drupal multistep form, the kind of bugs you know it worked for a year then suddenly start to go full retard and simply not working at all

Took me half a day to get how it worked, half the rest to get why it stopped working and how to to make it work again, knowing that the "old fashion way" can't be applied anymore for dumb reasons (unless the client wants his user and payment history tables to be dropped, which I doubt)

I don't know if my solution is the best, but it works without too much tweaks, and hey, it still works today!!

The feels when your senior developer is telling you that you don't need a debug version of your application that is kept up to date for you to work on.

The feels when he then tells you that you should find the problem in the code it, fix it and commit, and wait for someone else to run it and see if it works. And if not, repeat.

My senior developer wants me to blind commit fixes without even checking if they do shit.

Pinch me please.

Android force-updated itself without my permission and it appears they've removed the "open applications" menu altogether. If not, it's well and completely hidden.

Getting fucking sick of my phone and other devices being at the mercy of Mommy Microsoft, Daddy Google and Auntie Apple. Fuck them. I have zero control over my electronics anymore.

EDIT: It's there, but it only works if you're already in an app - not from the home screen. Because that makes fucking sense.

As a web developer who focuses on accessibility, why is it so goddamn hard to get buy-in for accessible design?!

If you design to be the most accessible possible regular users benefit from an experience that works, for as many people as possible, in more situations than most test for normally!

I really wish Emacs had better integration with Windows. Vim is a wonderful text editor, but it just doesn't do everything I used Emacs for. If it were my choice, I'd only use Linux for everything, but unfortunately I have to use other people's computers since my personal system's hard disk is borked, and it's really unfortunate how poorly it works even with Cygwin. Oh well, can't have it all I guess.

2 days (actually about 4 hours) of battling a stupid CSS grid arrange that wouldn't behave.
Turns out 1fr (aka fill parent) works unless the child is another grid. In that case it forgets and just stretches the freaking parent as if there was no rule whatsoever.
If you have problems with CSS grids, consider trying flattening the markup...

think the downside to rust is safe is holy shit I haven't even seen passable code

everybody shits on JavaScript developers but I think their code quality is obviously better (cuz otherwise if you make it unreadable or a mess there's no debugging that)

the problem with rust is it's safe so you can write the dumbest shit and if the compiler says it works then it works so you just keep it there

over and over I just see this

90% of this codebase is literally useless moves and abstractions that you could've cut out
to be fair I'm only now learning how to reduce clutter in rust (but I do have literal brain damage)
but I'm not sure I've ran into a codebase not suffering from this

also on the other hand it inspires me to care as little as these guys. the bar is so low you can just ignore the bar. one of us, one of us, one of us. if it compiles it is production ready, ayyo

Holy fucking shit! Almost 5 hours I was trying to make Docker container with PHP 5.4 to work, because I couldnt fucking connect to my fucking localhost DB. After 5 fucking hours of desperation I tried to create DB on my hosting and... IT FUCKING WORKS LIKE CHARM. IF I KNEW SOONER!!!

Hey Boss,
I have updated the salary from $1,500 to $10,000 to better reflect the value I provide — 160 hours per month with unlimited bitching. We are thrilled for the opportunities that lie ahead of us. Follow our journey on Instagram!
— if real life worked how venture capitalists think it works.

Intellij / vim

I primarily use intellij(-based ides) or vim.

Jetbrains is doing an awesome job with the intellij platform.
If its GoLand, IDEA, Pycharm, Webstorm, Rider or DataGrip.
Once you have indexed your project it works flawless. The autocomplete is EXTREME fast and very good. You got quick actions, refactoring and barely need to use your mouse.

Everything works fine. And if there is something missing there is an plugin for it. And if there even doesnt exist a plugin already, you can code one!

The price is relatively high, but its worth every damn cent!

For light editing and ansible stuff i primarily use vim.
Its good to go and i am pretty sure i am using not even 1 percent of the features. Although i am learning new stuff about it every day.

Its cool if i just want to code distraction free and dont want to leave my sweet $HOME. Yeah i am a linux & bash fetishist, although sometimes its driving me crazy.

I showed a photo of my 3d printed gopher coding buddy to a girl and explained how it works. Non-dev. She told me don't show this anyone else. She has a point... I didn't consult my gopher first if he was okay with being shown.

I need to make a legacy Java monstrosity asynchronous and came across a class which is currently making me cry blood.

It took our whole team 5 days to figure out how this thing works, including the weekend. At one place, It is adding an empty list, to another list.

The magic here is that if I remove the statement assigning data to the sub list, the data is still somehow being populated in the root list.

This clusterfuck somehow works in single threaded processing, but as soon as I make this multi threaded, all hell breaks loose.

Please send help!!

Damn, mozart, i am trying to install it for the whole day, and now when i am able to finally install it, i dont know how to compile and run a piece of code in it. Why does anyone create such a language that works majorly on emacs, and also has no well enough documentation how to work with it, if by fluke someone installed it.

I just tried to download Photoshop CC. On Linux. Just to give it a try in Wine 3.0 and see if it works.

Adobe rejected my humble request with "Your operating system is not supported."

Ok.

I switched my user-agent to Windows and voila, it tried to give me a dmg installer.

A. Fucking. Mac. Installer.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED DO TO WITH THAT ADOBE YOU STUPID CUNT!

if you ask me how the method i wrote works because you don't understand it, and you don't let me finish my sentences without interrupting me, then you deserve to be punched.

LET ME FINISH WHAT I HAVE TO SAY YOU DUMB SHIT
I WROTE THAT FUCKIN METHOD
I KNOW WHAT IT DOES AND WHY

I am some Kind of angry right now.
Some of you may know the App "Jodel" (for those who don't: it is an app which lets you talk to strangers at in your city/near your location)

I am in an informatics-Channel and I feel a bit annoyed.

There is a groundless hate against JavaScript or Java, it seems because... People feel cool? It remembers me of the PHP-Hate. Clueless people are talking shit, even if the web is not even their programming-field of activity.

Someone just said that in js you can do any shit and it works.
- you can leave out semicolons. wow.

Another one meant that one problem is the unlogical backwards-conpatibility. "You have to look if the script is running on the browsers and on your engine."
- Isn't that part of any programming language? To see if it works?

I don't know what to say right now.
#ilovejs

Uhm btw.: Can someone explain me, what he meant with "engine"? I mean there is an interpreter, but "engine"?!

We had programming classes in school today and I was using same computer yesterday but today it wouldn't boot up properly. So what I did is I have just restarted it multiple times and now it works again. I don't know why this happened but if it works I won't question it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh god..
Starts using Laravel Framework
Code some lines
Everything works fine now
*Let see what happens if I delete this*
Error
Naturally
*Redo delete*
Run *OK, now it should work like before*
Error
Why??

So the other day I kept seeing too many of "if it fits, it sits" jokes. It was one of the days I was messing around with my app. So I did something to make it work. I didn't know what and I went "If it works, it twerks". I know it's stupid but I crack myself up every time I say it. 😂

> push code on staging and promote on production works fine
>.come home
> pull from master and code doesn't work locally
> pull from the feature branch, same issue
> fml

I'd be so fucking disappointed in myself if I hadn't pushed it and merged it.

I accidentally deployed a patch to the development server instead of the production server (which is what I wanted) and somehow it was also deployed to production. I have no idea how, but everything's working so idgaf. If it works it's all good.

#define AUDIOLB_EXIT_ON_ERROR(hres) \
if (FAILED(hres)) { goto Exit; }

#define AUDIOLB_SAFE_RELEASE(punk) \
if ((punk) != NULL) \
{ (punk)->Release(); (punk) = NULL; }

Looking through old audio code I wrote. Found these macros. Will most likely reuse for a new project. It works damnit!

Do you feel lucky?!

Having ram problems with my x299 system. When ever i put 2 8gb sticks in my pc just bluescreens on startup. But if i just put one in, in the b1 slot then it works just fine. But if i put the 2 8gb sticks in one in b1 and one in a2 then take out b1, then the a2 works. This works with both of the sticks so i dont think either one is dead. They are compatible, but blue screens whenever installed together. My bios is updated. Any ideas how to fix?

If you really think about it, our body spends energy to keep us alive, so we can spend even more energy.

Energy dissipates. Thermodynamics works. Your life is a chemical reaction.

if you're new to git, becareful not to do something like git reset --hard

it works similar to
git checkout --
rm -rf.

and deletes your files that haven't been checked in

Current deploy process on the legacy project I'm on right now: ssh to server, check out branch with new feature, test on live, if it works then merge to master and check out master.

Oh... Oh no...

The internet has interesting quirks.
If someone offers me something for "FREE", I immediately close the tab. On the other hand if it's for "free", I might consider it.

I don't know why marketers think "FREE" works on customers.

Have you ever been there when you write some code with everything you know and it still throws an error in the end when everything is said and done, you go ahead and do a last stupid thing that you know is not going to work but, WOAH... It worked. Then you didn't even bothered to know why, instead you were like, fuck it, if it works, IT WORKS!!!