Screw Emojis!!

Client asks how many days will it take to implement feature XYZ.

I say 3 days. But Skype had other plans.

Dear dfox,

Thank you for not making your app completely change layouts and screw up scrolling whenever we turn on our sides when reading rants in bed, unlike nearly every mobile web browser out there. We all really appreciate it.

--Random devRanter

Lawyer: "I heard you do websi..."

Me: "No."

Never, ever again will I do a website for anyone in the law profession. You can write the most airtight and amazing contract ever devised and they will find a way over, under, around, and through it to SCREW YOU UP THE ASS.

One of the most evil commands to completely screw a Linux terminal user.

alias cd='rm -rf'

Deletes the folder you want to cd in.

*You can't make this shit up*

Recruiter: Hi, I saw your profile on LinkedIn and I think I have a great programmer opportunity for you today! Can you tell me a little bit about your experience?

Me: Sure, I mostly work with JavaScript and C# and have several years of experience in designing, developing, and deploying enterprise-level applications in production environments.

Recruiter: Hmm, um OK. Have you ever created programs using InDesign or Microsoft Word?

Me: Excuse me?

Recruiter: You know, anything like pamphlets or event brochures?

Me: Are you talking about physical paper programs such as those that accompany events/conferences?!

Recruiter: Yes! What else would I be taking about?

Me: I'm in the software development industry, so I thought you were talking about programming in that context.

Recruiter: Oh no! Those positions are for the men, sweety. I mean, I wouldn't expect any women to know that other techy stuff...

*Hangs up*

How the hell did I manage to get a negative download speed ?! Screw hostel WiFi !!

I have my own secret script hidden in a /batcave dir on the production servers. It fixes everything the other devs usually manage to screw up.
I call it Batman.bat

After months of agonizing work I found out my team mate deleted my code cause they thought it was useless. Then they come back and ask if I KNOW WHERE THE BUG IS. I now realize how true this is.

Me: Hey Dave, wanna hear a TCP joke?
Dave: Uhh, sure...
Me: OK I'll tell you a TCP joke..
Dave: Please don't.
Me: Are you ready to receive my TCP joke?
Dave:...
Me: OK I'm sending my TCP joke. It'll be 4 words long and 27 bits large.
Dave:... Screw this, I'm going home now.

How many drones does it take to screw in a light bulb??? I'm sorry I'll go home now lol

So I got bored and decides to screw around with Windows 2000

Also it's freaking hard to draw with laptop's trackpad in Paint

I'll get to my four words in a sec, but let me set the background first.

This morning, at breakfast, I fired up my trusty laptop only to get a fan failure warning.

Finally, after the three year old is asleep tonight, I'm able to start dismantling the case to get to the fan. I'm hoping it just needs cleaned out.

Hard drive, memory, and keyboard spread out over the kitchen table. I'm not even halfway done.

Guess what? Now I'm one of the lucky 3500 people to have a power outage at 9 pm. Estimated restore time: 2 am.

Sigh.

"All those tiny screws"

And a three year old in the house...

Just got messaged by one of my customers. He buys a lot of scripts from me for his gambling website. He asked me to screw around a bit with the code so that of someone bets above $2500 they automatically lose. And they have a 50% chance of winning when they bet lower than 1000. He actually wanted to pay a lot of money but I declined the request, I don't want to screw around with scamming people.
I think i did the right thing? I don't care about the money though.

I make games, I don't do frontend fucking webdev; this isn't my fucking job and I don't fucking understand it. Fuck you, client with money. (Yes that is a CSS for beginners page, no I don't care. Screw you.)

Oh boy look at the time. It's already screw-up o' clock.

git push --force origin master

First broken rule - Publish on Friday

Second broken rule - Delete without backing up

Major screw up - Main folder deleted containing several sites

Major problem - Cannot find anyone on the server team for backups

Servers down.....
Everyone : Best day ever. 😎 Screw you guys , I'm going home.
Network Engineers : 😭😲😰

Something like that... Or maybe not... Maybe screw you and your project...

Although it's not a programming language, this is a very accurate representation of CSS.

My ex-boyfriend once saw my post on the devRant and he said something, in a demeaning way, that don't screw up your brain with all this. Till now this community has given me support that he couldn't give me in his time. Instead he created problems. That's why he is my ex. :)

Thanks to dev Rant. :)

I just changed a bunch of comments, log entries, and removed some blank lines from one of my controllers. Zero functional code changes. Everything worked before; now it runs only half the code, breaks, and throws strange errors.

Fucking hell.
Screw today.

Well, this did not work because It was used on a screw. It should have been a nail instead.

when you screw up at a coding interview because you couldn't remember an algorithm you havent used in 7 years.

The best thing about doing backend Javascript development is that Internet Explorer can't screw you over

I <3 Node

!rant

I just switched jobs, so there are no vacation days for me, besides the usual.

PM: "Are you returning for work on January 2nd?"

Me: "Yeah, but I'm kinda new at the company here, so I'll be available 26-28 if you want to reach me"

PM: "Screw those days. Nobody will be here anyways, you can take those off for me."

Me: "(cries in Spanish)"

When I say I'm coding, what I *actually* mean is screw around with my .vimrc and color scheme for 6 hours.

It finally works but it's not pretty... Ah screw it... *commit*

Me to friend: "I'm going to install Ubuntu on a virtual machine. I mean even I couldn't screw up to install ubuntu"

5 minutes later...

Me to Friend: "I screwed up, I didn't give Ubuntu enough memory and have to restart the process"

!rant: I just realized Devrant had a dark side. Screw the jedi, I'm joining the sith.

Recruiter: Hey! I found your CV and think you'd be great for this position.

Me: You clearly haven't read my CV. I don't know, nor have ever worked with anything you've mentioned. Why are you wasting my time?

The moment when...
1. You buy a new monitor --> Yay!
2. And you don't have the screw to connect the stand and the monitor --> Screw it!
3. And it is Saturday, service center closed. --> But, but, but.....

(cries)

Screw Java.

How many lightbulbs does it take to screw a dev?...

Forget it, I'm drunk.

One of my QA friends told me today,
" If I wanna screw you up, I will just have to delete a semicolon in your code, hahahhaahhaha ". <for real>

There are two problems here
1. He's not familiar with the concept of an IDE
2. I use Python

Stop making fucking " ; " jokes in early 2019 >_<
:P
#No hard feeling to the QAs out there

Oh yeah, the app does nothing and yet it's still 14mb in size. Like bruh, 'The app does nothing', nothing as in mine bitcoins? 🤔

Also, 1M downloads? Screw good app ideas and make this instead.

Trying to build a mobile first application that relies on camera and geolocation data but use drupal to do it.... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS .. WTF is this shit?! ... let me nail in this screw with a banana.

Someone "advised" me today to start going to bed early because it improves my health. Well, it's been 3 hours with my eyes still open.
Screw it am going back to code.

When you take apart your laptop and put it back together and you have one extra screw 😶😶

I just hate it when clients with no knowledge of developing says I'm looking for "more professional"

FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!

Somebody did that with dedication and you can't just call it that!!

SCREW YOU!!!
😡😡😡😡😡

Fuck stripped screws. A big FUCK to all those manufacturers using fucking cheap screws. Fuck them all.
Now, I am stuck here. Don't have the equipment to remove this motherfucker.

When I was a kid I fucked with a ouija board and now trying to debug massive regex expressions I swear Satan has finally come to screw me

Screw League of Legends incompetent devs. They implemented a anti cheat solution that prohibits linux (wine) and VM users to play the game. This is really stupid. Better learn to play dota now...

gaaaaah! Outlook, you suck!

"Let's use Word as a rendering engine!" they said...

Well. Screw you M$, screeeew you!

Lately in school...
A teacher of mine tried to put an HDMI Cable into an USB-A Port. How can you screw up something like this? It's as simple as a geometric puzzle like the one in the picture. Apology for my grammar mistakes.

Idiots. Idiots everywhere. The next big trend in software engineering is to take a whole bunch of idiots, give them the basic knowledge to write code, and then dedicate a whole lot of competent developers' time to either fixing errors made by those idiots, or attempting to make "safer" tools so those idiots don't screw up as easily.

1. Naming all variables with letters of the alphabets
2. Not indenting (screw tabs VS spaces, I could use anything here)
3. Putting all src files in one directory
4. Writing the entire code without using any functions
5. Writing code and asking me to fix linting
6. Asking why they should follow language style guidelines

So Microsoft have not only decided to make it so you can't install indvidual parts of Office, but you also have no choice as to where it gets installed... Straight into "C:\Program Files".

These days when more and more people are using multiple hard drives, what possible benefit can removing installation options have??

Screw the Chief Technology Clown role...

I'm now officially Chief Babysitting Clown...

Skills I can teach you include the following:

- How to read JIRA tickets
- How to write JIRA tickets
- How to check colleagues' calendars
- How to define requirements in English and not some sort of technologically challenged caveman language
- How NOT to do any programming (since I don't have time for that anymore)

And many, many more! Inquire within!

Me in my head: I've got this great idea for an app. You can probably build it in a hour. This is going to be awesome!

Ten minutes later: Screw this, can't be bothered anymore. What's on tv.?

Screw chromesome. Download firefucks

Son a fucking bitch!
I ordered a brand new shiney SSD for my Inspiron 7573 which came in today. I was all set up with system backups just in case and install media for Debian and Windows standing by. I pull out my tools and realize that the laptop isn't going to have a screw inside to hold the drive in since it didn't come with a SSD. No big deal, I pull out the magnetic bowl of extra screws from all the previous repairs I've done and start looking for the screw I need. I can't find the screw I need so I go online hoping maybe I'll find someplace in town that will have one single screw with no luck.

Now I get to wait 2 more days for the screw I need to arrive from Amazon.

Wrote a long post on Android.
Wanted to reformat.
Wanted to make sure I won't screw up so I'll copy all text first.
Selected huge part of the text.
Mistakenly tapped on "paste" instead of "select all"
99% of my post is replaced with some unintelligible shit from before.
Where the fuck is CTRL+Z?!?!

FML

Should I give swearing comments under the "I found my SO" rants for this week? 😔

I'm not upset. Not angry. Really. Well maybe a tad envious. Just a tiny bit. Yeah.

Screw it. Yeah I hate you all. 😭😭😭

Screw MySQL/MariaDB. Who the fuck thought not to document that utf8 is only 3 bytes and not unicode capable. You have to use utf8mb4 for it to work. Fuck those idiots that don't want to admit they made a mistake and put this info in a footnote on a pricy documentation piece.

Wise words

So today in discord one guy cracked this banger:
"Engineering in a nutshell"

Engineer A: *explains for 20minutes how to solve the problem in a very complex way*
Engineer B: "Or you could just put a screw here"
A: Dude that can't....
A: Fuck you you're right
B: you're welcome

Applicable in any engineering department, software included! xD

Don't give your phone to parents....

Autocorrect may screw you 😂😂

About 3 weeks ago I joined $BIG_CORP via campus recruitments. Today, when the alarm went off, I said to myself "Screw this, I'll make it to the 10am class" and instantly realized I wasn't in college anymore.
Welcome to the rest of my life, I guess
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

When your models screw up...

Damn, how have I only just discovered localstack?

The ability to spin up and use SQS queues, S3 buckets, lambdas, Kinesis streams etc. for development without worrying about bankrupting myself if I screw something up is really quite liberating.

Agile is cool but management likes to screw it up by trying to micromanage. This usually starts but making an inexperienced pm your scrum master. They control all meetings and turn daily standup to a 30 minute interrogation session.

Fucking piece of shit windows 10!
Screw you to hell!
Disk usage : 100%
Memory usage: 60%
CPU usage: 2%

Sluggish as hell! And downloading updates without even asking! How fucking dare you!

Stuck with this shit just because of Photoshop and Illustrator.

When you screw up the Python indentation beyond repair, and you have to re-indent 100s of lines of code -_-

Gdpr

Or: "how to screw over individuals who were to lazy to update their Website"

who has used a screw driver to connect the prongs to turn on a computer without a case/power button?

I used to screw around with the school computers, nothing much, a few batch files here, a few html scripts there. But once, they took away my use of the computer for, "Tampering with very important parts of the computer." Yeah.
Don't do html in school, kids.

I fucking hate developping on windows😡😡.
Since I use linux it's a pain in the ass to work with windows in developping related stuff. Nothing works.....Or the last day it worked and then it just thinks like "fuck you, I really like to screw all the work you've done in the last hours over"
Come on...

All the people who care about my sleeping routine.

Thank you but also screw you

So, I just put my PC back together after a thorough internal cleaning.

And I just stepped on a small screw.
FUCK IT. THE CASE IS COMING OFF AGAIN

Screw you the 80 characters limit per line coding practice!
I will code as loooong as I want!

Strippin' and renovatin' my kitchen,
Finding skeletons in the walls,
They drilled right through powered wire,
When central heating was installed.

3 more screw-pierced wires
Hiding behind the dry-wall,
how the hell was this certified?
Amateurs

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It doesn't matter. Its a hardware problem not a software problem...

wow... no kidding.... so C++ is like a language without a compiler holding ur hands and catching u when u screw up...

A bug which takes 6 days to be found/fixed. Screw you financial data. 👹

🏀on the good side: whole class was de-constructed and re-factored + no other bugs were found! 😀🔥

PayPal sucks. They canceled our ability to take ecommerce payments just because. No reason given. We had not violated any terms of service. Our customers are happy with our products. And we were making them lots of money. They just up and pulled the plug because they’re PayPal and screw anyone who asks why. Idiots.

Took me longer than I wanted to, but I finally finished ch6 in LFS 8.3 :) I officially installed all the necessary packages from source and backed everything up (in case I screw up again I'll only have to start from ch7 xD). Now it's on to configuring the system and bootloader and hopefully booting into my new LFS system :D

The hammer dev. See a problem, they grab a hammer. See a screw? Hammer. Complex social issue? You bet your binary tree it's getting hammered.

My process (still going on):
*Pick a topic/language/anything.
*Read up as much as I can until my eyes start glazing over.
*Try to implement something.
*Screw up.
*Feel bad. Repeat until screw-ups reasonably reduced.
*Success???

Normal People: "Screw that b**ch!"
Devs: "Screw that bash!"

Hmm..... Do I have time before work tomorrow to watch all 3 matrix movies?

Screw it who cares. Marathon time!!!

I forget to commit changes when I get something working. Then regret it when I monumentally screw something up and have nothing to fall back on

This is the fifth time that I've done this and I still screw up node with nodejs

Screw you pointers...

I have a love hate relationships with Google.

As an investor, I love how they are a natural monopoly that keeps growing into new areas...

As a deaf user, And I hate how they find ways to screw me over while still looking good.

On stackoverflow
*Someone asks a question, asking for a feature.
* I put some link of a library, with some words.
* the asker says it's helpful
* some other unrelated stupid moron downvoted my answer

This fucking weather. Oh this fucking weather. Neither can you go out, nor can you code. WHY THE FUCK WAS I BORN TO BURN IN THE TROPICS?

Feels like among all the assholes, the Sun likes to screw me the most.
FUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK THIS SHIT. FUCK IT.

FUCK YOU SUN FUCK OFFFFFFFF!! TAKE SOME LIME JUICE AND FUCK YOU BEFORE THE WINTER ARRIVES.

Dumbass... I tell him what the problem is and show him the evidence...

But after a week they investigating a diff thing or basically have no idea wtf his looking at....

I should just stop checking work emails while on vacation... Just let idiots screw themselves and see how badly they wander off course and where they end up

How to fucking unscrew this little shit.

I was able to unscrew the rest just fine. But just when I'm down to the last remaining screw, this lone fucker decides to put on a fecken feight.

I already tried everything. I used a screwdriver that fits perfectly. Rotated it for god knows how long. Attached a strong magnet to amplify the screwdriver's magnetic fuckery. Tried unscrewing upside down to add gravitational force. Tried chopsticking the fuck outta it. Slapped the back of it like I slap rice sacks in supermarkets. Ran physics simulations on a supercomputer. Still won't come off.

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

It's just there, looking like it's about to come off with a dip of a magnetic screwdriver but IDK WHY IT WON'T COME OFFKZKKXJZJKZ!!1

You wanna put on a fight? Fine. Resist while you still can. Because once you come off, oh ho... I'm gonna do bad things to you fucker. Imma screw you in your hole till your head spins like crazy. (To screw it back ofc.)

All hail database backups.

Today my worst development related nightmare happened, I managed to screw a production database at work.

Thankfully we had a backup from 2 hours ago, I’ve never been so thankful to scheduled backups.

Take it from me, do backup your databases even if it’s annoying to do.

Piece and merry Christmas ✌️

How to royally screw up your computer

So how many programmers it take to screw in a lightbulb?

- None

( Lightbulb is a class which got method screw(), so it can screw itself 😉 )

This one is for @Fast-Nop

Both a rant and a joke/meme.

Its also funny because its true. Couple of teams (team responsible for orders and team responsible for accounting) are in seclusion in a meeting room right now cleaning up the web team's screw up.

My friends have a group on telegram named geek squad but they haven't add me cause apparently I'm not geek enough:/
It hurt my feelings:/
But screw them I'll be a geek on my own time.

Hello senior devs.. . What happens if you screw up? I mean if a junior dev screws up, the senior helps.. right?

"Expenses Graph of That Time I Tried Running Kubernetes On A Cloud Service" -2019, artist unknown (colorized)

If you look closely, you can get an impression of the moment of "screw this, I'll look at it some other time".

anytime anyone asks me to write a solution to fizzbuzz - i do it in brainfuck because even if i screw up...no one knows. :P

++++++++++[>++++++++++<-]>>++++++++++>->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-->+++++++[->++
++++++++<]>[->+>+>+>+<<<<]+++>>+++>>>++++++++[-<++++<++++<++++>>>]++++
+[-<++++<++++>>]>>-->++++++[->+++++++++++<]>[->+>+>+>+<<<<]+++++>>+>++
++++>++++++>++++++++[-<++++<++++<++++>>>]++++++[-<+++<+++<+++>>>]>>-->
---+[-<+]-<[+[->+]-<<->>>+>[-]++[-->++]-->+++[---++[--<++]---->>-<+>[+
+++[----<++++]--[>]++[-->++]--<]>++[--+[-<+]->>[-]+++++[---->++++]-->[
->+<]>>[.>]++[-->++]]-->+++]---+[-<+]->>-[+>>>+[-<+]->>>++++++++++<<[-
>+>-[>+>>]>[+[-<+>]>+>>]<<<<<<]>>[-]>>>++++++++++<[->-[>+>>]>[+[-<+>]>
+>>]<<<<<]>[-]>>[>++++++[-<++++++++>]<.<<+>+>[-]]<[<[->-<]++++++[->+++
+++++<]>.[-]]<<++++++[-<++++++++>]<.[-]<<[-<+>]+[-<+]->>]+[-]<<<.>>>+[
-<+]-<<]

They say, "Hard Work is the key to success"
Screw that.
For a programmer,
"Coffee is the key to success"

How many developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Who gives a fuck the jokes been done before

That moment when you go to your web development lab, write ES6 JS and your teacher tells you you are doing it wrong.
"That's not going to work in JS!"
You know something? SCREW YOU OLD MAN! 😕😠😑

2 screw ups in 2 days
.
.
Way to go at new job

After ages of waiting for it too install, i finally managed to update my kernel to the latest version.

And i know its not good to have a unstable kernel but screw you.

Dear guy who writes unit tests for other people's features: bless you! But also screw you😠

Just because I am a night owl and arrive late to your fucking meeting at 1100am, it does not mean I am shit head and trying to save out of office. Then why did you fucker shift my meeting an hour before and screw up my whole day. Fuck you asshole.

I seriously hate it when people expect me to know every. Single. Thing. About their computer just because I know how to format a usb... Honestly I think the lack of formal computer education in schools (at least in America) is gonna screw us over in the long run...🤔

When you are waiting for something to screw up the whole day so you can rant about it on devRant, but everything goes well. :(

Trying to replace the WiFi card in my laptop only to find out the ONE screw holding it in is completely stripped on the top and I can't get it out 😢

"SAVE WHEN IT WORKS!" it's the note that I have on my desk since I didn't commit changes on a project, neither saved it locally and kinda screw that one entirely.

INTELLIJ YOU PIECE OF SH*T, I CLICKED "SMART CHECKOUT" NOT MERGE 2 UNRELATED BRANCHES, SCREW UP MY MASTER AND DON'T LET ME RETURN UNTIL I FIX ALL MERGE CONFLICTS.

There is nothing quite so arousing, than getting your own VPS and hosting your applications*

*Not including boobs.

Dear website, it's great that you support different languages, is awesome your website is mobile friendly but for heck sake combine them together. Let me choose in which language I want to navigate your site. Just because I'm in Sweden doesn't mean I'm Swedish. Screw yourself, your lovely unhappy costumer...

I hate it when you actually buy a template and it turns out things only align when your images and text are a certain length.

Dear designer no, my images are not all 200 x 200. Screw you :)

char *screw={'1','2'};
char **This={screw+1,screw+2}
char ***Shit=This
printf("%s ", *--*++Shit+1);

Exactly

Android studio is a PATHETIC excuse of an IDE!! And managing a constraint layout inside a scroll view is worse than having my nails pulled out while a bamboo is growing into my spine at record time! Screw this piece of shit IDE!! I suck at front end bad enough to have to deal with its buggy frontend IDE!! Aaaah!!!! - pulls lumps of hair out-

My LinkedIn status is set to "not interested for work offers" so recruiters won't bother me. So I thought..

Recruiters be like: well screw that, I'll use the connect button and push my stupid generic message into his face anyways.

My morning so far:
Walk out the door.
Miss bus I was supposed to have, no big deal I'll just wait for the next one (should be just 15 mins).
Next bus is 10 minutes late, seriously?
Get to the train station just to see my train doesn't go because of an outage. Screw this I'll work from home.

So how's your day going?

I was just going to sign up for a new ISP when they asked for my email. But they managed to screw up the email form validation by only allowing domains with the tld comprising of two or three characters! My email address ends with “.blog” so had to use my university email 😠
Please follow the RFC

So I'm rebuilding my personal site, creating a nice layout, etc. I only just thought about checking how it looks in ie. That horrible bastard browser just fucks up the layout, and I'm not sure why some css rules don't even seem to fucking work. Probably gonna say screw it and not support ie, but it still sucks.

Had to write a simple shell program w/ job control for my Comp Sci class. I'd just like to say, on behalf of the ~300 students...
cout << "Screw\n"
<< "job\n"
<< "control\n";

Ever since installing Windows 7 a month ago it always showed the wrong time on the clock, no matter what I did.

Yesterday the trial period ran out and suddenly the clock works perfectly.

Fought with the Windows Disk Manager for way too long this morning trying to shrink a partition with plenty of space so that I could setup a native dual boot...

Screw that tool, I resized the partition to nothing by formatting it.

@2lazy2debug Has reminded me that I hadn't posted my desktop as I promised for my 2,000 upvote, so screw it I'll just make it for my 2,500 mark. :P

I'll take not one, but two bowls of rice for this one.

Filling out an application and this crap happened!! 😠😠😠 Screw u windows, I'll do this on my iMac!

Ah yes, The Hacker News intentionally using intendation errors in python 2 to screw over people using their ddos script. yes. That's gotta be the reason

why the fuck am I even following these trolls

When you're at the end of a sprint, implemented a cool new feature and only the garbage issues are left over -.-

Soon to finish my CompSci degree and already have been invited to relatives for dinner... And IT-support...
(They had statically set their NAS to the same IP as the router and lost it)

I guess its time to prepare for the onslaught of screw-ups I'll be asked to fix.

"What in the name of hell? Why? No.. absolutely not. Jeeeesus. Holy cow!! Haha.. that's funny. No friggin way! Oh that makes sense..wait, that makes no sense. Screw it I give up."

Even the most widely used , greatest command "sudo" had a security bug which took years to identify.

So, next time if your product manager tries to screw you over a bug you can tell this as an example 😂😂

Fun fact: after iPhone 4’s antennagate (iPhone 4 losing reception when you grip it hard enough) Steve Jobs and Apple didn’t screw people over. They offered free cases that fixed the issue.

Screw all the people who think standard email is "secure". It is not suitible for sending passwords and SSN numbers.

How can something Equifax or Marriott hacks have happened and people are still ok sending out information like this in plain text?!

I know their hacks weren't email released but still.....should be a good time to up some security standards. Right?

Team leads who act like they're the terminal god, but screw up every single rebase they touch 😡.

Yet, I, who stick to git GUIs have almost never had a git problem 🤷‍♂️

Me: Hey programming languages, is 0 == [ ] ?

PHP: Nope. It's not.
Python: Nope. Easy.
Java: Heh. No it isn't.

Javascript: Oh, um yeah, hurrr durrr harr harr YES it is.
But screw it, hAvE yOu hEaRd oF nExTjS? wE sUpPoRt sQl qUeRiEs nOw.

When you git cherry-pick for the first time, screw up, rebase-drop, repeat, screw up again, and end up just pasting the correct versions of the files and commiting on top of the branch.

Dirty, but it works.

I took a certification test today that has an accumulative checkpoint score every 15 questions. I needed a 74 to pass the test... Here is a rough timeline of checkpoint scores and my thoughts:

64 - rough start I can recover
71 - OK, still failing but at least the score went up
63 - what the hell??
67 - OMG I am failing this test.
71 - You know, I don't need this job. I can find plenty of other work.
71 - This fucking test is brutal and I hate everyone. OMFG I only have an hour left!

Queue total internal meltdown. My job really depends on this certification.

73 - screw it. I failed. I am guessing from here on out.
77 - Holy shit I have a chance!! Only 25 questions to go. DONT SCREW THIS UP!
77 - YESSSSS My score didn't go down. 10 questions to go.
76 - Holy shit. After 6 month of studying, I passed the most brutal test of my life. ..... Barely.

Screw you pipeline, it's 8 pm

Setting up a Haskell environment on Windows is fucking AIDS. Guess I'll screw it and just use ANTLR for my compiler.

Fuck those assholes that screw with production apps in emulators and spam me with 13+ bullshit Crashlytics reports.

TIL: Don't screw up your fstab on a VM you don't have console access to manage.

When you want to move your site off of jQuery, but all the dependencies still use jQuery.

Also screw those services that write their client code with jQuery. Screw you all!

Got a cold and accidentally forgot to screw the water bottle then the water went into my computer.

All these good things.

I just fucked up!

So I was invited to an afterwork beer because some guy out of our project team left...
I was there early and run into the lead of HR for my current department... (I am still in apprenticeship, last year, so she is not <yet> responsible but if I want to stay she is the one who decides)
I said Hi, and she asks me to sit down.
After a while she asks me (out of the blue) If I want to stay!
I was surprised!!! I am considering multiple options atm .... I was not able to formulate a proper sentence all I could say was a simple "yes"...
... and with all the things going on in my head at this moment it might not have been the most convincing one....
I am screwed! Fuck I worked hard the past three years

Can't touch this

Enough to screw up a Friday!

Skynet 😎 **evil laugh**

Or at least, an AI that can detect and emulate emotions, including sarcasm. Without errors or false results 😐

I fucking HATE ORMs. Fuck this bullshit, they always have some use case that is stupidly difficult or obscure that no one knows how to deal with because the creators didn't think of the one thing I want to fucking do.

Screw this bullshit, homebrew SQL is ALWAYS the way to go; I've never encountered an ORM that didn't turn in to a troubleshooting, dialect-learning timesink.

Screw you, NuGet.

Product managers?!? Sorry if there are any, but screw you guys! Im going home

I often ask my colleagues about their mess ups on the job and that, to me, says a lot about them.

See, we devs have this unspoken rule between us (in my opinion) that we don't discuss our screw-ups whether it's the resume, the interview or at the job.

Are you really telling me that you've worked 5+ years in software industry and never messed up ONCE? Or were/are you in a position where you screwing up wouldn't create a dent for your team processes?

I can trust a dev more, who admits their screw ups because I know they have learned a valuable lesson and they are accountable for their actions.

I just want this week to be over so I can focus on coding =\.

Screw final exams, final research paper, final presentation, and final unit assignment.

I’m terrible at procrastination on things that don’t interest me and my fingers itch to minimize PowerPoint and maximize VS

When you have two managers and one of them is trying to screw you into a position on his team even though you have made it clear that you want nothing to do with that type of development.

I am looking for a new job now...

It's Monday, screw it, I'll install Gentoo in a virtual machine, why the hell not?

Just found out the API of our zentracloud sensors is sending the units with a space before the actual unit. Couldn't figure out for half an hour why Doctrine is not finding the unit in the database. Encoding? JSON decoding? Character itself? Screw you. Screw you...

Me: Yea, Linux is great! Screw Windows!
*Touchpad stops working on startup
Me: It's fine, it could happen on Windows...
*Laptop fans start blasting at 100% during class
Me: It's uhh, probably just a simple thing, nothing to worry about....
*Restarts computer after updating. Screen completely black, even after restarting multiple times.
Me: Oh FFS....

!rant

Just found out that all the high school varsity sports kids that got full rides to ivy leagues for sports are all transferring or failing. Meanwhile, I've been accepted into a graduate program for Software Engineering and I'm going into my second internship this summer. I know to most people that's just more work and more school but to me that's winning

Whoever made the Crystal Reports language, screw you and your silent syntax errors. Sincerely, guy stuck maintaining reports.

Screw email clients and their html rendering engine, especially you, outlook, fucking disrespecting most of my css stylings

Screw it, I am getting a second job.

Q: How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: None. It's a hardware problem.

Those moments when you get up hoping that you don't screw up your day but then end up bugging your code rather than debugging it and then Git/other VCS comes to your help.

Not programming related but is related to devrant.

I recently deleted facebook from my phone, and just a few days ago I got my first ever facebook ad! (An ad advertising that I should download the Facebook app.)

If this is not representative of Facebook's slow and perhaps eventual demise, I don't know what is.

This is related to devrant because I deleted the facebook app because I enjoyed DevRant more. Oh and also I feel less stressed now that I've basically unplugged from that rotten social media platform.

today i said i had holiday until the new year and wouldn't open a code editor until then

and here i am 5 hours later looking at advent of code challenges, trying to do them in rust

🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡🤓🤡

also screw them for discouraging AI. if a tool can help me learn a new language faster i'm using it

Fucking incompetent manager.
I could spend my time trying to convince him about the leaner, faster way to launch.
But in order to maintain my own sanity and peace of mind, I have decided to let him screw up the project. Time to plan for an exit.

How to screw with other developers?

Expose postgres at Port 5435.

I spent 15 mins trying to figure out why my dev machine doesn't connect to the RDS instance.

Isn't the point of the 20++ receive stickers idea supposed to be an incentive for posting good content?

I've only joined recently and maybe I've missed the point, but I feel like surely people asking for it are just doing it for the stickers, they're not actually contributing to the content here?

Maybe I'm wrong but that's just the vibe I get?

On another note, screw logs (screw me more like). Spent 2 hours completely missing what the error message was trying to tell me and debugging in places I didn't even need to touch.

Sometimes i feel pity for the people who had to work without git. Then I realize that the same people are my boss now.

Screw them! I'm happy they had to go through that!! 😂😂

How do you guys fight the urge to just screw it and implement a not so secure way of doing things, when you've been fighting with a bug for weeks?

No one would know!! 😂

Moved all my configuration to json files from normal JS last night. It took me 10 mins to convert. Everything worked perfectly.
This morning I woke up with angry messages from everyone in the team. No one could run their code anymore. It took me whole day to find out that those jsons were the issue. I still don't know how though. 😥

vscode for now. I swap editors when I get bored of one. All editors have something cool to them. Except Vim. Screw Vim.

"Being a designer is like being a porn star. You’re hot & popular for a year or two, then everyone goes off and finds something new to screw around too." - Jason Demetillo

I went to state competitions, had 9 compile errors in my code, said screw it I'm turning it in, didn't worry the rest of the day while having fun, didn't place, didn't care

Screw Joomla. And screw the agency that put together these sites. I'm almost impressed, I can only assume from the state of things that whoever worked on them has successfully created multiple websites by smashing their face into the keyboard and hoping for the best.

I don't get publicity hungry personalities on Medium. Their usual headlines :

"Why we left `${ insert framework}`. There's nothing wrong with it though."

Either have the balls to say you didn't do your homework when you started, or hold your peace.

Don't screw the hardworking folks whose code you depended on before bailing out.

so remember how I said I was sending TCP packets? screw that

UDP is life

I have a confession to make..

When I screw up and want to revert to the last commit, but I don't understand the gibberish error text that git shows me, I just delete the local copy and clone the one on the main repo.

Fucking hashtables...I forgot that removals can screw with the probing sequence, causing later lookups to "randomly" fail after hundreds of operations and elements.

Spent 4 hours staring at 3 while loops and data sets of hundreds of key value pairs trying to figure out why one giant data set worked fine but the other failed on some lookups.

Visual Studio - Release: Oh looks like this works.

Visual Studio - Debug: It seems you have an error:
"MVP = P*V*M;"
Quickly checks release... wait..
"
MVP=P*V;
MVP=MVP*M;
"
Compiles Debug version... Hey it works!!! Closes application window.... Error _free_dbg(block...
WTF...
Tries again, closes the cmd window, rather than win32 window. No errors.

TL;DR Screw windows for debugging C/C++

Some days when I'm really effective and create good solutions and deploy it at high speed to the praise of users.
I can't help but raise my arms in victory and announce: "Damn I'm good!".
Screw the olympics, this is winning in real life.

When you have to write super detailed description so the offshore developer doesn't screw up the task...but better yet when the outcome is 👌🏽

screw it, it's 3d printing sunday

Resharper is amazing, 1000's of little wins all day. But then I screw up, run the wrong command, and spend 30 minutes fixing my mistake. I'm starting to wonder if it's actually more efficient.

Just created an account to say screw you AWS Cognito and your credentials voodoo !

Maybe I'm not cut out to program. I have yet to write an entire program start to finish outside of tut sites and still have little idea as to what I'm doing.

Screw Facebook SDK Docs.

The slim hdd that I bought for my laptop as a replacement does not fit! It's a little thicker. UGHHHHHHHH!!! FCK.

Screw it. I’ve gone over to the dark side and become a consultant. Let’s see what life in consultancy brings.

Did I screw up or is it ok doing this?

1. Calling another method inside the same factory file
2. Calling a method from another factory file
3. All factory methods are static because they only depend on their passed parameter(s)

When your team is at war with the other site's team because their archi approach is "screw architecture and quality"

Screw DataStage
Screw Saleforce
Screw the $25k/week Vendor who finishes work maybe 60% complete, if I’m being generous.
Screw the business rushing to us to fix their shadow IT cluster.

Screw this guy. Really.

(It's no foreign key, it's the actual id column.)

Dear Microsoft, you are the one who created VS Code, Typescript. How could you possibly screw these things up? VS Code intellisense is terribly slow while working with Typescript but works so well when working with flutter/dart or any other programming languages. Shouldn't you be the one doing the best? Shouldn't you be doing a better job at something that you created? How could you mess it up??

F the app store. My app is getting rejected because they claim 10% of my product should not need an user account to view. Now I have to spend another week changing my frontend and backend, delay my launch, just to satisfy what is essentially a stupid Apple-only UX requirement. This exact same binary was approved a week before... Seriously, screw the reviewers and the high horse executives at Apple.

Wanted to switch from Arduino IDE to VSCode. Arduino extention is now open source and debugging is now possible! But not for the boards we use... Of fucking course it isn't and they don't even mention that properly. Screw you and your half arsed features!

This is the link that has brought me the most joy acceleration in my life.
Go see what it does yourself.
I love adminer so much.
Hyper recommended.
Screw MySQL Workbench.

(this rant was saved since that day images stopped working, good job guys)